seriousgirl Posted May 20, 2013 Share Posted May 20, 2013 He promised me he would divorce her this year. but recently he told me he found that he loves his 1-year-old daughter a lot. so he cant promise me anymore and says he wants to do things properly ( be free first and then have a normal relationship with me) he said he wants to be with her in her upbringing and teach her to write and wake up seeing her... but he doesnt love his wife actually, he said he would just do what it takes to not be apart from his child for now. he doesnt plan into the future. i know after you read these you would say i should leave because this guy wont leave the marriage but i am here looking for some suggestions for me to hold him back or make him be with me . he said i am pushy to him and i m improving myself for him. i dont mind doing anything as long as we can be together sooner. And i dont need him not to spend time with his baby. i think the baby needs a dad and i will leave him time to spend with her Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted May 20, 2013 Share Posted May 20, 2013 You're doomed to be the 'hanger-on' for life. Nothing trumps flesh and blood. And if that's the excuse he's using, whatever the real reason you've lost him. He will never second-place her for you. Never. And here's the thing: he damn well shouldn't. Many people with children have divorced and - sure, after an initial upset - have settled into quality time with their kids... seeing thir kids on a regular basis, and being a pivotal part of their lives. Whether he leaves his wife or not, you will always be less important to him than his child. Get over it - it's exactly as it should be. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
underwater2010 Posted May 20, 2013 Share Posted May 20, 2013 Most likely he will not leave the marriage to be with you.....his baby is the excuse. Sorry!!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
threelaurels Posted May 20, 2013 Share Posted May 20, 2013 You cannot make him be with you. He is an adult, and it sounds like he's already chosen to stay in the marriage. Whether or not he will keep seeing you on the side is another matter. Do you really want to be with a man who would abandon his kid? The world has enough deadbeat dads as it is. Link to post Share on other sites
Got it Posted May 20, 2013 Share Posted May 20, 2013 He promised me he would divorce her this year. but recently he told me he found that he loves his 1-year-old daughter a lot. so he cant promise me anymore and says he wants to do things properly ( be free first and then have a normal relationship with me) he said he wants to be with her in her upbringing and teach her to write and wake up seeing her... but he doesnt love his wife actually, he said he would just do what it takes to not be apart from his child for now. he doesnt plan into the future. i know after you read these you would say i should leave because this guy wont leave the marriage but i am here looking for some suggestions for me to hold him back or make him be with me . he said i am pushy to him and i m improving myself for him. i dont mind doing anything as long as we can be together sooner. And i dont need him not to spend time with his baby. i think the baby needs a dad and i will leave him time to spend with her SG - you can't make someone do anything they don't want to do. Divorcing is his decision to make and his alone. You have decisions you can make as well, whether you can accept the status quo, whether you should end the relationship, and many inbetween. He has to end his marriage on the merits of the marriage and not for you or for anyone else. You don't want that on your shoulders, you don't want that hanging over your head for all of eternity. It will be of cold comfort I promise. Respect his right to make this decision on his own and respect yourself by doing what is in your best interest. (((SG))))) Link to post Share on other sites
Author seriousgirl Posted May 20, 2013 Author Share Posted May 20, 2013 Do you really want to be with a man who would abandon his kid? The world has enough deadbeat dads as it is. I dont need him to abandon his kid. He can visit the baby every day. i dont mind. I just dont want him to sleep on the same bed with his wife and remain the title of married man . Link to post Share on other sites
Goodbye Posted May 20, 2013 Share Posted May 20, 2013 People can divorce and still be actively involved in raising kids. I am divorced with shared joint custody. There is rarely a day that goes by when I'm not with my kids, and they live with me much of the time. He isn't leaving his wife because he has chosen not to...has little to do with the daughter. It is a common excuse. You need to give up on this one. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
So happy together Posted May 20, 2013 Share Posted May 20, 2013 You are going to have to accept the fact that he is not leaving. I know it is tough, but his baby is very young. If he has said he wants to be with her and raise her, that is what will happen, and he should be congratulated for that! She should be his priority. I'm not saying that he shouldn't leave if he is unhappy, but I am saying that at least he cares about his baby. I do believe if he truly wanted to leave, he would go and then work out custody, visitation, etc. You must take care of yourself. I'm sorry you feel stuck, but you aren't. You've just got to either choose to take what he gives or decide you deserve better and move on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
