Being honest.

[Leigh 87]

I need to talk to people on here who are also struggling and who have gotten through the other side.

 

I am NOT doing well. I need to be distracted by your stories and experiences.

 

I do better when I am with friends, walking or jogging, or reading about other peoples relationship experiences; it causes me to forget about my ex and think about other people.

 

Who here has lost someone who they were really in love with?

 

What stages did you go through in the first few months?

 

I need to hear HOPEFUL STORIES of how you moved on and let go of the pain surrounding the break up.

DO NOT be @ssholes about no contact and how I need to just shut up and get over it.

I need to hear nice people sharing their own stories, I need to see that IT IS possible for people to get over the very WORST pain.

 

................................................

 

I am doing worse than I thought I would.

I was extremely attached to him; I went wherever he went, I was like his shadow. I hugged every night in bed and it is immense pain I am feeling at this loss.

 

I cannot sleep and I hate waking up.

 

I suffer from nightmares every night about him.

 

I hate waking up.

 

With him I always got such a secure feeling waking up next to him.

I have been inside for days.. Only coming out to see friends. I saw friends every day the first week post break up which helped at first. I was even.... not this low and I was exited about my future.

I guess I was still in shock.

I still am in shock it feels like. I was THAT close to him that it is like " WTF, you are actually letting that go?"

 

.......................................................

 

 

Can anyone else tell me that yes they DID overcome the grief and pain over losing their loved one?

Can you tell me that with no contact, they do move on after a few months?

I DO NOT want to be like this for months.

 

And yes I realise that it is only after NC starts properly, that I will start to truly heal.

You do not need to tell me. I know. I am just not ready for total NC. I know I will be ready though in the near future.

......................................................

 

The other annoying thing is: we still text and talk. He tells me how much he loves me and misses me. He says there is no way he will move on any time soon. HE says he can see us being together again once I change (from taking my bad moods out on him)

 

So what? I can tell he still has strong feelings for me, but what does he expect from talking to me!?! That him and I will merrily talk and talk until what, we just find other people and be totally FINE with this!!?!?!?!

 

How stupid is he!???????

 

He even said the other day when I went to the movies with a male friend (he's married and totally OFF limits) " you went to the movies, who with, man you have to tell me when you start to, you know...."

I just feel like, by being myself when we talk without taking my issues out on him, which I know I will never do again, he will see me for who I am without me causing issues. That he will still love me and realise how good it is having me without my bad moods?

 

He only left because I had issues in life, that I took out on him with bad moods instead of going and dealing with the issues at hand.

He still wants to talk and be with me, but says he can see it takes TIME to change my ways, and that he still loves me and does not want on to other women in the near future; he says he cannot even think about it at this point.

 

......................................................

 

 

I still enjoy talking to him, and I enjoy the fact that I am going out on a good note; we are talking nicely and being ourselves without the past drama.

I would like to just drop off the radar when I feel "it"

And yes he knows that this is what I will do, and he has agreed to not contact me after I stop contacting him UNLESS he wants to meet up to see if we can try again at a relationship.

 

...........................................................

 

For all the bad things that come to light in my past posts, we had a very happy relationship in the end and without my personal issues ruining it and without his disgusting addiction to hookers that he stopped eventually, we had a really loving and fun relationship and we never lost the initial spark for each other.

 

...........................................................

 

I honestly do not know if I will ever get 100% over my feelings to the extent where, if he came back one day, I would... be able to refuse another start to the relationship. Providing he was willing to work on it 100%

He really broke my heart though. I can see why I needed to be alone to work through my life on my own, however; breaking my heart is not necessarily something I would forgive and forget.

 

Not that he will come back.

 

What is with all the guys who DO come back though!>!>! It seems to happen on here a lot.

[Leigh 87]

Any one wanting to share their stories of how they got over heartbreak?

 

I know I will love someone this much or more again one day and I look forward to my future.

 

It is not that I feel hopeless about life in general, it is just very very painful to deal with such a huge loss.

 

The fact he still throws me the " I still love you and do not want other girls any time soon" card just adds a false sense of hope, which is why I know NC needs to happen very soon.

 

I feel almost ready for NC.

 

As it stands I just wait until he texts and rings me. I know he will not want me back. I can feel that. I just get comfort from talking to him.

