I hate having sex with my Husband!!!

[lexnmike4enomore]

I know this is kind of weird. we just got married about 2 months ago. But lately i hate having sex w/ him. I mean i love him and care for him deeply but i would mind if we never had sex. I always make up these excuses to not have sex w/ him. Am i losing love? I dont think i am b/c i cant see myself without him. What do i do?

[Karlise13]

A lot of people have bad associations with the images of 'wife' and 'husband' and 'married sex'

 

one of my very close friends boasted about how 'hot' sex with her boyfriend was all the time. As soon as she got engaged she moaned, "It's just not the same! It's losing its hot-ness!"

 

Perhaps you need to further explore your issues with committment, monogamy, a lifetime of togetherness, intimacy, etc.

[FolderWife]

I want to understand too!!!!! My best friend was with her now husband for a year, and they couldn't get enough of each other. I visited her a month after she was married, and she said that she hates doing it now. She said he wants it every night, and she wants to go to sleep.

 

I, on the other hand, was begging for it for the first year of our marriage, and when I finally cooled off, he heated up. So now he wants it all the time, and I don't want to. But I have a freaking good reason:

 

If I orgasm, he doesn't, because I get to wet. So I now sacrifice my orgasm so he can have one. If he doesn't finish, I go down on him after I get exhausted. When I orgasm, I get tired, and want to stop, but he won't let me stop until HE'S finished. He was giving me attitude all day the other day, so after a day of taking s***, I said, "I'm good to you, and you treat me like this..." He said, "What are you talking about?" so I brought it up, and told him that I sacrifice my orgasm so he can have one, and he yelled, "I don't ask you to do that!" So I guess since he feels that way that I'm going to stop sacrificing for him

 

Maybe I'll start liking sex again if I can orgasm once in a while, and just enjoy it, and not have to act like a freakin porn star to finish him

[tiki]

Have you done some exploring in the kinky isle? I think that adds a lot to the monotony of a sexual routine. Dress up for him, roleplay, go sex toy shopping. Hell, get drunk and do it. Move about the house, don't stay in the same area. Go parking and have sex over the hood of the car. Take advantage of Halloween coming up and buy a costume and surprise him with it! A french maid would be a great idea. Candles, flowers, romance! Do him up right and that should keep interest for some time. This is the prime of your marriage, girl! Go rock his world!

[EC]

I have heard of that too..

 

My friend and her bf were stuck like glue..I always had to tell them to go get a room..But now that they are married it's died down...

 

After only 3 months of marriage?

 

I think it's the realization that that's it...thats your sexual pleasure for the rest of your life...or the fact that before you couldn't have it all the time buit now that your married and living together it's there all the time..so it's not as enticing?

 

I don't know? I've never been married lol I've just heard...so I can't give you concrete advice but like one guy told me..It's like your favorite candy..like when your kids and you can't really have candy all the time..but then Halloween comes and you consume 5 garbage bags of it..and get a stomache ache? He said when he got married it was kind like halloween coming and he got a stomache ache. lol

 

I dont know my friends are weird...I hope that doesnt happen to me though I love sex..I would hate if it turned sour and I avoided sex with my husband...like thats your husband..if you don't get it from him who?

 

This thread just messed me up?

[CurlyIam]

Tikibrandy, I absolutely adore you !

 

Now I know what gift to buy my bf for his birthday. A French maid uniform. For me !

[EC]

Have you done some exploring in the kinky isle? I think that adds a lot to the monotony of a sexual routine. Dress up for him, roleplay, go sex toy shopping. Hell, get drunk and do it. Move about the house, don't stay in the same area. Go parking and have sex over the hood of the car. Take advantage of Halloween coming up and buy a costume and surprise him with it! A french maid would be a great idea. Candles, flowers, romance! Do him up right and that should keep interest for some time. This is the prime of your marriage, girl! Go rock his world!

 

 

 

lol I did the french maid thing for him when I went up to visit. Shocked the hell out of him he loved it!! It was fun roleplaying and playing dress up...Next is naughty secretary lmao ....I recommend getting a little kinky too!

[Mr Spock]

I've heard of this phenomenon as well.

 

 

It's called "marriage"

[Matilda]

How often are you having sex now, and how often did you have it before you got married?

[FolderWife]

Married people naturally take one another for granted big time. Once you promise to spend the rest of your life with them, and you see them every day, and you argue over the bills, and you make the big decisions together, and you naturally stop working so hard to make one another happy, sex gets spoiled.

