i'm scared of the unknown future

[whichwayisup]

Hey BB et al.

 

Know how hard anxiety can be...My god do I know...

 

One thing that got me through and still gets me through is doing Cognitive Behaviour Therapy. My therapist is amazing...I don't know where I'd be if I hadn't found her!!!

 

The whole thing about anxiety...FIGHT IT, TELL IT TO F OFF! Get angry about it. Makes it easier to deal with. Don't lose the sense of humour either!

 

BB, You are really strong. You have such a healthy outlook on things...I enjoy reading what you say.

[moimeme]

LoveR

 

is that by your suggestion that our problems are chemical that you might be inferring that medications should be used.

 

I'd not be inferring it, I'd be implying it. Kindly don't infer things from what I say. I do recommend meds in some cases. I did not in this.

 

but mind over matter is always possible. I

 

Sometimes. Not if you have schizophrenia. Not if you have AD/HD. Not in a lot of situations. And people who preach the blather that meds are unnecessary and evil do people who do need them a lot of damage. That some people don't have serious cases of whichever illness does not mean they represent the entire population of sufferers of that conditon. Treatment must differ based on each case. Maybe you are fine without meds. Great. Not everybody is. However, the point is moot in this case since I am not suggesting it at this point.

 

BigB

 

stop making me know what I already know. I know, I know, I know. Bah.

 

 

 

The annoying part of me is chanting ‘Yes, but it will be less pain if you do it now than if it happens in 2 years time’.

 

Yeah, but it's fibbing. Look, if you're going to scare yourself with something, scare yourself with how awful the regret will feel if you don't go for it full steam ahead. Picture yourself old, miserable, and alone because you blew this one. Imagine kicking your own self in the butt 'till the end of your days because you chickened out. Now that's something to be afraid of.

[Thinkalot]

BIg Belm...I'm happy for you that life is turning out well for you

 

I can relate to thinking too much.. lol! and feeling anxious...but you've come so far already...now you'll just keep on going, and in the same way, overcome any future hurdles.

[NatoPMT]

Hi All

 

Feeling better today. Feel like I have cleared out some clutter

 

Had a chat with my boss this morning, going to sort out a permanent contract and get some more security. He needs to speak to HR and there may be a problem with funding my post but at least I will know and can prepare….

 

Am going to speak to the tax office and my bank today too and stop sticking my head in the sand over stupid issues I could easily sort out. The bank owes me £1,000 over overpaid insurance and I have even procrastinated on that. Not today.

 

I was vg last night as well and went out of my comfort zone with bf. I decided against telling him about my ‘fear of…’ issues when it wont make any difference to being scared and decided to do what it is I am scared of instead. I told him how I feel about him, only 3 sentences and I don’t think I took a breath so it wasnt as effective as it was when I did my run-through in my head but it’s a start. He was really chuffed, he picked me up and swung me around – he mumbled about it in his sleep too, bless his cotton bobby socks. The best bit is, later on, I asked him a question about something he was embarrassed about, first he said no, and I asked him if he was sure, and he paused, then said yes. So he went out of his comfort zone too and admitted something he felt uncomfortable admitting – we then both burst out laughing.

 

Hi Meanon, thanks for responding while you tap your foot at me

 

You've had a crisis of confidence in your abilities to continue to cope with change. There's no evidence for it so it's likely to be something else that's triggered it, rather than what's happened in the last year. From what you've said, it's most likely your relationship with your boyfriend, more specifically

 

Have been trying to work this out myself, I think its been a number of factors. I thought it was just it being September, but the more I typed the more other things I saw in the mix. But that’s good, it means I am less likely to leave any stones unturned to come and surprise me later. Its more complicated than I realised when i started the thread. I also realised its been going on longer than I thought too, sneaking in here and there under different guises. Like fake moustaches and comedy spectacles.

