about my girl friend

[Leigh 87]

I need help with my friend, who is from Belarus and is trying to find love in Australia.

 

She is a model and also has a degree, podiatry, that will be very well paid.

 

Unfortunately, she has REALLY High standards that she WILL NOT compromise on!

 

For starts, she will NOT even consider a man who earns less than 100 K a year:lmao::lmao::lmao::lmao::lmao:

She wants kids, she wants them support her if she does not want to work and she needs the man to pay for EVEYTHING. The man needs to have a degree too.

Men over there, where she is from, pay for everything.

 

She really wants to find love. How do I go about convincing her to lower her standards, or risk being alone for years?

She turns her nose up at online dating, but she will seriously not just find anyone by going to her job and then going home again, and hanging out with me and her girl friends.

 

The ONLY thing I can think of for her, is:

 

- there are a lot of single events in Sydney, Australia, that we could go along to once a month or so

 

- speed dating (which would mostly be for a laugh)

 

- I will TRY to urge her to give online dating more of a chance.

 

lol she makes me feel better about my chances at finding love at least! I mean..... you know.....for ME, having a job, being able to talk about more topics than fishing and football, and being at least average looking with preferably blue eyes and NOT wanting to have kids, is all I need!

 

And I am not aiming to find love the way she is, but rather: I want to just enjoy flirting and making connections with men. I have learnt that love only comes along when your not looking.

 

I think she is up for having some fun with me now, that we are both single.....

 

She has been cheated on by guys, had her heart broken, and she bothered to have a long distance relationship with her recent ex who is in Belarus without seeing him for years at a time.

 

I think her dating mentality is a little off? Since she has only dated liars and cheaters, and the one good guy was not available to her physically?

[FitChick]

she needs the man to pay for EVEYTHING.

Men over there, where she is from, pay for everything.

Why did she move?

[Leigh 87]

Her dad was some sort of engineer or had a highly paid job that moved her family across the world.

 

She has been in Australia for years now, and did her degree here. She has friends and likes life here. There are more opportunities for her here; she earns way more here than she does in her home country.

 

And she does not talk down to me at all, but we do have different standards! She does not really impose her standards on me, yet you can tell she would never date the "types" of men I do!

 

I date men without degrees and who do not earn over average pay.. Ultimately though, I will not settle with a man, and ironically; I may find a man I am more in love with than she ever finds, due to her standards limiting her options to much!!!

 

LOL she is asking me for online dating sites, and is saying " omg they are all losers with no jobs and ugly haha"

 

She IS a nice girl; she is there for me to talk to about my heartbreak any time.

[Leigh 87]

I tell her that online dating is a good idea to have, as she can only limit her conversations to men who are professionals and who have degrees.

 

Online dating, and singles events would be helpful to her?

 

Unless I introduce her to my friend, who is an engineer, who has friends that are also in the profession?

 

I do not have that many good friends whom I spend time with, much less good friends who have high calibre men in the social circle.. Oh, and that make at least 100K!

 

There are some teachers overseas, like my mother does, that earn 100K if they have experience?

 

She is not averse to a long distance courtship, which is probably all she will find with her strict list......... Ugh that would suck, but more power to her for rather settling for that, than with a guy who learns less than 100K but she can have in real life!

[thatone]

No, she isn't nice at all.

 

A better thread would be, rather than you trying to help her, we maybe could help you if you were to ask us why you make friends with awful and shallow people, which women do for whatever reason.

[Leigh 87]

No, she isn't nice at all.

 

A better thread would be, rather than you trying to help her, we maybe could help you if you were to ask us why you make friends with awful and shallow people, which women do for whatever reason.

 

 

I like to have a diverse group of friends.

 

My good friends are truly lovely people who are not shallow.

I am not a shallow women myself, but I do not only want to associate with women who share the exact same values as I do.

 

This girl is funny and fun to be around, and she does care that I am very upset and she is always there to listen to me and to go for a walk with me if I need to see someone to help me cope.

 

I want to enjoy peoples company even if they are not as nice as me in some regards.

I mean... It is funny to hear how she is, she is so different to me that what she says about certain things makes me laugh and well, feel happier that I am NOT like her (seeing as she is missing out on nice guys)

I like how her comments take me aback and make me laugh.

 

And I can also see that seemingly awful people an have compassion for their friends and family.

Lastly: she is a really good and loyal girlfriend to every guy she has been with.

 

...........................

 

 

I only draw the line when it comes to classing people as "friends", if they are or become home wreckers, cheat and lie to people that love them.

If she were to become immoral with a man she dates, I would not have much to do with her. I would chat to her on facebook, but I would not hang out with her or anything.

Edited May 19, 2013 by Leigh 87

[SJC2008]

Never say never but I find it very hard to beleive that a woman from Belarus, a former soviet republic who still has a soviet style government with a state run economy, is reaching for the stars as you say she is. We're talking about a tiny, land locked, poor country that has had almost no western influence. Honey I think you're full of shyte. Most AMERICAN women aren't even like that.

