Is the green eyed monster appearing?

[imtooconfused]

It's a test. And by my reading of the situation it means a lot to him.

 

It's like the old anniversary gift test, where the wife says... "Oh honey we have too many bills this year, you don't have to get me an anniversary present this year." Pity the husband who takes his wife at her word.

 

Just as he was about to leave

 

The fact that he waited until the last minute means that he was nervous about asking the question, horribly worried about the answer and didn't want the possible disappointment cloud the rest of the coffee break. He desperately wants you to say that there is no one else on your mind other than him, but can't exactly ask that question.

 

So I asked and he said just [because].

 

He can't tell you that he feels strongly for you for fear of you thinking he's joking again.

He said it wouldn't bother him

 

He knows you two don't have a strong emotional connection, so he wants you to be open and honest about your answer. If you felt that it could hurt his feelings if you were to admit another man, you might not be completely truthful. For him to say that it wouldn't bother him is to assure you that the truth won't hurt (even though it's almost certainly would crush him). It's a double fake.

 

Do you have any interest in a deeper connection with this man? Do you want the relationship to grow closer? Or are you asking these questions because you don't want him to get too close to you? Just tell HIM how you feel. It's not helping anything to try to judge what his feelings before you share your feelings.

Edited June 5, 2013 by imtooconfused

[Emmii]

It's a test. And by my reading of the situation it means a lot to him.

 

It's like the old anniversary gift test, where the wife says... "Oh honey we have too many bills this year, you don't have to get me an anniversary present this year." Pity the husband who takes his wife at her word.

 

 

 

The fact that he waited until the last minute means that he was nervous about asking the question, horribly worried about the answer and didn't want the possible disappointment cloud the rest of the coffee break. He desperately wants you to say that there is no one else on your mind other than him, but can't exactly ask that question.

 

 

 

He can't tell you that he feels strongly for you for fear of you thinking he's joking again.

 

 

He knows you two don't have a strong emotional connection, so he wants you to be open and honest about your answer. If you felt that it could hurt his feelings if you were to admit another man, you might not be completely truthful. For him to say that it wouldn't bother him is to assure you that the truth won't hurt (even though it's almost certainly would crush him). It's a double fake.

 

Do you have any interest in a deeper connection with this man? Do you want the relationship to grow closer? Or are you asking these questions because you don't want him to get too close to you? Just tell HIM how you feel. It's not helping anything to try to judge what his feelings before you share your feelings.

 

To be totally honest I started feeling like my feelings were changing and so I decided to have a break from and didn't see him to get my head straight and I did. I went back to being the way I was which was no emotions and what he wanted. But then he changed and started questioning me when I went out if I'd pulled or anything I did the first reaction was did you pull. If I was with a male friend he would get jealous. Then it was the "I love you" text and that I took it as a joke as his never serious.

So to be honest he gives me so many mixed signals that I don't know how to think. When I asked about sleeping around that was my way of giving him a chance to say how he feels. But instead he turned around and said what I say to him. I did express that I don't want him to sleep with anyone so I did express my feelings.

I just don't get why he can't just tell me how he really feels? The I love you could he have jokingly said it? Isn't dangerous to say something you don't mean? As to talking about my feelings I don't want to scare him off as I do care about him.

[imtooconfused]

I still go back to the "I Love You." I recognize there are players out there who would say anything just to get in a woman's pants. They would probably say something like "I love you baby, let me show you how much," while pawing up and down the woman. Your description of your friend does not make me think he is a player.

 

Therefore I have to go by what I and most of my male friends think about that expression. Men know that this expression is what captures a woman's heart. If she feels the same way, she will bond very powerfully to him. Men also know that once that emotional bond is formed, it's almost impossible to break. Therefore most men will not go around throwing out a bunch of pointless "I Love You's" because they know they will trigger reactions that they may not want and will be impossible to reverse. Therefore, I think it's more likely that your friend was not joking. Sorry if that doesn't fit your understanding of your friend, but that is what my gut is telling me.

 

By the way, the player knows exactly how that phrase affects a woman and uses it precisely to his advantage. It's just that they don't care a bit about the emotional aftermath when they have been found to be untruthful.

 

Also, I have to caveat my comments by saying that these thoughts are concerning men in a relationship that is just starting. Once in an established long term relationship, the expression "I Love You" has a completely different dynamic.

Edited June 6, 2013 by imtooconfused

[Emmii]

I still go back to the "I Love You." I recognize there are players out there who would say anything just to get in a woman's pants. They would probably say something like "I love you baby, let me show you how much," while pawing up and down the woman. Your description of your friend does not make me think he is a player.

