latergater Posted May 16, 2013 Share Posted May 16, 2013 Did you go on vacations? Day trips? Dinner once a week? how often did you see your AP? Where did you meet and for how long would you meet? Did you talk on the phone daily? If not, how often? How about texting one another? I am just interested in hearing how and what type of things people did with their AP. I am just curious -- that's all. Thanks everyone. Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted May 16, 2013 Share Posted May 16, 2013 Did you go on vacations? Day trips? Dinner once a week? how often did you see your AP? Where did you meet and for how long would you meet? Did you talk on the phone daily? If not, how often? How about texting one another? I am just interested in hearing how and what type of things people did with their AP. I am just curious -- that's all. Thanks everyone. We met while I was on a visit to my home country and I had gone to a networking type of event. I exchanged IM information with a bunch of people, him including, and it was not at all based on romantic interest at the time. It was long distance but he traveled for work and would see me every couple months, as well as come see me outside of that and I'd travel back to my home country and he'd come stay with me sometimes. Those were our vacations. When he came to see me here is when we were most free and usually it would be for a week or two and he'd stay at my place and we'd do what couples do and do it freely because no one knew him. We talked on the phone daily, emailed, IMed, texted skyped. Because it was long distance a lot of times it didn't feel like an affair and just felt like any other LDR. Because he didn't live here with his SO, there was less hiding, sneaking and anxieties about "being caught" and even in his home country she also didn't live with him. So that really allowed him to essentially have 2 relationships with less logistical planning than if he was someone living with his SO, and we all lived in the same city, and ran in the same circle, and had to try to meet up then. The distance actually worked in HIS favor esp. Link to post Share on other sites
Summer Breeze Posted May 16, 2013 Share Posted May 16, 2013 He knew from the start I wasn't going to be one for a half hour tryst at lunch or stolen moments. We had a couple of trips abroad and did long weekends when we could work them around our business schedules. We spent time with his FOO and with both of our friends. We went to dinner in both of our towns and basically any other normal times out. We texted and emailed probably an average of 30 times a day and either Skyped or spoke 3 or 4 times a day. From my end it was very much like a normal R. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
cocorico Posted May 16, 2013 Share Posted May 16, 2013 Did you go on vacations? Day trips? Dinner once a week? how often did you see your AP? Where did you meet and for how long would you meet? Did you talk on the phone daily? If not, how often? How about texting one another? I am just interested in hearing how and what type of things people did with their AP. I am just curious -- that's all. Thanks everyone. During the A, we would go on holiday together, abroad or locally; we would visit his family; we'd go to movies, for dinner, to gigs and concerts, to visit friends; we'd go to the beach, go hiking, surfing, whisky tasting, parascending, gymming, camping, drawing, cycling, roller blading, ice skating, go down the pub, go for a picnic, go snorkelling, get ice creams, go on road trips, go to conferences, we'd do chores, redecorate, go shopping, work, cook, spend hours talking, have the most amazing sex, watch the stars, eat, walk the dog, swim, lie around and read, debate, walk in the rain, sleep, dance, write poetry, cuddle. We'd be in constant communication - phone, text, email, Skype, IRC, whatsapp, IM - when we were not together. In fact, we did during the A exactly what we do now. Link to post Share on other sites
Got it Posted May 16, 2013 Share Posted May 16, 2013 Did you go on vacations? Day trips? Dinner once a week? how often did you see your AP? Where did you meet and for how long would you meet? Did you talk on the phone daily? If not, how often? How about texting one another? I am just interested in hearing how and what type of things people did with their AP. I am just curious -- that's all. Thanks everyone. We spoke daily via phone and text. We saw each other almost daily, spent 3-4 evenings together, one overnight a week, did vacations, etc. It was pretty much open ended and not a lot of restrictions. I tolerated him being married but had my expectations like I would have with any romantic partner. It was his job to figure out how to make it happen. Link to post Share on other sites
