Taking it second by second then... BAM! Hit a wall!

[Its_MEE]

I am obsessing. I cannot stop thinking about this. I cannot stop thinking about him. All. Day. Long. Anything I hear. Anything I watch. Anyone I see. All I'm seeing is him. This is so crazy. I'm staying with my mom and she's noticing I'm not right. Moody she says. I'm sitting in my car and have been sitting here for an hour. My son is inside playing on the wii. I've been reading threads, checking the people going in and out of my complex. Thinking.... About him... And I know I know, I should go get my mind off Of things by staying busy... I am having zero desire to do... ANYTHING. I'm sinking. I do talk about it with family. But I want to be alone... Remembering the good, bad, and ugly. And cry about all of it. Funny moments... Scary moments... Serious, goofy, sexy, crazy moments. Dissecting every minute. I know I sound scary right now.. Don't worry... I'm ok. But no.... I'm not.. Lol I'm pissed, broken, vulnerable, and sad. Thanks for listening. <3

Edited May 19, 2013 by Its_MEE
Typos

[Praying4Peace]

This is normal. It has been only a short while of NC for you, though it feels like FOREVER I'm sure. You're also holding on to hope so your body is anxious and panicked, as is your mind.

 

Have you been to a counselor? Go. It helps so much to talk to someone in person who is trained to help you. Then you won't be only talking in your mind.

 

Also, try yoga or something that relaxes you. Exercise? Swimming? Painting? Something that requires some concentration to get your mind off of him, if even for an hour a day, at first.

 

Finally- keep telling yourself that this is NOT under your control. Breaking NC is not going to make it better. Nothing you say is going to make it better. He is going to show you who he is, and I think you are scared out of your mind to see it. If he doesn't contact you, you'll be depressed. Take it as a sign of him caring about you enough to not drive you bonkers.

 

Have you confided in a friend about all this? Someone who can help you through it?

 

BELIEVE ME, I feel your pain so deeply. I don't know what to say other than you need to feel it...let it flow through you...and out of you eventually. It might help you to read some humorous books. One that is pretty funny is "Its called a Break up because It's Broken" (something like that, google it).

 

Have you been getting any sleep? Try something over the counter or herbal so you can get a good nights rest.

 

And FWIW, your post doesn't sound crazy. You post very honestly about all the feelings in your heart and head. Take care!!!!!

[spice4life]

I know exactly how you feel as I'm doing the same thing. I'm ignoring calls from family and everything. I just want to be alone and grieve this once and for all. Hang in there and just allow yourself to feel whatever your feeling. Its totally normal!

[stevie_23]

I have been there too...and it IS totally normal. It will also get better, although you may not feel it at the moment.

 

Hopefully coming on here and being able to express your feelings openly, as you have been, will help a bit...even just a tiny bit...and also reading other threads so you know you're not alone. We've all been there and some of us are still there...

 

The first few days are absolute hell with regard to NC. For me it was the first week or so that was the worst. A waking nightmare. My chest hurt from tension, I was nauseous from stress and couldn't eat. I'd cry all the time but couldn't show my feelings to anyone so I had to hide everything and act normal and happy. It was horrible.

 

I was scared to do anything, scared to LIVE. The second I woke up, he was there in my head. If I woke up in the middle of the night, he'd be there and BAM! I'd feel nauseous and have chest pains immediately.

 

For me, what started to help a BIT was to try and let go of the HOPE and the associated ANXIETY with that hope of reconciliation. I realised he was not going to come back. I realised that was a huge source of my stress. It was literally making me sick. So I stopped hoping for that. Instead, I just hoped to feel better and to be ok in general.

 

I stopped checking for his emails or messages because I knew they weren't going to be there and to check was only making me feel worse. I'd start shaking and feel sick whenever I'd check, and I made myself stop after a while and found I felt better for NOT checking because at least there was no stress related to that. I learnt that the "reward" from checking had become a punishment to me now, because there'd be no email and I knew it. So why do that to myself over and over again?

 

I also had to learn to let go of the past. A big part of this for me was acknowledging that it WAS real. He DID love me and the fact that the relationship was over did not negate that fact. The situation does NOT always equate to the feelings of the people involved in the situation. This helped me relax a bit about things. It was still a sad situation, but at least I wasn't ANGRY, because I knew he loved me and the unfortunate situation was unavoidable. This gave me some small amount of peace fairly early on.

