How to not come on too strong?

[Tinie]

There's this guy I'm interested in, and I suspect he's interested in me. How do I show my interest without scaring him away by coming on too strong? And if that happens, is there a chance that he'll think I'm weird or gross for expressing my interest in him? I'm 20, and I think he's a tad older, but not by much. He seems very mature to me. And he treats me very well, he's so sweet to me. I don't think he'll be obnoxious if I show interest. I'm just worried I'll look like I fool since I don't even know if he's in a relationship (we mostly talk about our classes and research, but I think that's because we're both a bit socially awkward and that's the most comfortable topic).

[will1988]

This isn't the guy working on his Doctorate, is it? If so, that ship has sailed.

 

Now, if this is a new guy follow the following steps. Just start having casual conversation with him. Under no circumstances are you to tell him you like him, let alone love him (which I doubt you do, but some people say it without thinking sometimes and shoot themselves in the foot), unless you two start dating and a time has passed. If you want to ask him out, because you feel like you two are vibing well together, then ask him to something casual. Ask him if he wants to go to get coffee, or get a drink, or do something on campus (for example: does he like raquet ball, pool, tennis etc...? if so, ask him if he wants to do whatever it is with you one day). Make sure you actually have the free time to do it. You are a busy girl, and timing was not right with the Doctoral guy. If he says a certain time that does not work well for you, give him an alternative date and time. Do not tell him some other time or maybe later. Most guys will take this a sign of not being interested, one of the reasons I believe that Doc moved on. So make sure to set up a different time, don't just give him a very broad answer. Then just be yourself, flert a little, and keep things casual. If you two do hit it off, and he does go on a date with you, than still keep things casual for a little while longer. If you see that things are progessing, then you can start moving in to the deep end of the emotional pool with this guy. Guys do not like girls that seem to come off as too strong, as i am sure girls don't like guys that act that way either. If he does give you a date, please do not talk about merriage, kids, love etc... you will thuroughly spook this guy. I went on a date once, a long time ago, with a girl right before freshman year of college, and she was going to the same college and we met online. She was already talking about us being the cool couple on campus and talking about our wedding after we gradute and then kids a few years later. I have never rushed through a date so fast in my entire life. I was thuroughly creeped out. I am not saying you will act in any way close to this, but just in case those thought pop in to your head, keep them to yourself. Just keep it fun, light, casual, and be your self.

 

Good luck!

[Tinie]

Well hello again, Will.

 

Nope, this guy's in undergrad. I wasn't planning on telling him anything of the sort because I unfortunately have shot myself in the foot that way, and yes it was because I wasn't thinking and stupidly sent a text on impulse. The situation was kind of complicated to begin with, I don't want to get into it now.

 

The reason I'm entertaining this now it's because I definitely DO have free time. My weekends are free, and it is easier to coordinate my lunch break with this guy since we are in the same office.

 

Ok, light, fun, casual. I think I got it. I'm just hoping I don't come off as some hopeless desperado, but at the same time, I want to show interest. It's hard, since I think I tend to be so afraid of looking desperate that I overcompensate and look disinterested instead. I'll just try to be myself. And confident? That's not too strong, I think? He's an introvert, very quiet and calm and shy. I don't want to scare him off with my wildness or something.

 

And no way am I going to be talking about marriage. I am in NO way ready to be married or anything. That girl you were dating needs to slow her horses otherwise she'll scare off every guy within a 10 mile radius!

[creighton0123]

Is he a baby rabbit?

 

"I'm interested in you. Would you like to go out on a date sometime?" usually does the trick. Not scary. Not coming on too strong. Straight forward and to the point...

[Tinie]

Do girls not usually ask this question then? I think my circumstances are a bit different...

[Tinie]

@T3h L337 d00d- Hm, wouldn't that be putting him on the spot?

 

@H8TheCardsIWasDealt- try being in a faculty where there are 5 guys to one girl ratio and most of the dateworthy guys are good-looking, brilliant, introverted wimps.

[Tinie]

You're the one who likes wimps so maybe it will be fun to put them on the spot. It keeps you off the spot sort of right?

 

That's because they are very intelligent wimps. Brilliance is an attractive quality.

 

Indeed, I suppose I'm just not wanting to look like a fool. I've looked like a fool and thrown myself under the bus far too many times. Mostly because I know what I want and I'm not afraid to go get it. If it's chasing after a guy, it's usually a guy who isn't interested. Or he's acting like he's interested, with all his flirting and chivalry, and then I find out he's taken.

[SaintNick]

us guys have feelings too we are not robots, why is it more socially acceptable for girls to hate rejection then it is for guys?

 

Dude AMEN to this...I just got rejected by a girl that I felt chemistry with and she didn't. Woman or man, it still SUCKS to hear from someone that you're not the person for them.