McGriff Posted May 17, 2013 Share Posted May 17, 2013 Ok, so the ex has been texting and calling since i got back from my trip like when we were together. She just asked if I could take off from work early tomorrow and come to my house to lay out by the pool, and drink fruity drinks. Of course I'm feeling good about it. I did get her and her son a gift from the trip, so we'll see how that goes over. I'm really gonna play it cool and not push anything. I'll keep you all posted... Link to post Share on other sites
HuffmanMontana Posted May 17, 2013 Share Posted May 17, 2013 Ok, so the ex has been texting and calling since i got back from my trip like when we were together. She just asked if I could take off from work early tomorrow and come to my house to lay out by the pool, and drink fruity drinks. Of course I'm feeling good about it. I did get her and her son a gift from the trip, so we'll see how that goes over. I'm really gonna play it cool and not push anything. I'll keep you all posted... LOL, come on man. Why are you doing this to yourself. You just keep making yourself look more and more desperate. Link to post Share on other sites
Author McGriff Posted May 17, 2013 Author Share Posted May 17, 2013 Huffman, No desperation here. She's chasing me. I still don't initiate anything. Link to post Share on other sites
HuffmanMontana Posted May 17, 2013 Share Posted May 17, 2013 Huffman, No desperation here. She's chasing me. I still don't initiate anything. You don't get it. She is NOT chasing you. She's using your availability to feed her ego. Free drinks and using your pool - free Club Med Link to post Share on other sites
KatZee Posted May 17, 2013 Share Posted May 17, 2013 (edited) Huffman, No desperation here. She's chasing me. I still don't initiate anything. The desperation REEKS. It doesn't matter that you're not initiating. At the end of the day, all you're telling her is, "hey you dumped me. That's cool. I'll still suck up all the breadcrumbs you toss at me, b/c that's all I think I'm worth." Using your pool and having drinks doesn't mean she wants you back. It means she has you right where she wants you, eating out of the palm of her hand. Sad. She snaps her fingers, you run. EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. Edited May 17, 2013 by KatZee 1 Link to post Share on other sites
imtooconfused Posted May 17, 2013 Share Posted May 17, 2013 I will be blunt to hopefully get this through your head. Your EX is doing the female equivalent of co*K blocking you. In an earlier thread you admitted there are other women pursuing you but you intentionally put them on the back burner, because you are keeping your options open for someone who openly tells you that you are not her type. She will never want you back in a relationship like before. It's never going to happen. But at the same time she resents you having the ability to move on, so she breadcrumbs you to death. Score a big win for your EX preventing you from really being happy in the long run. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
cavalier99 Posted May 17, 2013 Share Posted May 17, 2013 But what if Mcgriff just doent care much and just wants to bang her and not get back together. I dont see the problem unless he is suffering. Id be very clear though that all this pool stuff is contingent upon at least a bj. Awaiting backlash! Lol cav 3 Link to post Share on other sites
youngnlove89 Posted May 17, 2013 Share Posted May 17, 2013 So I'm curious, when is it "okay" for an ex to come back? Disregard myself from this question (because we all know my ex is a butt and no way in hell can he ever change), but it can't be that way for everyone, can it? Maybe I'm not familiar with McGriff's situation. Did she cheat? Lie? Leave you for another guy? Or did she dump you, found out she made a mistake, and now what's to try and fix it? If she didn't treat you right and you are going to still meet with her then sometimes you just have to make that mistake to learn...because obviously the last time wasn't enough. The heart wants what the heart wants and is in no disposition to listen to what any of us have to say. We have all been there. And we all learned our lesson the hard way. He still wants her, so let him see for himself what she wants. Hopefully he doesn't get hurt, but hey, we are the bystanders and he is the deer in headlights. We might know what will happen, but he has to find out for himself, for his own sake. I do wish you the best and I hope you get what you want McGriff. Keep us updated! Crossing my fingers for you! Link to post Share on other sites
mtnbiker3000 Posted May 17, 2013 Share Posted May 17, 2013 I dunno McG... I have to agree with the others. Bad idea. Initiate or not. Doesn't matter. Bad idea... I hope you know what you're doing Link to post Share on other sites
Author McGriff Posted May 17, 2013 Author Share Posted May 17, 2013 "Reeks of desperation"? Haha---that hit me. This woman definitely has me on the hook. I'll succumb this time, as this will tell me alot of where her head is at. HOPEFULLY, you're wrong, but probably not. If you're right, I'll eat a large slice of humble pie, and say I got played. Epically. I may even high five her. I did meet someone on the cruiseship...so onwards we go. Link to post Share on other sites
