He hit me

[xpaperxcutx]

Last night i had an altercation with my ex. We were fighting and he was driving me home and when I refuse to get out of his car, he grabbed me by my hair and started hitting me. He even resorted to using a full-bottled SmartWater bottle and used it against me. I had to shield my face with my arms to protect myself, but at the end of the night I wasn't emotionally and physically bruised.

 

He had slapped me once before and he had apologized for his actions. But this time he said I deserved and had it coming. I don't whether I should report him to the cops or not, but I really really hate at this moment, and i want to see him in jail.

[venusianx13]

I'm so sorry. No matter what preceded the physical violence, there is no reason to hold off on reporting this to the police. Arguments/verbal fights are not illegal (unless threats are made) - physical assault is.

[xpaperxcutx]

I'm so sorry. No matter what preceded the physical violence, there is no reason to hold off on reporting this to the police. Arguments/verbal fights are not illegal (unless threats are made) - physical assault is.

 

Can I press charges even if there's no noticeable bruises? I talked with a friend and he said the cops may not believe me because there's no evidence.

[stillafool]

Why did you not want to exit the car? I'm sorry he hurt you.

[amaysngrace]

Why were you in the car with your ex who slapped you before?

 

I'm sorry he hurt you too.

[CarrieT]

Report him.

 

If nothing else, it will start to document his behavior in hopes that he doesn't hurt anyone else in the future.

[Star Gazer]

It may be hard to prove given that you have waited to report/say anything. Why didn't you call the cops immediately?

[M30USA]

As a person who's experienced this and knows what it's like, I'm sorry you've had to deal with this. The mental humiliation is just as bad as the physical act.

[xpaperxcutx]

Why were you in the car with your ex who slapped you before?

 

I'm sorry he hurt you too.

 

He was never abusive, the first time he hit me was like a light slap with his fingers and he had apologized for having done it; it didn't really felt intentional to hurt me so I forgave.

 

This time around was pure physical abuse. He grabbed my hair because I refuse to talk and he just shook me repeatedly. I tried to shield myself in the back seat and he just kept hitting me with the water bottle. he even threatened to hit me with a metal object because I wouldnt shut up. His words were to this effect " don't cry out loud, cry inside. Or else everytime I hear you cry, I'm going to f---- hit you!"

[xpaperxcutx]

It may be hard to prove given that you have waited to report/say anything. Why didn't you call the cops immediately?

 

I couldn't bring myself to. I was also scared and mentally paralyzed from what he did. I also had school this morning so everything felt rushed. It's only when I finally just sat down to write this, everything started to hit me at once.

[M30USA]

It's a hard decision--to call cops or not.

 

Even harder is deciding whether to stay with him or not. That is entirely up to you. But just know this: if someone hits you ONCE, they WILL hit you again. It's a definite.

[amaysngrace]

You need to go to the cops and tell them everything that you are saying here. Let them decide if its worth pursuing but you should definitely go there and have it documented.

 

He knows where you live, correct?

 

Go file a complaint. Now.

[HonestNeurotic]

Make a report. Even if they do nothing, you've got it in writing somewhere. On file. In case you need a restraining order.

 

Then RUN away from this man. Physical violence is NEVER an answer, and it doesn't ever go away. Something is wrong with people that feel they have to lash out in that manner when they are angry. There just is never an excuse. It just gets WORSE.

 

I KNOW it's scary. I went through that many many years ago. And I vowed I would never let a man hit me ever again. EVER. I don't care how bad he feels or how sorry he was. This man went on to marry a woman and had kids and beat on them too.

 

Take a friend with you to the PD. Whether or not you press charges, at least get it on the record. And break up with him post haste.

[xpaperxcutx]

Make a report. Even if they do nothing, you've got it in writing somewhere. On file. In case you need a restraining order.

 

Then RUN away from this man. Physical violence is NEVER an answer, and it doesn't ever go away. Something is wrong with people that feel they have to lash out in that manner when they are angry. There just is never an excuse. It just gets WORSE.