 

It is not WHILE I talk that I have any false hope; I can see it is unlikely his love will be like in a fairy tale, where he wants me back.

 

It is only if I continue to talk that I will get false hope. Which is why I will do NC soon.

[iouaname]

Hi hon! I'll see how I can help...

 

Who here has lost someone who they were really in love with?

 

I think all of us, practically? As well as everyone else at one point or another. It's something that everyone goes through as long as they're lucky enough to fall in love at some point in their lives.

 

What stages did you go through in the first few months?

 

I don't know if I really believe in 'stages.' I think that you certainly experience a lot of emotions, feel better sometimes, relapse and feel worse, and then it's just a gradual incline. I know for me, I felt a lot of different emotions at once, then felt different emotions later and then cycled through some of the same ones from before - and then felt new ones! There's no way to calculate it, really, you just feel what you feel until you don't.

 

Can anyone else tell me that yes they DID overcome the grief and pain over losing their loved one?

 

I have not yet gotten to the point where I have completely overcome it, BUT, I can say that I was where you were at one point and am much better now. I did the whole thing where I could not sleep, couldn't eat, couldn't enjoy being outside of my room and couldn't even muster the energy sometimes to shower or change out of my oversized hoodie and short shorts.

 

It's been five months for me and now I sleep normally, eat healthy, go out with friends as often as possible, and even shower!

 

Can you tell me that with no contact, they do move on after a few months?

I DO NOT want to be like this for months.

 

Nobody wants to be like this at all, it just kind of is what it is. The best way to get through it is to figure out your coping mechanisms (the little things you can do that help you get through each day) and do them as often as needed. Just keep taking it day by day, and each day you get through, you'll be a little bit closer to feeling better.

 

I am no authority on no contact as my breakup was unnecessarily brutal for the reason that both of us did not keep no contact as we should have. HOWEVER, the one thing I can say is that regardless of whether I went no contact or not, I've been moving on and he has as well. You really DO move on with time, no contact is just a HUGE help in doing so and it allows you to maintain your dignity, pride, and sanity while dealing with all of this.

 

So what? I can tell he still has strong feelings for me, but what does he expect from talking to me!?! That him and I will merrily talk and talk until what, we just find other people and be totally FINE with this!!?!?!?!

 

How stupid is he!???????

 

Well... I guess you're as equally stupid for responding? I don't want to sound rude, but if the mindset he has and the things he is saying to you are hurting you, then you really need to stop responding. Better yet - stop receiving. Block his messages. Otherwise you're setting yourself up.

 

My ex said a LOT of the same things you said. That he didn't see himself with anyone else, that he wasn't moving on any time soon and that he expected us to get back together in the future. Four months later, he contacts me to tell me he doesn't see a future with me and thinks the relationship was unhealthy and, basically, that I'm a crazy, perpetual-victim.

 

It's easier for him to say those things to you. Maybe not consciously, but it helps him because it keeps you in his life while he moves on. It makes his moving on easier, but certainly not yours.