Author McGriff Posted May 17, 2013 Author Share Posted May 17, 2013 So I'm curious, when is it "okay" for an ex to come back? Disregard myself from this question (because we all know my ex is a butt and no way in hell can he ever change), but it can't be that way for everyone, can it? Maybe I'm not familiar with McGriff's situation. Did she cheat? Lie? Leave you for another guy? Or did she dump you, found out she made a mistake, and now what's to try and fix it? If she didn't treat you right and you are going to still meet with her then sometimes you just have to make that mistake to learn...because obviously the last time wasn't enough. The heart wants what the heart wants and is in no disposition to listen to what any of us have to say. We have all been there. And we all learned our lesson the hard way. He still wants her, so let him see for himself what she wants. Hopefully he doesn't get hurt, but hey, we are the bystanders and he is the deer in headlights. We might know what will happen, but he has to find out for himself, for his own sake. I do wish you the best and I hope you get what you want McGriff. Keep us updated! Crossing my fingers for you! Thank you. What can I say? I'm in love with the woman. She did not cheat or lie. She broke up with me shortly after valentines day and started dating a guy in march, but he cheated on her after like three weeks. Thanks dude! Anyway, I love the deer in the headlights thing, while you guys watch---haha, that made me laugh! Hopefully, I don't get run smack dab over with all if you watching! Haha. Thanks again! Link to post Share on other sites
cavalier99 Posted May 17, 2013 Share Posted May 17, 2013 "Reeks of desperation"? Haha---that hit me. This woman definitely has me on the hook. I'll succumb this time, as this will tell me alot of where her head is at. HOPEFULLY, you're wrong, but probably not. If you're right, I'll eat a large slice of humble pie, and say I got played. Epically. I may even high five her. I did meet someone on the cruiseship...so onwards we go. Hmmm. Its probably is stupid to see her because you do care still. Just never talk to her again after tommorow. Cav Link to post Share on other sites
aisuru Posted May 17, 2013 Share Posted May 17, 2013 Eh, just have fun. It is what it is. Not gonna lie, if my ex called me to ride bikes to the beach this weekend, I'd go. I'm not even sure if I would want him back at this point. I enjoy his company and would be curious to see what happened as well. Link to post Share on other sites
mtnbiker3000 Posted May 17, 2013 Share Posted May 17, 2013 Eh, just have fun. It is what it is. Not gonna lie, if my ex called me to ride bikes to the beach this weekend, I'd go. I'm not even sure if I would want him back at this point. I enjoy his company and would be curious to see what happened as well. Man, you guys are way stronger than me. I cannot see my ex at this point and I absolutely do NOT want to know what she is up to. Don't know how you do it?? BTW - 60 days of 99% NC - 23 days of 100% NC Link to post Share on other sites
Author McGriff Posted May 17, 2013 Author Share Posted May 17, 2013 Aisuru, I think most people would. I mean, I'm gonna get a lot of answers. Plus, I think the fact that I've been able to be cool and just shown her i can live my life with or without her, has kind of built up her attraction again. And I will continue to do so. Date others, take trips, do my thing regardless of whether she wants to be a part or not. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
aisuru Posted May 17, 2013 Share Posted May 17, 2013 Man, you guys are way stronger than me. I cannot see my ex at this point and I absolutely do NOT want to know what she is up to. Don't know how you do it?? BTW - 60 days of 99% NC - 23 days of 100% NC Meh, this is the first breakup in my entire life that there hasn't been some back and forth, hanging out, or post breakup sex. All of those things in the past, while confusing helped me get over the breakups, weirdly enough. I'm two months broken up now (I just realized the date, hah) and haven't seen him in almost 4 weeks. I would be nervous if I saw him at first, but I wouldn't beg, please, borrow, or steal just to get him back with me. I need this space right now. It's been sooooo good for me. We both probably needed the breathing room. Doesn't mean I don't miss him. Link to post Share on other sites
