How can I let go?

[thog]

I don't know what to do anymore.... My wife and I have been together for six years, we've got a beautiful almost three year-old little girl, and it seems as though I have to admit to myself it's over. But it's so hard to do.

 

For the past year or so, things have been not so good. We've had good times, but we've been tense and fighting as well. She started going out all of the time, making new friends, and I was usually not invited to participate, so when we finally did get time together it seemed like no matter what my intentions were all I could do was fight about how she never spent time at home anymore.

 

A month ago, I had to go out of town for an engagement party. She was supposed to go as well but something came up at work and she had to stay home. Our daughter was already out of town staying with grandparents and I didn't want to go without her, but she insisted. When I got home the next day it was like walking into a stranger's house. My wife was distant and cold, and spent the rest of the weekend at a friend's house.

 

I realized that something was very wrong and tried to talk to her about it, but she said I was imagining things. I suggested a marriage counselor and she said she didn't want to. I pressed and pressed and finally, a week later, she admitted that she'd cheated on me while I was gone. I was devastated but determined to make our marriage work. I asked her to not see the other man again, and she told me she couldn't do that. I asked her if she wanted a relationship with him and she told me that it had nothing to do with him, then left before we could work anything out. Another miserable week went by with her gone most nights, and then she finally told me she was leaving me. She told me that they are just friends and that she doesn't want to be with anyone right now.

 

She asked me to move out, and so I'm moving to a new apartment this weekend. She's going to keep our daughter and stay in the house, so at least our little girl has something stable right now. She's staying at his house until I'm gone, because she doesn't want to see me. No matter what she says right now all I can think is that she's leaving me for him. She seems completely in control of the situation and I just feel lost and alone. My friends tell me to move on, but I still love her, although nothing I do or say at this point does anything but make her angrier.

 

Sorry for the long and rambling post. Any advice on what to do? I've done everything she wants and nothing I want to do, and yet I still feel as though everything is my fault. I know that she wants me out of the way so that she can move on, but I'm having a hard time letting go, and all I seem to be able to do right now as far as she's concerned is everything wrong.

[Merin]

I'm so very sorry...

 

I know right now everything seems unreal and awful... and the way your wife is behaving... ugh!

 

I don't know what will happen from this point, honestly... Trying to "move on" right now, isn't an option for you because your wife has put the both of you in limbo with the lame "I don't know what I want right now"

 

Thank God one of you has thier head on straight regarding your little person... seperation and divorce is very emotional for a little person no matter what anyone says... including your wife.

 

Because you've already asked her to stop seeing this other guy and she's said no, and she has also refused to seek counseling... I would advise you to file for a legal seperation... to protect your rights to spend time with your daughter and to make things a little more understandable for both of you as to where the marriage is at this time.

 

Your wife has refused counseling... but that doesn't mean that you cannot go on your own... sometimes just having someone to be a sounding board really helps.

 

Take care of yourself.... be there for your little girl... and seek outside support.