Is She Moving to Slow or Am I Moving to Fast?

[justwhoiam]

For you ladies on the forums, I am curious on your input: Am I doing anything wrong with my approach and reassurance to her? I told her we could take it slow, I'm not looking for sex if she isn't ready, I won't change after we meet, and I'm willing to pay in full to take a trip to Florida; she wouldn't have to do anything. What could I have missed?

It's a delicate balance. I'm thinking if I were that girl what it would be like. You need to be patient, but at the same time not too accomodating. You need not to pressure her too much, but at the same time you can't bend at her will.

 

I'm not sure that it's like veggirl and others said. I don't know her, so I can't really tell. But I would have probably done the same if I had been her. I'm just trying to offer you a different perspective saying that it's not an absolute truth that she's lying or hiding anything. That is a possibility you shouldn't discard, but also something that might not match her case.

 

I guess you were too obsessed with meeting her. She said you could meet her in the Summer, and you started being impatient about it right away, and not to meet her in July or later, rather to meet her in May. I'm trying to put myself in her shoes, maybe she needed to be sure about the two of you, and during this time (that you might call test time, when she was probably testing the relationship), you had several arguments...

 

Threating to leave won't help you, if you really care about this girl. I agree with others when they say not to invest too much into this girl, in terms of feelings... You need to meet her before thinking she could be your girlfriend. But the first thing you could do is tell her how you feel about her, and then ask her if she would want you as her boyfriend. See what she says and start from there. If her answer is positive, she needs to understand how important meeting her is to go on with the relationship. If the answer is negative, just move on.

[Tk123]

So last night I think was a step forward, for both of us. We had a good two hour conversation last night about our relationship.

 

I asked her if she wanted this relationship to ever be more than an online/over the phone thing. Her response was that she does want it to be more, but her first online relationship in person meeting was terrible. She told me ever since then she has been scared and that she's been going very slow. She told me she wasn't ever going to tell anyone about it, but finally opened up to me.

 

Not to be nosy, I asked her if she'd be willing to tell me more about it. She summed it up that the guy was a total jerk and AHole. That he drank, smoke and treated her like sht in person. He grabbed her shirt and pants at one point and literally ripped them off of her. That's where she ended that and told me she was getting uncomfortable.

 

I respectively told her I understand how scaring those memories must have been, and reassured her of everything I've mentioned previously on this thread. I told her again: I don't want anything but to see her. We don't even have to touch each other for all I care. I told her she could bring a friend, that she could do anything to make this meeting less stressful on her.

 

It seemed to not hit her though, but she told me that she felt stupid. She told me she felt stupid because she knows I would never do anything to harm her but she can't get over this traumatizing relationship with this other guy.

 

Their relationship lasted for 2 years. They started dating online on her 16th birthday and they decided to meet up one year later on her 17th birthday.

 

I tried to finally put an end to this meeting thing. I asked her to let's finally put an end to this distance and meet. I reassured her that I wouldn't do anything to harm her and she knows it.

 

She responded saying she wasn't comfortable and that I could call her whatever names she wants but she just can't do it because those ugly memories of her previous relationship come back.

 

We continued to talk on and on, and I think you guys get the point. I was straightforward and honest with her. Telling her I'm not sure how much longer I can do this online stuff. She simply said "I understand", and I don't think she realized how serious I am about this.

 

I ended the night with me telling her how much I love her, and that I wanted her to sleep on everything we have talked about. I even asked her to reread our conversation at some point (this was late at night and over texts).

 

So after everything I laid out above, what does it look like for me? She told me she is being serious about this relationship and that just because we don't meet now, doesn't mean that we won't ever meet. I really don't know how I should be feeling in regards to our conversation.

Edited May 23, 2013 by Tk123

[justwhoiam]

She was 17. And went on with this guy for another year...

How old is she now?

Didn't she date anyone since then?

Make her reason on the fact that by not meeting you, she is rejecting you and not giving you a chance.

[Tk123]

She was 17. And went on with this guy for another year...

How old is she now?

Didn't she date anyone since then?

Make her reason on the fact that by not meeting you, she is rejecting you and not giving you a chance.

 

 

She is 20 now and going to be 21 in a few months. To my knowledge this was her last relationship since me and that's why she claims she is taking it so slow. I'm going to keep talking to her about the matter tonight and make her reason with that fact. I'll keep you all posted. Thanks again so much for the responses.