 

~~~~~

 

The one thing that I can say from reading your posts is that you're going about this in a way that is setting yourself up for the agony to last longer and the pain to be even worse when he does move on. It may just need to be a lesson that you learn, but - if you're waiting for the moment you're READY for NC, I can assure you that it's never going to come. It's not something you can ever be 'ready' for. If it was, it wouldn't be as scary or as painful or as difficult as it is.

 

In order to grow, we need to do the things that are scariest to us. Not when we're ready, but when we MUST.

[Leigh 87]

I totally agree with you, that is why I made an "honesty" thread! I am declaring that I am so in love with a guy that I am too weak for no contact, and instead, I still take comfort in hearing his voice.

 

I am not telling people that I am following NC anymore, because I broke it.

 

If you got over yours, I can too.

 

3 months of NC and moving on would be just wonderful.

 

That good friend of mine that I mentioned also took about 3 months to get over her 15 year relationship! With total NC and regularly writing in a journal.

 

It is just he is so.... Like, with his last ex, they broke up due to living on other sides of the world.

He never lost feeling for her, he is the type of guy who, once he is into a girl, he only forgets her once he falls for someone else.

He would have gone back wth her if she had said " Andrew, I want a long distance relationship"

He only moved one because he met ME and fell for ME.

 

I guess that answers my question... No he will not come back, because he WILL meet someone else BEFORE he gets any urge to come back to me.

And I won't care that much since I will be NC: I will not even know he is with anyone new, because I would not check up on him on fb.

 

...................................................

 

He just makes out like he will not move on and want me back if we still talk?

 

 

I guess he is still stuck with his feelings too, and he is only saying that because he is finding it hard to let go, and it makes him feel better thinking that it will not be forever?

[Leigh 87]

Hi hon! I'll see how I can help...

 

 

 

[/u]I think all of us, practically? As well as everyone else at one point or another. It's something that everyone goes through as long as they're lucky enough to fall in love at some point in their lives.

 

 

 

[/u]I don't know if I really believe in 'stages.' I think that you certainly experience a lot of emotions, feel better sometimes, relapse and feel worse, and then it's just a gradual incline. I know for me, I felt a lot of different emotions at once, then felt different emotions later and then cycled through some of the same ones from before - and then felt new ones! There's no way to calculate it, really, you just feel what you feel until you don't.

 

 

 

I have not yet gotten to the point where I have completely overcome it, BUT, I can say that I was where you were at one point and am much better now. I did the whole thing where I could not sleep, couldn't eat, couldn't enjoy being outside of my room and couldn't even muster the energy sometimes to shower or change out of my oversized hoodie and short shorts.

 

It's been five months for me and now I sleep normally, eat healthy, go out with friends as often as possible, and even shower!

 

[/b]

 

Nobody wants to be like this at all, it just kind of is what it is. The best way to get through it is to figure out your coping mechanisms (the little things you can do that help you get through each day) and do them as often as needed. Just keep taking it day by day, and each day you get through, you'll be a little bit closer to feeling better.

 

I am no authority on no contact as my breakup was unnecessarily brutal for the reason that both of us did not keep no contact as we should have. HOWEVER, the one thing I can say is that regardless of whether I went no contact or not, I've been moving on and he has as well. You really DO move on with time, no contact is just a HUGE help in doing so and it allows you to maintain your dignity, pride, and sanity while dealing with all of this.

 

 

 

[/b]Well... I guess you're as equally stupid for responding? I don't want to sound rude, but if the mindset he has and the things he is saying to you are hurting you, then you really need to stop responding. Better yet - stop receiving. Block his messages. Otherwise you're setting yourself up.

 

My ex said a LOT of the same things you said. That he didn't see himself with anyone else, that he wasn't moving on any time soon and that he expected us to get back together in the future. Four months later, he contacts me to tell me he doesn't see a future with me and thinks the relationship was unhealthy and, basically, that I'm a crazy, perpetual-victim.

 

It's easier for him to say those things to you. Maybe not consciously, but it helps him because it keeps you in his life while he moves on. It makes his moving on easier, but certainly not yours.

 

~~~~~

 

The one thing that I can say from reading your posts is that you're going about this in a way that is setting yourself up for the agony to last longer and the pain to be even worse when he does move on. It may just need to be a lesson that you learn, but - if you're waiting for the moment you're READY for NC, I can assure you that it's never going to come. It's not something you can ever be 'ready' for. If it was, it wouldn't be as scary or as painful or as difficult as it is.

 

In order to grow, we need to do the things that are scariest to us. Not when we're ready, but when we MUST.

 

 

 

 

 

 

This has helped me so so so much!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

WOW you even shower now, OMG:D

 

It especially knocked some sense into me how YOUR ex also said that he still loves you and wanted to get back together again.

My ex is just doing the same thing. When really, he will just go on without me and move on to someone else.

It is not some Disney movie where he will love me so much that he will not be able to let go, only to come running back to me!!!!!!!!!!

 

I guess what is hardest, is how CLOSE we were, literally, how we were together every day and he clearly had no place he would rather have been.

It is hard to comprehend that he would rather move on than come back to me after time.

 

One thing I know: I am MUCH closer to NC now, as it will prevent so muh agony!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

There is no WAY I will put myself through that.

 

I mean, I do not even feel like answering his phone call later. And if I do I feel the need to tell him this is it.

[Giha]

"He just makes out like he will not move on and want me back if we still talk?

 

 

I guess he is still stuck with his feelings too, and he is only saying that because he is finding it hard to let go, and it makes him feel better thinking that it will not be forever?"

 

 

You have got to stop telling yourself that...