 

When you are dating, you get to miss your boyfriend. You have to anticipate his call, or get nervous about calling him. You wonder if you are coming off desperate if you do call. You sit and wait for him to arrive, or get excited about picking him up. Then when he's there with you, you are just so thrilled to finally be together, and you do fun stuff. If he buys a car, he doesn't necessarily discuss it with you, except to ask you what color you like. He pays his own bills, and pays for your dinner.

 

Then when you get married, suddenly he's not paying for dinner, but you both are. So then you wonder if you should be wasting money on dinner, when you have a mortgage. So the dinner dining is over. Also, he feels like he can boss you around a little bit, and instead of getting you a pop, he asks you to get him one. You don't go out together any more, so you sit at home and watch TV together. Since he's not trying to win you over, he watches what HE wants, because it's HIS TV. If the phone bill is too high, he nags you about it, because you have a mortgage now, and you need to be more responsible. If you get fired, both of you suffer. He'll comfort you, but his very next thought is that you HAVE to find a new job, because how are the bills going to get paid otherwise? If he can't support you, even though you are working, it will embarass him. Always before, your parents put the roof over your head. Now he feels that's his responsibility, and if he can't do it, he's not a good husband.

 

You want to get your hair done, but you have to discusss it with him first, because you have to discuss all finances with him. If you have a fight, and you do fight more when there's the stress of taking care of each other, you sit and wonder if you made a mistake promising your life to this man. If he wants something, but doesn't have the money, he blames you because you had your hair done.

 

Then it's bedtime, and he wants to get it on!?!?!?! Are you KIDDING!??!?!? Go to sleep, and get your dick out of my back

[EC]

LMAO ROTF:lmao: Monday..but there are good times right? You know i'm young and I'm terrified of marriage after reading what you just wrote lol

[tiki]

Originally posted by Monday

Go to sleep, and get your dick out of my back

 

OMG that's so funny.

[SoleMate]

lexnmike4e, please read about sexual aversion in http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5047_qa.html. Basically, it talks about how having unpleasant sexual experiences can turn you off to any future activity. (Yeah, I know, it's obvious, but this article explains it very well, and also explains how to overcome it.)

 

<URL removed> says that the reason sex dies off so often in marriage is that the husband and/or wife stop really taking care of each other - making their Love Bank deposits. Monday explained this very well. If you want to keep your marriage happy - full of pleasure and sex and affection and satisfying companionship - you have to PAY ATTENTION to those Love Bank deposits and avoiding Love Busters. You CAN keep a marriage healthy - in fact, it can get better over the years. People think they shouldn't have to WORK at marriage - that they should just be able to schlump into apathy because now they're"committed". Well, guess what - you stop being nice to your spouse, they stop being nice to you. Eventual result: dead marriage.

[FolderWife]

Originally posted by EtErNaLlYCoNfUsEd

LMAO ROTF:lmao: Monday..but there are good times right? You know i'm young and I'm terrified of marriage after reading what you just wrote lol

 

BE terrified. It's like having kids! People will tell you all this bad stuff, and nothing good, so then you ask, "Well, why did you have kids." They get this gleam in their eye and say, "You just don't know til ya have one "

 

 

I don't want kids.

 

But I don't ever get lonely, and I have a good husband, who lets me know where he is, so if I want, I can go hang out with him. We take care of each other, and that's a big responsibility. If I don't work, then he can't have a house. If he doesn't work, I can't have a house. We have to work to have a house. If I spend too much, then he can't eat, and vice versa. When you're married, it's not just you any more, it's "us"

 

And then there's the spiritual side of marriage. Half of me is gone when he's not around. I'll go visit my parents for a weekend. By the second day, if I haven't at least talked to my husband, I don't care how much fun I have, I miss him so badly that I'm sad.

 

We spent 3 nights at our uncle's house, and I was thinking to myself, "Why don't I miss home?" then I realized that home isn't my house, home is where my husband is

 

It's nice to have someone to call you at work, and ask you to pick something up on the way "home".

 

It's great to see him sleeping on the couch, and to think to yourself, "He's mine....for the rest of our lives "

 

It's fun to get out of the shower, have him see you naked, and go "WHOA!" because he forgot how good you look. It's fun, because he has a right to be there.

 

It's great to have to share in loans

 

It's great that His money isn't 'his' money, but ours, and vice versa. It's great to have someone that you share your life with.