[AJinlove]

Many of us here with experience in LDR don't have the luxury of having the possibility of traveling to meet our SO; then we don't meet because we simply can't, it is not by choice. We are not only bound to the distance but also to the lack of touch, smell, hear, vision, and taste of our SO; what makes it all more difficult and stressful. I think you have a good heart and good intentions and you got into this without really knowing what you were getting into.

 

For what you say, you want to meet and have a real relationship, one that translates into the real world; and by going by what you say your partner is not ready for that. I would drop it as she doesn't seem like a good match for you.

[Tk123]

Many of us here with experience in LDR don't have the luxury of having the possibility of traveling to meet our SO; then we don't meet because we simply can't, it is not by choice. We are not only bound to the distance but also to the lack of touch, smell, hear, vision, and taste of our SO; what makes it all more difficult and stressful. I think you have a good heart and good intentions and you got into this without really knowing what you were getting into.

 

For what you say, you want to meet and have a real relationship, one that translates into the real world; and by going by what you say your partner is not ready for that. I would drop it as she doesn't seem like a good match for you.

 

Thanks for the insight AJ.

 

I do realize that the 500 miles that separates us is nothing compared to other LDR couples. But I think since we are lucky enough to have that opportunity to meet, we should take advantage of it while we can.

 

I'm not going to lie, I want a real relationship. Doesn't everyone want that though? I think all of us in LDR's can agree that the distance truly does suck.

 

I tried to convince her to let me down there and we could take babysteps. A simple lunch date, then I'd go back home. Yes call me crazy, I'm willing to go out of my way to drive, fly, etc. for a 1 hour lunch meeting. I want her to gain her confidence back that this other guy has truly torn from her. She declined saying she has to visit family in another part of the state this weekend. I don't know how to feel anymore.

 

In other news, I'm going out to the movies this weekend with a girl who I've known for years. This will be the first time in 6 months that I actually do something with myself. I'm not looking to have a relationship with this other girl or cheat and I'm going to let my partner know that I'm simply hanging out for a couple of hours. Is this a bad move on my part, or does this seem reasonable after being given excuse after excuse for not meeting up?

Edited May 24, 2013 by Tk123

[TMichaels]

I tried to convince her to let me down there and we could take babysteps. A simple lunch date, then I'd go back home. Yes call me crazy, I'm willing to go out of my way to drive, fly, etc. for a 1 hour lunch meeting. I want her to gain her confidence back that this other guy has truly torn from her.

Tk123, it's not your job or responsibility to "fix" her. That's her problem to sort out.

 

She declined saying she has to visit family in another part of the state this weekend. I don't know how to feel anymore.

 

You've bent over backwards to assure her your intentions are honorable and you're not like the other guy. That still isn't good enough. Of course, you're deflated, confused and frustrated. Who wouldn't be?

 

The way I see it there's one of two reasons for her behavior: Either she has serious psychological issues she needs to get professional help to remedy or she's pulling your chain. Sorry, but I think it's actually both of the above.

 

In other news, I'm going out to the movies this weekend with a girl who I've known for years. This will be the first time in 6 months that I actually do something with myself.

 

Good for you! What are you going to see?

 

I'm not looking to have a relationship with this other girl or cheat and I'm going to let my partner know that I'm simply hanging out for a couple of hours. Is this a bad move on my part, or does this seem reasonable after being given excuse after excuse for not meeting up?

 

The only bad move about the above is your compulsion to tell "your partner" anything about how you plan to spend your time.

 

I don't care how many hours you've spent online or on the phone chatting, the two of you haven't even met each other in person. You ARE NOT partners -- except in a fantastical/virtual way.

 

If you think by telling her you're going out with a female friend to see a movie that somehow that will motivate her to change her mind about meeting you, don't play that stupid game consciously OR unconsciously.

 

Tk123, she doesn't own you, and you don't need to inform or seek her permission. In fact, given the way she's treated you, she doesn't deserve one iota more of your attention or desire.

 

But, you're not there yet. You still want to believe you'll be successful in getting her to "come around."

 

If I were you, I'd ask myself a question... "Has this all gone beyond my simple desire to meet someone whom I'm curious about and morphed into something else entirely as in a challenge I refuse to give up on so I can prove a point?"

 

You have a whole wonderful summer ahead of you, Tk123. Don't waste it away - nor your life -- with people who aren't willing to meet you (no pun intended) half-way.

 

Enjoy your weekend. Hopefully, it will be contagious -- as in one of several positive things you'll do this summer "for yourself."

 

All the best,

TMichaels

[Tk123]

Tk123, it's not your job or responsibility to "fix" her. That's her problem to sort out.