[OwlSoul]

I need to hear HOPEFUL STORIES of how you moved on and let go of the pain surrounding the break up.

I felt much happier when I realized that we're being left because we're not good enough. It's just an animal instinct which forces us to always inspect our partners and question if they are the best. Doesn't sound like something to be happy about, but it shows that we, dumpees, stop self-development because we focus our lives on our partners. We echo their hobbies, we love their music and movies, we read their books.

 

I was hurting badly after the break-up. First days I've spent in a shock, doing normal stuff, submitting my university courseworks and etc. Then it kind of hit me: just few days just being at home, doing nothing but watching comedians, feeling really depressed. The dreams about him and myself still being together were not helping. Then I felt anger. I wanted to prove that the person who left me did the biggest mistake. I started getting back some part of my old-self, playing my ukulele, drawing, reading, working out intensively, improving my look, started talking to my friends more often and etc. Lots of things. Have no idea why, but my gut feeling was always saying he will be back. So I was not just holding my hope, I was working towards getting better, more balanced self who would not depend on the partner. Eventually, he came back saying he loves me.

 

Meh, you just need to decide whether you're working on getting back together or not. A lot of people on this site are like 'I'm holding NC, I'm moving on!', yet, they'd let back their exes dancing happily.

You just stop hurting once you know what do you want and know how to proceed and what to do. You just do not have time to keep hurting, it's a luxurity.

 

"I still love you and do not want other girls any time soon"

My ex was saying that 'I still love you. I just kind of afraid, I guess'. The meaning of your ex's words and mine's is the same: I still have feelings, but I do not feel happy being with you.

It is not something to have hopes about, it is an indicator of the problem.

[Leigh 87]

Well I have a gut feeling my ex will come back one day, but I do not want to live my life as though he will.

 

Further, he broke my heart, and I want to go total NC so I can get OVER him, so that if he DOES come back I will have to have a long think about it. After how he broke my heart.

 

The sad thing about NC is, it is accepting that it is 100% over FOREVER; your letting GO of hope, and actually lessening your feelings for him, until they go entirely.

 

It is saying goodbye to the love you feel for him, and sending it on its way.

[Leigh 87]

"He just makes out like he will not move on and want me back if we still talk?

 

 

I guess he is still stuck with his feelings too, and he is only saying that because he is finding it hard to let go, and it makes him feel better thinking that it will not be forever?"

 

 

You have got to stop telling yourself that...

 

 

 

This is genuinely how he feels.

 

He is finding it hard to let go of almost 3 years of living together and being extra close to a person, more than he ever has with another person besides his mother, who passed away recently.

[Leigh 87]

I NEED to see a therapist ASAP.

 

The pain I feel is so...

 

Yeah.

 

I just cannot believe a man who loved me that much is simply going to let me go and move onto other people before he realises how much he still loves me.

 

I have been planning on starting on going therapy again, but I desperately just need to talk to one NOW ASAP.

 

Shame the waiting lists are months.. I will have to ring around all day tomorrow.

 

I know my old one will talk to me ASAP because this is an emergency, I feel very very afraid and unstable, the pain of the loss is too unbearable to me.

 

I know it will help greatly when I let it all out to a therapist.

[Leigh 87]

I think three months sounds about fair to me. Especially seeing as I still believe in love and I know I will meet an amazing guy again.

 

I talked to my really good friend, from way back; before I moved states and before I met Andrew.

 

He is the best friend I have. He is 20 years older, but he too, has suffered ONCE, just once: through the worst heartbreak imaginable.

 

He said they too, lived together and were inseparable. After the break up he checked himself into psych ward; he is a mentally very stable guy, he never has mood swings or a history of mental illness. He just literally thought that he would die without that women.

 

He went home to live with his mum, and stayed in his childhood room for MONTHS. Without coming out once.

 

....................I am lucky to have good friends who care about me so much. He almost cried at he fact I am going through such pain right now. He knows what it is like to lose someone who you LOVED... just LOVED that much.

 

Also, the trip overseas to Russia and etc: HUGE HUGE help. I mean fck man, honestly if I did not have this awesome partying holiday to look forward to, I Would be WAYYYYYYYYYY more sad. Seriously.

 

.......................

 

 

I have started NC.

 

Lets se how long I last.

[Leigh 87]

I am not READY For NC your right. I NEVER will be ready to not have him to hold me while I profusely CRY.

