Coping with being undesirable

[SeSe]

I don't know where else to go. Everyone I know is with someone, had great past and upbringing. Did all the high school activities, have fun stories to tell..

 

Me....nothing. I wasn't an outcast but wasn't popular. All my friends had girls that liked them...but when it came to me, no girls were attracted to me...never show interest, no talking or nothing. I figured well, hey, I'm good, I'm sure my life will pick up and I will be with someone.

 

27, had Sex twice and only had one girlfriend, who I never had sex with...looking back, I wouldn't even count it as a relationship...she called me out of the blue day and broke up with me with no explanation. I was crushed. I was 18. A year later she called back, and was concerned about how I'm doing...I responded I didn't want to speak to her ever again...it's been 9 years

 

The second woman in my life, I had a slight crush on her but this time, I tried to be friends first, and that's what we are now...friends. She got married. I was 24. I started to catch deep feelings for, and throughout the marriage, still have feelings for her. He's bad to her too...we still talk but it's brief, thinking of just stop talking to her all together...good friend but the pain is too much sometimes...

 

Final last woman has took the cake. I was 25. This time around I just try to ask her out. I got her number and try to connect...nothing. I left it alone and just chopped it up as a lost...a year later we reconnected and became good friends. We started to hang out often and I thought she was giving me some type of interest...she'll lean on me, ask when was my last girlfriend and can't believe I don't have a girlfriend...caught deep feelings for her, told her how I felt....doesn't feel the same for me she says....crushed, so much pain that I cut her out of my life too.

 

I don't want to feel that pain anymore. There are few more but those were the key ones...I've tried changing myself and it doesn't seem to work...women are just not attracted to me...I've lost hope in love and relationships with women in general...I feel emotionally used sometimes with them...I rarely approach women because they just don't respond and I know I'm not in a lot women leagues...I don't get what I'm doing wrong....I'm real chill, not a jerk...I always have them laughing and having good time...deep conversations...I work, have my own place and have a lot great things going on....still nothing...I feel like I have so much against me...I'm tired of hearing, oh your a nice guy and blah blah...ppl never want to tell me the truth...how can I deal with women not being attracted to me..how to move on with life without a woman

Edited May 30, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Darren Steez]

I don't know where else to go. Everyone I know is with someone, had great past and upbringing. Did all the high school activities, have fun stories to tell..

 

Me....nothing. I wasn't an outcast but wasn't popular. All my friends had girls that liked them...but when it came to me, no girls were attracted to me...never show interest, no talking or nothing. I figured well, hey, I'm good, I'm sure my life will pick up and I will be with someone.

 

27, had Sex twice and only had one girlfriend, who I never had sex with...looking back, I wouldn't even count it as a relationship...she called me out of the blue day and broke up with me with no explanation. I was crushed. I was 18. A year later she called back, and was concerned about how I'm doing...I responded I didn't want to speak to her ever again...it's been 9 years

 

The second woman in my life, I had a slight crush on her but this time, I tried to be friends first, and that's what we are now...friends. She got married. I was 24. I started to catch deep feelings for, and throughout the marriage, still have feelings for her. He's bad to her too...we still talk but it's brief, thinking of just stop talking to her all together...good friend but the pain is too much sometimes...

 

Final last woman has took the cake. I was 25. This time around I just try to ask her out. I got her number and try to connect...nothing. I left it alone and just chopped it up as a lost...a year later we reconnected and became good friends. We started to hang out often and I thought she was giving me some type of interest...she'll lean on me, ask when was my last girlfriend and can't believe I don't have a girlfriend...caught deep feelings for her, told her how I felt....doesn't feel the same for me she says....crushed, so much pain that I cut her out of my life too.

 

I don't want to feel that pain anymore. There are few more but those were the key ones...I've tried changing myself and it doesn't seem to work...women are just not attracted to me...I've lost hope in love and relationships with women in general...I feel emotionally used sometimes with them...I rarely approach women because they just don't respond and I know I'm not in a lot women leagues...I don't get what I'm doing wrong....I'm real chill, not a jerk...I always have them laughing and having good time...deep conversations...I work, have my own place and have a lot great things going on....still nothing...I feel like I have so much against me...I'm tired of hearing, oh your a nice guy and blah blah...ppl never want to tell me the truth...how can I deal with women not being attracted to me..how to move on with life without a woman

 

Well first off you are not unattractive. It's a confidence thing.

 

You're like me in a sense, I was never real big on "chatting up" girls, going to a club and hooking up. You ever see some guys, not necessarily the best looking or the fittest but they seem to get all the women? It's confidence. They just go for it, easy to talk to, make the ladies laugh, the whole nine.

 

From what you write, you seem hesitant about forming attachments, you take your time with them, maybe out of fear of getting hurt or rejection. So you liked someone you were friends with for two years, from what I read she didn't lead you on, and kept it on the level. Maybe hanging out was just hanging out and nothing more. She didn't make a pass at you and reject you, none of that. So you told her how you felt, she said she didn't feel the same way and you deep sixed a friendship you had going for the best part of two years? Why?

 

The world doesn't have an agenda against you. You walk in the street, the ladies are not looking at you going wow, he's so unattractive. It's inside you, it's the negativity. Negative thoughts lead to negative outcomes. You keep telling yourself you're unattractive you're going to feel unattractive aren't you?

 

You ever see the Southern Comfort ad, with the man in speedos? He walks around like he owns the place. 100% confidence.

 

You start to root out those negative thoughts about yourself and your self worth, you'll find the world is not so against you as you think.

Edited May 30, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[MrWindupBird]

I was a skinny pokemon player in high school 10 years ago. I was in love with a girl who was dating the captain of the football team. She talked to me every night on the phone, but I was ultimately her friend and I hung on for 4 years hoping it would change. It didn't.

 

I want you, Sir, to join a local MMA or boxing gym. This isn't about fitness or whatever, though that will come if you stick with it. This is about two things: you need confidence, and you need to be around some confident guys. It rubs off, I swear. If you're intimidated by striking, then do jiu jitsu. It's non-concussive, they put you with other beginners, and it's actually really fun. And there's no nicer people than at an MMA gym. Boxing gyms I've found are a little more old-school, but MMA gyms are pretty much always very inviting to anyone wanting to learn.

 

I remember thinking 'girls always like the jerks'. But in reality, they like a confident guy who makes them feel like they have something they might lose. I learned this the hard, hard way.

 

I joined the Marine Corps, got a jumpstart of confidence about me, and I never had a problem getting a woman after that. The military is a little extreme, but a fight gym is perfect. And women pay attention to stuff like that. Even if they think you're a little insecure or a little whatever, if they know you're training armbars and having fun doing man stuff, then it actually balances out.