 

Therefore I have to go by what I and most of my male friends think about that expression. Men know that this expression is what captures a woman's heart. If she feels the same way, she will bond very powerfully to him. Men also know that once that emotional bond is formed, it's almost impossible to break. Therefore most men will not go around throwing out a bunch of pointless "I Love You's" because they know they will trigger reactions that they may not want and will be impossible to reverse. Therefore, I think it's more likely that your friend was not joking. Sorry if that doesn't fit your understanding of your friend, but that is what my gut is telling me.

 

By the way, the player knows exactly how that phrase affects a woman and uses it precisely to his advantage. It's just that they don't care a bit about the emotional aftermath when they have been found to be untruthful.

 

Also, I have to caveat my comments by saying that these thoughts are concerning men in a relationship that is just starting. Once in an established long term relationship, the expression "I Love You" has a completely different dynamic.

 

Now that you've explained it, it makes more sense to me about the I love you text. I never ment to crush him. It was a shock to the system if I'm honest. Being I love once was so painful that the thought of those feelings make me wanna run. I don't wanna get hurt again.

If he feels like that then why keep your distance? He use to text me randomly telling what he was doing or just cuz he thought of me. Now I'm lucky if I get a text unless I text him or if he wants sexy time. I do feel that maybe his feelings have changed towards me. His just so hard to read.

[Emmii]

Since that last time I spoke to him, when he questioned about someone else his been very offish with me. Which there isn't. He see's me and it just hi and rushes off. Ive not heard from via text either. I told him that I would no longer text him either to meet up or in general as I just feel its me texting him. I don't know what's happened to him with the sudden mood change but its really odd? One minute his all over me like a rash and the next time I'm so sort of bad smell his avoiding.

[Emmii]

I don't know what I've done to upset him but his started avoiding me. When we last spoke we had a laugh. It's as if his done a U turn towards me. I'm confused as to how to behave around him now.

[imtooconfused]

From your post last week where he sounded like he was getting cold feet, I had a gut feeling this would happen. I don't have a clue as to what could be causing this. Could he have met someone else?

 

No matter what, it sounds like each of you are seriously confusing the other, and at least for a short time you need to get some space from each other. Not in a bitter, resentful way, just some friendly breathing room to let things settle down.

[Emmii]

From your post last week where he sounded like he was getting cold feet, I had a gut feeling this would happen. I don't have a clue as to what could be causing this. Could he have met someone else?

 

No matter what, it sounds like each of you are seriously confusing the other, and at least for a short time you need to get some space from each other. Not in a bitter, resentful way, just some friendly breathing room to let things settle down.

 

He's always been honest with me and I've said to him that if he has met someone else then that's fine. No hard feelings. It's just all of a sudden. The last time I saw him we were having a good joke around. I did tell him that I wouldn't chase him. I've left the ball in his court. I've backed off totally. I did feel a little hurt that he couldn't be bothered to see how I am. But I'm ok and just carrying on.

[Emmii]

He acted in the most strangest way. He couldn't stay away. Kept coming over yo talk to me. He asked where I'd disappeared to as his not seen me for a few days. He was talking about getting a new phone. I've broken my phone and lost all my contacts and so he said why haven't you asked me for my number? I said I haven't seen you to ask for it. He turned around and said well you should have asked me today. He joking said let me see if I've got your number! I told him you've got my number so you could have texted. He was disscussing sexy time and said it's FWB! I couldn't understand why he felt the need to say that and lets behave like adults! I don't get him. One min his saying where have you been? I haven't seen you for ages and yet it is what it is! I don't need to be reminded. Why?

[Emmii]

He texted me wanting to meet up but after the conversation we had earlier this week I'm not keen on seeing him. His been acting very strange around me. Hot! Cold! Hot! Cold! I'm confused. Com

[imtooconfused]

Yes, he sounds confusing. Has he always been hot/cold to a degree? Maybe this is his natural character. Now that he is more comfortable around you it seems to be more exaggerated, when in fact it may have been more restrained early on when he was trying to impress you.

[Emmii]

Nope. His been pretty straightforward. It since we've been spending a lot of time together that his started this behavior. I didn't understand why he had to mention what we as. He said we are FWB and so let's be adults about it! Thats just thrown me.

[Emmii]

He still keeps asking me in direct way if there's someone else or if ive pulled. He know there isn't anyone else as I've told him several times. I don't know what else to do? Each time we tease each other about meeting up nothing happens or his tired. I just don't get his game. Insecure one minute and then the next his not in a hurry to meet up. Saying that nor am I.