 

And also, I had to accept that even if he DID come back? Was that what I really WANTED? No. This was hard to realise, but it was the truth. If he came back, did I WANT to get back on that emotional roller coaster again? God no. As much as I loved HIM, he came with that roller coaster affair situation. And so...it just wouldn't work.

 

Anyway...time, above all, is what makes things easier...hang in there...

[neveragain34]

This is part of the grieving process and totally normal. Allow yourself to experience the pain until one day you wake up and realize you are worth so much more than what you had with your exMM and have better things to do with your time than waste anymore of it on tears. From there, you will begin to see things in a different light and will be back to your old self in no time! I promise...it gets so much easier!!

[WanderedOff]

Sorry you are going through this! ((HUGS)) to you!

[Goodbye]

I get this. It is really hard. When my kids are not with me, I spend a lot of time hibernating. I actually find it comforting. I have been forcing myself to get out a little...so something physical each day, just walking usually. I'll start to feel better and then I'll have a dream about the exMM...something vivid like being wrapped up together and I"ll realize how alone I am and I'll start to hurt all over again. I allow myself to hurt in small doses, but I do try and take care of myself and look for things to give me hope about my own future without him.

[thecharade]

I don't post much but read often. Your situation makes me feel very sad because I understand your pain. People will disagree with this, but in my mind, this could have been avoided if your MM had respected the marriage he now seems so determined to keep from the start. But no, he allowed himself to feel things and act on those things. He allowed it by showing up at your place time after time instead of finding someone else to finish the work. He was already in his M, but by continuing, he gave the false and misleading impression that he was either mentally and/or emotionally out of his M or was overwhelmed by the specialness of you. My belief is that most As start this way, with MM projecting that image. We don't feel we're taking something! Most women would never do that! We feel we're wanted, that he's obviously NOT choosing or respecting his M (and he should know!), and so we allow ourselves to love and believe that he is not seeing himself as "in" his M. Not every A starts this way, but it's the majority. I'm sorry that you fell prey to all of his non-verbal communication. It really hurts and confuses us when it comes crashing down. I still shake my head, and I'm the one that ended it 8 months ago! No d-day. I just kept questioning the double speak and inconsistent actions until I was positive that he was cake eating, but I still suffered massive pain.

 

What you are going through now is the worst stage of all. It was like I was physically and mentally ill. I went to my Dr. for ADs to get me through. They did help. I raged against him, ceremonially burned things, cried, journaled, took bubble baths (and cried), got massages (and cried). There is no pain worse than the unwanted, unloved, tricked, used, shamed, devastated pain of ending an A. There are too many negative feelings rolled in there. It's hell. Keep doing what you are doing. Your thoughts will continue to be everywhere and nowhere, but you WILL come out on the other side. Don't let his selfishness suck you back in, though. Leaving an M is very hard; you have to be positive it's right. And he is not.

[latergater]

I don't post much but read often. Your situation makes me feel very sad because I understand your pain. People will disagree with this, but in my mind, this could have been avoided if your MM had respected the marriage he now seems so determined to keep from the start. But no, he allowed himself to feel things and act on those things. He allowed it by showing up at your place time after time instead of finding someone else to finish the work. He was already in his M, but by continuing, he gave the false and misleading impression that he was either mentally and/or emotionally out of his M or was overwhelmed by the specialness of you. My belief is that most As start this way, with MM projecting that image. We don't feel we're taking something! Most women would never do that! We feel we're wanted, that he's obviously NOT choosing or respecting his M (and he should know!), and so we allow ourselves to love and believe that he is not seeing himself as "in" his M. Not every A starts this way, but it's the majority. I'm sorry that you fell prey to all of his non-verbal communication. It really hurts and confuses us when it comes crashing down. I still shake my head, and I'm the one that ended it 8 months ago! No d-day. I just kept questioning the double speak and inconsistent actions until I was positive that he was cake eating, but I still suffered massive pain.

 

What you are going through now is the worst stage of all. It was like I was physically and mentally ill. I went to my Dr. for ADs to get me through. They did help. I raged against him, ceremonially burned things, cried, journaled, took bubble baths (and cried), got massages (and cried). There is no pain worse than the unwanted, unloved, tricked, used, shamed, devastated pain of ending an A. There are too many negative feelings rolled in there. It's hell. Keep doing what you are doing. Your thoughts will continue to be everywhere and nowhere, but you WILL come out on the other side. Don't let his selfishness suck you back in, though. Leaving an M is very hard; you have to be positive it's right. And he is not.

