Is She Moving to Slow or Am I Moving to Fast?

[Tk123]

Hey all. Sorry for not letting you guys now how things ended up working out. So before I left on June 8th, she sends me a text saying an emergency came up and we're not going to be able to meet. This is after I spent $100's on booking a hotel room, plane ticket, and other expenses.

 

She tried to convince me that she would come to me this coming weekend.. I stayed around like a fool until things finally broke down.

 

I'm 20 still in college and living my parents for the summer. They both sat me down and told me how unhealthy this relationship has been to me. I've become so emotionally attached to this girl I've never even met. The excuses didn't line up after being told at least 20 of them over our history together. I finally called her out on everything, and she got extremely depressed. I told her what my parents think of her, and how they feel she's been leading me on.

 

She told me she couldn't take this anymore that she has been a mess about everything and she broke up with me. She probably seen it coming, that I was going to end it very soon and she just wanted to have the last word.

 

So I guess this is my final update on this long distance, online relationship. Another chapter of my life ends. 7 months and a whole lot of tears completely down the drain. I don't know how to pick myself up from this one. I've never ever felt this way about any person in real life...I don't know why I became so attached online. It felt so real.. The conversations everyday, the video chats, the everything.

 

They say distance makes the heart grow fonder, and I guess mine grew too fond. I don't know what to do. I know I have my whole life ahead of me, and I've never gotten like this over any breakup. I'm 20, in college and pursuing a career. I have the most supporting family that looks out for me and cares about me. I've just always had a flaw in the social environment. People talk to me, I'd like to think I'm a decent looking guy. I've always had a shy personality which is my major flaw.

 

It seems like every kid my age is out drinking and doing drugs every weekend, and here I am 20 years old, summer time and sitting on my computer playing games and typing on these forums. Not saying that's a bad thing, I have received some amazing advice here I'm just tired of living this sort of lifestyle.. I want to get out more, but have no one to get out with. Sure it's nice going out once a week with my ex from high school for just a couple of hours, but she's all I got and I don't want to go down that road again. I apologize for this long post/rant, I just need some venting to do, I'm still not over my LDR partner.

Edited June 13, 2013 by Tk123

[veggirl]

Wow she actually let you spend all that money before bailing. She's a fking wreck and a weirdo...id ask for half reimbursement. Ugh she sucks. bullet dodged. I hope you learned your lesson about online relationships. You get them offline ASAP or forget about it.

[Tk123]

Wow she actually let you spend all that money before bailing. She's a fking wreck and a weirdo...id ask for half reimbursement. Ugh she sucks. bullet dodged. I hope you learned your lesson about online relationships. You get them offline ASAP or forget about it.

 

I spoke with the hotel and they were able to give me half back but other than that I'm screwed. I've definitely learned my lesson. That's my first and last online relationship. I'm still a train wreck regardless.

[TMichaels]

Hey all. Sorry for not letting you guys now how things ended up working out. So before I left on June 8th, she sends me a text saying an emergency came up and we're not going to be able to meet. This is after I spent $100's on booking a hotel room, plane ticket, and other expenses.

 

She tried to convince me that she would come to me this coming weekend.. I stayed around like a fool until things finally broke down.

 

I hope you have blocked/deleted/banished her from all and every possible device you own or have access to. DO NOT understand any circumstances get in touch with her or respond to any communication she may try to use.

 

This "girl" lied to you and led you on from the start. She doesn't deserve one more second of consideration or your time. So don't give it to her. I'm mean it.

 

Now get a grip and move on.

 

Best,

TMichaels

[TMichaels]

It seems like every kid my age is out drinking and doing drugs every weekend, and here I am 20 years old, summer time and sitting on my computer playing games and typing on these forums. Not saying that's a bad thing, I have received some amazing advice here I'm just tired of living this sort of lifestyle.. I want to get out more, but have no one to get out with. Sure it's nice going out once a week with my ex from high school for just a couple of hours, but she's all I got and I don't want to go down that road again. I apologize for this long post/rant, I just need some venting to do, I'm still not over my LDR partner.

