Wife of 9 years had an Affair

[Magnumresearch]

Well the whole knife thing really hurt.....I mean until that point it was hurt..resentment everything associated with an affair...but after looking into her eyes and seeing how far gone n wacked shes become and for all these happy years together. ..when the one person ive loved and still love pulled the knife out....I was really devastated. ..I mean...to claim I abused her mentally and threatened her constantly to punch her n kill her. ..which was a lie. ..then to have her REALLY threaten me like that was too much...ii may even consider a pfa...but it would be twisting the knife at this point I believe. ..but wouldn't hurt...I gotta protect not so much me....my kids. ..ive given up...its okay though...feel great not caring for once because it really puts this all in perspective for me...she's just too immature and wild and too immature for the professional world...she wants to sleep her way to the top go right ahead...I need someone to live ME unconditionally like I do her but respect me as well. .a REAL professional. A real woman. I deserve better...

But just to note. ..im not getting any paperwork done first...she wants just to mediate and get out easy because of her failure to prepare herself. ..she probably thought she wasn't gonna get caught...and that I want her to spend $$ on a lawyer and state her case so he can laugh...because I have one that is an ass raper...and shes a woman lol...she'll leave with nothing. .I got the kids rest assured.

[Simpleoldschool]

I will tell you this.

 

this can work.

 

first get a PFA.

 

second, during the initial hearing tell the judge the only way you will even think to remain with your wife and allow her to see her kids is if safety is guarenteed and she does a clean-sweep. ask the judge to order extensive therapy. you can help her mature and also get time to focus on you. at that time other people will be evaluating her and her decisions will effect her outcome, which could be the outcome for a great marriage.

 

theres alot thats happened.

 

the best thing to know when it comes to court is this. anything disproven within the claim or statement of someone in court is absolutely disregarded thereafter by the judge. the judge will automatically disqualify everything else they say in court by the fact they have already lied.

 

if you get a PFA it will be a preponderence of evidence based on heresay which you will have to prove in court. since the PFA is based out of the VAWA act good luck proving that unless you have evidence or atleast anything supplementary. first i would file a police report with the date and then the PFA and use the police report as supplemental. but i worry about people so just get the PFA.

 

its best to help and not hurt someone. even if they hurt you. dig two graves if you desire revenge for the life you take you will pay towards the grave you opened.

 

take precautions and help her. even if it hurts her not to the extent she cant recover.

Edited May 21, 2013 by Simpleoldschool

[Magnumresearch]

don't know what you mean by police report. I believe I have one from last Sunday when she pulled out The knife.I mean state troopers never gave me any papers. So does that mean there's nothing on file?

[dreamingoftigers]

don't know what you mean by police report. I believe I have one from last Sunday when she pulled out The knife.I mean state troopers never gave me any papers. So does that mean there's nothing on file?

 

I don't know exactly what a PFA is (yes, Google is broken ) I assume that it is a Protective/restraining order.

 

The state troopers will HAVE to have SOMETHING on file.

I had two incidents of DV (none quite so threatening) and both were documented and I was given a little card to call with numbers of local places that could help if I was in an untenable situation. Of course, at the time my husband was so wonky that I DID try calling and EVERYTHING was full or turned me away for three weeks until he just ended up trashing the place and getting taken away by the police for public drunkenness. With him out of the house, I resigned a new lease that only had my name on it, but he hit the road anyway. We separated for awhile.

[Magnumresearch]

Just filed for a pfa..going to see judge at 3...im jumping in balls deep. Ill beat her to every punch. ..done getting treated like all this meant nothing. .

[Simpleoldschool]

to obtain a police report you give your name date and type of incident.

 

it would probably be domestic battery

 

or domestic assault with a deadly weapon.

 

anyways remember this. if you get a PFA and contact her, you will go to jail and probably be charged with perjury ( only because your the male).

 

if she gets into contact with you then you should call the police, again. mannnnnnnn. you can have a PFA adjusted to where she lives with you but she cannot perform such acts as

 

abuse

molestation of you the petitioner and so on so forth.

 

it depends where you want this to go and how far.

 

i would actually just use the PFA o scare her. have it filed and then have it adjusted to where you two can see eachother but only in a marital couenseling setting. or whatever you want if you want this marriage to work.

 

PFA's have long standing effects. pretty much for life and employment options. i understand you are mad but just think about it deeply. you can get the PFA but even so.... take the time to think about what it is you are doing to another person.

 

if you two do start going to therapy and you work out your issues you both can jointly request the order of dismissal. also you can drop it at any time. just really think about why you want this.

[burningashes]

Getting the PFA would force the wife out of the house? Would it be possible for them to continue living together? if not.. she'll have to get her living arrangements together pretty quick.

