So I just went on my very first online date and he lied about his height

[atrium91]

I'm a recent college graduate and I was finding a hard time meeting guys so I decided to sign up for a dating site.

 

A guy contacted me and he seemed fairly bright and verbose. We chatted for a while and decided to meet up for some coffee. On his profile he listed himself as 5'9" but when we eventually met up, it turned out he was closer to 5 7-8. We were nearly eye level!

 

I kept my cool and sat through the rest of our meeting. I didn't mention anything.

 

I found this to be pretty off putting. It's not just the fact that he's shorter. It's also the dishonesty and the insecurity. I think someone who readily lies about their height might also lie about more important things.

 

I'm wondering if I overreacted or if this sort of thing is common on dating sites? Where can I meet single guys irl now that I'm finished with my education?

[sillyanswer]

I'm wondering if I overreacted or if this sort of thing is common on dating sites?

 

You're complaining about 1 or maybe 2 inches? Did you get a tape measure out to check?

 

Yes, you're over-reacting and yes, over-reacting is common with online dating due to the nature of boiling down a person into a Top Trumps card.

[USMCHokie]

I found this to be pretty off putting. It's not just the fact that he's shorter. It's also the dishonesty and the insecurity. I think someone who readily lies about their height might also lie about more important things.

 

Would you have agreed to meet if his real height was listed?

 

I'm wondering if I overreacted or if this sort of thing is common on dating sites? Where can I meet single guys irl now that I'm finished with my education?

 

I'm realizing that lying on dating profiles is a lot more common than I initially thought.

[atrium91]

You're complaining about 1 or maybe 2 inches? Did you get a tape measure out to check?

 

Well 5'9" is sorta at the shorter end of guys that I usually go for. We seemed to click online so I decided to give him a shot.

 

Would you have agreed to meet if his real height was listed?

 

I guess not

[USMCHokie]

This is the reason he lied about his height. He was hoping you wouldn't notice.

 

And I suppose he was hoping his amazing personality would win her over despite his height.

 

 

I guess not

 

I would speculate that if he listed that he was 6'2" when he was actually only 6' tall, this would be a non-issue and she'd probably overlook it, as he would still be in her desirable range. But when the truth reveals that he is actually in her non-desirable range, it makes her feel better that she rejected him for lying rather than rejecting him for being too short. Simple rationalization and blame shifting.

[USMCHokie]

Though, it's not as bad as my black friend that constantly experiences racial discrimination in dating (yes, it still happens in America....and, yes, the women are quite honest and vocal about it).

 

I've found the US to be one of the worst places in the world, as far as discrimination goes. If you deviate from the norm even slightly, you'll experience this quite often.

 

This is why I stopped doing online dating. I'm neither tall nor white.

[phineas]

LOL!

Welcome to online dating.

 

The fact that you can't seem to get any men who are in your desired height range on the site should tell you something.

 

The fact that you are young & that there is no shortage of young men in the world yet you can't seem to meet anyone should also tell you something.

[Mrlonelyone]

No ill will towards the OP.

 

However, if she sticks around long enough she will find that the height thing is more of an issue for men than for women in OLD. Women generally want men who are a bit taller than them, men get that. In RL if the man is as tall as her or a bit taller that's enough.

 

On OLD the man has to be at least very close to 6' or else he is "short". 6' is the benchmark.

The Big Lies People Tell In Online Dating « OkTrends

 

 

I've also been the victim of height discrimination before. It's not fun.

 

Though, it's not as bad as my black friend that constantly experiences racial discrimination in dating (yes, it still happens in America....and, yes, the women are quite honest and vocal about it).

 

I've found the US to be one of the worst places in the world, as far as discrimination goes. If you deviate from the norm even slightly, you'll experience this quite often.

 

I wouldn't go that far. What they still do with black men is have purely sexual relationships with us, and rarely the guts to really truly "date" us. Then cry foul if we try to make it a serious normal thing.

[Jadedbyluv]

A great way to meet guys your own age is to join some type of rec league. I recently joined one and have met a lot of people. They have a ton of sports.

[mortensorchid]

Firstly, this OLD. Second ALL guys lie about their height online and in real life. I stand at 5'10" and I had someone tell me they were that height as well when they are clearly shorter than me multiple times. And I don't wear heels to make them feel even smaller either. Height to a man is what big boobs are to women.

[Mrlonelyone]

That's true. I wear lifts IRL and tell people I'm 5'7. Nobody seems to question this.

 

Yeah, I hear ya. The thing about height, race, and certain other qualities is... when it's not about a relationship and only sexual women are often much more flexible about those things.*

 

When it's about a relationship that is, much more about the psycho-social perception of the woman and her man, race, class, and gender roles.

 

To put it simply, it is about not wanting to be taller than the groom on her mental wedding cake.

 

*Which men who are totally incel scoff at, but trust those of us who complain of it. When a man wants a relationship and can only get used as side *ick it's not a good feeling.

 

 

We have strayed from the original topic a bit. The point of this sidetrack OP is that, for the men who lie a bit about their height it can be very hard in OLD. Many women simply don't give a man less than 6' a chance in OLD.

[soccerrprp]

Firstly, this OLD. Second ALL guys lie about their height online and in real life. I stand at 5'10" and I had someone tell me they were that height as well when they are clearly shorter than me multiple times. And I don't wear heels to make them feel even smaller either. Height to a man is what big boobs are to women.

