metalman_ii Posted May 18, 2013 Posted May 18, 2013 Hey guys, Just wanted your advice on something. Since December, I had been talking pretty frequently with this co-worker I really like. She and I used to talk quite a bit and I could tell we were definitely into each other. We went to dinner a couple of times, and we've always tried to get each other to admit that we liked one another. However, there was always that barrier, because she had been burned in her previous relationships (she even admits that she has low self esteem). She mentioned from time to time that she doesn't believe she's ready to seriously date someone, and wanted to keep her options open. I was cool with that, because I was doing the same thing. I had been chatting with other girls too and I was, for the most part, nonchalant. I know she likes me because she will try to get my attention, especially when I ignore her, and I've found that she imitates me from time to time. I've made it pretty clear that I like her, and about 3 weeks ago, I asked her out. At first, she was evasive and wanted to talk about maybe doing something after my business trip the week after. For the past 2 weeks, her and I have hardly texted, and I was out of the office for 2 weeks, so I couldn't see her in person. When I came back this week, she talked to me like nothing happened. We talked here and there, and things seemed kinda normal. On Thursday, she came into my office, we chatted for a bit and then she wrote her name a bunch of times on a piece of paper with a bunch of hearts and gave it to me, saying that I should keep it. I had kept some other stuff she gave me and she knew about it. Then, yesterday, I asked why she looked bummed out. She told me that she got into a fight with someone that she had just started "kind of" dating. Of course, I was shocked and asked her why she never told me, and that explained why she went so silent all of a sudden. I told her that I made it pretty clear I wanted to get to know her, and that she had mentioned the same (indirectly). She told me that she didn't feel it was necessary to tell me, and that she didn't know that I felt that way towards her. She then makes another excuse that technically I'm her boss, so it couldn't have been an option. I did, 2 weeks before this, go on a date with a girl and we hit it off really well. There's some photos that were posted on my facebook of my time with her, but nothing intimate obviously, just some photos of activities. I don't THINK she views my profile. But perhaps she got jealous of it? I'm not sure. So, rather than seem insecure about her dating someone, I simply told her that I wanted to get to know her better. I wished her well and said I was happy for her. A few hours later after I sent that text. She replies "Thanks." Then 3 hours later after that, she says. "I'm just a flirty person. It's my personality. I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings." Then immediately after that text, "I'm really sorry if I hurt your feelings." I have not responded to her, and it's been about 12 hours since that text. I'm wondering if I should just ignore the text, or if I should reply back with something like "You didn't hurt my feelings. Sometimes things aren't meant to be, and sometimes it's just not the right time." I also was thinking of taking those little pieces of paper she gave to me over the months that I kept and leave it on her desk. Kinda like a symbolic, "You're losing me real fast." What do you guys think? Any advice is helpful, especially from the ladies!
TaraMaiden Posted May 18, 2013 Posted May 18, 2013 Co-worker? Technically her boss? Don't touch it with a bargepole. Steer clear and don't even go there. 1
Author metalman_ii Posted May 18, 2013 Author Posted May 18, 2013 I can see that. But it's not against company policy, as long as the relationship is disclosed. But I can see that if things don't work out, how hostile the office environment could get. Yeah, I definitely see your point. Maybe I should have included this, but in about 6 months, I'm making a transition anyway out of that particular office.
joystickd Posted May 18, 2013 Posted May 18, 2013 She texts you this: "I'm just a flirty person. It's my personality. I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings." Just keep it work related. Just keep it player and f**k other women. It's a not fun dealing with timewasters boosting their ego.
TaraMaiden Posted May 18, 2013 Posted May 18, 2013 I can see that. But it's not against company policy, as long as the relationship is disclosed. But I can see that if things don't work out, how hostile the office environment could get. Yeah, I definitely see your point. Maybe I should have included this, but in about 6 months, I'm making a transition anyway out of that particular office. Well there's your answer. keep it cool, casual, friendly..... then see where you are in 6 months. But yeah - don't put your life on hold for this....