 

You've bent over backwards to assure her your intentions are honorable and you're not like the other guy. That still isn't good enough. Of course, you're deflated, confused and frustrated. Who wouldn't be?

 

I really am, I'm fking burnt from all of this. Sometimes it feels like I got nothing left in me.

 

The way I see it there's one of two reasons for her behavior: Either she has serious psychological issues she needs to get professional help to remedy or she's pulling your chain. Sorry, but I think it's actually both of the above.

 

I have thrown it out there to her in the past that she should see a professional about her depression issues. I've even offered to look for one in her area and to pay for the first couple of appointments. She said she wouldn't be able to open up to a professional about it.

 

 

Good for you! What are you going to see?

 

We're going to see The Great Gatsby. I read the book and loved it,hopefully the movie proves to be just as good!

 

 

 

The only bad move about the above is your compulsion to tell "your partner" anything about how you plan to spend your time.

 

I don't care how many hours you've spent online or on the phone chatting, the two of you haven't even met each other in person. You ARE NOT partners -- except in a fantastical/virtual way.

 

If you think by telling her you're going out with a female friend to see a movie that somehow that will motivate her to change her mind about meeting you, don't play that stupid game consciously OR unconsciously.

 

Tk123, she doesn't own you, and you don't need to inform or seek her permission. In fact, given the way she's treated you, she doesn't deserve one iota more of your attention or desire.

 

But, you're not there yet. You still want to believe you'll be successful in getting her to "come around."

 

If I were you, I'd ask myself a question... "Has this all gone beyond my simple desire to meet someone whom I'm curious about and morphed into something else entirely as in a challenge I refuse to give up on so I can prove a point?"

 

You have a whole wonderful summer ahead of you, Tk123. Don't waste it away - nor your life -- with people who aren't willing to meet you (no pun intended) half-way.

 

Enjoy your weekend. Hopefully, it will be contagious -- as in one of several positive things you'll do this summer "for yourself."

 

All the best,

TMichaels

 

Thank you very very much again TMichaels. I can't thank you enough. I promise you that if we still have not met by her birthday in July, then I'm going to move on with my life 100% for sure and cut ALL contact with her.

 

I am not going to put much effort into these last couple of months if she still shows no sign of meeting. The girl I'm going to the movies with tomorrow is definitely not afraid to see people. I know she has a lot of guy friends as well, so I am most likely probably going to keep things between me and her on a "friendly" level at most.

 

She is really one of the only few people I still talk to from my high school days. I F'd up badly and began to not put myself out there as much when I ran into my current LDR "partner". I don't know how I will be able to transition and move on, and how I'll get the most out of this summer. I'm sure time will tell the story.

[xorro]

There are a lot of girls who would be really excited to meet in person.

And then there's the type like me, who would be scared, and looking for excuses to delay a meeting. I have terrible social anxiety, and pretty low self-esteem, even though people may not pick up on it. I always come across as more interesting online. I really try not to post FB photos that look much better than I do in real life.. but it's hard to use a bad photo when you have a choice not to. So yeah, there are a lot of insecurities there. Have you seen her head to toe? She may be a little heavier than you can tell on Skype. Women think that men notice 5 or 10 lbs, since we notice that about ourselves.

So it's very realistic this is what's going on with her. I think you probably need to get a little pushier so you make sure it does happen. Maybe set a deadline- say that you definitely need to visit this summer, and she can either decide when, or give you a valid reason for not. Let her know that your relationship can't go on indefinitely without meeting. Maybe it's a little too early now, but if she's not ready by August, you should let her know you're going to move on. There are probably people who actually prefer to keep a relationship entirely virtual.

[AJinlove]

You simply got caught up in the situation, and truly I believe you deserves a lot better ... you are a nice guy who is simply not in a relationship right now but are willing to get into one, you simply picked the wrong woman to do it with.

 

For people with low self-steem and have social anxiety, I recommend to go out and hang out with people, experience and get over it. It is really not all that hard, you just have to want to do it and take action, do it, do it tonight, go out, meet people and have fun .. but dragging a nice guy for over 6 months along in an online relationship with no end date on when to meet IS NOT THE WAY TO GO, no matter how anxious you get on real life ... is simply not fair to him ...

 

I know by personal experience that online relationships can feel very real and very fulfilling ... but only up to one point ... they miss a big chunk of what a real relationship is ... and if there is no end date .. you are better off cutting it sooner than later.

 

There are a lot of woman out there who will love you for what you are; go out more, talk to people. Enjoy life and have fun, be happy do fun stuff, the rest will follow.