 

I KNOW it's scary. I went through that many many years ago. And I vowed I would never let a man hit me ever again. EVER. I don't care how bad he feels or how sorry he was. This man went on to marry a woman and had kids and beat on them too.

 

Take a friend with you to the PD. Whether or not you press charges, at least get it on the record. And break up with him post haste.[/ QUOTE]

I'm scared. Nobody knows right now at this point, not my best friend. But I have consulted with a classmate, he's a good friend and the only male peer I trust with these issues.

I feel ashamed.... I actually grew up in a household with domestic violence and having left that years ago after my mom's divorce from her ex husband, I never thought I would find myself in the same situation again, only this time at the hands of someone who proclaimed he loved me.

I always thought I had a good head on my shoulders but it's really a different outlook now since I find myself being a victim of abuse ( all over again).

[HonestNeurotic]

I feel ashamed.... I actually grew up in a household with domestic violence and having left that years ago after my mom's divorce from her ex husband, I never thought I would find myself in the same situation again, only this time at the hands of someone who proclaimed he loved me.

I always thought I had a good head on my shoulders but it's really a different outlook now since I find myself being a victim of abuse ( all over again).

 

I was ASHAMED. I was AFRAID. It took me a long time to do it. But if I had not, well, I could have had a much worse life. That was waaaaay back when I was 18-19. See, I had a mother that used to beat me, and I ran away from home - then what do I do on my own? Find a replacement to beat me. Only he was ever so much more worse. He ended up raping me all the time as well. It's really easy to keep repeating the "victim" kinda role cuz that's what we KNOW. What we know often feels better than the unknown.

 

I will check this board later. As I have to run off to help my ex sister in law and she's waiting for me. BUT - Don't blame yourself - don't do that. FOR YEARS I often kinda took the blame as in - *I* must be defective. You're not. Only if you let it happen again. You sound young. I am most passionate about this as I went through this and well, I can't watch others do the same.

 

DO NOT BE THE VICTIM! Please do not. ANYONE that feels that hitting a person is the answer, unless they're three years old, well, they have "issues" as some would say. I should have left that dude much quicker than I did. I almost MARRIED him. Please know that there are several of us out here that do care. Don't be embarrassed - be STRONG in the knowledge that you know that he did something wrong to you. Nip it in the bud. Now! HUGS.

[BetheButterfly]

Make a report. Even if they do nothing, you've got it in writing somewhere. On file. In case you need a restraining order.

 

Then RUN away from this man. Physical violence is NEVER an answer, and it doesn't ever go away. Something is wrong with people that feel they have to lash out in that manner when they are angry. There just is never an excuse. It just gets WORSE.

 

100 Agreed.

 

OP, this is great advice.

 

I KNOW it's scary. I went through that many many years ago. And I vowed I would never let a man hit me ever again. EVER. I don't care how bad he feels or how sorry he was. This man went on to marry a woman and had kids and beat on them too.

I'm sorry.

Take a friend with you to the PD. Whether or not you press charges, at least get it on the record. And break up with him post haste.

Agreed... since he's your ex, I think it's best if you don't hang out with him. It's best not to place oneself at the "mercy" of an abusive person. Abuse is NEVER the abused person's fault and it is always the fault of the abuser.

[tbf]

xpaper, his little slap was a tester. That you remained with him, set you up for more abuse. This doesn't mean the abuse was your fault. Consider it a learning experience that when someone moves to the physical in altercations, run for your life.

 

Call the cops. Tell them everything you've told us. Get the file started in case he comes after you again. Also, ask the police if you should block any correspondence or calls he sends to you. What they might suggest is the you keep the avenues open, in case he confesses in writing or verbally.

 

If you ever talk to him again, keep all evidence and if it's legal, record every conversation.

[carhill]

Can I press charges even if there's no noticeable bruises? I talked with a friend and he said the cops may not believe me because there's no evidence.

