Why is sex all they (men) want?

[RedRobin]

So, just for fun and games. Let's say one decided to stop being celibate. Who should she call for sex?

 

Who to call for sex??? A man who has as much or more to lose than you do if things don't go well for one reason or another.

 

That usually makes them a little better behaved. Not surprisingly, this is why some single people target married and attached people for casual sex. The attached person has a lot of reasons to keep their mouths shut about it after the fact.

 

... or you go have a fling somewhere far, far away from your home turf. Just like men do.

 

Not saying I condone any of the above... but since you asked...

[RedRobin]

Actually, anyone can have control to who we are attracted to, because the people who are attracted are in part your mirror of yourself. Relationship failures are your lessons in love and what you do with it is your choice to allow yourself to ascend higher and date up. You must understand that love can be achieved WITHOUT NEEDING someone like a man to bang you all night long.

 

That does not mean you have to become Mother Teresa either. What this means, you must work on things that causes your insecurity, your low self-esteem and others that make you want physical love of a man. If you don't work on it and refuse to accept the lessons, you'll continue meeting men who are sleazy and put a large emphasis on physical sex, until you succumb to the pain of breakups enough for you to finally change. Only when you become alone for awhile, heal your heart enough that you will then realize you start dating men who are much more different than the ones you dated in the past.

 

GOD always says, GOD helps those who helps themselves. Are you helping yourself raise your bar in love?

 

Nope? So how do you expect GOD to help you?

 

 

Well, I'm not a religious person at all, but I want to agree with some of the things you say above.

 

I believe that part of the issue is that our culture has eliminated so many of the traditions that were designed to create intimacy in safe ways... that made it easier for people to protect and nurture that part of themselves which is ideally shared with just a few people.

 

Lack of filters... that is what we have. I certainly have it with my 'mouth' and things I say sometimes... others have it with their bodies.

 

Humans have a innate desire for affection and touch. Studies were done, back in the 60's I believe, on what happens to monkey babies when deprived of affection from their mothers. They die. I'm sure they wouldn't be allowed to conduct those kinds of studies anymore... but they are there for posterity.

 

These needs do not change as we get older. We just redirect them in ways constructive or non-constructive.

 

These days, people don't know how to be affectionate without immediately jumping in the sack. It's like all of us are perpetually touch-starved, and sex is the only way that need is met... by whomever and whatever will provide it.

 

I can say that, because I'm a very affectionate person... and feel the definite physical degeneration of being touch deprived when I am not in a relationship because I do not currently live near my family... I'm a woman, thank goodness, so I can be more demonstrably affectionate with female friends without social stigma.

 

I see nothing wrong with having those needs met by sex with someone you love and trust though. That takes time. Time that a lot of people don't seem to want to spend these days.

 

Anyway... just a few thoughts.

[happydate]

Well, I'm not a religious person at all, but I want to agree with some of the things you say above.

 

I believe that part of the issue is that our culture has eliminated so many of the traditions that were designed to create intimacy in safe ways... that made it easier for people to protect and nurture that part of themselves which is ideally shared with just a few people.

 

Lack of filters... that is what we have. I certainly have it with my 'mouth' and things I say sometimes... others have it with their bodies.

 

Humans have a innate desire for affection and touch. Studies were done, back in the 60's I believe, on what happens to monkey babies when deprived of affection from their mothers. They die. I'm sure they wouldn't be allowed to conduct those kinds of studies anymore... but they are there for posterity.

 

These needs do not change as we get older. We just redirect them in ways constructive or non-constructive.

 

These days, people don't know how to be affectionate without immediately jumping in the sack. It's like all of us are perpetually touch-starved, and sex is the only way that need is met... by whomever and whatever will provide it.

 

I can say that, because I'm a very affectionate person... and feel the definite physical degeneration of being touch deprived when I am not in a relationship because I do not currently live near my family... I'm a woman, thank goodness, so I can be more demonstrably affectionate with female friends without social stigma.

 

I see nothing wrong with having those needs met by sex with someone you love and trust though. That takes time. Time that a lot of people don't seem to want to spend these days.

 

Anyway... just a few thoughts.

 

Red Robin, your thoughts are excellent and very profounding indeed and holds true in true intimate relationships. May I add that you should read up on Virginia Satir who was the forefront on the research in relationships and in general provided the scientific approach to what we spiritual and religious people often refer to the Laws Of Attraction that I described above.

 

Here's an interesting note. Virgina Satir on her research on family therapy often cited that we human need

 

1, 4 hugs a day for survival

2, 8 hugs a day for maintenance

4, 12 hugs a day for growth.

 

12 hugs a day, and where does it start?!? From your parents of course. Sadly, many parents these days put kids on a tight leash and through manipulation thinking that it's a good way to raise. Society precept were formed by these parents. So today, it is not by any surprise that men themselves have problems giving heart to heart hugs with closeness and warmth when they didn't get any from the mother and daddy! I had to be trained by women to give good warm spiritual hugs from the heart by the ladies and men who are positive and loving.