 

There is no insurance policy that will protect you

 

I did have an insurance policy, it had previously been that I knew, I just knew I was going to be all right. I had faith in my ability to get through anything, and recently I have doubted that ability more and more. I have a problem in that whenever something doesn’t seem worth the effort, I’ll up and leave it. Mentally and physically. No dedication, no commitment, no hard labour. I pick and chose what to go with as it lands on my lap and don’t go out and actually seek what I want as I don’t know what I want. If I plan things, I get anxious in case they don’t come off or that I HAVE to do them now I have planned them. I want to have a focus and direction so am going to work on that next. Take some control.

 

WWIU

 

Always good to hear from you – thanks for the support. I saw a programme this time last year by a British professor who explained how to change how you think and I have been employing his techniques, I have since found out its almost identical to CBT. Its been invaluable to me and I am thinking hard about it again at the moment and going back to how I dealt with my issues originally. I know what I need to learn from this period in my life and I WILL do it.

 

Merry – just in case I didn’t make it clear, I was Bahhing at myself. Would never bah at your wise words! I will not let this get one over on me, I hate intensity, it makes me really nervous but the intensity of being honest with your feelings should be enjoyable, and a lot more pleasant than trying to convince someone fruitlessly you have changed. You are absolutely right, I promise you now I will not go down that gloomy road. I promise I will not end up a lonely old spinster being eaten by her own cats. As has been suggested to me in the past.

 

Thinkalot – You should change your name, take your label of thinking too much away. There’s nothing wrong with thinking a lot but I know why you called yourself that and you have come so far yourself. You should call yourself ‘ThinkingWell’ or something.

 

I am feeling quite excited about things now, recent history shows that this anxiety comes round cyclically, but I haven’t discussed it with anyone or thought it through this much when its happened recently, this may mean I can knock this on the head, at least in this form. The next form of anxiety if I get will be the next step in my evolution to being free of it – if its comes that is. I am not going to think it will come back, because then it is more likely to. I am leaving for a long weekend in Amsterdam with my bf tomorrow – perfect timing. I am so glad I discussed this with you guys before I went or it could have spoiled what I now know will be a brilliant holiday. And I am now not nearly so concerned about booking Thailand, my bf went there with his ex and I was struggling a bit with it but now I feel my confidence returning its much less of an issue. I need to be told how to think sometimes, sometimes I just don’t know how too. Once I get hold of the right end of the stick, I can run with it.

 

Big hugs – BB xx

[loveregardless]

I'd not be inferring it, I'd be implying it. Kindly don't infer things from what I say. I do recommend meds in some cases. I did not in this.

but mind over matter is always possible.

Sometimes. Not if you have schizophrenia. Not if you have AD/HD. Not in a lot of situations. And people who preach the blather that meds are unnecessary and evil do people who do need them a lot of damage. That some people don't have serious cases of whichever illness does not mean they represent the entire population of sufferers of that condition. Treatment must differ based on each case. Maybe you are fine without meds. Great. Not everybody is. However, the point is moot in this case since I am not suggesting it at this point.

 

First of all...I can infer anything from anyone that I chose, that is why I asked you whether or not that was what you had meant...I did not assume that is what you were saying...I asked, all I wanted you to do was answer me, not suggest what I am and am not allowed to do and what words I should choose to make my posts. kindly or not. it was rude.

 

Secondly, I think that if someone had been telling me that they were hearing voices or having delusions that I would have been less likely to resist the idea of medications. Obviously this is not the case here.

 

Thirdly, I am perfectly aware of what people can and cannot do without medications and therefore in any and every situation where I feel that a person's problems can be handled without medications I am going to suggest that they try to do so. If you would like to put me into some sort of category of people that you feel are sabataging psychiatric medicine by suggesting that most people are perfectly capable of remedying their situation by other means then be my guest. Perhaps you are unaware of my mental history...perhaps you are unaware of the extreme side effects of psychiatric drugs and the high instance of over subscribing such medications...perhaps you are not, I would not venture so far as to infer anything of that nature however...

 

Fourthly, if you can say such a thing as fourthly, this thread is for the purpose of helping BigBelm and not starting petty arguments....