 

Great post. Very insightful. I couldn't agree more. This explains is perfectly! You feel like the MM/MW is not respecting his/her marriage and you believe he/she is not happy because he/she makes it appear that way through words and actions. You think to yourself "even though he/she can't help the fact that he/she is married, he/she is not happy. You are the one he/she is choosing to be intimate with, take on vacations, share away time with, etc.. so how can you not start to believe you are the "chosen one?"

 

And then, after D day, in almost every instance, the MM/MW will choose to stay with the W/H and throw the AP to the side. At least, that's what has happened in most of the cases I have read about on this website. The AP feels confused, hurt and angry, etc and the MM/MW returns to family.

 

That does not make me as angry as this, however. Even though the marital affair may be over and the BS may demand the H/W never speak to the AP again, what I don't understand is how the MM/MW does not think to check in with the AP at some point .. after abandoning them, to explain, to apologize, to make sure they are okay. I don't understand the callousness - the cold cut off thing.

Edited May 19, 2013 by latergater

[BrokenPrincess]

That does not make me as angry as this, however. Even though the marital affair may be over and the BS may demand the H/W never speak to the AP again, what I don't understand is how the MM/MW does not think to check in with the AP at some point .. after abandoning them, to explain, to apologize, to make sure they are okay. I don't understand the callousness - the cold cut off thing.

 

Of course he may THINK of it, I'm sure many if not most do at some point. But read what you wrote above...if the BS has demanded NC and xMM has decided that his BS is who he wants, then he absolutely should not check in with xAP. He chose his W as his priority and he needs to respect her wishes.

 

And if he truly wants to R, he should check in for his own NC reasons so he can stay focused on his M. Not to mention let xAP continue healing.

 

Trust me, I said your same words after DDay, how could he just say goodbye, recommit to his W happily ever after and not even care about the heartbreak I was suffering from losing him. And in my case, eventually xMM did defy his Ws wishes and contacted me & told me it had not been happily ever after, that he thought of me every day, looked on my Facebook, wanted to make sure I knew he cared.

 

So now I know all that, he confirmed I was surviving without him, and in the end, he just brought more guilt on himself and I am grieving the loss of him for the second time.

[ThatJustHappened]

Great post. Very insightful. I couldn't agree more. This explains is perfectly! You feel like the MM/MW is not respecting his/her marriage and you believe he/she is not happy because he/she makes it appear that way through words and actions. You think to yourself "even though he/she can't help the fact that he/she is married, he/she is not happy. You are the one he/she is choosing to be intimate with, take on vacations, share away time with, etc.. so how can you not start to believe you are the "chosen one?"

 

And then, after D day, in almost every instance, the MM/MW will choose to stay with the W/H and throw the AP to the side. At least, that's what has happened in most of the cases I have read about on this website. The AP feels confused, hurt and angry, etc and the MM/MW returns to family.

 

That does not make me as angry as this, however. Even though the marital affair may be over and the BS may demand the H/W never speak to the AP again, what I don't understand is how the MM/MW does not think to check in with the AP at some point .. after abandoning them, to explain, to apologize, to make sure they are okay. I don't understand the callousness - the cold cut off thing.

 

When you knowingly get involved with someone who is married, you run the risk of being cut off when the spouse finds out.

 

Did you like it when your affair partner broke promises to you? If not, why would you think it's ok for him to break promises to his wife? If he promised her he wouldn't contact you again, he should keep that promise.

[Nattie]

I hear you... although the anxiety and restlessness has calmed, I still think about him when I'm alone. It's not so bad when I have something to occupy my time... so I'm trying to keep busy. Right now though, I'm bored, depressed, and wondering what he's doing. I was the one who initiated NC, so I have to stick to my guns. The thought that he might be trying to txt is enough to drive me insane... I don't think there is any easy way to go about this, than to just cry when you need to, and wait it out.

[latergater]

When you knowingly get involved with someone who is married, you run the risk of being cut off when the spouse finds out.

 

Did you like it when your affair partner broke promises to you? If not, why would you think it's ok for him to break promises to his wife? If he promised her he wouldn't contact you again, he should keep that promise.

