Is the green eyed monster appearing?

[Emmii]

My and fwb have started sleeping with each other again. He's recently been showing the green eyed monster. I went out with a friend and he asked me if I'd pulled? When I said no and that I was with a male friend he said what about him? I told him his married and left it at that.

But when I went over to his on the night he was questioning about my male and how his wife feels. I explained to him that I have more make friends than females. He asked how I'd feel if he went out with his friends girlfriend and I told him I'd be fine with it.

A few days later I went out with some girls and he knew that. The next day he rang me asking for a lift. When I went over he couldn't keep his hands off me. I told him I wasn't in the mood and he said don't you want me anymore? I told him I was tired. He then went over to my lady bits and asked if anyone had been there? I just looked at him in shock and told him to get off me. I gave him cuddle and kiss and left it as that.

I texted him to see how he was as he was on his annual leave. He said massaging me things like beautiful in spainsh and I would respond back. Then he texted me something I wasn't expecting. He wrote I love you. I just joking wrote back saying everyone says that. I got no response.

The day he wanted me to come over to hang out with I did. When I asked him if he knew what he'd texted he didn't answer instead changed the subject by asking me what I thought and said did I laugh. I told him I thought it was funny as I didn't feel you wrote it and being as thou you like having a laugh I just laughed it off. His face dropped. Why did write that? What's happening with him? I'm so confused by it all ! Is it another silly game?

[tbf]

Why not ask him if he's looking for more than an FWB? If so and you want this too, move your relationship to the next level. If not, then it's time to express this too and clearly define exactly what an FWB entails.

 

As far as the meaning of his behaviour, he might be feeling competitive which has less to do with you and more to do with his insecurities and male pride. Or maybe he really does care more than he's letting on.

[Emmii]

Each time I've asked him when he wants he says I'm confused. He was talking about when he'd done last night. Avoids the subject. He felt the need to reassure me that there wasn't anyone else even thou I've said to him if he has found someone he can go. The I love you? What's that all about? It was totally out of the blue.

[tbf]

The ILY wasn't in the original post. If he's being ambiguous and refusing to define or is confused, you're in for a rocky ride.

 

Nowhere have you defined what you want. What do you want? The continuation of an FWB or an exclusive relationship?

[Emmii]

At the moment I'm happy the way things are. I get to spend time with a man who's fun and still be able to live my life as a single women. But since he wrote that text his made me question how his feeling towards me. A few months ago he ended it as he said he didn't wanna hurt me and cared about me. Then all of a sudden he started questioning me, if he'd been with anyone else. Now his making me confused as to whether to continue or not.

[tbf]

What's his understanding of your desire to maintain an FWB? What would happen if he admitted to wanting more than an FWB?

[Emmii]

For me it's hanging out once a week and just chatting and having some sexy time. We have to be honest to each other if we have met anyone. No personal questions.

Recently his wanting to see me more and he has started asking me questions when I go, about my family and if I'm talking to men he will wont come over to talk to me unless I'm on my own. He very touchy and leans into me to make sure that others know there's something between us.

To be honest I've been so guarded that I feel that will not happen so I've never thought about it. It kind of scares me as I'm commitment phobic as I've been hurt so badly. I'm dismissive of anything he says to me.

[JenFree2013]

well, you can always tell the situation to him. I guess he got the right to know if he ask. I guess blocking communication have a great deal of making things to fall so be brave to say it and be firm about it.

[JenFree2013]

:) :) ... you can do this... :) Edited May 21, 2013 by JenFree2013

[Emmii]

Everytime I've tried to ask him what he wants he changes the subject or just says I'm confused. Yet his behavior says something else. I'm very much guarded and don't feel the need to tell him anything yet he does.

He's been trying to get me jealous and get a reaction and I've told him I'm not the jealous type.

Where as he is. He got jealous when I met up with a friend for drinks and asked me so many questions. If I'd pulled. If me and my friend got it on. Did I meet anyone?

I never ask him . I've told him to be honest if he meets someone to let me know and I wish him the best.

[stillafool]

My and fwb have started sleeping with each other again. He's recently been showing the green eyed monster. I went out with a friend and he asked me if I'd pulled? When I said no and that I was with a male friend he said what about him? I told him his married and left it at that.

But when I went over to his on the night he was questioning about my male and how his wife feels. I explained to him that I have more make friends than females. He asked how I'd feel if he went out with his friends girlfriend and I told him I'd be fine with it.

A few days later I went out with some girls and he knew that. The next day he rang me asking for a lift. When I went over he couldn't keep his hands off me. I told him I wasn't in the mood and he said don't you want me anymore? I told him I was tired. He then went over to my lady bits and asked if anyone had been there? I just looked at him in shock and told him to get off me. I gave him cuddle and kiss and left it as that.

I texted him to see how he was as he was on his annual leave. He said massaging me things like beautiful in spainsh and I would respond back. Then he texted me something I wasn't expecting. He wrote I love you. I just joking wrote back saying everyone says that. I got no response.