 

Back to the purpose...kindly...Belmmy darling I am so glad that your aditude has shifted so positively...that is wonderful and I hope that you have a blast this weekend. Did you get a chance to read any yet?

 

P.S. It is wonderful that you and your bf had such a wonderful talk and that you both did so well stepping out of your comfort zone. I am ecstatic-ally proud!

[moimeme]

Perhaps you are unaware of my mental history..

 

I am aware and I said it's great if you can manage without meds but that doesn't mean you can extrapolate your experience to everyone's

 

perhaps you are unaware of the extreme side effects of psychiatric drugs

 

I am aware of that. I'm also aware that all drugs can have extreme side effects. I'm also aware of people having been institutionalized for psychotic breaks because they had bipolar and didn't take their meds..

 

and the high instance of over subscribing such medications.

 

That's a myth.

 

Secondly, I think that if someone had been telling me that they were hearing voices or having delusions that I would have been less likely to resist the idea of medications. Obviously this is not the case here.

 

Again, just because a person isn't schizophrenic does not mean that person isn't having a lot of trouble in her life and can manage just fine without meds. It is as repugnant to me to have people suggest that folks with mental ailments are 'just making it up' and 'don't need meds' as it would be for people to say that to diabetics or people with heart conditions.

 

The brain's an organ that needs meds like any other body part. Attitudes like that only stigmatize folks who genuinely need treatment and scare them away from taking the meds which would improve their lives - even to keeping them out of institutions.

 

[loveregardless]

I never said that I think that people who are having mental problems are in any way over exaggerating or making things up, but in my opinion it is more harmful to solve every problem that we have as humans physically or mentally by running to your local physician and asking him to perscribe you a synthetic chemical to remedy the situation than it is to encourage other plans of action as precursers to medication. If it's absolutely necessary then so be it...but it very often is not.

[NatoPMT]

Hi LR

 

I am going to print some articles off to read on the plane before I leave today, I am setting myself homework.

 

I wonder if bf telling me something he wouldn’t have done normally was co-incidence or he perceived that I was being more open with him? Will have to see with more being open and see if he does too. Oo I can do my own theory testing now, right up my street.

 

I forgot to answer about my not liking talking about emotional do-da’s, I have a very stiff British upper lip, I think from having a Catholic mother, non-religious but Catholic guilt in abundance. At least I got green eyes out of it though. I wouldn’t in a billion years wee in front of someone else, I HATE it when gf’s do that to you in the loo’s. I find it very disturbing, I am a total prude.

 

BB

[loveregardless]

my parents are extreme conservative southern baptists...I think that growing up with parents who are extreme one way or another helps us to know NOT how to be one day. Only wish I'd gotten the green eyes from mine like you did yours...somehow I got brown.

anyway, I hope that you enjoy the articles and i know you are going to have a great vacation. I'm so jealous...I want to go to Amsterdam!

I think that you have progressed magnificently the last week...the tone in your posts has changed so dramatically from day to day its amazing....I am so happy for you...I know that you are going to get everything worked out perfectly...you are very strong and if nothing else have a great desire, a great want to improve yourself and take control...I think thats wonderful and very rare...your great Belmmy my love...grrrrrreat!

[NatoPMT]

I am loving these articles! i have printed out 8 pages, After the Laundry, The Laundry and Beginning the Journey, im going to read them on the tube, cant wait for the plane.

 

Ive just skimmed them and there seems to be a lot about accepting change which is bang on

 

let me know if you have any other good links too

 

I think that growing up with parents who are extreme one way or another helps us to know NOT how to be one day

 

that couldnt be closer to my truth, i made a decision years ago not to be like my mother, and i saw myself getting more and more like that but with all this reading i have done in the last year - i am 100% positive i wont do that - she's very cold. This is all part of that too. I mentioned a few posts ago i dont know whats causing this and its more complicate dthan i realise - there's another point in question - all the reasons for my anxiety are adding up, they will make a big fat zero by the time i have finished with them.