 

I held onto the fact that when I was shaking with sadness and tears, he would be able to comfort me like always.

 

NOW, I have to face the worst possible pain that I have ever felt, WITHOUT the closest person to me; or the person who WAS the closest to me.

 

Unlike some people, who seemingly had it worse (they got left for another person, their partner cheated, etc) I HAD my ex to hold onto just like old times.

 

I guess walking away from what was once so comforting and natural to me ( to have him hold me or at least talk to me when I am at my worst) is going to feel completely ..... unreal.

 

I am going to have the BIGGEST urge.. the BIGGEST magnet... that pulls me back to him.

 

It is my job to ignore it and face the pain I am feeling rather than supressing it because I think there is hope for us. There isn't. I will be well over him by the time he would want me back anyway. Not that he ever will.

[Leigh 87]

They say to stick to an exercise program, you need 12 weeks. To break a habit, 12 weeks. 12 weeks is the magic point to start feeling less attached and less controlled by something.

 

Just don't be tricked by the fact that you feel so neutral about it after 12 weeks, that you'll be ok just contacting them "to say hi". You can undo 12 weeks of hard work in 30 secs flat that way.

 

Remember, NC is deleting/blocking numbers, emails, FB, twitter, and not looking them up online ever. It is full cold turkey. No exceptions.

 

 

 

Wow really? So even if your indifferent at the thought of him, saying a mere "hi" and having them happy to hear from you again, will REALLY make you go through the WHOLE process again!>!>!>! ugh.

 

Seriously?

 

I have told him to NOT contact me unless he wants me back, to work on starting a NEW relationship one day.

 

I made this VERY clear to him - to NOT contact me ever again, unless he wants to start a new relationship with me - so I can AVOID being set back if he contacts me in a few months, without the intent of wanting me back.

 

I know some exes do this, particular exes like mine who did love you, but left for another reason.

 

I can see people like my ex, and I have heard stories on here, of exes reaching out, just to say " hey"

 

That would also set me back, to have to talk to him AGAIN if he has no love left for me and intention of reconciling.

[Leigh 87]

The pain is short term. We're all doing it, or have done it, and we survived. Seriously, you'll wonder why you didn't do it sooner when to see how much better you'll feel after 3 months...

 

 

 

Seriously man, this makes me feel so much more.. better. Even though I am feeling soooooo much pain right now. Good to know it is only short lived IF I stick to NC.

 

He better not bloody send me breadcrumbs. Being set back is not something I would take kindly too.....

 

Please remind me: 99.9% of exes do not stay in love with you and end up wanting you back for a genuine second shot at things. IF ANYTHING they are bored and lonely and cannot find anything better out there.

[Leigh 87]

Almost all exes that come sniffing around for Round 2, yes, are experiencing dumper's remorse. It rarely works out. Very little had changed. And quite frankly, Andrew sounds like a bit of twat. He bangs hookers but your mental state is responsible for the relationship breakdown? He sounds like a douche.

 

 

 

 

He was a wonderful person apart from his immense immaturity regarding relationships.

I was single for 5 years during my 20's, before Andrew; I hated the idea of trying a relationship with anyone that wasn't worth it.

I am a truly caring women. I have time for every one and I love people. I would not have had such a happy daily life with a man who was not MOSTLY a very nice person too.

 

Andrew had a lot of issues. I had a lot of issues. It made it hard initially but in the end, we had a wonderful relationship WHEN WE DIDN;T have issues to contend with.

 

I am not stupid though. We had a really good relationship besides my mental issues, and the couple of times he banged hookers. my gut, that has never let me down, tells me he loves me A LOT and he would have banged the hookers regardless of how much he loved.

He was an addict to them. Addicts to not necessarily quit cold turkey, even when they are in the deepest sort of love. They relapse.

 

I believe that if we both committed to 100% changing our ways and both getting therapy for it, then we fundamentally had a lot of love and fun that never dissipated.

I know Andrew would only come back if he wanted to start a new relationship.

Look I Know it is hard to take my word for things, however; I know the relationship could work if we worked on our own issues.

 

..............................

 

 

But I am in NC now. It is like Alcoholics Anonymous. It is a huge commitment, the biggest sort you can make.

 

With NC I will probably not have to deal with him coming back, because 99.999% of dumpers DO move on BEFORE they have an epiphany and realise they still love you enough to want you.