 

Virginia Satir's research went on further to discover was that the presenting issue" or "surface problem" itself was seldom the real problem; rather, how people coped with the issue created the problem.

 

Pay close attention to what she had to say about this. Basically a clear explanation of what I had said earlier. The men you attracted in your life is not the real problem, but the problem is with the person who attracted these men created the problem. Back to the Law Of Attraction.

Keep in mind that Viriginia Satir's mother was a devout Christian. It is interesting that many modern theraphy in mental redevelopment is based on the Virginia Satir Change Process Model, basically changing the person from the inside, the heart from ALL BLOCKED EMOTIONS so the person attracts the right person, so the problem itself will never surface or reappear.

 

It is fascinating that Virgina Satir also great insights with people with LOW SELF-ESTEEM and the relationship problems they present. Read it and you will find this discussion applies to her research. This woman been around for awhile, so this stuff isn't something new. It's not new because people neglect to heal and let ego and pride rule his or her life!

 

Here's are Virigina Satir's 15 Self Esteem affirmations prayers.

 

Self-Esteem Affirmations by Virginia Satir

 

Red Robin, you are a wonderful person and a wonderful soul. For you, the journey isn't far. My therapist once told me that, most people the journey is just a few inches from becoming the love that these positive loving men wanted. But because of issues of disbelieve, they are putting themselves short of that goal.

 

Blessings.

[happydate]

At this point the real question is why is sex all you people want to talk about?

 

Because we are so good at identifying the surface problem, blaming sex for every problems, when in fact it starts from the beginning. Your parents.

[happydate]

In the next life I'll have better sex with my parents.

 

Just heart to heart hugs. It's heck a lot better than sex when done right. When you heal all your blocked emotions with your parents and forgive them for what they did to you, then you will have healed yourself.

 

Once you are healed and meet a new man who cherished and appreciates who you really are, he can recpriocate his affection back to you. The sex will be at the next level; nothing physical sex can match. Unless you taste it, you will not appeciate it.

 

Blessings..

Edited May 21, 2013 by happydate

[RedRobin]

Red Robin, your thoughts are excellent and very profounding indeed and holds true in true intimate relationships. May I add that you should read up on Virginia Satir who was the forefront on the research in relationships and in general provided the scientific approach to what we spiritual and religious people often refer to the Laws Of Attraction that I described above.

 

Here's an interesting note. Virgina Satir on her research on family therapy often cited that we human need

 

1, 4 hugs a day for survival

2, 8 hugs a day for maintenance

4, 12 hugs a day for growth.

 

12 hugs a day, and where does it start?!? From your parents of course. Sadly, many parents these days put kids on a tight leash and through manipulation thinking that it's a good way to raise. Society precept were formed by these parents. So today, it is not by any surprise that men themselves have problems giving heart to heart hugs with closeness and warmth when they didn't get any from the mother and daddy! I had to be trained by women to give good warm spiritual hugs from the heart by the ladies and men who are positive and loving.

 

Virginia Satir's research went on further to discover was that the presenting issue" or "surface problem" itself was seldom the real problem; rather, how people coped with the issue created the problem.

 

Pay close attention to what she had to say about this. Basically a clear explanation of what I had said earlier. The men you attracted in your life is not the real problem, but the problem is with the person who attracted these men created the problem. Back to the Law Of Attraction.

Keep in mind that Viriginia Satir's mother was a devout Christian. It is interesting that many modern theraphy in mental redevelopment is based on the Virginia Satir Change Process Model, basically changing the person from the inside, the heart from ALL BLOCKED EMOTIONS so the person attracts the right person, so the problem itself will never surface or reappear.

 

It is fascinating that Virgina Satir also great insights with people with LOW SELF-ESTEEM and the relationship problems they present. Read it and you will find this discussion applies to her research. This woman been around for awhile, so this stuff isn't something new. It's not new because people neglect to heal and let ego and pride rule his or her life!

 

Here's are Virigina Satir's 15 Self Esteem affirmations prayers.

 

Self-Esteem Affirmations by Virginia Satir

 

Red Robin, you are a wonderful person and a wonderful soul. For you, the journey isn't far. My therapist once told me that, most people the journey is just a few inches from becoming the love that these positive loving men wanted. But because of issues of disbelieve, they are putting themselves short of that goal.

 

Blessings.

 

I haven't read her material, but I'll check it out.

 

I was lucky to have parents and even grandparents who never missed an opportunity to give a hug. When my marriage ended, the hardest thing for me was to wake up alone every day without just a simple touch. I made it through though... many times by even just the MEMORY of the abundant love of my family and how it felt.

 

Having spent 10 years up in the frozen north, it is time I go home to them to fully heal, it seems. I'll be spending the summer with them...

[joystickd]

They are usually dating much older men or much younger men (Cougars). Cougar has become pretty popular.

Cougars lol. Some of them got a cargo hold instead of baggage. The recent experience I talked about on here was with a 50 year old.