 

Brown eyes are great, lots of depth. I used to get called Apple Eyes as a child, if i cry they go a ridiculous bright green, thats the one plus of blubbing.

 

thanks for the shove in the small of the back - v much appreciated mon cherie

[loveregardless]

I knew that you would like the articles...the approach and finess with which their written just makes them so wonderful to me. I reread them all the time...just to freshen up.

Unfortunately, even if as adults we disagree with our parents, their impression on our subconcsious is always there, and because they are the only examples we receive as children, good bad or otherwise that is what we learn to be and how we learn to act. My boyfreind for instance is the sweetest, most caring, affectionate and loving man alive...but his father is a maniac with absolutely no sensitivity and a terrifying temper(he's awful really-as bad as it gets)..so anyway..even though my boyfreind has grown up to hate his father for what he put him through as a child, it is also the only example he has ever seen as far as how men are supposed to be/act and also about how men are supposed to behave in arguments(it is also probably some part ihereditary)...so needless to say we have had a lot of issues to deal with on our own lately. But it is working, slowly but surely, it's just all in how you approach the situation...I try to remain as objective as possible and be as supportive as I can...But that doesn't kill us makes us stronger right?! Dukes up! Bring it on!

[meanon]

Hi Meanon, thanks for responding while you tap your foot at me

Yes it's even beinning to annoy me! I've been meaning to change it for ages but I am too lazy to look for another.

 

I also realised its been going on longer than I thought too, sneaking in here and there under different guises. Like fake moustaches and comedy spectacles.

LOL, I like the analogy! Anxiety can be a cyclical thing or it could be that your coping method was not taking risks, not trying too hard, and now you've reached a point in your life where in order to continue to be happy you need to start doing so.

 

I did have an insurance policy, it had previously been that I knew, I just knew I was going to be all right. I had faith in my ability to get through anything, and recently I have doubted that ability more and more. I have a problem in that whenever something doesn’t seem worth the effort, I’ll up and leave it. Mentally and physically. No dedication, no commitment, no hard labour. I pick and chose what to go with as it lands on my lap and don’t go out and actually seek what I want as I don’t know what I want. If I plan things, I get anxious in case they don’t come off or that I HAVE to do them now I have planned them. I want to have a focus and direction so am going to work on that next. Take some control.

 

I meant an insurance policy against loss of love. You are right though, the inner security of knowing you can be happy in life is critical to your well being.

[NatoPMT]

Hi All

 

Quick update – had a wonderful time in Amsterdam, really special. Things feel like they have moved to the next level, since last week when I took all of your advice and became a bit more vocal and demonstrative with my feelings he has followed suit. He’s been texting me telling me how precious I am, how hes thought of me all day, the works. It feels like a barrier has started to come down. I am liking this – I have always known things are special but I didn’t think I could keep it special, but now I have realised that when this matures and evolves its based on the elements to keep it on the right track, loyalty, respect and compatibility. From day one we have had so much fun, he makes me laugh like a loony, and add onto that the trust we have worked hard to create, I am really feeling this.

 

It’s given me a massive confidence boost – your own attitude and your relationships are the hardest things to get on track/change/develop and if I can turn my perspective round and bring my relationship into more clarity so quickly, I can do wonders with my career and home if I put my mind to it – they are small fry in comparison. I know I am generally a positive person, although it seems easier to be negative and assume you will fail to prevent the heartache when you do fail. So to prevent yourself failing you never try, in reality you are then a constant failure.

 

I am going to give up smoking next, I have 180 duty frees then no more. No more ah tells thee.

 

BB

 

Ps That was spot on meanon: and now you've reached a point in your life where in order to continue to be happy you need to start doing so.

[loveregardless]

I'm so happy for you Belmy dear...yay!

And still jealous that I didn't get to go on vacation, too.

[meanon]

Wotcha BB. Glad I hit the spot. If everything being perfect is failure I can't wait to see what success looks like . I know, it will be a more confident, self assured you. Still, don't disregard what you've achieved already.

 

I was in Amsterdam earlier this year. A great place!