The day he wanted me to come over to hang out with I did. When I asked him if he knew what he'd texted he didn't answer instead changed the subject by asking me what I thought and said did I laugh. I told him I thought it was funny as I didn't feel you wrote it and being as thou you like having a laugh I just laughed it off. His face dropped. Why did write that? What's happening with him? I'm so confused by it all ! Is it another silly game?

 

 

C'mon I think you already know the answer to that question. He is developing feelings for you. I guess it's time to find another FWB to replace him.

[Emmii]

To be honest I've got tunnel vision as he didn't want anything serious and just what it is fwb. I've just put it down to silly behavior. As I was lead to believe that it's always women who develop feelings. He use to text a lot but now it's now and then. If he's not seen me at work ( we work on different floors but he pops by to say hi) but that's stopped a little.

I found out today that this girl I over heard him talk about to a friend is interested in him and I told our mutual friend who knows what's happening that his free to do what he wants to. I'm not his girlfriend. He's not to me about it. I thought when men say things they mean them?

[imtooconfused]

To be honest I've got tunnel vision as he didn't want anything serious and just what it is fwb. I've just put it down to silly behavior. As I was lead to believe that it's always women who develop feelings.

 

Guys do fall for women on occasion. I think that's why he's so shocked that you don't have more feelings for him. As to why he would say one thing and feel a different way... Perhaps he was just trying to say what he thought YOU wanted to hear. YOU: "You just want to be FWB right?" HIM: "Ummm, yeah sure that would be great!"

 

And FWIW, isn't it said that it's always the man who wants to remain FWB. You both have mixed each other up by going against the norm.

[Emmii]

Guys fall for women on occasion. I think that's why he's so shocked that you don't have more feelings for him. As to why he would say one thing and feel a different way... Perhaps he was just trying to say what he thought YOU wanted to hear. YOU: "You just want to be FWB right?" HIM: "Ummm, yeah sure that would be great!"

 

And FWIW, isn't it said that it's always the man who wants to remain FWB. You both have mixed each other up by going against the norm.

 

I'm confused too. I'm protecting myself. It was him who said that he wanted fwb I told him I was looking for a relationship and if I find someone who wants one I'll go.

But recently his been so insecure about his physique that I'm having to tell him how much I like it. I really enjoy my time with him. I don't know where this is going? He was able to tell me I love you in Spanish whether it was a joke or not I feel he should be able to tell me how he feels. He's known me long enough.

[Emmii]

I was told by our mutual friend we turn to that he is expecting me to show him that I care. I feel his moved the goal post. He wants me to behave like the other girls have and I can't do it as in not with him. I'm just confused by what he wants.

[ShannAT]

Seems he's jealous. It's one of those situations where he may not want to be in a relationship with you, but doesn't want you to be with anyone else either. At the same time, it seems that he wants you to feel more for him, like he thought you felt more for him. He probably developed feelings for you and is confused on how to go about the FWB situation considering you like being single.

[Emmii]

Seems he's jealous. It's one of those situations where he may not want to be in a relationship with you, but doesn't want you to be with anyone else either. At the same time, it seems that he wants you to feel more for him, like he thought you felt more for him. He probably developed feelings for you and is confused on how to go about the FWB situation considering you like being single.

 

How do I deal with this? I don't wanna hurt him but at the same time I'm not ready to commit. He was the one set all the rules as to how and what he wanted and didn't want. I'm a little taken back now with his behavior.

[ShannAT]

You should sit down and talk it out. I know you've asked him before and he's just confusing you some more, but I think you should talk again. If he really has feelings for you and you like being single, maybe the FWB situation is just going to mess with him more. If you like him as a friend, maybe it's safe to stop the FWB situation and find someone else to have a no strings attached situation with.

 

And it's just not okay for him to constantly be wondering where you are and who you're with because he's not your boyfriend first off, and it shouldn't bother him so much. You're single and you can hang out with whoever you'd like and you're completely aware of that.

 

Ultimately, it's up to you if you want to continue the FWB or call it off. I just don't see him backing off with this jealousy thing that easily if it keeps going. I think boundaries need to be reset. I know it was his idea to begin with, but feelings happen. The FWB situation may just hurt him some more and he's got these feelings that you're not really reciprocating. It's up to you to make the right choice for you at the end of the day.

Edited May 26, 2013 by ShannAT

[Emmii]

Ultimately, it's up to you if you want to continue the FWB or call it off. I just don't see him backing off with this jealousy thing that easily if it keeps going. I think boundaries need to be reset. I know it was his idea to begin with, but feelings happen. The FWB situation may just hurt him some more and he's got these feelings that you're not really reciprocating. It's up to you to make the right choice for you at the end of the day.

 

Thank for the advice. This situation has only been going on for a month and its got complicated. I feel that in a way we've both lost control of how things should be. Rules were set and now it more confusing then ever. I've tried to talk to him and I've ended up with him calling it time and that was even before we were fwb as he didn't wanna hurt me. I'm hoping that it will fizzy out soon and he'll find someone new.