mtnbiker3000 Posted May 17, 2013 Share Posted May 17, 2013 Meh, this is the first breakup in my entire life that there hasn't been some back and forth, hanging out, or post breakup sex. All of those things in the past, while confusing helped me get over the breakups, weirdly enough. I'm two months broken up now (I just realized the date, hah) and haven't seen him in almost 4 weeks. I would be nervous if I saw him at first, but I wouldn't beg, please, borrow, or steal just to get him back with me. I need this space right now. It's been sooooo good for me. We both probably needed the breathing room. Doesn't mean I don't miss him. I miss the sh*t out of my ex. Especially the texting throughout the work day and small things like that. Like I said though, I could NOT deal with seeing, having sex with or anything having to do with her at this point. She's my drug and I need detox. Bad!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author McGriff Posted May 17, 2013 Author Share Posted May 17, 2013 I miss the sh*t out of my ex. Especially the texting throughout the work day and small things like that. Like I said though, I could NOT deal with seeing, having sex with or anything having to do with her at this point. She's my drug and I need detox. Bad!!! See, now I think you feel that way because you still have her on a pedestal. She's only human, takes nasty sh*ts like everybody else. I love my ex like crazy, but I'll never be intimidated by her. Your ex is not better than you. I've hung out with my ex a couple times since the BU, and at first I thought I would be in awe or whatever, but she had a pimple on her chin she tried to hide with makeup, and I immediately called her out on it. Kind of evened the playing field a little bit. She was all insecure about it for the rest of the day. Haha. Seriously, they are only human, and have all the same nervous energy you do. Always be true to yourself. They once loved you like crazy, so there's no reason to be weak around them. Link to post Share on other sites
mtnbiker3000 Posted May 17, 2013 Share Posted May 17, 2013 (edited) See, now I think you feel that way because you still have her on a pedestal. She's only human, takes nasty sh*ts like everybody else. I love my ex like crazy, but I'll never be intimidated by her. Your ex is not better than you. I've hung out with my ex a couple times since the BU, and at first I thought I would be in awe or whatever, but she had a pimple on her chin she tried to hide with makeup, and I immediately called her out on it. Kind of evened the playing field a little bit. She was all insecure about it for the rest of the day. Haha. Seriously, they are only human, and have all the same nervous energy you do. Always be true to yourself. They once loved you like crazy, so there's no reason to be weak around them. Yeah, I get what you are saying. And nasty sh*ts? She had me beat in that category. Girl could blow up a toilet with the best of 'em. Ha!! You know though, you are right about pedestalizing her. I try not to, but she does have me beat in a couple of key aspects of life. I'm working on making changes, but she has some real natural ability in two areas that make her pretty awesome. I know, I know... That is self-defeating thinking. But I am also a realist, and the girl has it where it counts... 1. She is a talented, passionate, skilled and educated artist. Always crating awesome art of all kinds. BTW - she is an art teacher which is how we met, as I am also a teacher... 2. She is an acomplished and decorated collegate swimmer. Holds a school record at a California State University. Also the swim coach ar her school... Edited May 17, 2013 by mtnbiker3000 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author McGriff Posted May 17, 2013 Author Share Posted May 17, 2013 Yeah, I get what you are saying. And nasty sh*ts? She had me beat in that category. Girl could blow up a toilet with the best of 'em. Ha!! You know though, you are right about pedestalizing her. I try not to, but she does have me beat in a couple of key aspects of life. I'm working on making changes, but she has some real natural ability in two areas that make her pretty awesome. I know, I know... That is self-defeating thinking. But I am also a realist, and the girl has it where it counts... Haha---I laughed out loud!! Look, my ex has a body that just turns heads everywhere we go. It's kind of embarrassing really. And she is beautiful, great hair etc, all that shallow stuff...plus she's alot younger than me. Still, I've never felt like I didn't "deserve" her. You kind of sound like that's the way you feel. You didn't deserve, but that's b*ll****. I don't care if she's the queen of England, she is no better than you. You bring something to the table, that's why she was with you for all that time. Next time you see her (if you ever do), just comment something negative (in a playful, not hurtful way), and you will see that she is probably just as insecure about things as you may be. It works. I know I sound like an *******, but I don't do it to be hurtful. I just want to even the playing field a bit. Hell, she broke up with you, she's probably thinking you're all butthurt over her (and you are), but never show it. Never!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted May 17, 2013 Share Posted May 17, 2013 Dude...really? She threw you under the bus and told you that you are not the one for her. I don't know what to say.... I mean, she really didn't even apologize for the way she treated you with any form of true sincerity. You just ate up all the breadcrumbs until she muscled her way back into your life. Have you had the talk about where this is going? What she can do to repair the past or even set up your boundaries? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mtnbiker3000 Posted May 17, 2013 Share Posted May 17, 2013 Haha---I laughed out loud!! Look, my ex has a body that just turns heads everywhere we go. It's kind of embarrassing really. And she is beautiful, great hair etc, all that shallow stuff...plus she's alot younger than me. Still, I've never felt like I didn't "deserve" her. You kind of sound like that's the way you feel. You didn't deserve, but that's b*ll****. I don't care if she's the queen of England, she is no better than you. You bring something to the table, that's why she was with you for all that time. Next time you see her (if you ever do), just comment something negative (in a playful, not hurtful way), and you will see that she is probably just as insecure about things as you may be. It works. I know I sound like an *******, but I don't do it to be hurtful. I just want to even the playing field a bit. Hell, she broke up with you, she's probably thinking you're all butthurt over her (and you are), but never show it. Never!! I totally get what you are saying. Yeah, I kind of do feel like I don't/didn't desreve her. Like I got lucky with her, but then my luck ran out. Also very beautiful, sexy and overall just hot!! And 10 years younger than me... It sucks!! I know I shouldn't feel like this, but I do... It's funny, I think I feel like she is hotter than she thinks herself is... I mean, I know she wasn't perfect, and she could have treated me better. I treated her great. But we had a lot of incompatabilities due to her extreme right brain, artistic mind. We just weren' good for eachother... And... uh... hmmm... I don't even know where I was going with this Link to post Share on other sites
aisuru Posted May 17, 2013 Share Posted May 17, 2013 I miss the sh*t out of my ex. Especially the texting throughout the work day and small things like that. Like I said though, I could NOT deal with seeing, having sex with or anything having to do with her at this point. She's my drug and I need detox. Bad!!! Yeah, we weren't crazy texters during our relationship which was fine by me. I actually really focus on my work when I'm, you know, working. Same for him. So that doesn't bother me. What is lonely is that we slept together every night, we ran or biked at least every other day together, we worked out at the same gym often together, we saw each other every night, and did everything together. EVERYTHING. Oh, have I mentioned we live two blocks away from each other? Yeah.... I don't even go to my favorite dive bar right now since that's where we met last year and he might be there. Hmph. Link to post Share on other sites
Author McGriff Posted May 17, 2013 Author Share Posted May 17, 2013 (edited) Dude...really? She threw you under the bus and told you that you are not the one for her. I don't know what to say.... I mean, she really didn't even apologize for the way she treated you with any form of true sincerity. You just ate up all the breadcrumbs until she muscled her way back into your life. Have you had the talk about where this is going? What she can do to repair the past or even set up your boundaries? Chitown, Here's the way I look at it...I know the "textbook" way is to NC until you heal or get "the email" or text, depending on what you're choice is. In a perfect world, that would be great. But this world ain't perfect. It's coming, or it's not. Her interest in me is high again, and yeah she dumped me 3 months ago like yesterday's trash. BUT, I know she made a mistake, and I'm confident she knows that too. I did almost everything right in our relationship, and got rewarded by being dumped and feeling like sh*t for a couple months. It happens. People are people. They do inexplicable things everyday. She may not come back to me, but I'm gonna give her every opportunity. I like my chances, because she knows I adore her and will treat her and her son right. That makes ME feel good, even if she goes away. So I have nothing to lose. I'm gonna be fine either way. I've learned alot from people on this site. Some info I followed, some I ignored, but I respect everyone's opinions, especially yours. I've learned that I have a great life, great kids, and alot to be thankful for. Some people on here would kill to have the opportunity to have a moment with their ex. Some couldn't give a sh*t. I consider myself lucky, whatever happens. Edited May 17, 2013 by McGriff Link to post Share on other sites
aisuru Posted May 17, 2013 Share Posted May 17, 2013 Here's the way I look at it...I know the "textbook" way is to NC until you heal or get "the email" or text, depending on what you're choice is. In a perfect world, that would be great. But this world ain't perfect. It's coming, or it's not. So I have nothing to lose. I'm gonna be fine either way. I've learned alot from people on this site. Some info I followed, some I ignored, but I respect everyone's opinions, especially yours. Some people on here would kill to have the opportunity to have a moment with their ex. Some couldn't give a sh*t. I consider myself lucky, whatever happens. Yep. I get it. Link to post Share on other sites
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