goneundone Posted May 16, 2013 Share Posted May 16, 2013 I am a single 32 year old xOW... Living alone with my two cats. It's day 6 of NC after my xMM suddenly dumped me only 4 hours after he reassured me that he loved me and was going to divorce his BS (blindsided). I've been having ups and downs, mostly downs.. Today I feel extremely heartsick and lonely and miss him terribly. For me it's not an option to contact him, because my pride refuses, so that's not my concern. I am just lonely and wonder if any of you live alone too? While at home, how do you preoccupy yourself? It is really hard for me because my xMM was my contractor and he did so much work on my house. It's like he's still there. I'm sad and lonely and want to know how other xAP's that live alone cope with a sudden NC. Link to post Share on other sites
So happy together Posted May 16, 2013 Share Posted May 16, 2013 I'm sorry, I don't have any advice, just hugs. I'm so sorry you're going through this. I hope things get better soon. Maybe if being home is really difficult, you should go out more? Be around people? I don't know. I just hope you are okay. Link to post Share on other sites
Snowflower Posted May 17, 2013 Share Posted May 17, 2013 How about going out and getting some physical exercise? You know, after work, hit the gym (join a gym if you have to), the bike trail, run along the beach or in the park, something, anything! Exercise is great! I know it sounds trite...until I tried it. I feel so much better and in control. It fills up your evenings, your weekends, all with the added health benefit and boost to your body image self image. You said you have cats...get a dog! They need to be walked and exercise...there is your perfect motivator. BTW, not an AP but a BW. But, I still understand. (((hugs))) Link to post Share on other sites
Goodbye Posted May 17, 2013 Share Posted May 17, 2013 I'm single too. It is hard. It is hard for me to think of myself in my 40's ever finding love again, after this experience. I do have my kids, as well as my cats to occupy me. I actually think it would be HARDER to be a MOW than a single OW. Can you imagine grieving a loss secretly while in a marriage? And how would you deal with your H wanting affection and all of that. I don't know how MOW do it. No matter your role, affairs just are hard. The secrecy, the betrayal, the intensity...crazy making stuff. Your story is really awful. You were hit over the head with an iron pan. Seriously...what a shocker. Hang in there. You are doing well. Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted May 17, 2013 Share Posted May 17, 2013 Hugs, that's horrible, this is one of the worst pains a human being can feel. I strongly recommend exercise, cleaning your living space, organizing all your dresser drawers, purging fridge, garage and attic, all while playing your favorite music, and then relaxing with pedicures, drinks/dinner with friends, long warm baths, and movie marathons! You will feel better, stay strict NC, take care of yourself! Link to post Share on other sites
spice4life Posted May 17, 2013 Share Posted May 17, 2013 I am a single 32 year old xOW... Living alone with my two cats. It's day 6 of NC after my xMM suddenly dumped me only 4 hours after he reassured me that he loved me and was going to divorce his BS (blindsided). I've been having ups and downs, mostly downs.. Today I feel extremely heartsick and lonely and miss him terribly. For me it's not an option to contact him, because my pride refuses, so that's not my concern. I am just lonely and wonder if any of you live alone too? While at home, how do you preoccupy yourself? It is really hard for me because my xMM was my contractor and he did so much work on my house. It's like he's still there. I'm sad and lonely and want to know how other xAP's that live alone cope with a sudden NC. I have/am going through that. It sucks actually because I'm very sad and depressed about it. I'm just allowing myself to grieve....I hate every minute of it, but I'm just doing it. I'm sitting with the hurt and allowing myself to feel it, so I can get past it once and for all. It makes the grieving more intense and on the other hand it's better I'm alone because it's not something I can talk about with anyone. The last few days have been really tough. Ugh....I have to suck it up and allow myself to get through it though. Don't know if this helps. I guess what I'm trying to say is that being alone allows me to be sad and depressed about it without anyone knowing. Link to post Share on other sites