Author metalman_ii Posted May 18, 2013 Author Posted May 18, 2013 I don't plan to put my life on hold, and yeah, I'm talking to other girls in the meantime. The question though is: Do I even bother to respond to her apology? If so, do I simply say she didn't hurt my feelings and keep it calm and cool? And should I leave those things she gave me on her desk? I don't realistically expect that her and I will end up hooking up in the future. However, I'm not interested in being her friend. And if there's a chance that we could still hit it off, I wouldn't mind exploring that option down the road if I haven't already found someone by then.
joystickd Posted May 18, 2013 Posted May 18, 2013 I don't plan to put my life on hold, and yeah, I'm talking to other girls in the meantime. The question though is: Do I even bother to respond to her apology? If so, do I simply say she didn't hurt my feelings and keep it calm and cool? And should I leave those things she gave me on her desk? I don't realistically expect that her and I will end up hooking up in the future. However, I'm not interested in being her friend. And if there's a chance that we could still hit it off, I wouldn't mind exploring that option down the road if I haven't already found someone by then. Don't even talk about that situation anymore. If you two talk keep it work related 1
Author metalman_ii Posted May 18, 2013 Author Posted May 18, 2013 So if I understand correctly: Don't reply to her apology and don't leave the stuff on her desk. Keep cool, don't give her any attention (except for work related purposes) and see if she starts biting. I can do that. Any other opinions/viewpoints? I'm curious to see what others think too! 1
TaraMaiden Posted May 18, 2013 Posted May 18, 2013 Don't bother. The two most important members have responded to you. Everyone else is just a hanger-on. It sucks, but we too have our groupies...... (That was a joke.......) 2
Imported Posted May 18, 2013 Posted May 18, 2013 You're her boss? Don't they have sexual harassment training at your job, because you are pretty much stepping in it. Sounds like you read too much into things and played yourself.
TaraMaiden Posted May 18, 2013 Posted May 18, 2013 You're her boss? Don't they have sexual harassment training at your job, because you are pretty much stepping in it. Sounds like you read too much into things and played yourself. Where....? How.....? 1
Author metalman_ii Posted May 18, 2013 Author Posted May 18, 2013 You're her boss? Don't they have sexual harassment training at your job, because you are pretty much stepping in it. Sounds like you read too much into things and played yourself. It isn't against company policy for someone in my position to date her, as long as it's disclosed. I don't have a direct supervisory relationship with her. I'm with Tara on this one, I fail to see how I read too much and played myself.
pinkstar Posted May 18, 2013 Posted May 18, 2013 (edited) First question : are you her boss or not ? I'm a girl and I think she's scared... That's why she apologised . She did nothing wrong, I'm not even sure she told you the truth about the other guy and the fight with him. She needs to make sure if you really care for her or not... Women look for security if you like her and told her already , how come you go out with another girl and post the photos on fb ? She lost trust on you now. If you want to work on this relationship, you need to be with her only her at least for some time to know her more, if it's not working , then go for another date... If she was not your coworker , you already lost her. But she's scared now, because of work , colleagues etc... I know how she felt... It's hard for a woman to express love like she did in a romantic way ( write her name on piece of paper) and then... She didn't get any positive response, but you can still work on this relationship . You are lucky, you are In the same work place Edited May 18, 2013 by pinkstar Typo
joystickd Posted May 18, 2013 Posted May 18, 2013 So if I understand correctly: Don't reply to her apology and don't leave the stuff on her desk. Keep cool, don't give her any attention (except for work related purposes) and see if she starts biting. I can do that. Any other opinions/viewpoints? I'm curious to see what others think too! Don't even worry about if she bites! Just move on to other women. It kinds of reminds me of a situation I had a few days ago where a woman I was friends with and a coworker had given off a vibe that she was into me. I acted on it but she said I will think about it. We both talked to other people nothing serious but I liked her. Other people noticed how she acted and agreed she was into me. She even stated she had liked me. I got curious about what the deal was because of the I'll think about it response and put her in a put up or shut up position and she said she was never really attracted to me and wanted friendship. i did this through text I was mad as hell because this is someone that said I was one of her best friends but she didn't respect me enough to tell me this in the beginning when I said how I felt. She basically lied. She got mad because I talked to other women. Hell she talked to other guys but I kept it player and didn't get mad about it. I never even mentioned it. She did. I just keep it work now and don't worry about it. I had to go back to my lessons from the pimp game and go back to manifesting ism on these women.