 

Tk123, first of all Miss Whatever She Pretended Her Name To Be IS NOT and NEVER WAS *your partner."

 

Second, quit the pity party and get off your butt.

 

You want to feel better? Then, spend the summer doing something for others. Contact your local United Way or Volunteer Clearinghouse and find out which organizations need help this summer, then volunteer.

 

Depending on your major, you may even be able to find something that's degree-related or will look good on your resume.

 

It'll keep you busy and help you appreciate what you do have which is a lot more than you think.

 

So no excuses. Do it!

 

 

Best,

TMichaels

[TMichaels]

I want to get out more, but have no one to get out with. Sure it's nice going out once a week with my ex from high school for just a couple of hours, but she's all I got and I don't want to go down that road again.

 

So what happened to "The Gatsby Gal?" Or is she, and the one above, one in the same?

 

Best,

TMichaels

[veggirl]

I spoke with the hotel and they were able to give me half back but other than that I'm screwed. I've definitely learned my lesson. That's my first and last online relationship. I'm still a train wreck regardless.

 

Sorry you're hurting. She is honestly not a good person.

 

I'd ask HER for half the money back. Well don't break NC to do it but when she cancelled you should have.

God she sucks!

[Tk123]

I hope you have blocked/deleted/banished her from all and every possible device you own or have access to. DO NOT understand any circumstances get in touch with her or respond to any communication she may try to use.

 

This "girl" lied to you and led you on from the start. She doesn't deserve one more second of consideration or your time. So don't give it to her. I'm mean it.

 

Now get a grip and move on.

 

Best,

TMichaels

 

You're right TMichaels. She lied about everything. She even lied about where she worked this whole time. When things were taking a turn for the worse, I called the store she claimed she worked at.

 

I got on the phone with the manager and he told me that in his 4 years of managing at that particular store, he has never heard of my "ex-girlfriend" or her name ever at that store. She was never an employee there and I called her out on it and she openly told me I was right.

 

I have begun NC (no contact). Deleted her Skype, all of her pictures on my phone, our whole text conversation, her number, her Facebook, everything I've had of her. It's been harder than ever to resist the urge to talk to her but hopefully it does get better.

Edited June 15, 2013 by Tk123

[Tk123]

Tk123, first of all Miss Whatever She Pretended Her Name To Be IS NOT and NEVER WAS *your partner."

 

Second, quit the pity party and get off your butt.

 

You want to feel better? Then, spend the summer doing something for others. Contact your local United Way or Volunteer Clearinghouse and find out which organizations need help this summer, then volunteer.

 

Depending on your major, you may even be able to find something that's degree-related or will look good on your resume.

 

It'll keep you busy and help you appreciate what you do have which is a lot more than you think.

 

So no excuses. Do it!

 

 

Best,

TMichaels

 

Im going to try TMichaels. I really am. So far it has been tough.. I took the past 2 days off from my job and literally sat here doing nothing other than mourning. I feel like I'm stuck in time.

[Tk123]

So what happened to "The Gatsby Gal?" Or is she, and the one above, one in the same?

 

Best,

TMichaels

 

If you mean the girl I went to the movies with that one night, we have done a number of things together ever since then.

 

We have gone out to dinner, went to see another movie, went bowling, and really enjoyed stuff like that. I hope she doesn't think I'm leading her on though. After this 7 month roller coaster ride, I'm ready to take a break from relationships.

[Tk123]

Sorry you're hurting. She is honestly not a good person.

 

I'd ask HER for half the money back. Well don't break NC to do it but when she cancelled you should have.

God she sucks!

 

Eh it's too late now! Sure I lost money but I've definitely learned my lesson. I have begun NC and don't plan on breaking it anytime soon. However, her birthday is in about a month from now and I don't know if I should even bother reaching out to her for her birthday. I guess time will tell that story.

[SaltwaterHeart]

However, her birthday is in about a month from now and I don't know if I should even bother reaching out to her for her birthday.

 

I'd say you shouldn't.