[Leigh 87]

Never say never but I find it very hard to beleive that a woman from Belarus, a former soviet republic who still has a soviet style government with a state run economy, is reaching for the stars as you say she is. We're talking about a tiny, land locked, poor country that has had almost no western influence. Honey I think you're full of shyte. Most AMERICAN women aren't even like that.

 

 

Wtf?

 

Well if you think I am making up an imaginary friend then don't come here and comment if your not going to contribute.

 

She say where she is from, the girls demand a high standard, and the men have to pay for everything.

 

It could also be because she has lived in other countries as well as her home country.

 

I am not lying! This is EXACTLY what she says to me!!!!!!

[dreamingoftigers]

Wtf?

 

Well if you think I am making up an imaginary friend then don't come here and comment if your not going to contribute.

 

She say where she is from, the girls demand a high standard, and the men have to pay for everything.

 

It could also be because she has lived in other countries as well as her home country.

 

I am not lying! This is EXACTLY what she says to me!!!!!!

 

In Canada we have A LOT of wealthy immigrants from the former Soviet Republics.

 

Especially in my city dealing with Chemical Engineers, piping etc. With the oilfields.

 

Not everyone made out poorly and ended up in gulags in the USSR.

Those who were well educated and well-connected made out pretty damn good while the economy was going to Hell.

 

Plenty, plenty of wealthy folk for poor places.

I used to clean their mansions. A lot of East Indian customers in particular as well.

 

If she's second generation, she may be very well particular on who age gets together with and the type of traditional family values they have.

 

I doubt she's imaginary! LOL

 

But Leigh,

 

I doubt you'd be able to convert her standards and honestly it isn't your job to either.

[ChessPieceFace]

I need help with my friend, who is from Belarus and is trying to find love in Australia.

 

For starts, she will NOT even consider a man who earns less than 100 K a year:lmao::lmao::lmao::lmao::lmao:

 

I think she has confused "love" with "money." Buy her a dictionary.

[Leigh 87]

Yeah guys, I just really love how love can be found in places you sometimes don't think to look in:love:

 

Being more open to finding love means you are more likely to find a man who adores you and treats you like a princess. A deep and loving relationship that makes you truly HAPPY, is found more easily if you relax and stop having so many rules as to who you will allow yourself to even "consider"

 

I wish the best for my friends, and I just picture myself being open to an average man, no special job, and I can just see an awesome guy coming along and becoming the love of my life.

 

....I do not really get much hope from thinking of the rules and standards I need to have! Sure, I need the basis; a job, able to talk about more than sport type of guy, not wanting kids and being a really nice person"

 

....I feel BAD for her! Sure she is beautiful, but well.... I can see myself finding such happiness in a man, where as I do not share that vision for her, with saddens me!

 

It is like.. that lovely romance where two people simply love each other SO much, is so out of her reach because she is limiting herself!

 

Maybe I will get through to her! hahaah

[Leigh 87]

I also find that girls with VERY strict standards seem to end up with the exact opposite of what they say they're looking for.

 

Not sure why, but I've actually noticed this a lot IRL.

 

 

 

Totally... I was shallow when I met my ex, and wanted a guy in college or with a college education, for them to be well spoken, for them to NOT be the idiots who would drive around in their youth, yelling things out of their cars.....

 

Oh and I liked body builder gym junkie types of men.

 

Then I met my ex, LOL.

 

The TOTAL OPPOSITE of what I was after, except he had nice teeth:o

 

.........................

 

 

I learnt that being open to getting to know a totally different type of guy, I fell madly in love with him and he became the most attractive man out there for me.

[SJC2008]

Wtf?

 

Well if you think I am making up an imaginary friend then don't come here and comment if your not going to contribute.

 

She say where she is from, the girls demand a high standard, and the men have to pay for everything.

 

It could also be because she has lived in other countries as well as her home country.

 

I am not lying! This is EXACTLY what she says to me!!!!!!

 

There's nothing wrong with having an imaginary friend, mine wrote the last post! Here's my contribution: She'll either lower her standards or more than likely die alone. She may now want to find someone and her laundry list could be a way of keeping her single. Why are you so concerned for her? I have a friend who's unrealistic but that's his problem.

[The Magi]

Maybe trying to convince her to change her standards isn't the wisest course to take. Helping think of ways or places to meet men who do offer what she's looking for would be more helpful to her, not to mention more friendly.

[KraftDinner]

I honestly just think you should let her make her own mistakes. If she ends up alone, that's her deal.

 

Plus it's not your responsibility to try to change people. Just be there, give your opinion and move on. I'm sure she'll be okay.

