Feelings for very close friend...

[oliverjenkins]

Hi,

 

I've recently started to have strong feelings for a close friend of mine (she's a girl, I'm a guy). We're both approaching our mid-20s, and have known each other for almost 10 years.

 

Ever since I've known this girl we've been close, she's the person I think I have the most fun with, and when we were younger her boyfriend would get really annoyed because we were so close. We're both single now, but live in different cities quite far away, so for the last 3 years have only seen each other when she comes back home to visit (about 4-5 times a year). She lives in Glasgow and I live in Sheffield, so it's like 4 hours away. We'll talk about our dates but both know that there's no girls/guys really in either of our lives at the moment. There have definitely been occasions where I've found myself attracted to her in the past, and I think it's been the same for her.

 

More recently, I've dated other girls but always come back to the fact that there's no one I enjoy spending more time with than this girl. She's just special, in a very hard to describe way. She's an amazing storyteller, so passionate, funny, beautiful eyes and smile, such a strong spirit, and I've always been protective and caring for her. I also know that she is fond of me, finds me very, very funny and sweet, and enjoys spending time with me alot, and maybe could be more. I'm so confused as to what to do because I don't want to ruin our friendship - even if I let her know how I feel I don't see her often enough to build a relationship, as we live far away.

 

What should I do? I don't want to miss the opportunity to go after something special, I think I might kick myself if I don't at least do something about it! I have feelings for her, but at the moment all I can see are the obstacles. We've been friends for so long, is that a good thing or bad thing? Can relationships really grow from that?

[todreaminblue]

Hi,

 

I've recently started to have strong feelings for a close friend of mine (she's a girl, I'm a guy). We're both approaching our mid-20s, and have known each other for almost 10 years.

 

Ever since I've known this girl we've been close, she's the person I think I have the most fun with, and when we were younger her boyfriend would get really annoyed because we were so close. We're both single now, but live in different cities quite far away, so for the last 3 years have only seen each other when she comes back home to visit (about 4-5 times a year). She lives in Glasgow and I live in Sheffield, so it's like 4 hours away. We'll talk about our dates but both know that there's no girls/guys really in either of our lives at the moment. There have definitely been occasions where I've found myself attracted to her in the past, and I think it's been the same for her.

 

More recently, I've dated other girls but always come back to the fact that there's no one I enjoy spending more time with than this girl. She's just special, in a very hard to describe way. She's an amazing storyteller, so passionate, funny, beautiful eyes and smile, such a strong spirit, and I've always been protective and caring for her. I also know that she is fond of me, finds me very, very funny and sweet, and enjoys spending time with me alot, and maybe could be more. I'm so confused as to what to do because I don't want to ruin our friendship - even if I let her know how I feel I don't see her often enough to build a relationship, as we live far away.

 

What should I do? I don't want to miss the opportunity to go after something special, I think I might kick myself if I don't at least do something about it! I have feelings for her, but at the moment all I can see are the obstacles. We've been friends for so long, is that a good thing or bad thing? Can relationships really grow from that?

 

I think they can grow healthily from a firm friendship, you know that person you accept them for who they are and surprises are minimal,i was going to use my ex as an example...lol...not too clever of me because he is now...my ex....smilin......but attraction developed for me the more i got to know him, and seeing facets that i wouldnt just knowing him off the bat, he also got to see me as is ....raw and real...he knew my history.......abuse and other wise.....he also seen my spirit and my heart.......i felt accepted, he had broad shoulders, was always there for his friends and kids in the street he would play afternoon football with them, was fair and just, and was calm and strong........i admired that......he was a shy guy.......if i hadnt known him first,if i hadnt developed a friendship i woudl have seen him as just some jock/bodybuilder, i would never have seen those things about him that captured my heart.....he wasnt into talking or random conversation, when he did talk he opened up to me and what he said had depth,and i was able to open up to him, we got close this way...he eventually made his move adn we were together after that...i still respect him for qualities he has and i am still his friend, he made mistakes, some big, some little while we were together(as i made quite a few), but his core person....was a beautiful thing......drugs and alcohol...not so beautiful.....

 

 

be open and honest with your friend on how you feel, if the friendship is strong it will survive most things life chucks at it........do not live with regret...say how your heart feels dont live life with..... WHAT IF....and i wish you well...deb

[ja123]

Nothing risked, nothing gained!

 

You could perhaps tell her that you were thinking of dating again, but your mind always goes back to her and ask her if she might feel the same.

 

Give it a shot. You can always make the distance shorter by one or the other moving.

 

Let us know how it goes!

 

Good luck!

[oliverjenkins]

Thanks for the advice. It's made a little bit more complicated by the fact that she has recently become a bit famous (I'm not going to say how, but let's just say she's a talented artist) so she might be caught up with new people, and want to hang out with those of a more similar interest/background. Although maybe the fact that I care about her, not her fame, is a good thing. But added to that is the distance factor and it suddenly seems quite difficult...what should I do??