NPP10 Posted May 16, 2013 Share Posted May 16, 2013 Did you go on vacations? Day trips? Dinner once a week? how often did you see your AP? Where did you meet and for how long would you meet? Did you talk on the phone daily? If not, how often? How about texting one another? I am just interested in hearing how and what type of things people did with their AP. I am just curious -- that's all. Thanks everyone. We didn't do any vacations, but we did a day trip here or there. We saw each other usually weekly, at least to meet up for coffee or drinks after work. We would talk on the phone everyday, sometimes multiple times except for weekends/home with BS and kids. Link to post Share on other sites
lilmisscantbewrong Posted May 16, 2013 Share Posted May 16, 2013 No vacations (except with our spouses all together), but dinners, lunches, texting and talking daily, walking in parks, visiting wineries and of course hotel rooms - we were able to get together for some overnights here and there coordinating our travel schedules, etc. We saw each other probably 4 times or so a week including our church obligations. Link to post Share on other sites
Author latergater Posted May 16, 2013 Author Share Posted May 16, 2013 (edited) We met while I was on a visit to my home country and I had gone to a networking type of event. I exchanged IM information with a bunch of people, him including, and it was not at all based on romantic interest at the time. It was long distance but he traveled for work and would see me every couple months, as well as come see me outside of that and I'd travel back to my home country and he'd come stay with me sometimes. Those were our vacations. When he came to see me here is when we were most free and usually it would be for a week or two and he'd stay at my place and we'd do what couples do and do it freely because no one knew him. We talked on the phone daily, emailed, IMed, texted skyped. Because it was long distance a lot of times it didn't feel like an affair and just felt like any other LDR. Because he didn't live here with his SO, there was less hiding, sneaking and anxieties about "being caught" and even in his home country she also didn't live with him. So that really allowed him to essentially have 2 relationships with less logistical planning than if he was someone living with his SO, and we all lived in the same city, and ran in the same circle, and had to try to meet up then. The distance actually worked in HIS favor esp. Geez. Sounds exactly like the guy I was seeing. Edited May 16, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
Author latergater Posted May 16, 2013 Author Share Posted May 16, 2013 It's amazing how these guys could juggle multiple relationships at one time and get away with it without their W or H noticing. I would not be able to get away with it. For one, I would be so stressed about getting caught, I wouldn't be able to function. I find it truly astounding that affairs are possible and people get away with spending so much time away from home only because I work full time and can barely make time for a doctors appointment every so often. When I was involved with my MM, I was single so for me, it was easy to find the time to get away. Thanks, everyone, for sharing. It means a lot. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Realist3 Posted May 16, 2013 Share Posted May 16, 2013 Seems like most of you were/are having quite the time. Being involved with a stay at home MW obviously has many limitations. We see each other almost every day, but in a public setting. We have dates during the day about once every week or so for several hours. We have a shared sport where we see each other. (sometimes we miss games. ) We are pretty much in constant communication during the day, from 'good morning' to 'goodnight'. I had to go look it up, but it amounts to roughly 150 messages a day between us. Link to post Share on other sites
Goodbye Posted May 16, 2013 Share Posted May 16, 2013 (edited) We would talk for hours every day on the phone, and lots of email. Mine was long distance. In the past year, we met of four times, in four different cities for about a week at a time. He would tell his wife it was for business. We would go to museums, dine, talk and spend lots of time together. I should also note that during our first time meeting up, we traveled to bring his recently deceased father's ashes to their resting place. Yes, he asked me to join him in this endeavor. This was part of why I believed his story about the state of his marriage...why he'd involve me in such a meaningful chapter. Now, in my paranoia, I wonder if perhaps he purchased an urn and filled it with ashes from the BBQ pit? Just kidding, sort of. I have so many unanswered questions... Edited May 16, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Merge Link to post Share on other sites