[Tk123]

There are a lot of girls who would be really excited to meet in person.

And then there's the type like me, who would be scared, and looking for excuses to delay a meeting. I have terrible social anxiety, and pretty low self-esteem, even though people may not pick up on it. I always come across as more interesting online. I really try not to post FB photos that look much better than I do in real life.. but it's hard to use a bad photo when you have a choice not to. So yeah, there are a lot of insecurities there. Have you seen her head to toe? She may be a little heavier than you can tell on Skype. Women think that men notice 5 or 10 lbs, since we notice that about ourselves.

So it's very realistic this is what's going on with her. I think you probably need to get a little pushier so you make sure it does happen. Maybe set a deadline- say that you definitely need to visit this summer, and she can either decide when, or give you a valid reason for not. Let her know that your relationship can't go on indefinitely without meeting. Maybe it's a little too early now, but if she's not ready by August, you should let her know you're going to move on. There are probably people who actually prefer to keep a relationship entirely virtual.

 

 

 

I know about social anxiety because I had it and still do have it. I'm really nervous for this movie hang out with this other girl that I'm just going out with as friends!

 

You can't tell me though after 6 months of a relationship that you're not willing to give it a shot. If you're truly "in love" with the person as she claims she is, she could make the push I know. She tells me she "loves" me at least 4-5 times per day in our daily conversation. I'm beginning to think she doesn't mean it.

 

I've tried telling her by not allowing me to meet her, in theory she is rejecting me and not giving me a fair shot because of her previous relationship. I did everything I can to convince her how much of a genuine guy I am, but she can't take my word for it.

 

 

You simply got caught up in the situation, and truly I believe you deserves a lot better ... you are a nice guy who is simply not in a relationship right now but are willing to get into one, you simply picked the wrong woman to do it with.

 

For people with low self-steem and have social anxiety, I recommend to go out and hang out with people, experience and get over it. It is really not all that hard, you just have to want to do it and take action, do it, do it tonight, go out, meet people and have fun .. but dragging a nice guy for over 6 months along in an online relationship with no end date on when to meet IS NOT THE WAY TO GO, no matter how anxious you get on real life ... is simply not fair to him ...

 

I know by personal experience that online relationships can feel very real and very fulfilling ... but only up to one point ... they miss a big chunk of what a real relationship is ... and if there is no end date .. you are better off cutting it sooner than later.

 

There are a lot of woman out there who will love you for what you are; go out more, talk to people. Enjoy life and have fun, be happy do fun stuff, the rest will follow.

 

 

Thank you AJ. Summer is almost here and I can't keep myself confined in this "virtual relationship". I'm going to try and get out more. I'll still keep her around, but I'm not going to take it as serious until she is ready for a face to face meeting. There's not much more I can give to her. I gave her everything I could in terms of assistance and trying to be there for her. I tried so hard to make this work, and I don't feel she appreciates it. I'm truly a mess after these 6 months of telling myself that this was real. That she was the one.

[justwhoiam]

I'm not going to lie, I want a real relationship. Doesn't everyone want that though?

Yes...

 

Is this a bad move on my part

Yes.

 

bad move is your compulsion to tell "your partner" anything about how you plan to spend your time.

Yeah. Bad move. But not the only one.

 

If you think by telling her you're going out with a female friend to see a movie that somehow that will motivate her to change her mind about meeting you, don't play that stupid game

Right, listen to this older guy who knows better. That will only turn her more bitter.

 

Tk123, honestly, you keep making the wrong moves. You only had one simple rule to follow: plan a visit during Summer. You ignored it, got clingy, insisting, annoying and pushing. I think you blew it. So at this point, just move on.

[TMichaels]

I know about social anxiety because I had it and still do have it. I'm really nervous for this movie hang out with this other girl that I'm just going out with as friends!

 

You're thinking about it too much, Tk123. Sometimes the nerves come from having expectations. The best approach is to have none and to just relax and let things play out.

 

You can't tell me though after 6 months of a relationship that you're not willing to give it a shot.

 

For most people, yes that's true. But, as another poster pointed out there are some people who "get their kicks" out of being in a virtual relationship. They are either incapable of relating to people in real life and an online relationship allows them to keep others at arm's length or they're leading a double life and the Internet enables them to keep the truth from others.

 

If you're truly "in love" with the person as she claims she is, she could make the push I know. She tells me she "loves" me at least 4-5 times per day in our daily conversation. I'm beginning to think she doesn't mean it.