[Els]

Seconding Kraft - really not sure it's your business to tell her what to do with her love life, especially because as far as I can see, the two of you aren't that close? If she asks for your opinion, you can give it to her, but otherwise it may be better to just enjoy your friendship and let her do as she pleases.

 

The payscale in Australia seems to be pretty high, though, compared to many other countries, so I don't think the men she is looking for are so very rare. Assuming you're talking about before tax deductions, I know several professionals who do make that much, and they're all below 30 even. Whether or not it is a WISE criteria, on the other hand... well. She's gotta make her own mistakes.

[Els]

Never say never but I find it very hard to beleive that a woman from Belarus, a former soviet republic who still has a soviet style government with a state run economy, is reaching for the stars as you say she is. We're talking about a tiny, land locked, poor country that has had almost no western influence. Honey I think you're full of shyte. Most AMERICAN women aren't even like that.

 

You clearly have no idea what goes on outside of America, do you? Money is often prioritized more when you come from a poor background. Prioritization of money is hardly a 'western' thing.

 

And while I disagree with having income (or looks) as one's first priority in a mate, $100k/year pre tax is hardly 'reaching for the stars'. In Australia, there are probably more men who make that much, than women who look like models. It's merely a question of whether or not it's a good idea to be forming a relationship based on such a 'trade-off', in which case my personal answer would be 'no'.

Edited May 20, 2013 by Elswyth

[pteromom]

She is a model and also has a degree, podiatry, that will be very well paid.

 

Unfortunately, she has REALLY High standards that she WILL NOT compromise on!

 

For starts, she will NOT even consider a man who earns less than 100 K a year:lmao::lmao::lmao::lmao::lmao:

She wants kids, she wants them support her if she does not want to work and she needs the man to pay for EVEYTHING. The man needs to have a degree too.

 

I don't think her standards seem ridiculous. Sounds to me like she is beautiful and smart and will be earning a lot of money herself, so I don't think she is out of line wanting a man who is also those things. If she wants to be a SAHM and wants to make sure her quality of life doesn't suffer, she is actually smart to find a man that makes a huge income.

 

But rest assured, if time goes by and she isn't successful in finding one, she'll either lower her standards or decide she is happy alone.

 

No biggie, and there is nothing you need to do to help her.

[Leigh 87]

Oh, we are good friends; we like being around each other enough, fuss free and without drama, to be friends for years to come.

 

We are just very different when it comes to men!!

 

She is a relatively new friend, I have been friends with her for about a year.

 

.......................

 

And to the poster who says her standards are not ridiculous: YES THEY ARE.

 

She is severely holding herself back from having a genuine loving relationship!

 

Look, I believe that true love ; being IN love with a women versus just loving them dearly - is QUIET rare.

 

Further - because of her looks, nice personality and academic achievements: men THINK she is everything they WANT in a women, and push to get serious with her cos she is what they WANT on paper.

 

Being good looking and desirable attracts men that have treated her badly, due to them THINKING she is what hey want and liking her, yet not being IN love with her.

 

Men are less likely to take things slowly with her to see if they CAN actually fall IN love with her, as they want her to be the one for them badly cos she is hot and clever and a good women to have for a wife.

 

Does that make sense?

 

Men will try to have a relationship with her without actually waiting to see if they can fall deeply in love with her. They want the image of her, before testing the waters to see if it is actually true love.

 

Her exes treated her terribly, yet two proposed to her and after they cheated and asked for threesomes and partner swapping with her (for skinnier women cos this girl is " only" 119 or less lbs and 5 ' 6)

 

They went back to her after she left, because while they obviously were not deeply in love with her'; they really did like her as a person and have strong feelings for her, albeit not true love.

 

They want her back cos she is as good as they can get on PAPER.

[Leigh 87]

So why are you trying to impose yours onto her?

 

I'm not saying she's likely to get what she wants, but she might. It's her life to find that out with.

 

 

Totally, I would never tell her what to do. We feel comfortable enough in the friendship to be able to at least express our views though.

 

She tells me I can do better with men; I tell her 100K criteria is LAUGHABLE.

 

We both laugh at each others differences.

 

She tells me if my hairstyle does not suit me.

 

We are like that. Where she comes from she is brutally honest, but in a way that is light and not confrontational.

[pteromom]

I tell her 100K criteria is LAUGHABLE.

 

I don't think it is laughable. If I ever found myself single again, I would have a similar criteria. I have a certain lifestyle, and I wouldn't want to be in a situation where I make much more than a man and am always having to drag him along.

 

And for a younger woman who wants a family, and especially if she wants the option of being a SAHM down the road, I think having a requirement for financial security is wise.

 

I have no issues with someone who is happy with $20K a year, or who is happy with a guy who makes $20K a year... if it works for them, great. But I don't think it is ridiculous or laughable to have financial requirements.

 

Like I said, if her requirements are not realistic, she'll find out soon enough, and will need to adjust them or become OK with being single.