when he is so impatient and distracted, what do you do?

[kami]

i have been with this guy for almost three years now and for the most part things have been good. lately tho i've had some problems and i have needed to talk to him, but he is so inpatient and easily distracted and always in a hurry to do this or do that, that when i try to talk to him i feel so jilted.

 

this has been the only real problem i've had with him but he knows how important "communication" is to me and has been trying to do better, but still i can't talk to him half the time unless i corner him in the morning before we get out of bed, but after that forget it, he is in his own business and personal world the rest of the day which leaves me with absolutely no one to talk to.

 

is this just how guys are? they don't have time or want to hear about things that they can't fix? if so, are there no men at all that will actually sit down and listen to a women without trying to fix things for her?

 

do any men actually have this capability to communicate with a woman? ya know just sit and actively listen and respond without interrupting? if so, i'd love to meet one or at least hear that there is hope for mine........thanx!

[Tony T]

This is one of the main points made in the book, "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus" by John Gray. One of the main messages of the book is that men prefer to fix things and make them right while women, on the other hand, actually need more to be listened to and really don't want to hear about the fixes.

 

Your guy is pretty average when it comes to the above.

 

Where the problem lies is that, over time, if you feel he does not want to listen to you and communicate with you the way you want to be communicated with, you will begin to feel neglected, bitter and rejected. Over time, it could spell the end of the relationship.

 

Now that you understand where men are coming from, you need to pen your guy down and make him understand your needs as a woman. I think there are some audio tapes and perhaps even a video by Dr. John Gray on methods of communication. Put John Gray's name in a good Internet search engine and see if you can find some sources for his books and tapes. You and your guy can look at them together.

 

Your boyfriend needs to learn just how important being listened to is to you. He also needs to know if he doesn't take the time to listen, just listen, that one day you may just decide to depart...and I'm sure he doesn't want that. Do whatever you have to do to inform him before it's too late. Men are real jerks when it comes to understanding this stuff. Most men don't try to learn until there is a crisis or they find themselves alone again.

 

I also suggest you get that book and read it cover to cover yourself. It will go a long way to helping you understand the differences between men and women. Also, Dr. Gray has a number of other excellent books you can browse at a good book store and see if those may be of some help to you as well.

 

Good thing you are working on this in time. A lot of people catch the problem when it is too late and the woman feels so bitter and rejected she is totally through with her relationship yet the man doesn't have a clue what he did wrong. People from Mars are DUH!!!

[Vikki]

Agree wholeheartedly with Tony here. As soon as I read your post I thought of John Grey's book. Go get it, read it, get HIM to read it, that's the biggest hurdle you'll have here. Not only getting him to read it but getting him to really understand. It's just a guy thing, they feel and communicate differently.

 

If he wants a real relationship with you he'll want to do what he can to make things better between you, rather than let things go on as they are.

 

Warm Hugs to You