[Magnumresearch]

Well I handed her the papers yesterday and all of a sudden she was crying....sobbing hysterically because of the REAL implications this would have on her career...children everything. She begged me not to do it because she wanted us to do this civily...im sorry but 16 years together 9 years married and after 2 months with someone your destroying everything because he was NICE!? im sorry but mr civility left the building. ..I think i m just really out for blood now...I will not be made a fool of...plus I think i really dont care if I have to be around her obviously since youngest is 6 for 12 more years. ..I want her to cringe when she sees me. Nothing less will do. Ill take care of my children because im the truly good parent. Always looked out for their best interests. .every decision ive made in my married life was involving everyone. ...PERIOD. This world is full of cowards and liars anymore. ...

[GuyInLimbo]

Taking care of your kids also means never disrespecting your ex around them. She's still their mother and always will be. Don't damage that if you can help it. As angry as you may be, you must put some of that aside when it comes to the kids. Don't use the kids as weapons. You'll only hurt them in the long run.

[Magnumresearch]

OMG OMG OMG....I learned the worst the other day....OMG HELP ME...I slipped a digital voice recorder in my wifes car and heard her doing cocaine and talking to boyfriend about group sex meetings that they did and that he wants to plan...its like he's become her pimp.... I know its illegal to do so I have to get the judge on tuesday morning may 28 tuesday during the pfa hearing to make her take a drug test...she will fail....HELP ME I need to at least save my wife from od and death. ...intervention ....her locked up and in rehab will be the best for her even if it means she will lose her job...im the only one that can save her....now I know why she is acting so erratic and why she pulled out knife all crazed

[Magnumresearch]

I know recording someone is illegal...but what if its my wife and im concerned for children? ?

[karnak]

OMG OMG OMG....I learned the worst the other day....OMG HELP ME...I slipped a digital voice recorder in my wifes car and heard her doing cocaine and talking to boyfriend about group sex meetings that they did and that he wants to plan...its like he's become her pimp.... I know its illegal to do so I have to get the judge on tuesday morning may 28 tuesday during the pfa hearing to make her take a drug test...she will fail....HELP ME I need to at least save my wife from od and death. ...intervention ....her locked up and in rehab will be the best for her even if it means she will lose her job...im the only one that can save her....now I know why she is acting so erratic and why she pulled out knife all crazed

 

WTF?????

 

A woman who's been married for 9 years? With 2 children?

Doing group sex and cocaine?

?????????????????????????????????

 

Are 90% of women getting completely crazy in these last few years, or is it just my impression??

 

Sorry, mate. This is gonna get ugly.

If she's already in such a state of depravity (hard drugs and wild sex), after so many years of a stable family life, that means she's beyond control.

And there's few that you (or anyone else) can do to help her, unless she wants to be helped.

 

Your priority are your children now. They must be protected from all the **** inside their mother's mind, right now.

Be careful. If you try to help her or force her out of that mess you'll probably get dirty too.

[Magnumresearch]

Not worried about me....she destroyed everything. ...I want my kids and her put in jail jobless...because she's an rn...she'll lose it...aparrently she doesn't care anymore. .neither do I. ..I care about the future of my children and im the only good parent left

[karnak]

Not worried about me....she destroyed everything. ...I want my kids and her put in jail jobless...because she's an rn...she'll lose it...aparrently she doesn't care anymore. .neither do I. ..I care about the future of my children and im the only good parent left

 

In your opinion, what could have driven your wife to such a destructive behaviour?

Does she have any kind of issues?

 

Or she became bat-**** crazy all of a sudden?

[Darren Steez]

you should get a publishing deal..

[Steadfast]

First off, you need to CALM DOWN. No matter how crazy the situation, you need to think rationally and not panic. You hearing me? Get a grip.

 

No judge anywhere is going to punish you for keeping your kids safe, so stop worrying about what's illegal. Make sure your actions reflect THIS and this alone. If anyone -the court or the police- suspect you are acting in revenge or spite, you'll bring yourself trouble. Safety first, then logistics.

 

First step; get the kids to a safe environment. A motel or with relatives. Once there, call the police and tell them where you are and why you're there. Have them contact her and tell her where you are, and why you're there. If you call the police, you can't be accused of kidnapping.

 

Sorry to say, but group sex isn't a crime. Doing coke and pulling a knife is though. You are justified in keeping the children, and yourself from harm. The courts should act promptly on this, probably involving CPS.

 

Now, stop typing and make good, sound decisions with your life. Big problems first, details second. Breathe and don't panic. Stay focused.

[karnak]

you should get a publishing deal..

 

You're suggesting "Magnum" is a troll.

I also considered that. But, unfortunately, I've been seeing so much crazy **** around me, lately...

