Jilly10340 Posted September 29, 2004 Share Posted September 29, 2004 When you're wanting to get back into a relationship with someone, should it matter what other's think? I mean, you're not sure what you should do because bad things have happened in the past and everyone is telling you that it's a bad idea to go back with the person. That you don't belong together, that it won't work.... Should it matter what other's think? Should you take that into consideration? Or should you say to h*ll with it all and do what you want. Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted September 29, 2004 Share Posted September 29, 2004 Originally posted by Jilly10340 When you're wanting to get back into a relationship with someone, should it matter what other's think? I mean, you're not sure what you should do because bad things have happened in the past and everyone is telling you that it's a bad idea to go back with the person. That you don't belong together, that it won't work.... Should it matter what other's think? Should you take that into consideration? Or should you say to h*ll with it all and do what you want. Well ultimately you are the person who has to live with your decision(s) Usually though when everyone around you is telling you that you're about to fall off a cliff... it is for good reason. I do believe that most people when they really don't want to leave a relationship regardless of the reason, will not do so, no matter what anyone says to them about it... and I also beleive that is why sometimes people may stay in not so great relationships when they really REALLY are not good for them... because they made a decision to be or stay in the relationship that everyone said wasn't good for them...and it makes it a little harder to swallow that pill, admitt everyone was right and get the he** out.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jilly10340 Posted September 29, 2004 Author Share Posted September 29, 2004 How do you determine that a relationship is not good for you. I mean, the people around you don't really know the good things about the relationship because you only need to talk to them about it when things are bad. Does that make sense? I know that when you want to stay in a relationship you can easily justify everything the other person has done to make it okay in your mind not to leave. I don't know if that's what i'm doing or what.... I know that the reason we broke up wasn't one sided, I did some pretty bad stuff too. Or was I completely justified in what I did? Everyone seems to think so but I think what i did during the breakup was just as bad as what he did.... I dunno, I hate this second guessing. I'm so confused. Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted September 29, 2004 Share Posted September 29, 2004 Originally posted by Jilly10340 How do you determine that a relationship is not good for you. I mean, the people around you don't really know the good things about the relationship because you only need to talk to them about it when things are bad. Does that make sense? I know that when you want to stay in a relationship you can easily justify everything the other person has done to make it okay in your mind not to leave. I don't know if that's what i'm doing or what.... I know that the reason we broke up wasn't one sided, I did some pretty bad stuff too. Or was I completely justified in what I did? Everyone seems to think so but I think what i did during the breakup was just as bad as what he did.... I dunno, I hate this second guessing. I'm so confused. I can understand how you feel Jilly... How does one determine the relationship isn't good for them... I think you know in your head when it isn't good for you... your heart may not agree... but you know. When the relationship makes you feel bad about yourself or has you questioning your value... it probably isn't good for you. I think most people feel justified in what they did (at that moment) and maybe if circumstances had been different or more information had been present your course of action would have been different... but you made the best possilbe decision you could at the time with what you had. IF you're that uncertain of trying again... then perhaps you're just not ready to give up yet.... and (as far as I'm concerned) is okay... as long as you keep it real to yourself, you will be okay. Link to post Share on other sites
faux Posted September 30, 2004 Share Posted September 30, 2004 Originally posted by Jilly10340 When you're wanting to get back into a relationship with someone, should it matter what other's think? I mean, you're not sure what you should do because bad things have happened in the past and everyone is telling you that it's a bad idea to go back with the person. That you don't belong together, that it won't work.... Should it matter what other's think? Yes. Should you take that into consideration? Yes! Or should you say to h*ll with it all and do what you want. If you were in a relationship with someone, and there were a lot of break-ups, make-ups, and arguments, chances are that your friends and family know all about it. Your family and friends probably know well what you went through, and how silly you were in going back the first few times that it did not work out. I am sure they all think you are VERY foolish for even considering it again. If you must go back to a relationship that, in my opinion, has enough reasons to tell you to stay away and that it will not work, you do run the risk of losing much support from friends and family. Seeing as they know what happened in the past, they are simply trying to be there for you, offering advice and opinions, because they love, care about you, and do not want to see you get hurt AGAIN. Link to post Share on other sites