[Leigh 87]

I do not regret the relationship the way some people say such things as " 4 years down the drain, boo hoo"

 

This relationship changed my life and made me a much happier person.

 

I loved my time with him, I would not change it for the world.

 

The thing about finding someone who you truly loved and who really did make you happy? The heartbreak is WORTH it!

 

I am in SO much pain. SO much... But the time I spent with him his worth this pain right now. I was honestly that content and happy with him, even in spite of our issues.

 

I am definitely going to remain single until I find a guy who is WORTH going through this awful pain again with...................

[Leigh 87]

I am not doing well. He was everything to me. I am seriously upset.

 

Put it this way; my father almost died when I was a kid and again as an adult. We thought he was gone.

 

Losing ANDREW is just as painful. I seriously loved him.

 

I desperately need to ring my therapist tomorrow. They find emergency appointments at my doctors.

 

I cannot deal with this on my own... The pain really is too overwhelming.

[BC1980]

Stop thinking about him. Erase him as part of your life. Be glad you don't have to work with him or have kids with him; then, you would have to see him. Anytime you allow him to enter your thoughts, it only causes pain, and nothing has changed in the end.

 

What in the world does allowing yourself to reminisce over the past accomplish? It only makes you sad. The relationship is still over even after you have allowed yourself to become depressed by thinking of him.

[CarrieT]

Stop thinking about him. Erase him as part of your life.

With all due respect, this is about as easy as telling someone to NOT think about Blue Polar Bears or White Strawberries.

 

See? You just pictured a blue polar bear and white strawberry...

 

In the loss of a relationship, it is natural to obsess and have one's thoughts pervade with memories of the other. The trick is to establish new synapses in the brain into thinking of OTHER things. That is why it is important to exercise (release endorphins), read books, see movies, and CHANGE one's daily habits.

 

In the process of ritual (i.e., doing those things over and over that we do), we set our brains up to expect and see certain things. So that the simple of act of brushing one's teeth can bring about memories of an Ex if -- for example -- you two used to do it the same time every day during the morning bathroom routine.

 

That is why it is important to utterly change all of the "rituals" involving the memories of another. If you woke up together and cuddled in bed, sleep on a couch for a while.

 

Leigh, you have been around the board enough that I *KNOW* you know the sorts of things you need to do and NO CONTACT is the first step. You cannot accept his phone calls or texts. You cannot look at his Facebook page.

 

You have to start the NEW life rituals that center around *you* and what you want to do to change. You can't do those things that remind you of him because that is what is generating hurt. Do something DIFFERENT that you two never did before. Start creating new synapses in your brain that doesn't involve memories of him.

 

If you guys only ever drank coffee, than switch to tea. Stuff like that...

[Leigh 87]

With all due respect, this is about as easy as telling someone to NOT think about Blue Polar Bears or White Strawberries.

 

See? You just pictured a blue polar bear and white strawberry...

 

In the loss of a relationship, it is natural to obsess and have one's thoughts pervade with memories of the other. The trick is to establish new synapses in the brain into thinking of OTHER things. That is why it is important to exercise (release endorphins), read books, see movies, and CHANGE one's daily habits.

 

In the process of ritual (i.e., doing those things over and over that we do), we set our brains up to expect and see certain things. So that the simple of act of brushing one's teeth can bring about memories of an Ex if -- for example -- you two used to do it the same time every day during the morning bathroom routine.

 

That is why it is important to utterly change all of the "rituals" involving the memories of another. If you woke up together and cuddled in bed, sleep on a couch for a while.

 

Leigh, you have been around the board enough that I *KNOW* you know the sorts of things you need to do and NO CONTACT is the first step. You cannot accept his phone calls or texts. You cannot look at his Facebook page.

 

You have to start the NEW life rituals that center around *you* and what you want to do to change. You can't do those things that remind you of him because that is what is generating hurt. Do something DIFFERENT that you two never did before. Start creating new synapses in your brain that doesn't involve memories of him.

 

If you guys only ever drank coffee, than switch to tea. Stuff like that...

 

 

 

 

I miss the dogs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

 

:(:(:(:(:(:(:(

 

 

Two of them were mine and I love HIS two as much as I loved my own.

 

 

Just a minute ago I changed my phone screen savers: my home screen and the " lock" screen were both of my dogs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Now they're not.

