Why is sex all they (men) want?

[BluEyeL]

But you're saying "get better if you want to attract better", I'm OK with that. I'm annoyed at the "why don't you want those that you don't want". I mean, for example. I met a successful man, he was over 6ft tall and slender, good body. But he had an eye defect and overall a face that I was repulsed by. I could never kiss that guy, no matter what. I said to myself, man..too bad. In turn, I was super attracted to a bald man, with white hair leftover (so not the shaved ones), not in great shape (not obese either) ,and who looked a few years older than his real age. Why? I have no clue. What can I do to change that? Not much, I think. I think what I CAN do is accept that it takes time and patience to find a match: someone we are attracted to, someone who is attracted to us, and someone who has the same values.

[phineas]

Obviously you've never been married...

 

Wrong.

I've not only been married but I grew up across the Niagara river from FT. Erie & Clifton hill.

Strip club central.

 

And what does marriage have to do with Canada having bottomless strippers & legal brothels?

[BluEyeL]

Yes, this applies to women. Not men. Most guys don't have and will never have the kinds of options that you mention above.

 

So don't say "us."

 

Say "women".

 

OK, I'll say "us, women" next time.

[phineas]

Why not jump on women who drop the panties fast? Men wouldnt do it if it didnt work.

Then the other thing is as a man we are in a rock and hard place sort of when it comes to sex. If we dont bring it up its problems and if we do to early its a problem.

 

Stop.

It's been said time & time again that any woman who has sex in under 3 months was either tricked into it or a slut.

[happydate]

I haven't been single long, but making effort to move on by meeting new men. I am so cinfused. I am smart, successful, attractive, funny. But the men I find most interesting, only want sex. Even if I don't mention sex. I am 37

Is it my age? Never married, no kids. Do men think this screams desparation for a wedding ring and babies, putting me in the "sex only" category? I hate to say it. But it seems the only men who want to be serious with me, are the ones I am not that interested in. Feels like I can't win. Why is this??

 

If you are seeking external physical love, then you will attract men who provides you only with external physical love, which is basically sex. People confused sex as love, but it is not internal intimate love. It is external physical love. The problem with external physical love is that, it is external and therefore has a "FINITE" lifespan. Have you noticed that once you guys had sex, the ticking dumping time bomb commenced?!?

 

The moment you made out, you are just bidding for time before either the man or woman will dump or get dumped. This is inevitable. No one on earth and nor any human being has ever won against GOD's wishes.

 

What is GOD wish? It is to first heal the heart after the first few breakups and work on the internal art of unconditional love. Spiritual love that will last forever and grow ever stronger. Internal love is "INFINITE", because the heart itself never gets old, grows old etc.. While with physical love, you have to keep playing games to keep yourself NEW and EXCITING with the men or women after sex or he knows he's getting dumped soon because he becomes boring! We men been there before.

 

One must understand that it is not the men's fault nor it is the women's fault either. It's a way for GOD to grant your wish. If you want physical love, then that's what you will get. But we blame men for your own wish that came true?

 

Lastly, did any of these men rape you? You agreed to consensual sex with him and you enjoyed it and so did he! You could have disagreed not to have sex for a while, but you knew that if you do that, he's gone. You have tried that and it did not work. And yet you see men who fit your bill, full of authentic love and flair but somehow they will not want to date you? Why is that? It's because these men all have internal love practised down pat and they aren't attracted to you. You must heal yourself and raise your internal love bar to get them. That's the way the Universe works and how it has been this way for centuries long.

 

If you want to attract men that provide internal love to you, you will notice that your heart and heart will beat as one. You both have similar goals and aspirations. You guys will be so busy that you guys will connect. Sex is the icing on the cake to this relationship and both of you won't depend on physical love for the intimacy, because both of you have developed the internal love that's needed to hold the bond together.

 

Internal love holds the bond together infinitely better than physical love. If you go for the physical, you can wait to have sex 1 yr, 2 yrs etc., and it will not matter. Once you have it, you have satisfied your desires and the relationships fizzle. Basically GOD says; NOW you got sex from him now what? Do you continue this loop jumping from one frying pan to another or do you make a strong effort to better yourself on your spiritual growth.

 

Personally, I do not think it is fair to generalized men in general as this is a distorted view of reality. I was once a broken man like what you described because I was addicted to the physical sex, the sex I thought would fill my lonely void of the heart, but I went on a healing journey, seek a lot of help from professionals and many gorgeous fun loving high self-esteem and highly confident much less domineering/ less bossy women that they all can help can a broken man. These women words are words of angels not words of a stabbing knife out of their mouths. But a broken man must first put his ego and pride aside. Problem is, very few men go for help and that's why, you see men out there who seek to have sex with you if you let them to. If they are healed, they WILL NEVER EVER accept your date. I wish they did and they would deny the physical love that many of your women seek. Then you will have no choice but to date up and heal. Personally, I had avoided dating women that go exclusively for the physical sex and I have enough experience to see who they are. I'm not desperate for a vagina either, since I know if I go for quality, I get a quality relationship with little drama. There are TONS of elegant women who can provide superb internal love without resorting to physical sex.