 

In most jurisdictions you can file an assault and battery complaint and the LEO's will investigate it. Once on the record, as additional evidence becomes available, or if any further threatening behavior is experienced, it can be offered. IMO, the most helpful thing, besides getting some support to heal and realizing you're not alone, is to ask LEO's for assistance. They deal with this all the time and can advise you regarding procedures. Ask questions.

 

I hope you can get the support you need to leave this unhealthy relationship behind. My sympathies.

[veggirl]

Honest question, would a report w/o ANY evidence do ANY good if there was a future incident? The reason I ask is because...technically I could go down and claim my bf or Joe Blow hit me, and I have no evidence. So...how could that do any good?

 

Well, my reason for you going to the cops is simply to show him you are serious that this is unacceptable and to show him that you are not afraid to take action, he can't push you around.

[M30USA]

xpaper, his little slap was a tester. That you remained with him, set you up for more abuse. This doesn't mean the abuse was your fault. Consider it a learning experience that when someone moves to the physical in altercations, run for your life.

 

Call the cops. Tell them everything you've told us. Get the file started in case he comes after you again. Also, ask the police if you should block any correspondence or calls he sends to you. What they might suggest is the you keep the avenues open, in case he confesses in writing or verbally.

 

If you ever talk to him again, keep all evidence and if it's legal, record every conversation.

 

Agreed. Abusers test the waters to see if they can get away with their crap.

 

Source: experience.

[CarrieT]

Honest question, would a report w/o ANY evidence do ANY good if there was a future incident? The reason I ask is because...technically I could go down and claim my bf or Joe Blow hit me, and I have no evidence. So...how could that do any good?

For starters, it documents that there are issues. Even a "He-said/She-said" is the beginning of said documentation.

 

Also, you don't know if there were other reports in the past...

[M30USA]

I am STILL so regretful for the abuse I experienced. I still wonder WHY my spouse had to be like that. I WISH she hasn't. It really hurts even a year later to think about her bad decisions. Why, why, why? We will never know why. We just have to make decisions based on what IS.

[johan]

He should be punished for what he did. But I don't know what the cops can really do. There are no witnesses, no bruises, no nothing.

[carhill]

As general guidance, here's some steps an individual who believes they've been a victim of crime can take:

 

In order for an individual or business to file a criminal complaint against a suspect, the victim must take steps that are similar to those taken when the police file criminal charges:

The victim must fill out a legal complaint form and file it with the court system, as required in the appropriate state statutes

The victim must prove that there is reasonable cause to file a criminal complaint against another person

In most states, the complaint will be forwarded to the district attorney’s office, where the complaint will be approved or disapproved. There is usually an investigation, determining if there is sufficient evidence of a crime to file criminal charges

If criminal charges are filed, the victim must then be prepared to appear in court, if required, to testify against the perpetrator

 

When a person files such a complaint, they essentially 'swear' that the matter filed is being filed in good faith and wish it to become a matter of public record. Even if the DA does not pursue the matter, it's still in the records and can be referenced in the future, should similar crimes occur.

 

I've 'sworn' out a few complaints over the years and some make it to court and some don't. None were as serious as battery upon a person, which was what the OP experienced.

[pureinheart]

Last night i had an altercation with my ex. We were fighting and he was driving me home and when I refuse to get out of his car, he grabbed me by my hair and started hitting me. He even resorted to using a full-bottled SmartWater bottle and used it against me. I had to shield my face with my arms to protect myself, but at the end of the night I wasn't emotionally and physically bruised.

 

He had slapped me once before and he had apologized for his actions. But this time he said I deserved and had it coming. I don't whether I should report him to the cops or not, but I really really hate at this moment, and i want to see him in jail.

 

Oh love...I am soooo sorry. My first knee-jerk response concerning your title was ...hit him back. I used to be a scrapper sooo ....

 

Wow, I have to say, when seeing it was you, someone I know on LS my heart just broke. It does with every abusive situation, although this was a shock... Please stay away from him love...(((((((hugs))))))