lissa90 Posted May 15, 2013 Share Posted May 15, 2013 We have been broken up for about 10 weeks now. We've tried LC and then NC and then LC AGAIN. It was always me who initiated things. However a nearly a week I told him how upset I was feeling and his response was how he had no choice but to carry on with his life and not be upset about our break up. Well, this pissed me off..that here I was being miserable and wallowing and he is probably happy as a clam. So I didn't respond - and wasn't planning to either (big big thing for me as I'd either tell him I was doing nc etc). As the days past I was starting to be ok with things and had a "screw him" attitude. Then I got this email "?Good night, myname, I hope you had a lovely day. I haven't heard from you in a while and I am worried....please let me know how you are.* Always in my thoughts.* X" And now I feel confused and terrible that I'm not replying. In the grand scheme of things, he's a nice guy..and I don't want to make him feel bad and ignore him..but then, if I reply I feel bad too. Catch 22 Link to post Share on other sites
McGriff Posted May 15, 2013 Share Posted May 15, 2013 UGH! I know exactly what you mean...I mean, that email is so harmless, so alluring, soooooo breadcrumbish. I have been going through this same sort of thing for a month now. She sends me sweet messages that if I ignore, I look bitter, but if I answer, she knows I'm still there. I wish I had an answer for you. I really do. Up to this point I've tried both NC and LC, and all I continue to get is persistent breadcrumbs! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CelticGibson Posted May 15, 2013 Share Posted May 15, 2013 Don't feel guilty for protecting your emotional state at this stage. His message is a classic breadcrumb that is trying to get you to respond. There is nothing to be read into it. Stay No Contact and carry on regardless... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
flitzanu Posted May 15, 2013 Share Posted May 15, 2013 We have been broken up for about 10 weeks now. We've tried LC and then NC and then LC AGAIN. It was always me who initiated things. However a nearly a week I told him how upset I was feeling and his response was how he had no choice but to carry on with his life and not be upset about our break up. Well, this pissed me off..that here I was being miserable and wallowing and he is probably happy as a clam. So I didn't respond - and wasn't planning to either (big big thing for me as I'd either tell him I was doing nc etc). As the days past I was starting to be ok with things and had a "screw him" attitude. Then I got this email "?Good night, myname, I hope you had a lovely day. I haven't heard from you in a while and I am worried....please let me know how you are.* Always in my thoughts.* X" And now I feel confused and terrible that I'm not replying. In the grand scheme of things, he's a nice guy..and I don't want to make him feel bad and ignore him..but then, if I reply I feel bad too. Catch 22 there is no "we" in going NC. if he dumped you, stop feeding his ego by letting him drag you along. if you dumped him...stop letting him believe that by speaking to you there is anything left between you two. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
ThatJustHappened Posted May 15, 2013 Share Posted May 15, 2013 It's better to ignore, but if you can't resist and you absolutely have to respond, I would just tell him not to contact you anymore because your new boyfriend doesn't like it. No, just kidding. But if you do have to respond, I would just tell him that you can't be his friend, and he needs to stop contacting you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted May 15, 2013 Share Posted May 15, 2013 "?Good night, myname, I hope you had a lovely day. I haven't heard from you in a while and I am worried....please let me know how you are.* Always in my thoughts.* X" In the grand scheme of things, he's a nice guy..and I don't want to make him feel bad and ignore him..but then, if I reply I feel bad too. Catch 22 No, not 'catch22' at all.... This is basically what he's doing.... "I'm going to twang her guilt guitar and get her to sing to me, get her to play me a tune..... then I can just move on, and leave her standing mid-stage, with a spotlight on her, to an empty auditorium, because while her heart is still exposed and crying it's song, I'll be long gone and on my way...." Bread crumbs. A huge helping. Enough for a whole banquet of schnitzels.... DO NOT RESPOND!! Send back this text instead: Text Blocker activated. Your message was not delivered. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author lissa90 Posted May 15, 2013 Author Share Posted May 15, 2013 He broke up with me. I am just finding it difficult as I know he is a genuine and sincere type of guy but I feel that if I reply, I'll lose control and be anxious for his next reply and I know it won't be quick. I know I'm being abit of a wet sap right now, but god damn if he was an ******* it would be easier to ignore 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted May 15, 2013 Share Posted May 15, 2013 He broke up with me. I am just finding it difficult as I know he is a genuine and sincere type of guy but I feel that if I reply, I'll lose control and be anxious for his next reply and I know it won't be quick. I know I'm being abit of a wet sap right now, but god damn if he was an ******* it would be easier to ignore You have to get it through your head, once and for all: No Contact has absolutely nothing to do with him. You don't need to consider his feelings in this. No Contact is for your benefit, and is precisely for such an occasion. You need to remind yourself why you are in No Contact. to mend your heart and to move on for yourself. No Contact is for right now. This is when it's important to implement it properly. Or what the hell is the point? You might as well go camp outside his door, and act like his foot scraper.... 