Why did he behave like this after I confessed ?

[anna18]

Hello !

 

So here it is, sorry in advance for the length of this message... but I'd really need an enlightment on this :/

 

I'm at university and I met a guy almost a year ago in class: he is the one that approached me at school. We talked, he asked for my number, and started to kind of chase me, talking to me a lot, joining me for lunch every day, he was being extremely nice and sweet. He also tried to spend time alone with me by inviting me over to his place for various reasons or asking me on walks and stuff quite often but I didn't know him well, it kind of scared me out. I never accepted these invitations, always found excuses. I accepted once (an evening, a movie ) but acted shy and a bit distant, I stupidly escaped just after the movie because I was afraid he would try to make a move on me.... he had made it obvious he wanted it to be just him and me.

 

The strange thing is I did like him already, but I needed to go very slow I guess because of my fears, it takes me time to feel comfortable with a guy.

After 5-6 weeks or so his behavior changed, he suddenly became super distant even when I was making efforts to be friendly to him and initiate contact, he seemed to avoid/ ignore me, although sometimes he was staring, and being nice again. I was falling deeper and deeper for him and somehow we still managed to talk to each other again and became kind of good friends. We spent time together, shared nice moments. I felt like we had a lot in common and kind of a connection. He still behaved in a way that sometimes made me feel like maybe he felt stg more for me (ambiguous behavior, sweet or flirty things ) but, despite of this and of the fact that my friends were telling me it was obvious he had stg for me, I was too scared to tell him how I felt.... i was afraid of being rejected and loosing his friendship. He was hot and cold.

 

I had to move away in December, he knew it from the beginning cause it had been planned for a while. One week before leaving I was at a friends' party and he was there as well. We left the party at the same time and I managed to find the courage to talk to him about all of this. I asked him how he had felt and told him I had been confused. He seemed embarrassed, avoidant. He kind of denied at first, and eventually he kind of admitted his interest but said that me having to leave had been an issue...then i told him i had developed feelings for him and he said he had the same. But even if he was acting/talking nicely I could see he looked a bit annoyed by me bringing up the topic. He took me home, and after this day, he almost stopped talking to me, only when there was a good/practical reason, whereas we used to talk way more.

 

The goodbyes were awkward and short. I mean he was being nice to me of course but I could feel he was being a bit distant, closed, and didn�t want to spend time with me. I've had warmer goodbyes with people I hadn't been that close to and spent less time with. I thought he was my friend and I got attached to him so in a way it hurt. Now I'm far away and we don't talk anymore. I have been disappointed at first but then I accepted it and moved on. He asked news from me maybe once or twice the very first months but not much, and he also did a few stupid jerky things that hurt me, so I couldn't even consider him as a friend anymore...I had to cut contact to preserve myself. Now the friendship is totally over.

 

I just wonder why his behavior changed so radically after I confessed. Could you guys please give me your opinion on this ? Do you think he didn't actually like me ...or was annoyed by me confessing that late ? Thank you in advance !

[TaraMaiden]

Confessed what?

I'm not getting this....

You just weren't on the same "I'm ready!" page.

 

he didn't talk to you, you didn't talk to him.

 

That's the way it goes, sometimes.

 

Don't sweat it.

[anna18]

I meant confessing that I had liked him, and asking him if he had anything similar for me, cause i needed to know. But you're right, things have been ambiguous the whole time but we weren't "synchronized", and that's just how life goes.... It's just too bad it changed him so much, but knowing him, maybe he would have distanced himself anyways after I would have left even without that confession.

 

Thanks for you opinion...

Edited May 19, 2013 by anna18

[subversive]

I think he wanted to sleep with you, got the message that you weren't going to casually hook up, and then decided not to pursue the issue anymore. He doesn't sound like he wants a girlfriend. I think he was just looking for some fun. You became casual friends, which was fine with him, but it turned out to be more for you, and he doesn't want to have to deal with that. It doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you; it just means this is a college guy who's not looking for a relationship. Just my two cents.

[anna18]

Well, he is actually not a big fan of "casual hook ups", as far as I know, it's not something he really does... he is on the contrary always kind of desperately looking for love, a real gf, it's stg that really puzzles him. I mean he is a guy, he has weaknesses and can act like a jerk, I don't doubt it, but he is more the sensitive type than the serial seducer looking for a hook up... he falls in love quite often and easily.

 

But well, I might be wrong, maybe he indeed only wanted this from me, he is just a guy after all...

Thank you for your opinion !

[Keenly]

I'm gonna go ahead and say he tried. He really tried, and you just weren't having any of it. So he took your excuses for not hanging out with him and your being shy and distant as disinterest.

[subversive]

I just realized your post was talking about the span of a year. Yup, it could be that he decided you weren't interested, and too much time has now passed.