girlconfused02 Posted September 29, 2004 Posted September 29, 2004 Can an exotherwoman be friends with the man she was the "other woman" with? Long story short, I met this guy 3 months after he had already met his girlfriend, we started dating and I started having feelings for him (I didn't know he had a girlfriend). When I found out (about our 8th month) he apologized, and we stopped talking. Not really because I wanted us to, but because he was too scared of how he thought I was going to react to the news. ...In August (after 5 months of us not seeing each other) he contacted me, and we've gone out 3 times since then. He is still with his girlfriend, and we did kiss, but I wouldn't let it go any further than that. The third night I told him that I will not be the "sex he apologizes for, etc." so we wouldn't be going any further. After that conversation we both agreed that because of our chemistry, feelings, etc. it'll be best that we don't see each other, but we can still keep in contact. ...he said that when he's around it's this all or nothing kind of thing, and I agreed, he also was saying how had circumstances and timing been different we would've probably been together since I am basically what he has wanted. ...now I know that if he had is way he'd still be able to have "us." He's already lied and all of that other stuff, but that is not my question. My question is can a person really be "just friends" with the (ex)other in their lives? I do want to have some kind of contact with him because he was the first person I've ever had feelings for, but I also wonder is that the exact reason why we cannot be friends. Then I don't want this "friendship" to be me really keeping in contact on the maybe/might that they will break up. They don't have any kids together (but she does), I don't have any kids, I'm 21, he's 26, and she's 25. Am I wrong to keep in contact with him, or can I because I'm not at a point in my life where a "serious relationship" is something that I want? Any opinions, stories, etc. will be greatly appreciated. thanks
Merin Posted September 29, 2004 Posted September 29, 2004 Well, I won't say that people who have broke up can't be friends... However, I would say that from what you've said, the two of you at this time probably can't be friends because you both want something more from the "relationship" than just being Friendly... I am friends (sort of ha!) with my Ex... there are reasons other then me just being you know decent about things.. lol! We do share little people... BUT honestly we could be just friends anyway even if we didn't have kiddo's together, because I have no feelings for him... we have both moved on with other people and there are not any underlying feelings there....
only1life Posted September 30, 2004 Posted September 30, 2004 You will not be able to maintain your friendship with him if you really do love him. Trying to do so will just drive you crazy. If you really do love him, and you see that he loves his girlfriend, then do him and yourself a favor and never contact him again. He will get over you and be happy with his girlfriend, his girlfriend will be better off, and you won't get yourself into a situation that will surely lead to broken hearts. Believe me, I know. I made the mistake years ago, and it took that many years to get over it, and am still unsure that I really have. Now because of it, all I have is bad feelings over how it turned out. Do everyone a favor - stay out of other lover's relationships!
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