 

Talk is cheap, Tk123. ACTIONS always speak louder than words. Consider this: As long as she tells you she loves you, it keeps you coming back. Hint: Pavlov? Dog?

 

I've tried telling her by not allowing me to meet her, in theory she is rejecting me and not giving me a fair shot because of her previous relationship. I did everything I can to convince her how much of a genuine guy I am, but she can't take my word for it.

 

Yep. So, ask yourself this... Wouldn't you rather spend your life with someone who believes in you and appreciates you for who you are?

 

Summer is almost here and I can't keep myself confined in this "virtual relationship". I'm going to try and get out more.

 

Don't just *try* Tk123. Make it a priority! You'll feel better about yourself and it will open your eyes to what you're missing -- which is a lot!

 

I'll still keep her around, but I'm not going to take it as serious until she is ready for a face to face meeting. There's not much more I can give to her. I gave her everything I could in terms of assistance and trying to be there for her. I tried so hard to make this work, and I don't feel she appreciates it. I'm truly a mess after these 6 months of telling myself that this was real. That she was the one.

 

Quit kicking yourself, TK123. You went into the relationship with honest intentions and you gave it your all.

 

I'm sure you've heard the saying: "You win some and you lose some."

 

If a relationship doesn't work out, that doesn't make you a loser. It just means the two of you weren't right for each other. To paraphrase another well-worn phrase: "Ya gotta kiss a lot of frogs in order to find your prince."

 

Yes, I know, you're a guy but the sentiment and value of the advice is the same. IOW, it's likely you'll need to get to know a number of girls in order to eventually find the one for you. That's why putting yourself out there is so important.

 

BUT perhaps even more important is the need for you to be more selective. If a potential partner is "talking the talk" but NOT "walking the walk" then don't let your compelling desire to be in a relationship "with the one" trump common sense.

 

So bottom line Tk123... It's time to pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and get with the program.

 

As numerous others here have already told you, you have a lot to offer the right girl. Get off your computer, start living life, and find her!

 

Best,

TMichaels

Edited May 25, 2013 by TMichaels

[kiwildr]

Tk123 that is some sound advice that TMichaels has given you I totally agree with his advice and comments.

 

I still can't quite grasp why she will not even meet you for lunch in a public setting with other people around? I bet even if you said to her to bring a friend there would still be some excuse .

 

For me personally that would make me think the relationship is turning into one person giving and one person taking that can be emotionally draining the term emotional vampire comes to mind.

 

I've done it to where I have thought someone was the one and invested my time in them and kept on trying and trying only to wake up and realise one day that really they weren't into me as much as I was into them and in the meantime had put my friends and what was going on around me on hold and missed out on some great opportunities.

 

A lot of people on here care about what happens to you in your situation. I think you will find that some people on here have had similar experiences or being a little older can offer some wise advice through experience.

Edited May 25, 2013 by kiwildr

[Tk123]

You're thinking about it too much, Tk123. Sometimes the nerves come from having expectations. The best approach is to have none and to just relax and let things play out.

 

 

 

For most people, yes that's true. But, as another poster pointed out there are some people who "get their kicks" out of being in a virtual relationship. They are either incapable of relating to people in real life and an online relationship allows them to keep others at arm's length or they're leading a double life and the Internet enables them to keep the truth from others.

 

 

 

Talk is cheap, Tk123. ACTIONS always speak louder than words. Consider this: As long as she tells you she loves you, it keeps you coming back. Hint: Pavlov? Dog?

 

 

 

Yep. So, ask yourself this... Wouldn't you rather spend your life with someone who believes in you and appreciates you for who you are?

 

 

 

Don't just *try* Tk123. Make it a priority! You'll feel better about yourself and it will open your eyes to what you're missing -- which is a lot!

 

 

 

Quit kicking yourself, TK123. You went into the relationship with honest intentions and you gave it your all.

 

I'm sure you've heard the saying: "You win some and you lose some."

 

If a relationship doesn't work out, that doesn't make you a loser. It just means the two of you weren't right for each other. To paraphrase another well-worn phrase: "Ya gotta kiss a lot of frogs in order to find your prince."

 

Yes, I know, you're a guy but the sentiment and value of the advice is the same. IOW, it's likely you'll need to get to know a number of girls in order to eventually find the one for you. That's why putting yourself out there is so important.

 

BUT perhaps even more important is the need for you to be more selective. If a potential partner is "talking the talk" but NOT "walking the walk" then don't let your compelling desire to be in a relationship "with the one" trump common sense.