bluechocolate Posted September 30, 2004 Share Posted September 30, 2004 Should it matter what other's think? If you like them - yes. If you respect them - yes. If they've given you good advice in the past - yes. If they've supported you through tough times in the past - yes. None of that means you'll follow their advice, but you should take it into consideration and not be surprised if they back off when the going gets tough, again. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. from faux If you were in a relationship with someone, and there were a lot of break-ups, make-ups, and arguments I'm reminded of a good friend who went through this with his on-again off-again girl friend. Eventually I had to tell him not to talk to me about her, not to bitch to me about her & not to come looking for support when they broke up again (btw - we're still friends & she's been out of the picture for years now). Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jilly10340 Posted September 30, 2004 Author Share Posted September 30, 2004 Faux, In reference to me, we've broken up and went back together twice. No matter how much time we spend apart or how long it's been since we've seen each other, the feelings between me and him are still there. Always has been. When we see each other again, the past doesn't seem to matter that much anymore. I question whether I should worry what my family and friends think because they base their opinions on the information they have. They don't know every detail about our relationship. They only know the bad stuff that I'VE told them about, and of course it was exaggerated because I was mad at the time. The only person that knows about the whole relationship and all the good things about it is me. I know they don't want to see me hurt again but it it, of course, MY life. I just wish they would just allow me to do whatever I want and whatever makes me happy. Is that too much to ask? They all have to be all up in my business. I want to live my own life and be with whoever I want without the judgement of others. Link to post Share on other sites
faux Posted September 30, 2004 Share Posted September 30, 2004 Well, in that case... I think you should do what you believe you wish to do. If things do not work out well in the end again, your family and friends may not be as supportive as you would wish. If they care about you, they will still be there for you in the end, no matter what. Do be cautious if you pursue ths situation, though. Remember that you are free to make your own choices, no matter what. Link to post Share on other sites
Barby Posted September 30, 2004 Share Posted September 30, 2004 Is it time to give up? Post: 1 | Quote: Okay, met this guy a couple weeks ago. He's funny, sweet, a gentlemen, everything I look for in a guy. We dated for about two weeks before we had the big talk about being "exclusive." Once we started "going steady" things changed. We seem to argue a lot. Last Thursday we got into an argument after he went over to some girls house who he said was married and just a "friend." Well, we got that all worked out the same night and I thought everything was fine between us. So the next morning we're emailing each other from work like we always do and he just seems different. I could tell that something was wrong because he usually calls me baby or tells me he misses me or something like that. There was none of that this time. So I ask him what's wrong and he just says he's stressing over work and can't email me every couple of minutes. So I let it go and leave him alone for awhile, but I ask him if he still wants to see me that night and he says that yes, he does and he's looking forward to it very much. So it's about an hour before he's supposed to pick me up. He calls me to tell me that his boss and friends from work are going out for drinks and he wants to go with them. So he can't see me because he doesn't want to feel pressured to leave them at a certain time. WTF? What's really messed up is that we were supposed to see each other the Monday before that but he "remembered that he told his roommate that he would hang out with him and he couldn't cancel because if his friend did that to him he would be really mad at him." Isn't this the same exact situation? So I let him go. About three hours later he calls and says that he knows he's been acting weird the last few days and that's because he just freaks out in relationships. He says that he hasn't had a girlfriend in over a year so he's used to doing his own thing and not answering to nobody. He said that he doesn't want to lose me because he's being so stupid and that he likes me so much. I stay the night with him on Saturday and he doesn't even try to have sex with me. He always tries to have sex with me. He's a guy. I've always heard that it's a problem when you're in a relationship and the person doesn't want to have sex with you anymore. I guess what I'm asking is: Is it time to give up and call it quits? Is this guy just the biggest jerk who doesn't deserve a chance or what? I need some advice... So is he or isn't he? Post: 1 | Quote: I need some advice. I have been talking to this guy for about a month and a half and recently started dating. He's really great when we're together. He tells me that he's so lucky he found me and how beautiful I am all the time. But that's when we see each other, which is about three times a week. The rest of the week, we almost always talk through email while we're at work. After work, he'll call for a few minutes but that's all I hear from him all day. He has a lot of friends that are girls. And he hangs out with them a lot, alone.....Like last night, he was over at his "friends" house until 11 at night. And when I called while he was over there, he didn't answer his