 

Really? ALL he did was BREAK PROMISES TO ME. But, he can't make a phone call to say goodbye to a thirty year friendship gone by the waste side after I tried to tell him to work things out with his wife and said we would always be friends. I didn't like when he broke promises to me so he shouldn't break them with his wife? Which promises exactly did he KEEP with regards to me and the things he was telling me? I'd like to know.

 

For example, when I asked him if he was seeing anyone else and begged him to tell me the truth? Promised I would NOT get upset and what was I going to do? Divorce him? NO. I just wanted to know the truth and had my doubts. He PROMISED me he was telling ME the truth because I asked over and over again. Do you think his wife asked him if he was having an affair, over and over again? I HIGHLY doubt it. I had everything to lose. He had nothing to lose. He knew his wife wouldn't leave him the second, third time around (so I learned on the day she found out about me).

 

When I asked him not to go to drinks with this girl in Toronto a year ago that I had bad feelings about .. did he listen? No, he lied about it, slept with her and started a relationship with this girl for months on end. When I told him he would be risking my health if he slept with anyone else and didn't tell me, did he tell me he was sleeping around with every girl in sight? NO.

 

But the minute his wife said to him ... I don't want you to ever talk to her again, a thirty year relationship (mostly a friendship) tossed out the window TODAY, he just rolls over and says ok without so much as a freakin phone call to say GOODBYE, nice knowing you?

 

I'm sorry if it sounds like I am upset with you. I'm NOT. I'm just pissed off as hell. I hate his freakin guts.

Edited May 19, 2013 by latergater

[ThatJustHappened]

Really? ALL he did was BREAK PROMISES TO ME. But, he can't make a phone call to say goodbye to a thirty year friendship gone by the waste side after I tried to tell him to work things out with his wife and said we would always be friends. I didn't like when he broke promises to me so he shouldn't break them with his wife? Which promises exactly did he KEEP with regards to me and the things he was telling me? I'd like to know.

 

For example, when I asked him if he was seeing anyone else and begged him to tell me the truth? Promised I would NOT get upset and what was I going to do? Divorce him? NO. I just wanted to know the truth and had my doubts. He PROMISED me he was telling ME the truth because I asked over and over again. Do you think his wife asked him if he was having an affair, over and over again? I HIGHLY doubt it. I had everything to lose. He had nothing to lose. He knew his wife wouldn't leave him the second, third time around (so I learned on the day she found out about me).

 

When I asked him not to go to drinks with this girl in Toronto a year ago that I had bad feelings about .. did he listen? No, he lied about it, slept with her and started a relationship with this girl for months on end. When I told him he would be risking my health if he slept with anyone else and didn't tell me, did he tell me he was sleeping around with every girl in sight? NO.

 

But the minute his wife said to him ... I don't want you to ever talk to her again, a thirty year relationship (mostly a friendship) tossed out the window TODAY, he just rolls over and says ok without so much as a freakin phone call to say GOODBYE, nice knowing you?

 

I'm sorry if it sounds like I am upset with you. I'm NOT. I'm just pissed off as hell. I hate his freakin guts.

 

He didn't keep any promises to you and it made you feel terrible. So why would you want to inflict that same pain onto his wife along with all the other pain that's been inflicted on her already by his having an affair with you? She didn't ask for any of this. If he's promised her that he wouldn't speak to you again, he should honor that promise. It's not much, but it's a start.

 

I'm genuinely sorry that you're hurting but again, when you knowingly involve yourself with a married man, you have to have realistic expectations.

 

Sorry for the T/J.

[latergater]

Because as you just stated. One of the first and most important things the MM has to do to reconcile is to NEVER have ANY contact with the ow again for any reason what so ever.

 

I told my H if he contacted her for any reason we were done. I don't care if her entire family died in some tragic accident, NO CONTACT. I don't care if she was in the hospital and had only two days left to live, NO CONTACT.

 

I hear you. And, I understand why you demanded there was no contact. I do. It's interesting hearing from the MM/MW on this site because it gives the MA perspective.

 

I am going to read your other posts right now ..

[Praying4Peace]

I understand what Latergater is saying. That he's already lied/cheated/etc and he's DEFINITELY not some saint now, given his texts and all that stuff LG has posted on here about his multiple women.

 

So given that, he could have checked up on her. I'm just talking about this situation.

 

My MM is totally NC now and it's a good thing. He needs to get back to being in only one relationship. But he never left me hanging with NC. Even when she 180ed and disappeared with all the kids, he still came to say goodbye...all while she was freaking out texting that he'd better never ever talk to me again, etc. etc. We meant for it to be goodbye and I will always appreciate that, though its made things harder in the long run, emotionally speaking. Our whole relationship was without permission/under the radar so I guess a goodbye in the same vein is not out of the question. I know it was very disrespectful to his W but he will be making it up to her for the rest of her life, so I guess he thought it was okay.

[thecharade]

I have given this a lot of thought and observation, and it still comes back to this: M people are people-individuals-first and foremost. I have worked at the same place for 20 years and know everyone well. They are simply people there, not M or S. That is something that exists elsewhere and we are not very knowledgeable about that side of each other. When we are working or socializing, I will notice some people behaving as S: flirting, chatting, laughing, buying drinks, buying lunch, giving rides. I have never fallen prey to this (my OP is an old bf), but I pity the women and men who do. They are buying into the false image a little at a time, an image that not only makes them feel special but makes them feel the OP's M is not relevant. The verbal lies may or may not be there, but the MP's actions speak SO loudly! I have warned a few friends (too late, unfortunately) but one thing it taught me is that marriage is not a concrete, finite thing. It is only as solid and permanent as the people in it. People get Ds all the dang time! So of course those flattered individuals often succumb to the false image presented to them. Why wouldn't they, if the find an attraction to the MP and the MP is so attentive and available? For hours and hours on end this MP is acting as if they are "out" of the M. Why wouldn't the prospective partner find that plausible in this day and age, a time when 50% of Ms end in D? Unless you've lived the pain of an A yourself, you can't fathom that someone can act this way and actually want to stay M. All evidence to the contrary! It's crazy making!!!

 

Sometimes the AP pursues the MP, but like I said, I've watched a lot of As in 20 years with 300 close employees. It is usually the MP confusing the heck out of the OP and allowing everyone to fall in love. They do not WANT to be M during those fun and flirty weeks and months, that is obvious.

 

Should we blaming the AP at all? 90% of the time that is silly. If that is true, then the WS better stay home 365 days a year. You can't exact revenge on billions of women who want to take your H or billions of men who want to do your W! No, M people are just people. There is no lock on the outside of them that the OP picks. Relationships simply develop out of contact, and M people alone are responsible for keeping the lid on. Period. Companionate love is bonding, unfortunately like parents or siblings, and life routines are really hard to give up. But MPs are the ones that opened themselves up to acting and engaging and living as if their Ms weren't real. The AP is usually guilty of falling in love in the wake of that behavior, of falling for the act, that's it. They are victims. Married people who want to stay married need to blame themselves fully for crushing two people who loved them. Why did they allow it? Encourage it? Disgusting. Shameful. There are exceptions to this formulaic dance, but they are pretty uncommon.

 

It's all sad. Everyone is hurt because of waywards. Why is knowing who you are and what you stand for so difficult for so many? But it is. People who want to be together in a real R get hurt the worst-both of the men or women. The only truly guilty party is the one who strays when he/she never planned on leaving what they had.

 

I hope you are okay, Its_MEE. I'm afraid you are allowing C. Don't do it. Nothing has changed. You and his W are innocent victims. Don't let him get away with anymore cake eating.

[bellasue]

My issue with the sudden NC and being dumped is the guy had lots of intimate moments where we shared both the physical and the emotional. We were as close as could be....or so I thought. I'm just not sure why a sit down between the two of us to say I'm sorry or I enjoyed our time together would have been wrong.

 

The BS already knew he wasn't leaving her. So aside from the pain and suffering, what was she so afraid of? And I really don't mean that in a flip or unkind way. It's my own fragile ego taking over.

[latergater]

I understand what Latergater is saying. That he's already lied/cheated/etc and he's DEFINITELY not some saint now, given his texts and all that stuff LG has posted on here about his multiple women.

 

So given that, he could have checked up on her. I'm just talking about this situation.

 

My MM is totally NC now and it's a good thing. He needs to get back to being in only one relationship. But he never left me hanging with NC. Even when she 180ed and disappeared with all the kids, he still came to say goodbye...all while she was freaking out texting that he'd better never ever talk to me again, etc. etc. We meant for it to be goodbye and I will always appreciate that, though its made things harder in the long run, emotionally speaking. Our whole relationship was without permission/under the radar so I guess a goodbye in the same vein is not out of the question. I know it was very disrespectful to his W but he will be making it up to her for the rest of her life, so I guess he thought it was okay.

 

EXACTLY. That is the decent thing to do. I didn't get that. I just got thrown out with yesterday's garbage.

 

He is not a changed man nor will he be making changes in his life or marriage. He will be traveling to Canada more often as he started to in Feb. He probably has a whole new set of late models out there, just waiting to be test driven.

[Its_MEE]

This is normal. It has been only a short while of NC for you, though it feels like FOREVER I'm sure. You're also holding on to hope so your body is anxious and panicked, as is your mind.

 

perfect explanation... Panicked... I've felt nothing but anxiety and junpiness for a few days... And I know it's the hope that I'm holding onto.. I'm trying to repeat to myself that it isn't going to happen.. He isn't going to magically show up.. Out if nowhere to tell me how sorry he is and that he ended it at home and bring D papers... It's jut not gonna happen. But that stupid hope is jut poking at me saying MAYBE MAYBE MAYBE...

 

 

Have you been to a counselor? Go. It helps so much to talk to someone in person who is trained to help you. Then you won't be only talking in your mind.

 

you are right... I need to let it out to someone.

 

Also, try yoga or something that relaxes you. Exercise? Swimming? Painting? Something that requires some concentration to get your mind off of him, if even for an hour a day, at first.

i got away from this for an hour today to watch Game Of Thrones. Didn't think about him at all during that hour.. Does that count?

 

Finally- keep telling yourself that this is NOT under your control. Breaking NC is not going to make it better. Nothing you say is going to make it better. He is going to show you who he is, and I think you are scared out of your mind to see it. If he doesn't contact you, you'll be depressed. Take it as a sign of him caring about you enough to not drive you bonkers.

 

you hit the nail just now... I am terrified! He didn't contact me all weekend.. He isn't going to contact me... I have to be at work in 5hrs.. I'll see him there and he will try his best to act like everything should be ok. I have no energy left.. I won't be talking to him. Poker face poker face..

 

Have you confided in a friend about all this? Someone who can help you through it?

 

BELIEVE ME, I feel your pain so deeply. I don't know what to say other than you need to feel it...let it flow through you...and out of you eventually. It might help you to read some humorous books. One that is pretty funny is "Its called a Break up because It's Broken" (something like that, google it).

 

i am googling it in the morning!

 

Have you been getting any sleep? Try something over the counter or herbal so you can get a good nights rest.

 

I've been taking some sleep aids for about a week now... Some nights it helps... Others... Well it is 3:20a... Not so muh.

 

And FWIW, your post doesn't sound crazy. You post very honestly about all the feelings in your heart and head. Take care!!!!!

 

not sure what FWIW means, but thank you.. I have always been an open book in regards to my feelings... A gift and a curse.

 

I didn't cry today... I thought a lot.. Smoked a lot if cigarettes but no crying. He's a POS and I despise him right now.

[Its_MEE]

I remember those dark days. I was where you are about 10 months ago. The first 6 months is the worst, so just hang in there. Time & 100% NC is the true healer. And you want to talk about not wanting to do anything...my energy was completely gone. I couldn't eat or sleep, or I slept too much. It was a chore for me to get up & get ready. It was hell on earth. It gets better as long as he is out of sight. As the days go by he will soon be out of mind too.

 

I feel like I should be committed somewhere... I don't want to work, shower(I do though) eat, walk, talk.... 100% NC would be great.. Except I work with him. I must see him... I have been looking for a different job.. Polishing up my résumé because this will never work with us working together. I wish I could sleep in a hotel room for a few days.. Alone.. With Ice cream, chips, mtn dew and crabs.. Maybe a few beers. I can't smile let alone laugh... My son is the only thing keeping me barely afloat. He is clueless and so happy. He loves me and that makes me smile.

I'm having body pains and frequent toilet trips. I'm trying to think of all the negative... Trying to make him seem pathetic, weak, ugly, anything. I'm over here flipping out because what just happened. So fast...