 

So bottom line Tk123... It's time to pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and get with the program.

 

As numerous others here have already told you, you have a lot to offer the right girl. Get off your computer, start living life, and find her!

 

Best,

TMichaels

 

Thank you TMichaels. I have brought up the whole virtual relationship thing with her and she told me that she is taking it serious, but is torn by her past relationship.

 

I agree with you very much that is is draining. I do keep coming back, and I seem to never learn; but this time around I think it has finally hit me. I'm a fool, a dog and a disgrace for thinking she really is going to give me a chance.

 

Tk123 that is some sound advice that TMichaels has given you I totally agree with his advice and comments.

 

I still can't quite grasp why she will not even meet you for lunch in a public setting with other people around? I bet even if you said to her to bring a friend there would still be some excuse .

 

For me personally that would make me think the relationship is turning into one person giving and one person taking that can be emotionally draining the term emotional vampire comes to mind.

 

I've done it to where I have thought someone was the one and invested my time in them and kept on trying and trying only to wake up and realise one day that really they weren't into me as much as I was into them and in the meantime had put my friends and what was going on around me on hold and missed out on some great opportunities.

 

A lot of people on here care about what happens to you in your situation. I think you will find that some people on here have had similar experiences or being a little older can offer some wise advice through experience.

 

I agree Kiwi. I have thrown the offer that she could bring any of her friends or family to make her more comfortable if that was the issue, but she swore it was not. I have offered to fly there and back paying all expenses for a simple 1 hour lunch meeting and take baby-steps towards the big picture. I am confused and hurt all at the same time as to what her intentions are with me.

 

 

 

 

 

A little mini update: So I went to the movies with this other girl. We had a great time! It felt great to finally get out there again and be with someone in person.

 

At the end of the night we simply hugged goodbye, and she texted me shortly after thanking me and saying we should do it again soon. I guess this could be called a success?

 

I'm glad I took advantage of this opportunity, and for a few hours it truly got my mind off this whole relationship that has been tormenting me.

[TMichaels]

A little mini update: So I went to the movies with this other girl. We had a great time! It felt great to finally get out there again and be with someone in person.

 

At the end of the night we simply hugged goodbye, and she texted me shortly after thanking me and saying we should do it again soon. I guess this could be called a success?

 

Yep. I certainly would say so!

 

I'm glad I took advantage of this opportunity, and for a few hours it truly got my mind off this whole relationship that has been tormenting me.

 

Keep it up, Tk123! BTW, how was the movie?

 

Best,

TMichaels

[AJinlove]

Of course the movie date was a success, even if at the end of the road leads to nothing serious with this other girl.

 

It is important that now you change your mind set and get to see the virtual relationship as for what it really is: virtual, not real; a fantasy to which is very easy to get addicted to; and as with all additions the best treatment is to stop. In this case, to stop all contact with your virtual GF. It is thought, but it must be done.

[Tk123]

BTW, how was the movie?

 

 

The movie was great! I read The Great Gatsby back in high school and although I wouldn't say the movie was better then the book, it definitely was worth watching. I'd recommend it to anyone

 

It is a romantic drama film and at times I felt me and this girl leaning towards and nudging into each other, but I didn't have the balls to wrap my arm around her or do anything risky.

 

 

Of course the movie date was a success, even if at the end of the road leads to nothing serious with this other girl.

 

It is important that now you change your mind set and get to see the virtual relationship as for what it really is: virtual, not real; a fantasy to which is very easy to get addicted to; and as with all additions the best treatment is to stop. In this case, to stop all contact with your virtual GF. It is thought, but it must be done.

 

I agree 100% AJ! I did get addicted to this other relationship.

 

Even on my way home from the movies, she texted me saying she missed me (my LDR partner).

 

Before I left to leave for the movies, I told her that I was going to the movies with some friends. She seemed fine with the whole thing and let me have my freedom.

[Tk123]

So I finally tried to end it last night. Once and for all. This 6 month virtual relationship. I told her if she can't give me a fair chance to meet then it's time to move on.

 

Her excuse for not hanging out with me this previous weekend was because she got fired/laid off from her job and didn't want to say anything to me about it because of her depression.

 

I told her I felt sorry for her, but that still does not change how I feel about me and her meeting. I almost got out of it, but then she told me her last day of work is in a couple of weeks and that we could meet on the Saturday a few weeks from now.

 

I was amazed that she finally offered and that it finally hit her. We still have no idea where we're meeting, but we got the date down now. What should I do from this point to make sure these plans do not fall apart? The date has finally been made and I am more relieved than ever.