 

Perhaps, you can always aim your bar higher?

 

Blessings..

Edited May 21, 2013 by happydate

[thatone]

I've never come across such a man. I understand if a man is neutral but I've never come across a man or heard of any who viewed a woman's career as a turn off......and I come from a patriarchal society with the traditional structures still in place I.e the man being the breadwinner and head of the family. It's one thing to say that a man is turned off by an arrogant career woman ( women are equally turned off by arrogant men). It's another to say that a man is turned off just because a woman has a career.

 

My question for those sort of men is: what would they rather the women do? Bum around?

 

I would be one, but I'm not typical. I'm a landlord, I only work when I want to or need to, which leaves me lots of time for travel and hitting up a bar on a Tuesday. A woman too attached to a job isn't gonna work for me, I will not put my life on hold to wait for someone else's job.

[happydate]

I'm a bit annoyed with this "why don't you want those who want you". I don't think we can really control who we are attracted to, no reason to feel guilty about it. If I can't picture myself kissing a guy, I'd be doing him no favors stringing him along. I think it's a matter of time and numbers/statistics until we find someone who we are attracted to and is attracted to us AND have similar values/goals, that's all.

 

Actually, anyone can have control to who we are attracted to, because the people who are attracted are in part your mirror of yourself. Relationship failures are your lessons in love and what you do with it is your choice to allow yourself to ascend higher and date up. You must understand that love can be achieved WITHOUT NEEDING someone like a man to bang you all night long.

 

That does not mean you have to become Mother Teresa either. What this means, you must work on things that causes your insecurity, your low self-esteem and others that make you want physical love of a man. If you don't work on it and refuse to accept the lessons, you'll continue meeting men who are sleazy and put a large emphasis on physical sex, until you succumb to the pain of breakups enough for you to finally change. Only when you become alone for awhile, heal your heart enough that you will then realize you start dating men who are much more different than the ones you dated in the past.

 

GOD always says, GOD helps those who helps themselves. Are you helping yourself raise your bar in love?

 

Nope? So how do you expect GOD to help you?

 

Edited May 21, 2013 by happydate

[hppr]

But you're saying "get better if you want to attract better", I'm OK with that. I'm annoyed at the "why don't you want those that you don't want". I mean, for example. I met a successful man, he was over 6ft tall and slender, good body. But he had an eye defect and overall a face that I was repulsed by. I could never kiss that guy, no matter what. I said to myself, man..too bad. In turn, I was super attracted to a bald man, with white hair leftover (so not the shaved ones), not in great shape (not obese either) ,and who looked a few years older than his real age. Why? I have no clue. What can I do to change that? Not much, I think. I think what I CAN do is accept that it takes time and patience to find a match: someone we are attracted to, someone who is attracted to us, and someone who has the same values.

 

So buy a bottle of wine, put a bag over his head, and go at it like monkeys. What's the problem?

[BluEyeL]

So buy a bottle of wine, put a bag over his head, and go at it like monkeys. What's the problem?

 

Long term that doesn't work. And I don't drink alcohol )

Edited May 21, 2013 by BluEyeL

[BluEyeL]

Not with that attitude.

With that attitude, I don't drink? :laugh:OK, got it, whatever. I'm celibate anyway and I'll stay that way fora good while due to my various attitudes, including this one.

[joystickd]

Ummm... why do you keep talking to her? I thought you only like white women?? The paler the better right? Why are you're so worried about her dating life? She doesn't have to explain herself to self-hating men anyway.

 

 

Anyway, this only compounds itself when you get into gendered professions. With all the men in math and science classes and all the women in literature and language arts, there were no men in my language arts classes and I was a Spanish major, it's hard to do it socially too.

I'm not self hating. It's annoying that since you don't date your own race you are self hating. It has never been a self hate thing. I just date who was willing to date me at the time which was women outside my race and I stuck with that. How is that self hate? Can you answer that one for me?

[Titania22]

So buy a bottle of wine, put a bag over his head, and go at it like monkeys. What's the problem?

 

 

Because it doesn't work.

 

I tried being with a man who had many good traits, but I wasn't physically attracted too (and didn't find physically attractive). He was discontented, when he asked me straight out (after about 2months) "Is there any part of me that you find physically attractive?"

 

You see we are damned if we do, damned if we don't. I tried not being superficial, but the guy still wanted someone who found him physically attractive, despite the fact that he obviously wasn't. It wasn't enough for him that I appreciated all his other traits, I was supposed to lie and pretend he was physically attractive.

[joystickd]

Deep down don't you women like the fact that someone finds you desirable even if it is someone you don't want?

[Emilia]

LOL...you obviously haven't LOOKED real close at the pool of men over 40, have you? It's the Parade of the Damned.

 

The clear majority of men 40+ years old are trainwrecks who have trouble attracting women their OWN age, much less a 25 year old. Most have a better chance of shaking hands with Jesus than they do pulling a 20-something.

 

You guys make me laugh with your unrealistic opinions. But thanks for playing.

:laugh: I love your style.

 

So very true.

[Els]

Because it doesn't work.