[joystickd]

Because we are so good at identifying the surface problem, blaming sex for every problems, when in fact it starts from the beginning. Your parents.

Not parents the problem is them. They have to ask why are they not picking quality men. It's easy to blame everyone else but them. They also know deep down they like the attention. Just imagine what they would say if no man gave them attention. They would throw the P just to get some.

[happydate]

Not parents the problem is them. They have to ask why are they not picking quality men. It's easy to blame everyone else but them. They also know deep down they like the attention. Just imagine what they would say if no man gave them attention. They would throw the P just to get some.

 

Virginia Satir once said,

 

"Whatever you say to me comes out of you and has VERY LITTLE TO DO WITH ME"

 

So in a way of this discussion, it is just a reflection of who the OP really is and the level of spiritual development and that attracts these men.

 

Parents like the world teach us to "Conform" and "Obey", but they never realized that we are all unique individual beings who have equal values of good. Women and men who are victims of society are pre-programmed against their will by adults to conform to certain ideals and obey certain ideals while other parents let their child develop naturally as individuals. These individuals will then flourish to become loving adults with high self-esteem and self-worth and are considered high pot individuals. Low pot individuals are those you described, where they need to gain attention, the attention they were denied when they were kids because they had to conform and obey outside of their natural gifts and desires.

 

Please remember that there is no blame attached to parents. Simply that the parents were obeying and conforming to society's expectation. Our society is shaped by adults and children learn from these expectations. The blame lies only with the individual, that only the individual can change and be unique. It is that uniqueness that will attract a better loving mate.

 

Women who blame men for early sex have their own limited distorted views because they tend to generalize men in general of the men they meet. This is NOT true to other men who were raised in loving respectable families or individuals who were not raised in ideal families went on to accept therapy from professionals.

 

Let these women get all the attention they want and manipulate the men they think they can. Their actions will eventually make these men stronger by accepting therapy. And then, these women will have no men to attract. In the end, they too will have to accept therapy and live productive lives.

 

Isn't divine work a beauty in disguise!

[happydate]

Just a link for what I said about individuals who is high pot or low pot.

 

Virginia Satir low pot high pot self esteem | Los Angeles Income Property

[Feelin Frisky]

I can't speak for other men, but if a relationship starts based about attraction in addition to common interests, men are normal if they come into physical contact and get sexually aroused. That's what it's for. If your 37 and see that as a mystery, you might have gotten gipped in hormone department because most women want the joy of being wanted and had. What do you want at that age? To play Srcabble?

[hppr]

Not parents the problem is them. They have to ask why are they not picking quality men. It's easy to blame everyone else but them. They also know deep down they like the attention. Just imagine what they would say if no man gave them attention. They would throw the P just to get some.

 

I actually agree with what she said, sort of. Over the years I've known some strippers, attention whore types, the hot chicks who pick the crazy bad guys, women who are abusive, whatever stereotype you want and there were always issues with the parents, particularly their father's character and how the parent's marriage went.

[happydate]

I actually agree with what she said, sort of. Over the years I've known some strippers, attention whore types, the hot chicks who pick the crazy bad guys, women who are abusive, whatever stereotype you want and there were always issues with the parents, particularly their father's character and how the parent's marriage went.

 

This is how we made them to be -- we acknowledged that they are worthless, even though they have the same capacity brain, hands, arms, legs and the thing down there that happens to be a hole. Before you stereotyped these strippers on Runway69, you ought to know that some of them are hard working mothers and people who are simply abused by parents and left unloved when they are young. Many of you are not helping them by degrading them being worthless and thus solidifying their conviction.

 

The original poster article about "Why is sex all the men want" has nothing to do with the men she met, slept and broke up with. It has to do with her frustration and fear of the very own topic, the topic that she's always meeting these men. We as men aren't helping her at all. We are increasing the conflict by denying and defending all men are not that way. Perhaps, but what's the proper course IS TO MAKE a human connection with her. To bridge the understanding that the OP is in pain, is alone and is not being loved. Good loving men who transcend all this labelling and childishness can.

Only men who have emotional issues can not.

I see women all the time like this and the only way to help them is to tell them that their fear is not necessary and that bridging from loving people in a form of a handshake and then a connection of understanding removes all barriers of doubt and fear.

[Esoteric Elf]

I haven't been single long, but making effort to move on by meeting new men. I am so cinfused. I am smart, successful, attractive, funny. But the men I find most interesting, only want sex. Even if I don't mention sex. I am 37

Is it my age? Never married, no kids. Do men think this screams desparation for a wedding ring and babies, putting me in the "sex only" category? I hate to say it. But it seems the only men who want to be serious with me, are the ones I am not that interested in. Feels like I can't win. Why is this??

Are you approaching men or are you being approached. If the latter, many men who are aggressive in their pursuing of sex will be the ones who approach you the quickest and most "forcefully". Guys who want a quality LTR, might be less inclined to approach right off the bat or even approach at all.