Goodbye Posted May 16, 2013 Share Posted May 16, 2013 Not saying this is your case. But when my brother died I didn't ask anyone to be there when they buried his ashes, because it wasn't meaningful to me. I wasn't having an affair, I just saw no reason for h to take off work or for my kids to miss a day of school for it. Yes, who knows. Could be that it was deeply meaningful...or could be that he was just angling for my sympathies at the onset of the affair. Link to post Share on other sites
Author latergater Posted May 16, 2013 Author Share Posted May 16, 2013 We would talk for hours every day on the phone, and lots of email. Mine was long distance. In the past year, we met of four times, in four different cities for about a week at a time. He would tell his wife it was for business. We would go to museums, dine, talk and spend lots of time together. I should also note that during our first time meeting up, we traveled to bring his recently deceased father's ashes to their resting place. Yes, he asked me to join him in this endeavor. This was part of why I believed his story about the state of his marriage...why he'd involve me in such a meaningful chapter. Now, in my paranoia, I wonder if perhaps he purchased an urn and filled it with ashes from the BBQ pit? Just kidding, sort of. I have so many unanswered questions... SERIOUSLY? That is intense. Wow. What a huge move on his part. I really don't think (HOPE rather) he would do something that VILE. Link to post Share on other sites
Praying4Peace Posted May 16, 2013 Share Posted May 16, 2013 He would call as soon as he left the house in the morning- usually text me a good morning before then. Then we'd talk all day. We'd hang up just to meet real quick- but it always turned into hanging out till 3pm- when school was out. Sometimes lunch, oftentimes just hang out in a parking lot for hours and hours...if the whether was nice a park. I'd also accompany him during errands for work, etc (his home base is his car). We wouldn't see each other in the evenings as much bc we were "underground". We got to spend several nights together in hotels. We'd see movies, anything everything. He's usually find a way to text me at night when everyone was asleep or anytime he woke up in the middle of the night. I loved waking up at 3am to a text... Weekends we didn't see each other much of talk as much as on weekdays. I loved Monday mornings. Link to post Share on other sites
RickFox Posted May 16, 2013 Share Posted May 16, 2013 She'd text me good morning, we'd meet at the school after we dropped our kids off, if her H didn't go to work, we'd get a few kisses in maybe run back to my place or if our spouses went to work we'd start our day date. We'd go into a major city and walk the mall, of hang out locally, wondering who we'd see if they'd see us, so we were careful not to hold hands in town but we were reckless and did it anyways. We'd have lunch, more of back to her place or mine and it was like that almost everyday that I didn't work and even then she'd sneak out of the house and I'd meet up with her while i was at work if I wasn't too busy. Our texts exceeded 11000 one month.... and on average were between 6 and 8000. Truly was an addiction type thing. Link to post Share on other sites
Goodbye Posted May 16, 2013 Share Posted May 16, 2013 She'd text me good morning, we'd meet at the school after we dropped our kids off, if her H didn't go to work, we'd get a few kisses in maybe run back to my place or if our spouses went to work we'd start our day date. We'd go into a major city and walk the mall, of hang out locally, wondering who we'd see if they'd see us, so we were careful not to hold hands in town but we were reckless and did it anyways. We'd have lunch, more of back to her place or mine and it was like that almost everyday that I didn't work and even then she'd sneak out of the house and I'd meet up with her while i was at work if I wasn't too busy. Our texts exceeded 11000 one month.... and on average were between 6 and 8000. Truly was an addiction type thing. That is a lot of texting. Did your wife discover those? Link to post Share on other sites