joystickd Posted May 18, 2013 Posted May 18, 2013 First question : are you her boss or not ? I'm a girl and I think she's scared... That's why she apologised . She did nothing wrong, I'm not even sure she told you the truth about the other guy and the fight with him. She needs to make sure if you really care for her or not... Women look for security if you like her and told her already , how come you go out with another girl and post the photos on fb ? She lost trust on you now. If you want to work on this relationship, you need to be with her only her at least for some time to know her more, if it's not working , then go for another date... If she was not your coworker , you already lost her. But she's scared now, because of work , colleagues etc... I know how she felt... It's hard for a woman to express love like she did in a romantic way ( write her name on piece of paper) and then... She didn't get any positive response, but you can still work on this relationship . You are lucky, you are In the same work place You forget she said this: "I'm just a flirty person. It's my personality. I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings." She just wanted the attention and she apologized figuring since he is her boss he would make life hard for her. The apology was for her benefit more than anything. His best bet is to move on and just keep it work. That is the only thing he can do. If he did more it would open up the door for more problems for him and not her. 1
pinkstar Posted May 18, 2013 Posted May 18, 2013 I agree !! She apologized because he's her boss. The problem is , he still likes her .. That's why he posted here . Another issue is , a woman may say something but she didn't mean it. She said she was flirty ... What else can she say ? He made mistake if he ask her out 3 weeks ago and 2 weeks ago went to another date and even posted pictures, it's very hard for her. He could at least wait a bit...
joystickd Posted May 18, 2013 Posted May 18, 2013 I agree !! She apologized because he's her boss. The problem is , he still likes her .. That's why he posted here . Another issue is , a woman may say something but she didn't mean it. She said she was flirty ... What else can she say ? He made mistake if he ask her out 3 weeks ago and 2 weeks ago went to another date and even posted pictures, it's very hard for her. He could at least wait a bit... He got charged to the game. It's time to move on. He waits then he is a sucker!! You know it's the truth 1
Author metalman_ii Posted May 18, 2013 Author Posted May 18, 2013 I don't plan to wait, but I'd like to keep that option open if I'm not already with someone else down the line. Other than keeping it cool, any other advice?
Author metalman_ii Posted May 19, 2013 Author Posted May 19, 2013 Wow, sometimes these boards move fast I know the Sunday crowd is usually bigger. Any other advice would be great. So far, you guys have some really great advice, and I'm definitely gonna implement it when I see her tomorrow.
JuneJulySeptember Posted May 19, 2013 Posted May 19, 2013 I don't understand why you're so confident that she definitely likes you. From your post at least, all the signs point to the fact that she doesn't like you. Women are emotional creatures. Boss or not, she'd be all over you if she were attracted to you. And if she were one of the more level headed, calculated types, she would have told you that she doesn't want to date you because she's your boss instead of playing emotional footsy with you. Also, if her lack of interest was because she was dating someone else, then she would have given that as the reason. It's the easiest out there is. The WORST thing you can do as a man is convince yourself there's interest when there's none or it's a gray area. Assume she doesn't and move on. Also seems like an attention seeker and someone who will hurt you bad. Move on.
Author metalman_ii Posted May 19, 2013 Author Posted May 19, 2013 I don't understand why you're so confident that she definitely likes you. From your post at least, all the signs point to the fact that she doesn't like you. Women are emotional creatures. Boss or not, she'd be all over you if she were attracted to you. And if she were one of the more level headed, calculated types, she would have told you that she doesn't want to date you because she's your boss instead of playing emotional footsy with you. Also, if her lack of interest was because she was dating someone else, then she would have given that as the reason. It's the easiest out there is. The WORST thing you can do as a man is convince yourself there's interest when there's none or it's a gray area. Assume she doesn't and move on. Also seems like an attention seeker and someone who will hurt you bad. Move on. Normally, I'd agree that I could have been assuming. But, we used to talk all the time, she'd tease me and we've flirted before. I've even had other people in the office tell me from time to time that they think she likes me. I held back because I was still nervous about the whole co-worker thing (even though it's fine) and I was seeing what else was out there. What held me back was that she was doing the same thing, and even said she wanted to keep her options open for now. I probably should have seen past that BS and just went for it while the iron was hot. But, that opportunity has probably passed right now. I agree with the advice that I think it's just best to play it cool, be nonchalant about her dating someone and just continue doing what I'm doing. Either she's doing this to make me jealous, or she's just not interested anymore. Either way, I'm not going to put my life on hold. It'd be nice to have her as an option down the line, in case I'm not with someone by then, but it's not the end of the world. I just want to make sure that if that possibility happens and there's Round 2, that I've set the right conditions for it to happen.
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