latergater Posted May 17, 2013 Share Posted May 17, 2013 Hugs, that's horrible, this is one of the worst pains a human being can feel. I strongly recommend exercise, cleaning your living space, organizing all your dresser drawers, purging fridge, garage and attic, all while playing your favorite music, and then relaxing with pedicures, drinks/dinner with friends, long warm baths, and movie marathons! You will feel better, stay strict NC, take care of yourself! I too am single and in the same situation as you are. I found myself feeling so lonely and sad when I was home. So, I have been working out like a crazy woman. I take long walks and think .. for hours. It makes me feel great. Literally, I go walk .. for hours. Get out of the house. Whatever you do .. just get out. The pain is much worse when you are alone at home. At least outside you are surrounded with other people, even if they are strangers. I am promising you. It helps. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
zevahc Posted May 17, 2013 Share Posted May 17, 2013 I'm also a singe...but the OM. I am a single parent, so often I find I can't just leave the house. It's been tough. I took my kid to school today, then came back home (called in sick to work), and let myself break open the floodgates. I cried off and on for a solid 30 minutes. It was odd because even driving my kid to school I found myself so out of it and depressed...so in the short 10 minute drive I started asking her how she is, is she excited for her day etc..., and it breifly distracted me. So I am going to commit myself to being a better parent. I want to pull my crap together and focus on being a quality parent. I'm normally good...but this crap has definitely effected me. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
sybo24 Posted May 17, 2013 Share Posted May 17, 2013 Hugs, that's horrible, this is one of the worst pains a human being can feel. I strongly recommend exercise, cleaning your living space, organizing all your dresser drawers, purging fridge, garage and attic, all while playing your favorite music, and then relaxing with pedicures, drinks/dinner with friends, long warm baths, and movie marathons! You will feel better, stay strict NC, take care of yourself! I have to say that this is exactly what I am doing, my home has never been so clean, my garage spotless, I am building myself up to start excercising as I know that this will make me feel better and boost my selfestem. At least something good is coming out of NC Link to post Share on other sites
Goodbye Posted May 17, 2013 Share Posted May 17, 2013 Hope you are doing better today. I feel for you. It would also help if you could turn some of the sadness into anger. There is a lot of betrayal in your story. Let it fuel you to make positive change in your own life. I agree with the others that this could be a time to sink yourself into projects. Distract yourself and you will heal and have a sense of accomplishment. I've been in an emotional rut and have been sleeping a lot. A lot is an overstatement...only so much sleep can be had with 3 kids. But, I haven't been using my time in a healthy way. I am going to start to do that. Everyone seems to indicate it helps in the grieving process. Link to post Share on other sites
Author goneundone Posted May 17, 2013 Author Share Posted May 17, 2013 Hey guys thanks for your replies. Yes, I need to start working out like crazy. I think I will start on Monday. lol. Lastnight, though it's probably not the best thing to do.. I went to my favorite bar. It's like Cheers, I've been going there for the past 7 years and know all the regulars and bar tenders.. plus they brew their own beer so it's delicious. I've scheduled distractions for the weekend! I have my mom and sisters coming to stay with me to help me finish my house. I'm going to put them to work on painting trim. I have another friend coming Saturday morning to help me have a garage sell. So I will have people here helping me!!! I think I am feeling better today. I made it through my first week! I agree maybe it would be worse to have people living here because then I would have to grieve secretly. Here I get to walk around like a zombie and no one can see. HAPPY FRIDAY ALL! Thanks for all your help. I really appreciate hearing all your stories, and knowing that we can help eachother overcome. Link to post Share on other sites
LoveBitesButSoDoI Posted May 17, 2013 Share Posted May 17, 2013 (edited) To be honest with you, I simply didn't cope. I spent 9 months in bed until some of my energy came back. Once some of my energy came back, I got an annual pass to the gym as well as the tanning bed. Both have helped me tremendously. I would've never been ready for all that only 6 days out from D-Day though, but everyone's different. Buckle up because if you are anything like me, it's going to be a wild ride of highs & lows, mostly exhausting lows. Edited May 18, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts