Taking it second by second then... BAM! Hit a wall!

[waterwoman]

H was worried about hurting OW. Of course he was. He loved her.

 

He refused to send a NC letter because it was cruel and unneccessary. But on dday priorities changed. Given the choice between hurting me further (and further damaging the marriage and all that entailed) and hurting OW by giving only a brief explanation and then ending things, he chose the latter. It wasn't that he was unkind to her, he was simply to-the-point and decisive.

 

And I don't doubt there was some selfishness involved too. He was ashamed, embarrased and guilty... I think he wanted to ground to swallow him. No way he was going to make a song and dance about it.

 

I'd like to think if he had badmouthed her to me I'd have told him off - but he didn't so I didn't need to.

[Its_MEE]

I am honestly just trying to post here whenever I feel like contacting him... I'm simply expressing my feelings. Day to day if that's ok? You are all helping me tremendously already... I need to vent.. And this seems like a perfect place for that.

[latergater]

He didn't keep any promises to you and it made you feel terrible. So why would you want to inflict that same pain onto his wife along with all the other pain that's been inflicted on her already by his having an affair with you? She didn't ask for any of this. If he's promised her that he wouldn't speak to you again, he should honor that promise. It's not much, but it's a start.

 

I'm genuinely sorry that you're hurting but again, when you knowingly involve yourself with a married man, you have to have realistic expectations.

 

Sorry for the T/J.

 

I didn't knowingly involve myself with a MM. I fought him from the start and told him I could not take being hurt again. Begged him to just be my friend because I did not want to get hurt and/or cause trouble in his relationship. He persued me. He made promises to me. He told me he wouldn't let me down. He confided in me about his problems at home. And yes, he made promises to his wife (FOR SURE) but from what i was told, SHE was the one who was causing issues in the marriage. He claimed she had a dependency issue with Vicodin. She was out of it half the time, he had almost filed for divorce the year before but his parents told him to give it a bit more time. He said she put on tons of weight, they didn't have sex, and the list goes on and on.

 

HE went so far as to tell me in the beginning that she was so drugged up and out of it, taking so much Vicodin, he was afraid to leave on business trips because he didn't want to leave his daughter at home with his W. So, he would have his parents check in on them every so often to make sure everything was ok. I believed every single word of it.

 

I trusted this guy ... I had known him since childhood! I didn't know anything about affairs or what people were capable of. Why would I question what he was telling me?

[ThatJustHappened]

I didn't knowingly involve myself with a MM. I fought him from the start and told him I could not take being hurt again. Begged him to just be my friend because I did not want to get hurt and/or cause trouble in his relationship. He persued me. He made promises to me. He told me he wouldn't let me down. He confided in me about his problems at home. And yes, he made promises to his wife (FOR SURE) but from what i was told, SHE was the one who was causing issues in the marriage. He claimed she had a dependency issue with Vicodin. She was out of it half the time, he had almost filed for divorce the year before but his parents told him to give it a bit more time. He said she put on tons of weight, they didn't have sex, and the list goes on and on.

 

HE went so far as to tell me in the beginning that she was so drugged up and out of it, taking so much Vicodin, he was afraid to leave on business trips because he didn't want to leave his daughter at home with his W. So, he would have his parents check in on them every so often to make sure everything was ok. I believed every single word of it.

 

I trusted this guy ... I had known him since childhood! I didn't know anything about affairs or what people were capable of. Why would I question what he was telling me?

 

So you didn't know he was married?

[bambiwboone]

Really good advice someone gave is tell yourself it's okay not to think of him for awhile. Sometimes we think if we stop thinking about him we are letting go of him. We aren't, we are hopeful creatures and we will still hold hope. But eventually over time, if he doesn't come back, this relaxing will cause you to forget about your intense anxiety and feelings. It will bring you clarity.