[justwhoiam]

What should I do from this point to make sure these plans do not fall apart?

Buy your plane ticket and make a reservation for a hotel room. Be sure to let her know she can't stand you up now.

[TMichaels]

Her excuse for not hanging out with me this previous weekend was because she got fired/laid off from her job and didn't want to say anything to me about it because of her depression.

 

I told her I felt sorry for her, but that still does not change how I feel about me and her meeting. I almost got out of it, but then she told me her last day of work is in a couple of weeks and that we could meet on the Saturday a few weeks from now.

 

Huh? Wasn't her excuse before you couldn't come see her because "one of these weekends" she had to work overtime and she didn't know which one? And now, she's been fired/laid off?

 

Seems awfully odd that someone could be "so valuable" that they were being tapped for OT and/or the place she works is so short-handed that they'd need people to work extra shifts -- then turn around and terminate her.

 

I dunno, Tk123... Doesn't add up to me...

 

I was amazed that she finally offered and that it finally hit her. We still have no idea where we're meeting, but we got the date down now. What should I do from this point to make sure these plans do not fall apart? The date has finally been made and I am more relieved than ever.

 

I'm not sure anything miraculous happened -- yet. You called her bluff so she had to do something if she was going to keep you on the hook.

 

However, you really don't have definite plans in place. In all honesty, all she's done is bought herself a bit more time...

 

Regardless, since you're bound and determined to see this through (plus, now you've gotten her to at least tentatively agree to a meeting) do some research and see if there's a concert, exhibit at a museum, local zoo or something like that the two of you could go see. The latter two options are probably more viable as she could bring a couple of friends if she wanted which should make her feel less vulnerable.

 

Also figure out what your local transportation options are. On a college student's budget I doubt you'll have the money to rent a car -- and how flakey she's behaved thus far, I wouldn't bother asking or thinking you can rely on her to pick you up or drive you around. Hopefully, there are some local mass transit options -- or if you're really "adventurous" you could always drive down to Florida and back -- probably would take you 24 hours from NY.

 

Then, give her a choice of three dates (days). Tell her to pick one -- by "X" date -- as you need to make your travel plans. If she hems and haws, cut bait, and walk away.

 

If she commits to a specific date, go ahead and make your plane and hotel reservations (knowing full well that you may just be having yourself an expensive "mini-break" in Florida all by your lonesome, but don't tell *her* that -- just be prepared that it's entirely possible that's what will happen).

 

As others as suggested, I'd stay away from trying to arrange a meeting on her birthday. No doubt she will have other plans (or can easily tell you she does as another stalling tactic).

 

While I hope you'll get your wish so you can see once and for all whether the past six months have been time well spent, personally IMO her acquiescence at this point in time would have been too little, too late for me.

 

Regardless, keep us posted how it goes. And, if your "Great Gatsby Gal" suggests hanging out again, go for it. As they say, "a bird in the hand is always better than two in the bush..."

 

Best,

TMichaels

[Tk123]

Buy your plane ticket and make a reservation for a hotel room. Be sure to let her know she can't stand you up now.

 

I told her I'm going to buy it this weekend and told her she can't stand me up.

 

Huh? Wasn't her excuse before you couldn't come see her because "one of these weekends" she had to work overtime and she didn't know which one? And now, she's been fired/laid off?

 

Seems awfully odd that someone could be "so valuable" that they were being tapped for OT and/or the place she works is so short-handed that they'd need people to work extra shifts -- then turn around and terminate her.

 

I dunno, Tk123... Doesn't add up to me...

 

 

 

I'm not sure anything miraculous happened -- yet. You called her bluff so she had to do something if she was going to keep you on the hook.

 

However, you really don't have definite plans in place. In all honesty, all she's done is bought herself a bit more time...

 

Regardless, since you're bound and determined to see this through (plus, now you've gotten her to at least tentatively agree to a meeting) do some research and see if there's a concert, exhibit at a museum, local zoo or something like that the two of you could go see. The latter two options are probably more viable as she could bring a couple of friends if she wanted which should make her feel less vulnerable.

 

Also figure out what your local transportation options are. On a college student's budget I doubt you'll have the money to rent a car -- and how flakey she's behaved thus far, I wouldn't bother asking or thinking you can rely on her to pick you up or drive you around. Hopefully, there are some local mass transit options -- or if you're really "adventurous" you could always drive down to Florida and back -- probably would take you 24 hours from NY.

