He hit me

[HonestNeurotic]

I don't know this guy personally but he strikes me as one who has an amazingly high patience level and low propensity for violence if he didn't outright murder papercut for refusing to get out of his car and arguing with him for hours over something probably stupid when they weren't even dating. I grew up in a household where there was violence going on. It's rarely only the dude at fault.

 

I don't care if she was a total absolute complete B*&CH with a capital B.

 

You don't HIT PEOPLE when you're angry at them. Even when it's THEIR FAULT that you're angry with them. That they made you angry.

 

That's just WRONG. It's so very black and white for me. Unless it's some form of self defense maybe. As for me? I run. Well, actually I do my best to live a life where I am not around people that might HIT ME because they are angry.

 

Unless you are maybe like - three years old and having a temper tantrum. Then you get a pass from me. Sorry - Anyone that hits people when they are angry or feels that it's okay to hit someone because they are angry, they're the lowest of the low POS in my book.

[xpaperxcutx]

I don't know this guy personally but he strikes me as one who has an amazingly high patience level and low propensity for violence if he didn't outright murder papercut for refusing to get out of his car and arguing with him for hours over something probably stupid when they weren't even dating. I grew up in a household where there was violence going on. It's rarely only the dude at fault.

 

You are right he has a high patience level especially with me, and he tolerated so much from me- everything from my emotional outbursts to my neediness.

He's not a violent person, never had been. I just ended up being the first person he hit .

 

It's not his fault entirely- yes, he holds 100% for raising his fists and hitting but I guess I was just one of those women who pushed and pushed until the guy couldn't take it anymore.

 

 

 

PS. I didn't report him to the cops. He doesn't need this on his record, especially if he has a family to take care of and raise.

 

@Taramaiden, I know I'm a dramatic person. At times i feel like I'm driven by my emotions than logic. I'm also prone to anger at times too, that i have emotional outbursts and I lash at people. Gaius is right that it's not always the guy's fault, I have in the past repeatedly started fights and taken my anger out on him ( albeit never physically).

[Els]

It seems you have your mind made up about not going to the cops. Sad, IMO. The fact that you argued with him is not an excuse for violence, and I think you know that, because otherwise you would have still gone to the cops and told them truthfully about what happened, argument included. But you are an adult and this is your decision.

 

At the very LEAST, though, you should be going complete NC with this guy and never seeing him again. Ever. I hope you are doing at least that?

[2sunny]

A grown person uses words - and never stoops so low to hit another person.

 

If you seriously taunted him - and wouldn't leave when he asked - then you need counseling to learn what respecting others looks like.

[xpaperxcutx]

A grown person uses words - and never stoops so low to hit another person.

 

If you seriously taunted him - and wouldn't leave when he asked - then you need counseling to learn what respecting others looks like.

 

I'm ashamed... he had told me the same things- I never respected his wishes and I always had to have things my way... it really is a wake up call.

[imtooconfused]

These threads scare and frustrate me, especially when I step into them after they are well established:

 

(1) He/she abused me. They must (justifiably) suffer for what they did to me.

(2) What they did was not that bad. I don't want to see them suffer. I'll just walk away.

(3) Maybe it was my fault after all.

(4) We are back together and all is well.

(5) Return to step (1).

 

Is it just me??? It's happened to acquaintances IRL so maybe I am a bit sensitive.

[samsungxoxo]

These threads scare and frustrate me, especially when I step into them after they are well established:

 

(1) He/she abused me. They must (justifiably) suffer for what they did to me.

(2) What they did was not that bad. I don't want to see them suffer. I'll just walk away.

(3) Maybe it was my fault after all.

(4) We are back together and all is well.

(5) Return to step (1).

 

Is it just me??? It's happened to acquaintances IRL so maybe I am a bit sensitive.

True but this justification and empathical reasoning seems to be occuring more among women than men.

 

See, if I were to treat a man as horrible as possible he would probably start packing his bag that same day. If for some reason, he didn't.... he would probably tolerate me until he losses his patience and either retaliate or leave me in the end. I don't see that response in too many women.

[pureinheart]

You are right he has a high patience level especially with me, and he tolerated so much from me- everything from my emotional outbursts to my neediness.

He's not a violent person, never had been. I just ended up being the first person he hit .

 

It's not his fault entirely- yes, he holds 100% for raising his fists and hitting but I guess I was just one of those women who pushed and pushed until the guy couldn't take it anymore.

 

 

 

PS. I didn't report him to the cops. He doesn't need this on his record, especially if he has a family to take care of and raise.

 

@Taramaiden, I know I'm a dramatic person. At times i feel like I'm driven by my emotions than logic. I'm also prone to anger at times too, that i have emotional outbursts and I lash at people. Gaius is right that it's not always the guy's fault, I have in the past repeatedly started fights and taken my anger out on him ( albeit never physically).

 

PC, he chose to "argue" WITH you. If he had such an issue with you getting out of the car, then why didn't he drive to the cop shop and have you removed? Or drive to someones house, like a female friend of yours and ask her to remove you or talk you out of his car.

 

NO, he chose to HIT you.

 

Here's a lived example about an exbf- the guy played mind games continuoulsy and was abusive, tried to kill us both on a couple of occasions. CONSTANTLY playing with my heart and mind in the most cruel ways, and I do mean cruel. Then he breaks it off after constant fighting with me. I'd finally had enough- he knew it- so what did he do? He blew up my phone for DAYS (over 100 calls per day on the landline and cell), blew up my daughters phone as well. Finally he comes over "begging" to get me back...2 am beating on my windows, beating on the door, trying to break in. During trying to break in he used the gas line meter as a step stool- it literally broke off it's foundation spewing massive amounts of natural gas everywhere...woke all my neighbors up and a very large emergency gas truck had to be called, pulling a whole crew out of their beds- all my neighbors out in the street watching this fiasco. My home and all of the homes around me could have been destroyed because of this, not to mention, people could have lost their lives...

