california15 Posted May 16, 2013 Share Posted May 16, 2013 Don't get guilt and regret mixed up. You can end a relationship, know 100% its what you want, and still feel guilty about hurting someone you know cares for you - I ended a relationship that I had absolutely no regrets about ending, but I felt guilty at the time that I was hurting his feelings because he was a great guy. Maybe the guilt is coming out later because she is realizing later just how good of a guy you were to her. Who knows? If she regretted it enough, she'd be back telling you just that Link to post Share on other sites
mtnbiker3000 Posted May 16, 2013 Share Posted May 16, 2013 "I can't say that tho because I don't know what could happen in the future I could see us being together but I need to be single now" and "I am still attracted to you" but "I dont want to hold you back tho" She is 'back-burnering' you so that you will still be available if she needs a place to fall back. People who love their partner do not 'take a break', 'need space' or any of that. Her actions have nothing to do with you or your feelings and everything to do with her feelings. She is being manipulative and selfish... Have some self respect and dignity and cut all ties with her and move on. Or, suffer long and hard. Just my 2 cents Link to post Share on other sites
mtnbiker3000 Posted May 16, 2013 Share Posted May 16, 2013 Well i mean clearly thats why people dump people they dont wanna be with that person anymore so kinda goes for everyone...but at the same time its not like we had months of it being bad it was just the last 2 weeks that she pulled away...which is why it amazes me that over 5 months can be so good and then just ended after like 2 weeks of it being harder. Seems like a short time to you. Usually does for us guys Most likely has been on her mind longer than you know!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author blacklavender Posted May 16, 2013 Author Share Posted May 16, 2013 Seems like a short time to you. Usually does for us guys Most likely has been on her mind longer than you know!! Yea "the back burner thing" is what I was thinking to I agree. And I straight up asked her how long she had been thinking about it and she told me 2 weeks but yea who knows it could have been for way longer. Link to post Share on other sites
mtnbiker3000 Posted May 16, 2013 Share Posted May 16, 2013 Yea "the back burner thing" is what I was thinking to I agree. And I straight up asked her how long she had been thinking about it and she told me 2 weeks but yea who knows it could have been for way longer. Problem is, no matter how we ask, how we word it, how nice, sincere, genuine we seem... Who knows if they are being honest with us. Or even themselves for that matter. I went through the same thing. And early on in NC, it WILL drive you quite mad. But, the good news is, as NC gets longer and longer, you care about these details less and less Link to post Share on other sites
Author blacklavender Posted May 16, 2013 Author Share Posted May 16, 2013 Yea I guess my main response to your post and others is that people say oh unless its a full on "I want you back" or "I made the biggest mistake of my life" they really dont want you back. But lets be honest Im not about to defend my ex or any other dumpers for letting someone go but how many exes do you really see say that. More than likely they throw "bread crumbs" because they don't know how you feel and are probably afraid of rejection as well they want to test the waters especially if months have past since the break up. Personally if I was a dumper would have no problem admitting i was wrong and it was the biggest mistake of my life but for female dumpers especially stubborn ones I feel it would be hard for them to just come out and say that because women are use to having men chase them so they test the water. The question is whether they are testing the water simply for ego boost or because they are realizing they made a mistake and thinking about getting back together. Link to post Share on other sites
flitzanu Posted May 18, 2013 Share Posted May 18, 2013 Yea I guess my main response to your post and others is that people say oh unless its a full on "I want you back" or "I made the biggest mistake of my life" they really dont want you back. But lets be honest Im not about to defend my ex or any other dumpers for letting someone go but how many exes do you really see say that. More than likely they throw "bread crumbs" because they don't know how you feel and are probably afraid of rejection as well they want to test the waters especially if months have past since the break up. Personally if I was a dumper would have no problem admitting i was wrong and it was the biggest mistake of my life but for female dumpers especially stubborn ones I feel it would be hard for them to just come out and say that because women are use to having men chase them so they test the water. The question is whether they are testing the water simply for ego boost or because they are realizing they made a mistake and thinking about getting back together. you don't "hear people say that" because they don't want to get back together with the people they've dumped. and now you're back to making excuses for her and trying to validate your thoughts that she really does feel guilty and want you back. so here's what you do. call her and tell her you want her back, and will take no exceptions, and no more friendship if she doesn't. see how she reacts and how quickly she stops talking to you. if you think she wants you, none of us can tell you that she doesn't, obviously, so just go confront her and tell her you think her actions are saying she wants you. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted May 18, 2013 Share Posted May 18, 2013 Just checking in.... Not really needed here, am I.... Looks like you got everything under control flitz.... Listen to 'da man', blacklavender - the best thing you could do is to stick to his counsel like a barnacle. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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