 

Then, give her a choice of three dates (days). Tell her to pick one -- by "X" date -- as you need to make your travel plans. If she hems and haws, cut bait, and walk away.

 

If she commits to a specific date, go ahead and make your plane and hotel reservations (knowing full well that you may just be having yourself an expensive "mini-break" in Florida all by your lonesome, but don't tell *her* that -- just be prepared that it's entirely possible that's what will happen).

 

As others as suggested, I'd stay away from trying to arrange a meeting on her birthday. No doubt she will have other plans (or can easily tell you she does as another stalling tactic).

 

While I hope you'll get your wish so you can see once and for all whether the past six months have been time well spent, personally IMO her acquiescence at this point in time would have been too little, too late for me.

 

Regardless, keep us posted how it goes. And, if your "Great Gatsby Gal" suggests hanging out again, go for it. As they say, "a bird in the hand is always better than two in the bush..."

 

Best,

TMichaels

 

Maybe this was a little evil plot for her to buy more time to keep me on the fence. I won't know. Luckily we arranged a date for the weekend of June 8-9, so even if this is a little ploy to lead me on, it's only for one more week.

 

The date is in place, and the ticket will be bought this weekend. I do not know what to expect, but we're going to meet for lunch down by her, and take it from there.

 

I'm getting a little weary only because she recently met a new group of people on an online game we play together when we're bored. This group is full of other guys. I'll admit I did spy on her, and she did hint at them right from the bat that she has a boyfriend, and seemed to set the ground straight. I even confronted her about it multiple times, she swears there's nothing to these guys, but I am a little skeptical.

 

The pit of my stomach tells me when we get closer to next weekend, it may be the end of the road. That is why I haven't bought my ticket yet. I want to see how this weekend plays out and if she still plays with these guys. I know for a fact they only talk about the game when their together, and they are a bunch of internet "trolls" (excuse my terminology I can elaborate on what that word means if you don't understand it xD), so I am skeptical and not skeptical at the same time.

 

It's funny that you mention The Great Gatsby. Truth be told, throughout the whole movie I felt like the relationship between Gatsby and Daisy is almost EXACTLY like this relationship that I have been in for now almost 7 months.

 

 

Other than this relationship though I can't complain! I work 2 jobs now and am making money to continue my college education. One random girl introduced herself to me while I was working today, she used to work at the stables I am working at but it didn't go further than a hand shake. I am going to stay loyal still, at least until I find out if I got stood up or not.

 

The family is all well, and I'm waiting in suspense for the weekend of June 7th-9th to roll around. Her birthday is in July so I'm glad we're meeting before her birthday. I'm also worried that she's going to be legal to drink in public while I am still behind her by a couple of months. Anyways that's what has been going on with me!

[Tk123]

Sorry for not posting in awhile, I've been extremely busy with work.

 

The date is set! I'm flying down there this coming Saturday! The plane ticket is bought, the hotel reservation is set, and she is finally ready to overcome her fear of meeting.

 

I'm glad that things turned out the way they did, I just have a feeling this coming week is going to drag because of my excitement and the fact that I have to still work all week.

 

We'll see how things go! I'm sure I'll update once more before Saturday, and then will post another update post-meeting.

 

Is there anything I should expect out of the first meeting? Is there a lot of touching and feeling after months of distance? I know I'm going to freak out as soon as I see her on Saturday.

[justwhoiam]

I'm sure I'll update once more before Saturday

What are your plans?

 

Is there anything I should expect out of the first meeting?

Expect or wish? Expect the worst and wish the best... Have several plans, so you have options. Bad/good weather, more time/little time, something quiet/something more fun, etc.

 

Is there a lot of touching and feeling after months of distance?

Touching? Isn't that what she was afraid of?? Be a gentleman and respect her boundaries, at least the first day. And let her know about that, even if you'd be ready for more. If you get along well with her, and she behaves as being into you, you might ask her out for a date.

[kiwildr]

I only just saw your post that is great news.

 

I would have some things planned to do, as you know I head to the US in 9 days to meet my online man. I did some research even though I know the area really well, and taking into account what we both like. So I put together a list of things to do, there is even a concert oh while I am in town, I ran it by my guy and he was fully excited, I figure that way it avoids any awkwardness and then at least she will kind of know you want to do some fun stuff and will take the pressure off as well.

 

Anyway wishing you all the best and look forward to how it all goes, seems like either way you have a couple of gals to choose from too and now you will be able to see where this is going - good luck ha ha I am getting nervous about my meeting too.