[Tk123]

What bothers me most more than anything right now is the fact that "she" is already online again luring other guys in. I know deep down she is. I know in my gut she is already in calls with other guys pretending to have a great time. It's really haunting me.

 

I'm able to get her off my mind during the day for the most part, but at night and in the morning when I wake up, she is the only thing I can think about.

[TMichaels]

However, her birthday is in about a month from now and I don't know if I should even bother reaching out to her for her birthday.

 

What the *uck for? Do you have no pride?

 

Quit giving this scammer the power and respect she doesn't deserve and get on with your life.

 

(And, that includes not hanging out on the old gaming site you met her on.) Capice?

 

Best,

TMichaels

[TMichaels]

If you mean the girl I went to the movies with that one night, we have done a number of things together ever since then.

 

We have gone out to dinner, went to see another movie, went bowling, and really enjoyed stuff like that. I hope she doesn't think I'm leading her on though. After this 7 month roller coaster ride, I'm ready to take a break from relationships.

 

Why would she think you're leading her on? It's summer break. You both have time on your hands and it's always more enjoyable to spend it doing things with other people. I imagine she also is happy to have someone to do things with.

 

As long as you keep things light -- and that includes *you* not romanticizing the whole thing -- I don't see the problem. Actually, it's the best thing you could do -- e.g., exploring and getting experience in relating to people in RL as opposed to getting sucked into any more manipulative con-games with someone online.

 

HTH,

TMichaels

[Tk123]

What the *uck for? Do you have no pride?

 

Quit giving this scammer the power and respect she doesn't deserve and get on with your life.

 

(And, that includes not hanging out on the old gaming site you met her on.) Capice?

 

Best,

TMichaels

 

Understood. NC has been going well so far. I'm on day 3 and I'm slowly feeling slightly better about myself.

 

Sometimes it does get really hard not to get upset, especially at night when I'm trying to go to sleep or in the morning when I wake up.

 

It bothers me not knowing what she is doing, and I know she probably couldn't give two *ucks about me anymore.

[Tk123]

Why would she think you're leading her on? It's summer break. You both have time on your hands and it's always more enjoyable to spend it doing things with other people. I imagine she also is happy to have someone to do things with.

 

As long as you keep things light -- and that includes *you* not romanticizing the whole thing -- I don't see the problem. Actually, it's the best thing you could do -- e.g., exploring and getting experience in relating to people in RL as opposed to getting sucked into any more manipulative con-games with someone online.

 

HTH,

TMichaels

 

Believe me, I'm not looking to get romantic with another girl anytime soon. I'm still recovering from this emotional roller coaster.

 

I don't get this "Gatsby Gal" sometimes. Like today she asked me to hang out and I said sure, then she never responded back to me and I could see she read my text.

 

Right now I'm at the point where I need more people in my personal life to talk to. Although I'm not friendless, sometimes it feels like I have no one to hang out with or get out with. I really want to meet people. It's summer time and the possibilities are endless.

 

So far the beginning of my summer has been quite tough with working non-stop and now this rough breakup, however the summer is still young and I want to take full advantage of it!

[Shooting_Star]

I'm so sorry you went thru such a horrible experience. Not all people you meet online are like that though. I dated a guy for a while I met online. We met up and everything. But unfortunately, distance and RL caused us to drift apart, we're still really good friends tho and catch up with each other via texts etc every few weeks.

 

It'll be hard for a while, as would any "break up" would be. From what I've read in this thread, you seemed to had sincere feelings for this girl. Feelings don't just go away, unforunately. Surround yourself with positive, supportive people and do things that you enjoy and have fun. Before you know it, you won't even be thinking of her at all.

 

Its fantastic that you're not going to let this ruin your summer or allow it to bring you down more than it already has. Are there some people from work you get on well with? Maybe ask them to hang out outside of work. Also maybe volunteer as another poster mentioned. Maybe you'll meet some new friends (maybe even a few prospects for a new relationship when you're ready).

 

Also I think its very responsible of you for not jumping into another romantic relationship. This "break" will give you time to heal emotionally and mentally, give you time to reflect on what you learned about yourself (how caring, sincere and giving you can be). It'll also give you time to think about what you're willing to give and what you want/need from your next romantic relationship.