[Magnumresearch]

Listen people. ...this unfortunately is real....figures it happens to me. ...my pfa hearing is tomorrow. .she knows where I was the whole weekend so im fine on that. Should I still do that because fankly I dont want her around my children till at least after hearing tomorrow because of what I discovered with drugs. ..smart move?? Just to show im serious about well being and protection of my little ones? ?

[2.50 a gallon]

Have you come up with a logical reason to request that she be tested for drugs, without having to use your ill gotten source? By revealing your source it might become worthless and could be turned on you.

 

Hopefully you can afford a PI to get the evidence that can be turned over to the authorities.

 

My plan, were I in your shoes would be to get the evidence to get custody of the kids and make her pay you child support.

 

Also, you have mentioned that the OM is married, but not how they met. Work? Bars, Whatever. If he is supplying her with the powder he could be facing time in the slammer. Again get the evidence that you can turn over to the authorities

 

Good Luck to you and the little ones. They need you now more than ever

[Magnumresearch]

Logical request is I went inside her car and found it...saw residue...tasted it and confirmed it because shes been looking up car to hide but I have second keyfob...something she doesn't know sooooo.bang easy. Im not that retarted. Yes they met through there career fields but dont work together perse..then at hearing tomorrow they'll see im not joking and that pfa was not out of spite...itll show im making all and only real attempts to protect children. ...then when I drop drug bomb they'll go ok he's serious. Im coming home from Virginia Beach vacation with kids and if I go home with her and sleep there then pfa is a joke...yous with me??

[robfos]

WTF?????

 

A woman who's been married for 9 years? With 2 children?

Doing group sex and cocaine?

?????????????????????????????????

 

Are 90% of women getting completely crazy in these last few years, or is it just my impression??

 

Must be all the hormones and chemicals they feed our livestock

[Magnumresearch]

Just got a 3 month pfa no contact order against wife..drug situation is only for custody...its gonna end in divorce plus I think she's putting one on me soon...lol I hope they see its in spite...she's filing for divorce and then custody...oh well..ill make sure custody is in my favor

[ReelAhdvice]

Let her go. dont do anything crazy. Be there for the kids. The sooner and better you move on, the likelihood, she want to come back to make things work or regret she didnt put an effort to make things work. She will regret her decision for the affair in the future. If she is already getting into groups sex and d rugs she has major issues coming for her.

[Magnumresearch]

Update: well..we're getting divorced because she is like hell bent on leaving and doesn't care less what she is doing...cant cry anymore. ..im done...even though she is ****ing around with god knows how many people plus her man. Its all wrong in every sense of the word but what hurts me the most is my children and their futures because mom isnt mom....she's an annoyed woman who yells at them and even acts like we all are a burden...she has this idea that this new union with her lover will provide an exceptional life superior to what I could ever offer...ouch...but she forgets one thing. ..I checked his background and for a young guy ( he's my age 36) he has lived in 8 states in the last 7 years...I just told her that I hope she knows what she is doing and to be safe...she just laughs...oblivious to the obvious let down coming for her when she comes home one day and he's gone...watch

[Calvin's wagon]

Hi!

 

I admire how well you're handling all this!

 

Two things:

1. If you don't have a lawyer, get one ASAP! It's imperative that you have legal aid - it might be expensive, but if you don't get it, your children might end up paying the "price" for you not getting it.

 

If it's too expensive and you can't borrow money, try to get free/pro bono legal aid! Ask your friends&acquantainces if they know any lawyers (who are perhaps their friends) who could help you out for much cheaper, delayed payment, for free etc.

 

Also, check the pro bono legal system in your state.

 

2. Urgently contact your support groups for either/and:

- single parents

- people getting divorce

- victims of drug abuse (because your kids, your family is suffering because of their mom's abuse etc)

 

If you want, we can try to help you find them, but otherwise just google them. They have or are going through what you are, they can offer you moral support, give you advice, maybe direct you to someone who can offer you affordable/free legal aid etc.

 

Do it, urgently!

 

3. Get your kids some professional help (counselling) - check if their school provides free counselling etc. Encourage them to talk to your adult friends/relatives whom they trust about this. Start reading books about how this affects you & kids and what can you do to help them get through this. Do not bad-mouth their mother to them - you can acknowledge that what she's doing is bad etc., but try to not help burn bridges between your kids and their mom.

 

4. Get yourself some friendly support (from family, friends, to take your mind off (but don't drink, you don't want to do anything stupid while drunk), to talk to them about all this etc.), and eventaully professional help as well. Your kids need to you to be strong around them, responsible, etc., at least until this huge shock doesn't pass and until you can secure a stronger safety net for you&kids.

 

Best wishes, hope to hear from you again!