 

ALL guys do not lie about their height. I do not. What would be the purpose when you know that truth will be discovered when meeting or later?

 

OP, I think you are right to feel miffed about this, but it seems that you are very much focused on his height, but maybe not really his lying about his height. No? Truthfully, were you more bothered by his lying or that fact that he is shorter than expected? Simply asking.

 

Anyway, I get it. The trust factor has been compromised and that is a red-flag. So it should be. Are you going to see him again? Let his personality continue to shine? Or will you talk to him about his height and see if you can make this work?

[Emilia]

Are you going to see him again? Let his personality continue to shine? Or will you talk to him about his height and see if you can make this work?

People lie about all sorts. Last time I tried OLD (December 2012) I found out a guy lied about his weight. He posted old photos on his profile, we became facebook friends and I could tell he was a good 50lbs heavier at least than claimed, definitely not athletic. What did he think I was going to do? He was careful enough to post outdated photos and claim to be athletic. Didn't he think I'd notice?

 

He also lied about his education and job but some slight exaggeration there wouldn't have bothered me if there wasn't a beached whale attached to it.

[Emilia]

I find that the women you complain about height are the exact kind who find it ok to put average body style in their profile when in reality it should be a few extra lbs. Moral of the story. Both genders are at fault.

Really? You think a person who complains about a lie must be a liar themselves? Interesting.

[runningfar]

I've never dated online. But I would date someone who is 5'7. But not if they claimed to be taller first. Please. We all know how tall we are. It is lying no matter how bitter you are that height might matter.

 

I am short and size 6. I wouldn't call myself slender and then expect a guy to be happy even if I was worried guys wouldn't want to go out witha girl who listed herself as chubby or overweight to get to know me.

[soccerrprp]

I find that the women you complain about height are the exact kind who find it ok to put average body style in their profile when in reality it should be a few extra lbs. Moral of the story. Both genders are at fault.

 

This is not necessarily so. Come on.

[Emilia]

No. Not at all that what I meant. Maybe I worded it wrong. I have seen guys lie about their height and women about their weight. I don't know the OP so I was making a simple observation.

I think a lot of people lie on OLD yes. This is partly why I got sick of it

[soccerrprp]

People lie about all sorts. Last time I tried OLD (December 2012) I found out a guy lied about his weight. He posted old photos on his profile, we became facebook friends and I could tell he was a good 50lbs heavier at least than claimed, definitely not athletic. What did he think I was going to do? He was careful enough to post outdated photos and claim to be athletic. Didn't he think I'd notice?

 

He also lied about his education and job but some slight exaggeration there wouldn't have bothered me if there wasn't a beached whale attached to it.

 

Emilia, I'm not saying that some people don't lie, I object to the belief that ALL do. That's all.

 

I'm sorry for any negative experiences you've had, but my profile is absolutely solid and accurate to who I am. It would appear that another complication in online dating is that people now believe that no one is capable of telling the truth, that the profiles must contain some lie somewhere.....sad, really.

[Emilia]

Emilia, I'm not saying that some people don't lie, I object to the belief that ALL do. That's all.

 

I'm sorry for any negative experiences you've had, but my profile is absolutely solid and accurate to who I am. It would appear that another complication in online dating is that people now believe that no one is capable of telling the truth, that the profiles must contain some lie somewhere.....sad, really.

 

No no, I'm not saying everyone is a liar. There are definitely honest people out there. It wasn't the main reason why I stopped

[jeni45667]

Even good quality guys may lie about their ages or heights a little bit. I won't take it too seriously. Shorter guys have other great qualities they've developed to compensate for their heights

[Emilia]

Even good quality guys may lie about their ages or heights a little bit. I won't take it too seriously. Shorter guys have other great qualities they've developed to compensate for their heights

This is true and it's the reason why I tend to prefer shorter. They usually have better physiques.

[Charlie Harper]

Aside from the missing 2 inches ( that he might HAVE elsewhere!) how was the guy all aroung, ir you just like tall people and dont care if they are idiots or cheaters or serial killers..

 

just askin´

[sillyanswer]

Second ALL guys lie about their height online and in real life.

 

Challenge accepted! Bring your tape measure.

[Emilia]

Aside from the missing 2 inches ( that he might HAVE elsewhere!) how was the guy all aroung, ir you just like tall people and dont care if they are idiots or cheaters or serial killers..

 

just askin´

Well, to me it's more about build than height but I did have a weird experience a couple of years ago: a guy was supposed to be my height (5'6'') and we arranged to meet up. I'm a slim woman, reasonably fit, etc so when I tell you that he was smaller than me, not only shorter but physically smaller, it says something. It was like going to the pub with a child. He was weird too but as soon as I met him I knew it wasn't going to work

 

So those 2 inches can mean a lot when coupled with build, etc.

[runningfar]

Even good quality guys may lie about their ages or heights a little bit. I won't take it too seriously. Shorter guys have other great qualities they've developed to compensate for their heights

 

Good qualities like lying and feeling justified to do so to get what they want?

 

 

Tall or short guys can have great or poor qualities. Height doesn't mean anything there. Nor does any other single quality define a population.