HonestNeurotic Posted May 16, 2013 Share Posted May 16, 2013 Ex AP had a boat so every other weekend I spent it in the Marina. His wife hated the boat. Never any texting, except to confirm details of when to meet. The summers were great. He's gonna be so lonely this season. I'm not big on talking on the phone and texting all the time. Never have been. Email letters are more my thing. But when the weather is good (I live in Chicagoland and it's RARELY good) I put all the electronic crap away and enjoy the outdoors. Current MM I take hikes with. Eating out or grab a few drinks now and then. If he travels for business, then I accompany him depending on who else in his firm is going. I have friends all over the world so I can find things to during the day while he's stuck in meetings. I usually send him a picture once a day - not of me, but something I saw while taking a walk. A tree or the sky. My new grandbaby. He sends me a short text about once a day, but there's just not much time for all that. I'm kinda a hermit person and keep my phone turned off a lot when I am at home. He does send me love letters, though not as often as when he was "chasing" me. Link to post Share on other sites
So happy together Posted May 16, 2013 Share Posted May 16, 2013 We are long distance for now so we meet up for vacations, etc. Denver, Chicago, NYC, other places... in a week we'll be camping in Kentucky. We talk every morning for an hour or two on the phone, Skype, etc. Lots of texting during the day as well as phone calls, and always chat before bed. I love every minute of it. Link to post Share on other sites
Goodbye Posted May 16, 2013 Share Posted May 16, 2013 We are long distance for now so we meet up for vacations, etc. Denver, Chicago, NYC, other places... in a week we'll be camping in Kentucky. We talk every morning for an hour or two on the phone, Skype, etc. Lots of texting during the day as well as phone calls, and always chat before bed. I love every minute of it. I thought you guys moved in together. Confused. Anyway, that is how my relationship was...meeting up in different cities. I actually liked it. I like a lot of space, so not having someone in my face all the time was perfect. At least something was good.:( Our last week together was in Chicago. Link to post Share on other sites
So happy together Posted May 16, 2013 Share Posted May 16, 2013 I thought you guys moved in together. Confused. Anyway, that is how my relationship was...meeting up in different cities. I actually liked it. I like a lot of space, so not having someone in my face all the time was perfect. At least something was good.:( Our last week together was in Chicago. Not yet. Working on it. Soon. Link to post Share on other sites
wanting more Posted May 17, 2013 Share Posted May 17, 2013 We were co workers for the first 2 years of the A so we saw each other often. We talked daily, texted way too much. We traveled together for business and then also took vacations together. Before the 1st d-day we texted every night and every weekends. We did lunch3-4 times weekly. We met up with other coworkers for dinner and drinks monthly around town. We'd vacation at a couple different beaches once a year. We spent a lot of time together physically or on the phone. After d-day we still did a lot but it was less. His BS started going out of town with him when he'd had to travel to spots she knew we'd been to together. After 2nd d-day he pulled his phone records (hoping she hadn't done it already) and they averaged about 5000 a month. Not proud now how much time I wasted with him. Link to post Share on other sites
RickFox Posted May 17, 2013 Share Posted May 17, 2013 That is a lot of texting. Did your wife discover those? Not discover really, no. She pretty much had it figured out from day one, but she never checked my phone.... I never gave her enough credit and realized I wasn't as slick as I thought I was. Link to post Share on other sites
2sure Posted May 17, 2013 Share Posted May 17, 2013 When I was OW, the affair mainly consisted of communication. Email letters every day, love letters. Phone calls whenever possible. If you can't be with someone, that's what you have, technology. So, there is a lot more of it. We also would go away for a few days to 10 days , like once a month. Dinner out once a week, during the week. Mostly I shopped, lived my life without him. Link to post Share on other sites
cocorico Posted May 17, 2013 Share Posted May 17, 2013 Affairs are something else. Some folks text a 1000 times a day and talk all day long non stop. People in open relationships are almost never that intense. Our post-A communication is pretty much exactly the same as it was during the A. Link to post Share on other sites
Realist3 Posted May 17, 2013 Share Posted May 17, 2013 Affairs are something else. Some folks text a 1000 times a day and talk all day long non stop. People in open relationships are almost never that intense. No wonder breaking up is so devastating. There is certainly an addictive quality about it. Very true about above board relationships. They evolve. Affairs seem to stay at this fever pitch of new love. When you go from all of that attention to zip, it is quite a shock. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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