threelaurels Posted May 20, 2013 Share Posted May 20, 2013 I dont need him to abandon his kid. He can visit the baby every day. i dont mind. I just dont want him to sleep on the same bed with his wife and remain the title of married man . Unfortunately, it sounds like he has chosen to do just that. I think you should move on. You can't force him to leave her, and there is no guarantee that he would choose to be with you if he did leave. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted May 20, 2013 Share Posted May 20, 2013 I dont need him to abandon his kid. He can visit the baby every day. i dont mind. I just dont want him to sleep on the same bed with his wife and remain the title of married man . Not happening, girl. He's doing what the hell he wants, and there's nothing you can do about it, so I suggest you either suck it up, or leave. Those are your choices. See.... he's made his. He gets you AND his wife. Sex must be a regular thing with her - after all, he now has a baby, right? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ComingInHot Posted May 20, 2013 Share Posted May 20, 2013 SeriousG, I don't get it... He's Not "leaving" his little girl if he D's. He'll have joint custody of her and probably Better Time with her away from a bad. If it Really is "bad" that is?? Did MM do something awful that he would lose any parental rights if he D'd? If Not then he is staying for his Daughter, His Wife, His M, and His family. I'm sorry Seriousgirl. He has made his choice to, as you wrote, "remain Her H and in their Marital bed". I KNOw it hurts but let go. Just let go* Link to post Share on other sites
scatterd Posted May 20, 2013 Share Posted May 20, 2013 He will not leave his kid to be with you. He does not want another wife he has one and you will never mean more then his child. I know you hurt and want him but you can not make any body do what they do not want to do. You are the person he comes to for boosting his ego and sex all the other stuff he gets from home. If you want a full relationship you should find a man that can offer that. I hope you find some peace and someone who can give you more. Link to post Share on other sites
waterwoman Posted May 20, 2013 Share Posted May 20, 2013 I hope not, for the baby's sake. Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted May 20, 2013 Share Posted May 20, 2013 What I find surprising is that as a father myself, when my daughter was a year old, I had no room in my heart for anything else, let alone another woman. I spent my entire work day waiting to get home to her. I find it hard to believe that this guy is playing around with a one year old kid at home..hmmm.. TFY 6 Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted May 20, 2013 Share Posted May 20, 2013 What does that have to do with "telling you where to go" (for a career advancement....)...? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Used mistress Posted May 20, 2013 Share Posted May 20, 2013 He isn't going to leave. I was with a MM who said was going thru a divorce and moved in with me for 6 months. He even went so far as to get me an expensive engagement ring. It's been two weeks since he's left me and gone back to his wife. His daughter is 19 yrs old and when he introduced me to her she had a look of disgust and refused to talk to him. Once he realized that his daughter won't talk to him if he's with me is when the relationship went downhill and fast. The red flags kept going off in my head and I realized he was slipping away. It hurts a lot now because I realize that he was lying to me about everything. He was sleeping with me at night but going home in the daytime to be with his family. He started living a double life and well it only lasted 3 months before the stress got to him. I wears at work when he moved out and sent me his farewell in a text message. Couldn't even say it to my face. Have enough sense to have no contact with this man. He will play you. You don't want to be his puppet on a string There is so such more to life. Get out there live start a new hobby. Meet a man who isn't married and is stable mentally in his life. These men are players and will hold you in their grip and you will forever be held down missing out on great opportunities of meeting a single man who will not lie and cheat on you. They expect that you will live in a bubble not dating other people yet its ok for him to go home and bang is wife after he's done you. Have some pride, have some self dignity, have some self respect. Get out. Get out get out while you can 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Athens Posted May 20, 2013 Share Posted May 20, 2013 He loves his life including his wife and kid more than he loves you otherwise he would be with you, plain and simple. If you do not want a man that shares a bed with his wife, you should not be with a married man. Link to post Share on other sites
Mme. Chaucer Posted May 20, 2013 Share Posted May 20, 2013 I certainly hope not! Link to post Share on other sites
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