phone. When I showed him that I was upset, he got really defensive. He said that his "friend" was married to his best friend at work and he was on vacation and she was lonely so he went over there to keep her company. Lonely? I've never dated a guy where most of his friends were girls, let alone where he hung out with them. I have a hard time trusting people, but this is beyond me. So I guess what i'm asking is does the above situation sound suspicious? Should I be concerned? Should I just get over my jealousy and trust him for pete's sake? Um....oops.... Post: 1 | Quote: I did something that may have been really bad..... I slept with my ex bf last night....after not seeing him for 2 months.... Some background on our relationship. We about 2 years ago at the restaurant we both worked at. We would always tease each other and flirt, nothing serious though because I had a boyfriend who also worked with us. Well, me and the bf broke up about 6 months after meeting this guy and then we finally get together. I tell you, the first time we hung out together outside of work it was love at first....."hang out." I don't know what to call it, but it was love. Things moved between us kind of quick. We moved in together about 3 months later, broke up 4 months after that, got back together 3 months after the break up, moved in 2 months later, broke up 3 months after that.....and that brings me to here. When we're together, I'm the happiest I've ever been. We just have definate communication problems when we argue and that's why we always break up. I went over there last night and we started talking (yeah, I know) and one thing led to another. We both didn't really know what to think afterward. I mean, we break up but seem to be constantly drawn to one another. We can't seem to stop loving each other as stupid as that may sound. He's the only person I've ever loved.... He didn't really want me to leave but it was 1:30 in the morning and I had to get up to work at 6:30 so I told him to call me and he said he would. I'm single, so I didn't cheat on anyone, but still..... What the heck should I do? I'm completely confused....damn him for being cute.... OKay I'm not doing this to be mean or to say anything mean but it seems your family may have cause for concern...I think you should listen to them because they're probably just looking out for YOUR best interests..but in the end it's up to you! Please be careful, you really seem like a nice girl and if you stop looking you'll find someone who'll love and respect you instead of throwing you for a lot of "hoops" No matter what you decide I wish you the best of luck! Link to post Share on other sites
CurlyIam Posted October 1, 2004 Share Posted October 1, 2004 You know,although Barby has a point and even if everyone else in this world is convinced you are doing a ig mistake... I think you should go ahead and do it. IT's stupid, it's silly, you've done it 10 times before... but you feel that this time might be different...GO FOR IT ! In the end, Jilly, you have to find out for yourself what it is so obvious for everyone else. IT's your life, your choice, but if you don't do it now, you'll always wonder and you'll never get over it. So just jump right in, but this time, keep you year, eyes and heart opened ! Everyone has the right to a last chance, but not to a 100 of chances. Put limits, decide what you want and see if he can do that for you. If he can, honestely... screw what the others think. But if he cannot, publicly admit the defeat and never go there again. HAve the courage to make your own decisions about your life, Curly Link to post Share on other sites
hurtssogood Posted October 1, 2004 Share Posted October 1, 2004 If it's such a big deal about who knows then just hide it then and figure out what you really want. It may not be the right thing to do but it is your call. If not tell them to trust u. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jilly10340 Posted October 1, 2004 Author Share Posted October 1, 2004 I think that you have the wrong person Barby. In the post that you quoted, that was a different guy. Yeah, I got rid of him right quick and in a hurry! He just wasn't worth it. I had way too much patience for that guy but no more. The guy I'm talking about now is someone who I broke up with over the summer in July. We saw each other for the first time in a long time last Tuesday. So disregard all posts before last Tuesday, they're all about the last boyfriend. This guy is the ex ex boyfriend! I tell ya, my love life even boggles my mind sometimes.... hurtssogood - It's hard to decide what to do when I don't even know what the other person wants. It's not just my call, it's his call too. And even if I did hide it, I'm not good at hiding things. Everyone who knows me knows that Link to post Share on other sites
Papillon Posted October 1, 2004 Share Posted October 1, 2004 Screw what other people think. Other people are too wrapped up in their lives to give a sheeite anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jilly10340 Posted October 1, 2004 Author Share Posted October 1, 2004 That's true. But it makes you wonder if they know something that you just refuse to see... Link to post Share on other sites
Papillon Posted October 1, 2004 Share Posted October 1, 2004 You really think other people know you better than you know yourself? 'Course not. But you're right, one should alway be open to other's opinions. I have a simple routine - if I like their opinion, I listen, if I don't, they're stupid. Works a charm. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jilly10340 Posted October 1, 2004 Author Share Posted October 1, 2004 Makes sense - I like that theory! Link to post Share on other sites
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