I think I somehow mistook this as an exit A. I think he did also at one point. Til he was caught. And realized exactly what he was losing. They were working towards separation before DDAY. So I was thinking things were gonna be ok. And then he jumped ship and left me onboard by myself. F that. These are the types of things that make women bunny boiler-ish. I won't though. I'm waaaaay better then that... I'm taking a little dark satisfaction in knowing that he is a POS. he will still be miserable, passive aggressive, and a go with the flow kind of man... He will never take full control of his life because he is a coward.

 

 

I need a sedative.... Lol

I have to be up in 1 1/2 hr. been up since 2:40.

[Inthewell]

Posted by Latergater

Even though the marital affair may be over and the BS may demand the H/W never speak to the AP again, what I don't understand is how the MM/MW does not think to check in with the AP at some point .. after abandoning them, to explain, to apologize, to make sure they are okay. I don't understand the callousness - the cold cut off thing.

 

IMO they realized that the pain of loosing their family will be grater than staying away from ow/om. and because all they want is to save themselves from suffering, not because they really care about the family. Pure selfishness is all about me, me.

 

Its me

 

Consider yourself lucky your healing will be fast since you won't hear or see him, like me on a daily basis at work. It was not his wife that made him stop but me when found out about him having another OOW. So I am a witness of him sending her texts all day long and running from work to pick her up, staying at work till late waiting until she finishes her classes at University. I hate apple phones because the ring tone every time I hear it regardless of who sends the message it sends waves of a feeling through my entire body I can't describe is so painful. And yet I go to work everyday knowing what I am going to go through. I am looking for another job I can't just leave this one. It has being two month since my history of horror, I stay silence I say nothing. The only thing I do is I keep on repeating to myself like a mantra the people from LS say these all eventually will pass I just pray that everyday passes quickly.

[Inthewell]

Posted by Latergater

Even though the marital affair may be over and the BS may demand the H/W never speak to the AP again, what I don't understand is how the MM/MW does not think to check in with the AP at some point .. after abandoning them, to explain, to apologize, to make sure they are okay. I don't understand the callousness - the cold cut off thing.

 

IMO they realized that the pain of loosing their family will be grater than staying away from ow/om. and because all they want is to save themselves from suffering, not because they really care about the family. Pure selfishness is all about me, me.

 

Its me

 

Consider yourself lucky your healing will be fast since you won't hear or see him, like me on a daily basis at work. It was not his wife that made him stop but me when found out about him having another OOW. So I am a witness of him sending her texts all day long and running from work to pick her up, staying at work till late waiting until she finishes her classes at University. I hate apple phones because the ring tone every time I hear it regardless of who sends the message it sends waves of a feeling through my entire body I can't describe is so painful. And yet I go to work everyday knowing what I am going to go through. I am looking for another job I can't just leave this one. It has being two month since my history of horror, I stay silence I say nothing. The only thing I do is I keep on repeating to myself like a mantra the people from LS say these all eventually will pass I just pray that everyday passes quickly.

[lilmisscantbewrong]

He may feel bad about hurting you. My H felt bad about hurting the OW. He may wish he could apologize. I know I told my H I didn't care about her pain and that he needed to feel bad to us and she was on her own. I guess my H could have risked it and talked to her if he felt it was worth the gamble of losing his family to do so. Maybe that is what your MM is dealing with also.

 

PA, did you know the OW? Was she married too?

[Its_MEE]

Posted by Latergater

 

 

IMO they realized that the pain of loosing their family will be grater than staying away from ow/om. and because all they want is to save themselves from suffering, not because they really care about the family. Pure selfishness is all about me, me.

 

Its me

 

Consider yourself lucky your healing will be fast since you won't hear or see him, like me on a daily basis at work. It was not his wife that made him stop but me when found out about him having another OOW. So I am a witness of him sending her texts all day long and running from work to pick her up, staying at work till late waiting until she finishes her classes at University. I hate apple phones because the ring tone every time I hear it regardless of who sends the message it sends waves of a feeling through my entire body I can't describe is so painful. And yet I go to work everyday knowing what I am going to go through. I am looking for another job I can't just leave this one. It has being two month since my history of horror, I stay silence I say nothing. The only thing I do is I keep on repeating to myself like a mantra the people from LS say these all eventually will pass I just pray that everyday passes quickly.

 

I work with MM also