 

Did you come close to this type of provocation? He hit you over and over...

 

The relationship is toxic, and by the way you sound, it's not over. Your words tell me so much right now, like you are "softening" for the purpose of blaming yourself for HIS actions so that this can happen all over again.

 

I realise that people can be pushed to the edge, doing/saying things they might not under different circumstances. This is not the case here, the relationship has reached high levels of violence and power struggles- which WILL get worse.

 

He chose to let you in his car, no matter the circumstances, like you needing a ride somewhere ...well there are alternatives.

 

It's real easy to become addicted to chaos, I know, I've been there, wayyyy too many times.

 

Girl, I really think professional help is needed here...

Edited May 18, 2013 by pureinheart

[tbf]

These threads scare and frustrate me, especially when I step into them after they are well established:

 

(1) He/she abused me. They must (justifiably) suffer for what they did to me.

(2) What they did was not that bad. I don't want to see them suffer. I'll just walk away.

(3) Maybe it was my fault after all.

(4) We are back together and all is well.

(5) Return to step (1).

 

Is it just me??? It's happened to acquaintances IRL so maybe I am a bit sensitive.

It's Rihanna all over again.

[2sunny]

Toxic relationships are fueled with drama.

 

I can't believe you choose to participate.

 

At this point - you can't blame anyone but yourself. Continuing is full of self harm.

 

I hope you get counseling.

[SoleMate]

Can I press charges even if there's no noticeable bruises? I talked with a friend and he said the cops may not believe me because there's no evidence.

There IS evidence...your testimony of what happened is evidence. OTOH, even with your testimony, it is definitely possible that police may not take it seriously. I'd talk to a victim support group. I would also stop seeing this BF!

[xpaperxcutx]

It's too late to file a report....

I told myself if he apologized to me for what he did, i would pretend it didn't happen. But he hasn't. He tells me he's talking to other women and that he wants a prettier and petite girl who he can satisfy.

 

He is a disgusting pig...

[Els]

I told myself if he apologized to me for what he did, i would pretend it didn't happen.

 

.............................

 

But he hasn't. He tells me he's talking to other women and that he wants a prettier and petite girl who he can satisfy.

 

He is a disgusting pig...

 

Well, I'm glad he FINALLY did something that succeeded in getting you to leave him. Because apparently hitting you with a bottle was insufficient...

 

You ignored EVERYONE's advice except the few that told you what you wanted to hear: That it's kinda your fault, he couldn't help himself, he's not really a violent person, etc. You even would have gone back to him if he'd apologized?!?!

 

This is very, very worrisome. I hate to shame the victim, but if you continue to respond like this to physical violence, you're just setting yourself up to be a domestic battery case in the future. For your sake, I really hope you learn to take a hard line against such acts before it's too late.

[imtooconfused]

I told myself if he apologized to me for what he did, i would pretend it didn't happen.

 

This is just a bump in the road. Things will be all patched up in no time.

[tbf]

It's too late to file a report....

Unless you've exceeded the statute of limitation which in your case, hasn't expired, this would be a flat out lie.

 

I told myself if he apologized to me for what he did, i would pretend it didn't happen. But he hasn't. He tells me he's talking to other women and that he wants a prettier and petite girl who he can satisfy.

 

He is a disgusting pig...

xpaper, is this how you push his buttons? The same way you're pushing ours for attention?

[Forever Learning]

He was never abusive, the first time he hit me was like a light slap with his fingers and he had apologized for having done it; it didn't really felt intentional to hurt me so I forgave.

 

This time around was pure physical abuse. He grabbed my hair because I refuse to talk and he just shook me repeatedly. I tried to shield myself in the back seat and he just kept hitting me with the water bottle. he even threatened to hit me with a metal object because I wouldnt shut up. His words were to this effect " don't cry out loud, cry inside. Or else everytime I hear you cry, I'm going to f---- hit you!"

 

I didn't read past this on page 1 of the thread yet. Because this alone is making me sick! I hope that you are never going to be near this assclown again. This guy is a bad news douchebag. Stay away! Life is too short for this crap. Go find a good guy or just be single. But don't waste time with an asshat abuser. He's just a life long loser. You don't need that in your life.

Edited May 25, 2013 by Forever Learning

[drr6]

Walk away and move on. Certainly he is a ****-head and if he was already an ex, then he must definitely become a permanent ex forever and forever.

From what I skimmed, it seemed you admitted that the two were both being brats, full of drama and you baited him somewhat in the argument. And that you suffered no physical injuries. Rather it is your ego that is bruised. If that is the case, I commend you for being honest at least.

Yes, you can screw him over using the legal system. But at the end of the day, is that just? Is the law there so that women with bruised egos can have the final blow in these situations? I put it like this because we all know if two people acted like fools and the woman pushed and pulled a little without causing pain or bruising, nothing would be expected to happen.

Why drag out all this nonsense further when this is really about your ego having been bruised?

[KathyM]

This man is an abuser. Do not take him back under any circumstances. He will continue to abuse, and it will escalate. If you let it go, and take him back, he will find some other reason to abuse you, and he will find a way of blaming you for it. The fact that you wouldn't leave his car is no justifiable reason for him to become violent. You need to have more respect for yourself and not put yourself into these situations and not put up with crap from these guys.

[Anela]

paper, how are you now? Did you stay away from him?

[samsungxoxo]

Too much empathy on our part instead of logic. It's good to have empathy but not to overdo it if. If a man is showing great disrespect and hits, why would I want to even have sympathy for him?