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Larry56 Posted May 16, 2013 Share Posted May 16, 2013 Depends if you've grieved the breakup yet. If you think you could be happy without him then the consequences are pretty small of light talking. At this point you are past the NC phase, and now it's time to build tension (if you want to get back with him, if you don't then make it perfectly clear you don't want to be in a relationship with him). I'd reply a day later and say "Hey yup things are going pretty well. Nice to hear from you." and that's it. Link to post Share on other sites
Larry56 Posted May 16, 2013 Share Posted May 16, 2013 You have to get it through your head, once and for all: No Contact has absolutely nothing to do with him. You don't need to consider his feelings in this. No Contact is for your benefit, and is precisely for such an occasion. You need to remind yourself why you are in No Contact. to mend your heart and to move on for yourself. No Contact is for right now. This is when it's important to implement it properly. Or what the hell is the point? You might as well go camp outside his door, and act like his foot scraper.... Geez Calm Down. What if she wants her ex back? Should she wait longer because she was given no more practical advice? If she ignores him for long enough, he's going to look for someone else (eventually). So that is the ultimate question. Do you want to do something about getting your ex back, or do you want to move on in life without him? Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted May 16, 2013 Share Posted May 16, 2013 Geez Calm Down. What if she wants her ex back? Should she wait longer because she was given no more practical advice? If she ignores him for long enough, he's going to look for someone else (eventually). So that is the ultimate question. Do you want to do something about getting your ex back, or do you want to move on in life without him? I don't need to calm down. But I know her posting history. It's worth doing the homework. He's yanking her chain. It doesn't matter if she wants him back. If the dumper dumps, they're not usually receptive to coming back.....But sadly, they do tend to have a habit of trying to stay in their exes lives - and this is just selfish and disruptive. Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted May 16, 2013 Share Posted May 16, 2013 I am just finding it difficult as I know he is a genuine and sincere type of guy Yeah, he's a genuine and sincere type of guy that dumped you and is happy about it. Look, he dumped you. You don't owe him ANYTHING. But, if it's bothering you THAT much....You could send him something like this: "look, we're not together anymore and I need to move on and heal. Therefore, I can't keep in contact with you. I need to heal and detach from the relationship that we once had and it makes it very hard to do if you keep contacting me. I respected your decision to end our relationship; therefore, I hope you can respect my decision to move on." Then, nothing else. He may send a response to that, but you send nothing. Now, you don't have to feel guilty. He knows EXACTLY where you stand and he'll know why you won't respond to any future texts or phonecalls. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Babolat Posted May 16, 2013 Share Posted May 16, 2013 I don't need to calm down. But I know her posting history. It's worth doing the homework. He's yanking her chain. It doesn't matter if she wants him back. If the dumper dumps, they're not usually receptive to coming back.....But sadly, they do tend to have a habit of trying to stay in their exes lives - and this is just selfish and disruptive. I, as a male, did this recently, so Tara is right. I did not do it on purpose, I actually had no idea I was even doing it. I cared about her, she was a mess, and I actually thought she might hurt herself or do something stupid. She also kept asking me questions, over and over and over, and I replied. Once I realized what I was doing to her by caring, by keeping in contact, I stopped contacting her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author lissa90 Posted May 16, 2013 Author Share Posted May 16, 2013 Thankyou for the replies and support, I decided not to reply back as I feel he broke my heart and in doing so forfeited the right in knowing how I am feeling and what I am doing. I wish he hadn't contacted me as now his email is in the back of my mind festering. Link to post Share on other sites
Minneloa Posted May 16, 2013 Share Posted May 16, 2013 Thankyou for the replies and support, I decided not to reply back as I feel he broke my heart and in doing so forfeited the right in knowing how I am feeling and what I am doing. I wish he hadn't contacted me as now his email is in the back of my mind festering. I think this is a smart, self-protective decision. And I'm sorry you're hurting. Come here and vent any time! You are definitely not alone in your hurt and frustration in dealing with an ex. Also, this thread is a great place to let off steam: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/coping/117844-post-here-instead-contacting-your-ex-550.html Sending good thoughts! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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