 

 

I am going to need SERIOUS therapy to help me deal with the los of my fcking dogs AND BOYFRIEND.

 

 

I am very tempted to get my dogs back when my dad goes back overseas. They live a happy life where I live, it is just technically against the rules.

 

 

I have not exercised in ages so I will try that. I used to love it.

 

 

NC and exercise and the upcoming trip should help a lot.

[Leigh 87]

A good thing is: I do not have to go out and do the shopping, as this is something I did FOR Andrew for the entire time that we lived together!

 

.....My dad is down from overseas and I have SO much frozen veggies and HUNDREDS of tins of canned tuna and chickpeas and enough sauces and condiments...

 

Basically: dad goes out and buys food every day.. plus I have loads more long life foods.

 

I have never gone food shopping for just MYSELF for a good while. So yeah. By the time I do, in late August when dad leaves, I should be recovered enough to just shop for my darn self...

 

I have memories of him every where; in my BED Ahem**, in the shower, in the bathroom, um, wherever I drive vertically, in my car, EVERY WHERE!!!!!!!!!!!:(

 

So it is not like I an just erase my memory of him. All I can do is learn to live without him and stick to NC.

 

I will somehow be able to remember him in ways that do not make me cry my eyes out.

 

I know I WILL Look back with immense love for the time we once had. I KNOW that I will NEVER stop caring about him!

 

I mean, we CARE about one another TOO deeply to just stop caring one day.

 

I can't wait until the day where the love and care for him are in a happy place that does not traumatize me:(

[Larry56]

So what is the problem here?

 

You're breaking up because??

 

Was he a jerk?

Was he unreliable?

Were your needs unfulfilled?

Are you even attracted to him?

 

 

You said you broke up because of you're "moods". So what caused the onset of these "moods". Boredom?

 

I wouldn't just cut the chord so quickly unless you need to SERIOUSLY breakup. I mean. A break sounds like what you need more than to give him up. Unless he was painstakingly unattractive?

[aisuru]

So what is the problem here?

 

You're breaking up because??

 

Was he a jerk?

Was he unreliable?

Were your needs unfulfilled?

Are you even attracted to him?

 

 

You said you broke up because of you're "moods". So what caused the onset of these "moods". Boredom?

 

I wouldn't just cut the chord so quickly unless you need to SERIOUSLY breakup. I mean. A break sounds like what you need more than to give him up. Unless he was painstakingly unattractive?

 

You mean well, I know.. but you might read some of her previous posts...

[Larry56]

Just ignore that last post

 

I see he cheated on you. That's bad. Really bad and I don't think you realize how bad that is. By doing NC you will accomplish two things

 

1) Healing

2) Shows him what life is like without you

 

Because right now, he sees you are way to easy and I don't think you want to convey that if you believe you have self-worth.

 

My ex girlfriend left me for another man. That was 2 months ago. Now I'm cool with it, even though I broke NC many times. Now I've gone out and met heaps of new people. I've also met one girl who I'm curious about at this point and it totally refocuses my mind away from my ex. So...seriously, don't try to fight the pain. It will eventually go away. I would put all his stuff in a box and put it somewhere you can't find it easily.

[Leigh 87]

Yes he cheated, but at the time I let him; I did not think it was a big deal to see a hooker. He was addicted to them and he was young and in no state to settle down with one women and give up his addiction as the click of a finger.

 

I am no idiot and I can tell if a man is really into me, and I could tell that he loved me in the best was that he could.

 

I let him get away with it because I knew he is capable of doing it with any girl, no matter how in love he is. I KNOW him. And it was only twice in over 2 years and every one, including myself, could see that he was a wonderful boyfriend and did not have eyes for other women besides his disgusting addiction to hookers.

 

I have learnt to NEVER make excuses for men from no on. Further, I still believe that there are some men who CAN have meaningless sex with others, even while they are totally in love.

I believe some men are just that way... they can be in love and have sex with hookers, or you know, the meaningless type of sex that means nothing to them.

 

Just because some men a capable of it though, does not mean I want such a man in my life again.

 

So please, I don't take kindly to people that act like : oh well, he cheated on you cos he didn't love you enough, he will find someone easily and not be able to do it on her"

 

I firmly believe he loved me in the only way he could. That it will never change with another girl.