[Emmii]

I finally got a chance to sit with him and sort things out. Firstly I'd heard that he had someone else. It's was a rumor a girl was spreading about him as he rejected her. He explained what he told her and how nasty she is for saying that. When I went over he asked me what I'd done over the weekend and I told him and he asked if I'd pulled? Why ask? Then because if this rumor we spoke about sleeping with other people and he asked me how I felt. I told him that it's not right as you can pick up any disease and you'd be sleeping with that person too. I told if he wants to do that then he can go ahead but I'm not gonna want to get involved. I asked if he'd be ok if I slept with anyone else and he said we aren't dating so no it wouldn't. Yet he turns around and says how do I know you haven't got anyone else?

I'm very confused by this. Says it doesn't bother yet he'll ask if I've pulled? If I've got someone else hidden away? I don't know how I to see it? Feelings or what?

[tbf]

Emmii, you're lying to yourself and him. You want more than just an FWB which is why you're afraid to challenge his double standards and also why you're over-analyzing all his words and actions.

 

If you want honesty, have an honest discussion where you're unafraid to get a straight answer from him and if you're not understanding what he's communicating or disagree with it, either ask for clarification or challenging him on his double standard. Assuming that it's a double standard, why would you accept this from anyone?

[Emmii]

Emmii, you're lying to yourself and him. You want more than just an FWB which is why you're afraid to challenge his double standards and also why you're over-analyzing all his words and actions.

 

I have challenged him and each time he comes out with his confused or changes the subject. It's puzzling me why he says one thing and does something else. I've never set double standards. I asked him about the text he sent me when he said I love you in another language. He didn't answer instead said you didn't take it seriously. Because of that I kept my distance from him and he was constantly wanting to see me all the time.

I always been straightforward and told him exactly how it is. If he wasn't giving me mix signals I wouldn't be on this forum.

[imtooconfused]

I finally got a chance to sit with him and sort things out. Firstly I'd heard that he had someone else. It's was a rumor a girl was spreading about him as he rejected her. He explained what he told her and how nasty she is for saying that. When I went over he asked me what I'd done over the weekend and I told him and he asked if I'd pulled? Why ask? Then because if this rumor we spoke about sleeping with other people and he asked me how I felt. I told him that it's not right as you can pick up any disease and you'd be sleeping with that person too. I told if he wants to do that then he can go ahead but I'm not gonna want to get involved. I asked if he'd be ok if I slept with anyone else and he said we aren't dating so no it wouldn't. Yet he turns around and says how do I know you haven't got anyone else?

I'm very confused by this. Says it doesn't bother yet he'll ask if I've pulled? If I've got someone else hidden away? I don't know how I to see it? Feelings or what?

 

I guess I'm too old to truly understand the concept of FWB. It's OK for you two to see other people (open relationship on an emotional level) as long as it doesn't lead to anything physical (exclusive relationship on a sexual level), but at the same time neither of you are willing to commit to each other emotionally. I'm not judging, it's just something that would confuse me.

 

But I think you guys are playing a form of a game that I would call emotional "chicken." Neither of you is willing to put their heart out for the other until the other partner makes a move first. Constantly testing each other but not willing to be tested. Now you are in a spiral downward. The only time true emotional feelings (what I believe were honest and sincere feelings) were shown was when he said "I love you" and you smashed/crushed/killed him emotionally by thinking it was a joke. If you want to know why he might have moved the goal posts, it was when he DID express feelings and they were rejected. So the result is he wants to see more feelings from your side first, but you have no interest in sticking your heart out (because he move the goal posts). Down, down, down.

[Emmii]

I guess I'm too old to truly understand the concept of FWB. It's OK for you two to see other people (open relationship on an emotional level) as long as it doesn't lead to anything physical (exclusive relationship on a sexual level), but at the same time neither of you are willing to commit to each other emotionally. I'm not judging, it's just something that would confuse me.

 

But I think you guys are playing a form of a game that I would call emotional "chicken." Neither of you is willing to put their heart out for the other until the other partner makes a move first. Constantly testing each other but not willing to be tested. Now you are in a spiral downward. The only time true emotional feelings (what I believe were honest and sincere feelings) were shown was when he said "I love you" and you smashed/crushed/killed him emotionally by thinking it was a joke. If you want to know why he might have moved the goal posts, it was when he DID express feelings and they were rejected. So the result is he wants to see more feelings from your side first, but you have no interest in sticking your heart out (because he move the goal posts). Down, down, down.

 

Firstly like you I found it hard to understand the concept of fwb as its something I thought I'd never do. As I was a firm believer in love till I had my heart rip apart, hence that's why I'm not only commitment phobic but detached from emotions.

As to him saying "I love you!" His character is a chirpy chappy and is always joking around so that's why I didn't take it seriously and don't believe he ment it. I feel he said it to impress me. As now his said it wouldn't bother him if I went off with someone else. That's why I don't understand him. I give him every opportunity to say how he feels and he just jokes around and says his confused.

[Emmii]

I was having my coffee break and he came in to say hi. We had a general discussion and teased each other and things. Just as he was about to leave he turned around to me and said have you slept with anyone else since me? I looked at him and thought why are you asking me this! So I asked and he said just. Contradiction all the time. He said it wouldn't bother him if I slept with anyone else so why ask?