[Emmii]

We've not seen each other for over a month. His texted me a few times wanting to meet up but I've not felt like I wanted.Because some of the lads have been asking me if I've popped over to his and when I've confronted about him telling anyone he denied it. A close friend of mine to me that there's a rumor doing the rounds about you. When she told me what it was and what was said I knew then it had come from him. Why did he do that? What's to gain? It was personal between us!! I was going to have it out with him but now I feel it's best to leave it and not say anything as that's gonna make him wonder why I'm not chasing him or bothering with him. It's him with the constant jealousy remarks and insecure issues.

[JustAReformedGirl]

Just read the thread, from start to finish.

 

I think you're just as emotionally confused about what you wanted from the FWB as he was. You want to keep up your guard because you've been hurt before, but to some extent, you care about him beyond just a physical relationship.

 

Now, him spreading the info around about you was a very below-the-belt move. I would confront him about it, and find out just what, exactly, he envisioned would happen once the news reached your ears.

 

Be upfront with him; if you don't want anything else beyond FWB, tell him so, and tell him to be honest with you. If he's lying to you about not wanting more, he's only cheating himself. He could be afraid that, if he tells you he wants more than FWB, you'll reject him. Well regardless, he needs to tell you. If you reject him, it would be for his own good. If he wants more, and you're not of the same mind, he needs to go elsewhere. Yes, it may hurt him, but it's better than living a lie.

[Emmii]

Just read the thread, from start to finish.

 

I think you're just as emotionally confused about what you wanted from the FWB as he was. You want to keep up your guard because you've been hurt before, but to some extent, you care about him beyond just a physical relationship.

 

Now, him spreading the info around about you was a very below-the-belt move. I would confront him about it, and find out just what, exactly, he envisioned would happen once the news reached your ears.

 

Be upfront with him; if you don't want anything else beyond FWB, tell him so, and tell him to be honest with you. If he's lying to you about not wanting more, he's only cheating himself. He could be afraid that, if he tells you he wants more than FWB, you'll reject him. Well regardless, he needs to tell you. If you reject him, it would be for his own good. If he wants more, and you're not of the same mind, he needs to go elsewhere. Yes, it may hurt him, but it's better than living a lie.

 

Firstly thank you for taking time out and reading the thread from start to finish. Yes you absolutely right about how I felt about him but I took sometime out and kept away so that I could sort my own feelings out. Which I have. I do care for him but after his behavior I've started staying away. The reason I feel like I shouldn't confront him is that he'll laugh in my face and know its got to me. As to his emotions it's so confusing. Each time I've asked him his said I'm confused.

[JustAReformedGirl]

You're welcome, no trouble at all.

 

Well, if you're certain he won't divulge anything, and will only feed off of the fact that it bothered you, it might be time to go NC. The FWB can't progress, if he's going to act like an idiot about it, and play mind-games over something that he should just be straight-forward about.

[Emmii]

You're so right! I've just decided to keep away. It's really hurt me. His made me feel cheap and dirty! This was ment to be fun and his spoilt it. In all honest the jealousy, constant questioning about if I've been with anyone, the asking who's sent me a msg and the silly little had already made me feel like his not being honest with me. I've always been honest. I tried to ignore his behavior but its getting worse.

[JustAReformedGirl]

Good for you! You don't need his drama, anymore.

 

I'm sure you can find someone else to fill his shoes, who doesn't play games like this. Best of luck on your journey.

[Emmii]

Good for you! You don't need his drama, anymore.

 

I'm sure you can find someone else to fill his shoes, who doesn't play games like this. Best of luck on your journey.

 

Thank you!! I just hope I'm strong enough to ignore and keep calm. Your right I deserve better!

[Emmii]

After staying away for over a month. He had been chase me to come over and I went over. He was very different from his usual self. He was very affectionate before and after sex. He was cuddling me wanting me to go to sleep with him. He normally talks about general things and his life but now his started taking an interest in my life. He started asking me questions.We are just ment to be fwb and now I feel like his changes the goal post. I met up with a friend whom I've not seen for a while. I didn't tell him and he came over to me and asked how my dates was? When I asked him about what date he mentioned my friend and said we're not dating you don't have to tell me. I turned around and told him its no biggie and there's nothing to tell. He went red and changed the subject.

Then a few days before that he asked me if I'd told any of my friends and I said why? He just said I'm just asking so I told him no! I don't see the point of it as we are hooking up and not dating. I don't understand why his questioning me so much? What does he want. We just hooking up and that's how I see it.