cre8r Posted May 16, 2013 Share Posted May 16, 2013 I'd like to get some thoughts from others if this should be of a concern. My girlfriend has a male friend she's known for about 10 years, said she was attracted to at one time, loaned him a bunch of money, made out with him at one time but felt it was like "kissing a brother" and didn't pursue the romantic route. I've been introduced to him, however whenever the few times the 3 of us have been together it seems like I'm the 3rd wheel, her attention is strictly on him but to be fair whenever others are involved, her attention is focused on others, male or female. It may be paranoia but I sense she's still got a thing for this guy. I've just returned after a month from being out of town and she's deleted her text's she's had with this guy. During our phone conversations while I was away, she claimed that she hadn't communicated with him. However I snooped and checked her phone and although she deleted the text's she didn't realize the date of the last contact's show up. (I did have her permission to snoop) I asked her about it and she said her guy friend had contacted her and she didn't initiate it. I then probed further on her Iphone using spotlight and was able to get a text she sent saying "U ignoring me?" to him. Calling her out on this, she gave some bs excuse on why she contacted him, saying she was trying to call him and he was with a client. My girl and I started out on a long distance relationship and she claims that she wouldn't want me moving in with her if she has a thing for this guy. And I feel like an ass for snooping but I started to lose trust when I discovered her not being forthright with me on another issue in which I didn't snoop. Bottom line, I feel empty in this relationship, there's been sex one time in the last 2 months, if this guy is truly just a friend, I don't feel there's much difference in the relationship I have with this girl. And I truly don't think she's cheating as she's gone through menopause and doesn't have the sexual appetite others in my past have had. However her deceit is concerning. Any guys have experience with women like this? Women, can you give a female perspective? Link to post Share on other sites
Eggplant Posted May 16, 2013 Share Posted May 16, 2013 Trust your gut instincts. I'm a different person than she perhaps, but when I am in a group of other people, especially when there are men in the group, I make sure to focus on my boyfriend. It's unambiguous where my interest lies, to all involved. Just my philosophy... There are some red flags. She lied to you about her contact with him. Why lie? Don't ignore your sense she likes him. Trust your intuition. As for the post-menopausal thing, I don't have experience. But maybe her sex drive is low just with you... Is it true all women lose interest after 50? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Bryanp Posted May 16, 2013 Share Posted May 16, 2013 If the roles were reversed she would not put up with such disrespect so why are you? It sounds like you are being played. Link to post Share on other sites
Author cre8r Posted May 16, 2013 Author Share Posted May 16, 2013 I'm retracting my menopause statemant, I should have said she never enjoyed sex with her first 2 husbands, never "touched" herself and has never had an orgasm. Also, I don't think she's physically cheating but she does have close male friends that I feel she's spreading herself emotionally with, where she could be focusing more on her relationship with me. She doesn't hang out with them since I've relocated up here with her but she stays in contact by phone and email and looks forward to seeing them when she can. She has no female friends that she stays in contact with like the guys. My relationship with her feels empty and unfullfilling, no warmth, just lip service. Link to post Share on other sites
crederer Posted May 16, 2013 Share Posted May 16, 2013 Having male friends is fine, but why is she lying about being in contact with him is the concerning part. It's sketchy for sure. "he's just a friend" means that a lot of the time. But if he is just a friend why delete the texts? Because she's hiding something. Link to post Share on other sites
Bryanp Posted May 16, 2013 Share Posted May 16, 2013 Those that have nothing to hide - hide nothing. Link to post Share on other sites
Keenly Posted May 16, 2013 Share Posted May 16, 2013 Those that have nothing to hide - hide nothing. This is actually saying "privacy means nothing and you don't deserve it" Even If i wasn't talking to anyone else, I would never just let some one go through my phone, because that establishes a precedent that she can do it whenever she wants, pretty soon I'm having to explain conversations I'm having with my best friends. I've been there. Link to post Share on other sites
Keke1 Posted May 16, 2013 Share Posted May 16, 2013 This is actually saying "privacy means nothing and you don't deserve it" Even If i wasn't talking to anyone else, I would never just let some one go through my phone, because that establishes a precedent that she can do it whenever she wants, pretty soon I'm having to explain conversations I'm having with my best friends. I've been there. Lol no it doesn't. Im not sure how people blindly trust other ppl. What if he doesn't see that message which to me is suspicious? Then he later finds out she actually has been sleeping with the guy. & this has happened before he contracts a disease that he never even asked for? His antennas are at least up. I dont agree with checking the phone but she's deleting messages for a reason. I suggest the guy leaves it or her alone. The trust is about to be gone in this relationship if not already. Link to post Share on other sites
crederer Posted May 16, 2013 Share Posted May 16, 2013 I've never minded when ex's went through my phones. As long as it isn't something constantly happening. Sometimes girls get a little insecure and if looking through my phone now and then makes them feel better, go for it. Now I had an ex that went through my phone ALL THE TIME which pissed me off but then wouldn't let me look at hers. It's cuz she was cheating. Link to post Share on other sites
Author cre8r Posted May 16, 2013 Author Share Posted May 16, 2013 Her reason for "U ignoring me" text was that she tried to call him a few times to ask him if he wanted a crate of corn that she was bringing up from Florida but he wasn't answering the phone. So I asked why didn't you text that you had corn and for him to answer his phone? Bear in mind that all along she claims he contacts her and she never initiates any contact. And it sucks to go through someones phone, I know that. But she has never been forthright, our relationship started off long distance, through our emailing she never mentioned she was married (I assumed divorced or widowed) and when we did meet, she said her and her husband would stay in opposing sections of the house. I'm no saint, I had a live-in but I told everything about my situation. After we met up a second time, she showed me pictures on her computer not realizing that she had pictures of a concert she went to with her husband along with other pictures of them on outings. That's all good and fine but I was lead to believe she was having nothing to do with her husband. Eventually she did divorce him and I moved in with her. The past 1.5 years have been horrible, the karma train has hit me big time. Thanks all for responding and support. Link to post Share on other sites
crederer Posted May 17, 2013 Share Posted May 17, 2013 Hey man, if she was doing it to sell him a crate of corn it's all good. Also, I have a bridge for sale, you wanna buy? Link to post Share on other sites
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