 

Marriage is not like dating. It's so much deeper. Your husband isn't just your lover, he's your family. He's more your family than your mom is. That's special That's great

 

You might lose your desire for sex once in a while....but the other parts of marriage, in my opinion, make up for it

[EC]

AWe Monday that was soo sweet....

 

May fav part was him sleeping on the couch...

 

My bf sleeps over sometimes and I pretend to be asleep and I catch him just staring at me and he puts my hair behind my ears...

 

Theres just somethign about the way he looks at me those times that takes my breath away...

 

But i snap out of it real quick..no marriage for me for a whiiiile. lol

[lexnmike4enomore]

Before we were married it was about 3 times a week. Now he started a new shift at his job whick is from 12pm-12am. So im asleep before he gets home. AND IM GLAD!!!!

 

Now its down to MAYBE once a week if were not busy on the weekends.

 

But i dont even care!!!! I dont even mind that we only do it that much. Im not losing love am I?

[FolderWife]

No, you're not losing love...in fact, your love may be stronger. You don't have to make love to him as often to feel close to him.

 

Quite frankly, when it comes to sex, I don't want to be bothered. If he touches me, I get 'wet' and that's an uncomfortable feeling if you have clothes on And now that we're married, and on birth control, it's a little messier for me. Before marriage, you could just wipe it off your stomach, or throw away the condom. Now, I have to take a bath, or I gooze for days

 

Also, since some of the excitement is gone, it takes longer to orgasm.

 

Lots of people say sex is better after you get married, but it wasn't for me. However, I LOVE having the option.

 

If you go away for a weekend without him, you'll probably want him when you get back. The other weekend, I left Friday afternoon, and didn't get home in time to call hubby. Then Saturday I was out late, so he was gone camping before I got home. So I didn't get to call him again. I didn't get any time with him the Thursday before I left, because my friend lost her baby, and I spent the evening with her. So by the time Sunday came around, I MISSED HIM!!! I came home to find him watching a movie, so I did some laundry, and he came up behind me, and I wanted him SO BAD!!! So we did it on the laundry...AWESOME! Haven't had it like that since dating.

 

Also, we spent the night at our uncle's, and since it was forbidden, and we needed to be discreet, we couldn't stop ourselves, and we did it on their couch

 

We were going through a slump, but time apart, and nights somewhere you shouldn't be 'allowed' to do it make it sexier. That's all that's missing for you is the excitement.

[flavius]

Sweetheart, it's a little early to be asking if you're "losing love", and a little goofy to be asking a bunch of total strangers. Don't get rattled there on the Jersey Shore, okay? Unfortunately there have been approximately zero useful comments posted for you.

 

What you are experiencing is not uncommon. Your initial message just doesn't begin to explain your situation. I've done marriage counseling for years including sex therapy and there are some insights on this subject might be reassuring for you. Feel free to e-mail me if you'd like some perspective.

[guest]

After reading your post i felt compelled to write a response to save you from some potential problems down the line.

 

I was married, now divorced, but I can clearly remember feeling as strongly as you do that I couldnt care less if we ever had sex again quite early in our marriage. Whilst this was not the only reason we finally split up, it was a major factor. So please please work this out now before it gets too bad.

 

It is a fundamental fact that men need sex in order to feel love and close to their partner. They are wired differently to women. You can find many and better explanations of this fundamental difference between the sexes all over the web.

 

But you can also read many posts in this and other forums about how husbands who are denied sex by their wives end up looking elsewhere to fulfil this need. If you take away his only legitimate access to sex, then you run into the very real possibility that he will seek this elsewhere. If that happened, I would imagine that your family and friends would rally round you, call him all the names under the sun, how could he cheat on you? etc etc...but you will have to face the fact that you contributed to it, because you didnt do anything about this problem when you had the chance early on in your marriage. You denied him access to an incredibly important and basic need that he had a right to expect of his wife.

 

At the very least, and even if your husband is a complete saint and would never stray, this abstinence will create a huge psychological and emotional barrier between you both. This will manifest itself in frequent squabbles, arguments etc etc about insignificant things just because you are not addresing the main problem. And then you really will feel that you do not love eachother any more and maybe lead to divorce.

 

PLEASE DO NOT UNDERESTIMATE THE POTENTIAL SCALE OF THIS PROBLEM! If you want to be married to him for the rest of your life......sort this out now.