NGC1300 Posted May 18, 2013 Share Posted May 18, 2013 Sure some claim to, but isn't it more likely people get married because it's a social norm? Do people associate it with a certain degree of security, maturity, and accomplishment? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted May 18, 2013 Share Posted May 18, 2013 Sure some claim to, but isn't it more likely people get married because it's a social norm? Yes. Do people associate it with a certain degree of security, maturity, and accomplishment? Yes. Not that this is ever guaranteed. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Revolver Posted May 18, 2013 Share Posted May 18, 2013 People just started getting married for love like 30 years ago. For most of history it was more of a business agreement 1st, being about love second. Men got married because with marriage you got a life long sexual partner, someone to have your kids, cook/clean, and take care of you. Women got married for security both phsyical and financial because they didnt work. Now it's different. -Women don't need marriage anymore because they work and can take care of themseles financially. -Men don't need marriage because women are offering sex,Companionship,children,cooking/cleaning,Cohabitation without the ring. But there is still much social pressure to get married, even in 2013. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mrlonelyone Posted May 18, 2013 Share Posted May 18, 2013 Marraige for love is at least as old as Shakespeare's Othello, a marriage for love. What Revolver says is true too, people did get married for money, security and social normal reasons in times past. It has always been a mixture of both those things. A marriage has to be a social, financial, educational etc. match on most fronts if it is to last long. It also has to have a basis of love, friendship and intimacy. Afterall you will live 16 hours a day with this person, sleep, eat, have sex, have children with them. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted May 18, 2013 Share Posted May 18, 2013 The public face of 'marriage' may indicate a social norm but the implications of and impetuses for marriage are wide ranging and very individual. When one goes to a wedding, and I've been to a lot of them, and was in one myself, one sees the 'public face'. You may kiss the bride. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted May 18, 2013 Share Posted May 18, 2013 ..... Afterall you will live 16 hours a day with this person, sleep, eat, have sex, have children with them. Unless, of course, you happen to be gay..... (France has given the go-ahead to gay marriages! WOOOO-HOOOO!!) Sorry. Off-topic. Link to post Share on other sites
HokeyReligions Posted May 18, 2013 Share Posted May 18, 2013 People just started getting married for love like 30 years ago.. Really? 30 years? How old are you? People have married for love since the beginning. There are many reasons for getting married within every culture and every time period. Context please. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted May 18, 2013 Share Posted May 18, 2013 Different people get married for many different reasons. Love is among those reasons. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
KathyM Posted May 18, 2013 Share Posted May 18, 2013 Some people marry because they love their partner, and want to spend the rest of their life with the one they love. Some people marry because they want a spouse and family. They may not necessarily love the person they marry, but they want a life that includes a spouse and children, so they marry for this purpose. Some people marry because they want someone to take care of them or care about them. Some people marry because their parents expect it of them, or they feel societal pressure or peer pressure to marry. Some people marry because all their friends are getting married, and they don't want to be left behind. Some people marry for money. Some for a green card. Some for companionship because they don't like being alone. People marry for a variety of reasons. Some people do marry for love. Probably the majority marry for love. Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted May 18, 2013 Share Posted May 18, 2013 Sure some claim to, but isn't it more likely people get married because it's a social norm? Do people associate it with a certain degree of security, maturity, and accomplishment? I don't think social norms and love are mutually exclusive. Many, if not all, of the things we do in life are governed by norms and expectations, but it doesn't always mean that people only do it in a robotic way for that reason only. I think in America esp, most people marry because they fall in love and marriage seems like the next step. Marrying for love doesn't mean your marriage will workout either, sometimes I think many people in this society marry for a wedding and dreams of a fairytale and the romantic high but haven't the foggiest clue about other aspects of a relationship. I am sure some people just want to be married for security or because it seems like the thing to do...but it's less likely the case IMO that people are marrying just for that reason. Link to post Share on other sites
Mrlonelyone Posted May 18, 2013 Share Posted May 18, 2013 .... sometimes I think many people in this society marry for a wedding and dreams of a fairytale and the romantic high but haven't the foggiest clue about other aspects of a relationship.... ^This^ The romance of getting married to someone they think they love, but are really just in limmerance with, is what drives many esp. young people to marriage. Then 2-7 years in they wake up, realize they really can't stand this person when they aren't doing it, and walk away leaving a broken family. This is why marriages used to be arranged. The persons friends and family would match make. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