 

Best of luck!

[hoping2heal]

I'm doing this from my phone so I'm sorry for not being able to quote specific parts of your response.

 

First of all thanks for another response, you've been very helpful to all these threads I've created in the past about my LDR.

 

I guess I sorta mis-phrased my wording about her birthday. She told me specifically that "I can see her for her birthday but do not book anything yet incase we get into another argument beforehand" I feel like she expects us to get into an arguement/disagreement prior to July (her birthday).

 

I'm 99.9% sure she is not a catfish. Although majority of our conversations are over texts because we are busy with our responsibilities, I've seen her on the camera, we occasionally call each other on the phone, and we call each other on Skype frequently to chat.

 

My worry at this point is that I'm never going to see her at this rate. When we first started speaking in January we did agree on a meet up during the summer. I'm just worried because summer for me is finally here and there are still no confirmed plans of me going to see her. Not saying she would, but what are the odds of her canceling or making yet another excuse by the end of June? Half of my summer could be gone in hopes of meeting her.

 

I truly love her and would do anything for her, so I know I'm going to stick it out in hopes that I do meet her on her birthday, but I always have that evil thought in the back of my head that tells me we aren't on the same page when it comes to meeting, no matter how many times I bring it up.

 

It's good that you've seen her on webcam, but that doesn't rule out that she could be a "cat fish". The thing is, you've invested 6 months and it isn't unreasonable to want to meet/see the person you've invested 6 months of your time into. It's not like you're trying to get her down the aisle. I think it's strange that she tells you that you can see her for her birthday in one breath and in the second breath she advises you not to book anything "in case you get into an argument". That just has red flags waving all over. You might get into an argument, and? So what? People get into arguments and they move on. It shouldn't be a reason to not see each other or stall a relationship.

[Tk123]

I'm so sorry you went thru such a horrible experience. Not all people you meet online are like that though. I dated a guy for a while I met online. We met up and everything. But unfortunately, distance and RL caused us to drift apart, we're still really good friends tho and catch up with each other via texts etc every few weeks.

 

It'll be hard for a while, as would any "break up" would be. From what I've read in this thread, you seemed to had sincere feelings for this girl. Feelings don't just go away, unforunately. Surround yourself with positive, supportive people and do things that you enjoy and have fun. Before you know it, you won't even be thinking of her at all.

 

Its fantastic that you're not going to let this ruin your summer or allow it to bring you down more than it already has. Are there some people from work you get on well with? Maybe ask them to hang out outside of work. Also maybe volunteer as another poster mentioned. Maybe you'll meet some new friends (maybe even a few prospects for a new relationship when you're ready).

 

Also I think its very responsible of you for not jumping into another romantic relationship. This "break" will give you time to heal emotionally and mentally, give you time to reflect on what you learned about yourself (how caring, sincere and giving you can be). It'll also give you time to think about what you're willing to give and what you want/need from your next romantic relationship.

 

Best of luck!

 

Thanks for the response. It's been really really really tough on me and it has only been a week. I had very sincere feelings for this girl that ended up being a mystery to me. I spent 100's expecting us to meet, I bought her a beautiful necklace that I got her on valentines day that is still sitting in my room, and most importantly I've spent COUNTLESS amounts of hours speaking and connecting emotionally with a girl I've never even met in person.

[Tk123]

It's good that you've seen her on webcam, but that doesn't rule out that she could be a "cat fish". The thing is, you've invested 6 months and it isn't unreasonable to want to meet/see the person you've invested 6 months of your time into. It's not like you're trying to get her down the aisle. I think it's strange that she tells you that you can see her for her birthday in one breath and in the second breath she advises you not to book anything "in case you get into an argument". That just has red flags waving all over. You might get into an argument, and? So what? People get into arguments and they move on. It shouldn't be a reason to not see each other or stall a relationship.

 

Thanks for the response. Me and her finally broke up. She is all still a mystery to me and it bothers me still quite a bit knowing she could be a catfish after leading me on for so many months.