 

I tried being with a man who had many good traits, but I wasn't physically attracted too (and didn't find physically attractive). He was discontented, when he asked me straight out (after about 2months) "Is there any part of me that you find physically attractive?"

 

You see we are damned if we do, damned if we don't. I tried not being superficial, but the guy still wanted someone who found him physically attractive, despite the fact that he obviously wasn't. It wasn't enough for him that I appreciated all his other traits, I was supposed to lie and pretend he was physically attractive.

 

That's why most of us don't tell the struggling guys here to just cast all their preferences aside and bed the next girl who wants them - and the same applies to you. I generally think that we should treat everyone nicely regardless of whether or not we're attracted to them - but that doesn't extend to sleeping with them.

 

I think all of us have at least a little bit of superficiality in us - if not about looks, then about career, or charm, etc. There is no harm in being human.

[Els]

LOL...you obviously haven't LOOKED real close at the pool of men over 40, have you? It's the Parade of the Damned.

 

The clear majority of men 40+ years old are trainwrecks who have trouble attracting women their OWN age, much less a 25 year old. Most have a better chance of shaking hands with Jesus than they do pulling a 20-something.

 

You guys make me laugh with your unrealistic opinions. But thanks for playing.

 

Not to mention that as a 26-yo, I'd feel pretty darn affronted if a 40+ yo guy tried to hit on me. It's like, dude, I'm young enough to be your friggin' daughter. Go hit on someone who isn't.

[xxoo]

I remember some 50+ year old creep when I was 29, slobbering on me and exclaiming, "if I were only 20 years younger...." as if he even REMOTELY stood a chance. I looked back at him and said, "what...you'd then be my grandfather?"

 

Puke.

 

I got that line when I was in my 20s, too. "Puke" was my reaction, as well

 

There will always be young women willing to date older men. But a young woman who can attract a quality man her own age generally will prefer that.

[Els]

I got that line when I was in my 20s, too. "Puke" was my reaction, as well

 

Really? Damn, the last old geezer who hit on me didn't even bother with that line, he just went straight to the point...

[nerd]

There will always be young women willing to date older men. But a young woman who can attract a quality man her own age generally will prefer that.

 

That may be generally true. But there are exceptions to every rule. Every single one.

[phineas]

LOL...you obviously haven't LOOKED real close at the pool of men over 40, have you? It's the Parade of the Damned.

 

The clear majority of men 40+ years old are trainwrecks who have trouble attracting women their OWN age, much less a 25 year old. Most have a better chance of shaking hands with Jesus than they do pulling a 20-something.

 

You guys make me laugh with your unrealistic opinions. But thanks for playing.

 

Yeah, and the average woman over 40 is soooo much better.

News flash EVERYONE has baggage.

 

But tell us if men over 40 are so un-dateable who are the women over 40 dating?

You women make me laugh with the way you turn a blinds eye to other women in general.

I'm sure according to you all women over 40 have their stuff together, no baggage, & perfectly sane left in a world with no suitable men. how sad. LOL!

Yeah, i'd thank you for playing but you didn't even qualify. LMAO!

Edited May 21, 2013 by phineas

[phineas]

Not to mention that as a 26-yo, I'd feel pretty darn affronted if a 40+ yo guy tried to hit on me. It's like, dude, I'm young enough to be your friggin' daughter. Go hit on someone who isn't.

 

I'm 41.

I've had women in their mid 20's come onto me in bars.

I also have a few friends around my age dating women in their late 20's.

[xxoo]

Increasingly, I see attracting a quality person your own age as a measure of your attractiveness--for both men and women. Attracting a peer may be more difficult for men and women than attracting someone younger or older. People go younger and older because it is easier.

[escafeld]

You're Canadian. I bet OP lives in a big US city. Canadian men are more marriage minded as opposed to American guys in big cities. I know from experience.

 

Haha..nothing like a sensational generalisation!

[Babolat]

I'm 41.

I've had women in their mid 20's come onto me in bars.

I also have a few friends around my age dating women in their late 20's.

 

I am 45 and have never dated a woman under 35. We have nothing in common other than physical attraction. It's taken me a while to realize I have much more in common with woman closer to my own age, like 40+. And yes, we both have a lot of baggage.

 

And, it's been my experience a lot of the women I meet who are 40+ ARE looking for sex pretty quick. I am usually the one pulling back, holding off.

 

Take care of yourself, work on yourself, spend time alone, when you are in a healthy less needy place, you will attract the right kind of person. I am trying to get there myself as I keep attracting the same kind of woman over and over. Lots of wild crazy intense sex, usually a lot of drinking, they become needy real quick and I quickly realize we are not compatible, only then I am too far into the relationship to walk away easily.

[Els]

I'm 41.

I've had women in their mid 20's come onto me in bars.

I also have a few friends around my age dating women in their late 20's.

 

Eh, I didn't claim to speak for anyone except myself (and most of the women I know). Out of the millions of women in the world, I'm sure some will have a thing for older guys, for one reason or another. Not sure I'd advise any fellow 20+ yo women to do so, but they're certainly adults and can do as they please.