HonestNeurotic Posted May 18, 2013 Share Posted May 18, 2013 I married the man that I did mostly for companionship. I've never been "attracted" to him and he's quite asexual. I like living alone. But I will be able to have conversations and adventures with this man as long as we are both able physically and mentally to do so with each other. I do love him, but it's not that courtly foo foo stuff. We only got MARRIED to make the family happy. We already had a mortgage together, and it's easier to get out of a marriage than a mortgage unless one has a bunch of money. We'd been living together for four years. We don't really care about the marriage thang, we really like and enjoy each others company and leaving each other alone. We both have independent lives from each other in a lot of respects. This was my 2nd marriage. The first time was filled with lots of lust, we had 3 children and it lasted 17 years. But I absolutely had nothing in common with that man (except sex twice a day). A good man and father. I never really "loved" him. Such a huge mistake I made, because I thought that was what I was supposed to do. Get married and do this white picket fence helen gurley brown having it all kinda thing. Made me nuts to not be who I really am. I should never have done that. I don't really believe in romantic love beyond it being just science. It's kinda more lust combined with hormones. I've had that feeling a few times in my life, and they were NOT with people that would be suitable as life partners. It's also extremely fleeting, and I have this theory that they removed the emotion center from my brain when I had surgery as a child. ha ha. Though I rather wish I could combine H #1 sex drive with H#2's intellect. Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted May 19, 2013 Share Posted May 19, 2013 ^This^ The romance of getting married to someone they think they love, but are really just in limmerance with, is what drives many esp. young people to marriage. Then 2-7 years in they wake up, realize they really can't stand this person when they aren't doing it, and walk away leaving a broken family. This is why marriages used to be arranged. The persons friends and family would match make. Yea I was going to also say that, in America especially, the idea of marrying because you're in love is actually a more popular idea than seeing marriage as utilitarian So I don't think most marry for reasons of security etc, but rather, "love" or as you've said, many times limerence. This has its problems too, because most of the time this "love" is built on nothing but romantic feelings and fairy tales and no doubt the wedding industry capitalizes on selling weddings and the love and magic therein lol. In the culture I'm from, there is no such thing as drive-thru weddings, like in America, where on a whim people marry, but oddly, since it is also a tourist destination, they have all kinds of gimmicky wedding things for American tourists. In lots of other cultures marriage is more than just about the two people being inlove, but people are vetted by the families and the family aspect is a lot more important. I have friends belonging to such cultures. Marriages are not arranged, in the sense that the families pick some random person, but they are a lot more communal and people think a lot more about wider implications of the marriage than merely being in love, although certainly romance is also important. So in my experience, on the scale of marrying for feelings/love versus thinking more broadly, I think American culture and lots of Western cultures are more on the side of the we're marrying because of feelings and being in love than marrying for function. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted May 19, 2013 Share Posted May 19, 2013 Shot gun wedding. Link to post Share on other sites
seren Posted May 19, 2013 Share Posted May 19, 2013 I absolutely married for love and have stayed married and in love for 27 years. Long may it continue. Link to post Share on other sites
EasyHeart Posted May 19, 2013 Share Posted May 19, 2013 Yes, many people get married for love. They're easy to spot, too. They're usually the people who are unhappy with their marriage. . . . 1 Link to post Share on other sites
KraftDinner Posted May 19, 2013 Share Posted May 19, 2013 Sure some claim to, but isn't it more likely people get married because it's a social norm? Do people associate it with a certain degree of security, maturity, and accomplishment? I'm going to, in about 8.5 months. I don't give a crap about social norms. The security aspect is important to me though. He makes me feel very cared for and safe, which is one of the reasons I love him so much. Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted May 19, 2013 Share Posted May 19, 2013 Yes, many people get married for love. They're easy to spot, too. They're usually the people who are unhappy with their marriage. . . . Ha, there is probably some truth to that! The ones that marry for love are often the ones that have people telling them, "Are you sure this is a good idea?" because they are either marrying "too fast" or despite glaring problems. Often, those marriages do face challenges in the future. My H and I married for love. We married "too young". We beat the odds, and are still deeply in love. Link to post Share on other sites
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