Fkobama Posted May 20, 2013 Share Posted May 20, 2013 I broke up with this girl Jan13 but remained friends with benefits. I felt closer to her than that but I couldn't admit it for some reason. I put it down to being young and immature ("grass is greener" syndrome?). I wanted to cut all ties with her the night of her 18th because I didn't want the responsibility of having to talk to her every day, meet up with her etc. (typical 18 yr old boy stuff). Anyway. I matured kinda quickly and realised my mistakes and talked to her one night, about 2 weeks into this silence I imposed upon the two of us and she came back to mine and slept over (no sex). It was great. Since then we learned to talk through, we communicate very effectively, I'm more mature and understanding, and she's just perfect all the time rly. Only problem is she slept with another guy a few days after I stopped talking to her. At first I convinced myself I didn't care, but I can't stop crying and thinking about it weeks after everything. She lost her virginity to me, and I had drunk, **** sex once before her, but I've always been more experienced because (and we both realise this) I'm the more attractive/popular of the two of us. I love being her sex god, I taught her everything, and she taught me too. But I always loved how she thought i was good in bed/sexy/fit. I have a big ego. After that though, after we had pretty much been dating for two years, I feel worthless in that regard. She tolld me our sex lives need spicing up, and she wanted to try new positions. She wants me to **** her like he did. I can't imagine getting hard for that. I just don't feel special. The worst part is i can't blame her for it. I'm her only sexual partner other than this guy. It was probably more a learning experience for her than anything else. Later she told me she didn't even orgasm because that's not what she wanted from it. She drove to my house afterward but was too afraid to come in because I was ignoring her. I know I was an idiot. I love her. But I can't get over the fact that that special thing we did, it was us, somehow means less now. I want to be the only guy in her life that can make her feel that way, I love the way she twitches and moves and moans. That's part of me. I feel like her body and sensuality is part of me. And it feels torn now. Sorry about the huge wall of text. Can anyone understand what this is? Has anyone been through something like this before? How d you deal with it? Is been weeks, and we've talked about it, he means nothing to her i get that. It's just so painful. Link to post Share on other sites
crederer Posted May 20, 2013 Share Posted May 20, 2013 She had rebound sex. It's kind of normal for the one that got dumped to do that. If you can't handle it then you're not meant to be together. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mammasita Posted May 20, 2013 Share Posted May 20, 2013 Well, whether its her or someone else....EVERYONE will have a past. What happened is on you unfortunately. You dumped her and she moved on. However, I do think its ODD and distasteful for her to ask you to "eff her like he did". Thats the only thing that bothers me about what she did. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Fkobama Posted May 20, 2013 Author Share Posted May 20, 2013 It wasn't in those words exactly, but she still told me. Link to post Share on other sites
SimonSerenade Posted May 21, 2013 Share Posted May 21, 2013 Aw man I feel for you, I've been there kinda, it's not an easy thing to get over and if you think about it too much it'll eat away at your soul, it's easier said than done I know but that's all you can do other than openly talk to her about it and really let your feelings be know to her. You must feel a degree of guilt right now, probably thinking "had I not ended it she wouldn't of done this", don't beat yourself up about it man, what you did is natural for someone your age, I'd hold off doing it in the future though but seriously phases like that come and go when your that age, that's all they are. Your girlfriend shouldn't of done what she did, with of without you, of course your going to feel meaningless so your both at fault, not just you but if you love her, stay with her and never stop trying to work through it, the foundation of love is built on honesty, trust and loyalty, meaning unless she really ****s up you stand by her and support her. When me and my girlfriend first got together, she said she had slept with 2 dudes and at the time I accepted it, later on she told me I was actually her first which was a nice surprise as I always dreamt of being that for her, so I know how you feel, it tears you up to know some dude is now part of her history and not just you and that's a hard blow to take. I used to question wether I really was her first time or not because a lot of what she said didn't add up, it really got to me, for months I was thinking about it and the images really tore me up but then I stopped to realise, it doesn't matter if I am or not because as long as I'm around nobody but me will have the pleasure of making love to her and if I'm honest it was more the circumstances she lied about that bothered me the most and I feel I moved on from that wether it happened or it didn't. You got to pin point what really bothers you about it and find a way to accept it for what it is, I nearly wrecked and ran my relationship in to the ground with this kind of thinking, don't make the same mistake, if you love her, forgive her from your heart and hold her close, don't let her go. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Fkobama Posted May 21, 2013 Author Share Posted May 21, 2013 I'm coming to terms with what SimonSerenade said. I find comfort in remembering that I'm with her now and we're okay. Things are good between us. There was a lesson to be learnt by both of us. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted May 21, 2013 Share Posted May 21, 2013 You're only 18? This kind of stuff gets over-magnified in your head. Everything turns into a major drama. It's natural..... Realise this, and know its truth: this will, in all likelihood end again, further down the line. Don't sweat it. Relax and enjoy your youth, because life will throw you far more serious schytt down the road..... For now, be accountable, act honestly, and communicate. Developing your honesty and integrity now, will pay marvellous dividends in the long run. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Kay_29 Posted May 21, 2013 Share Posted May 21, 2013 I totally get what your saying.... but your being selfish in a sense. When the YOU broke up with her she owes nothing to you people do things to cope with there own issues she was hurting whether she made it known to you or not. You gonna make something she did while you guys were'nt together ruin something beautiful, get over yourself.... If you had something special you wouldnt have let it go... its just a risk you take when these things happen. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Fkobama Posted May 26, 2013 Author Share Posted May 26, 2013 @Kay, I know she didn't owe me anything, she could have slept with tons of guys and that would have been fine. I'm not saying she wasn't allowed to, or shouldn't have. It just hurt, I'd never experienced anything like that before and I was wondering how other people had coped with it if they had experienced it. My way of dealing with it was not eating and going to the gym a lot. I don't think that was the right way to cope with it, so I'm not doing that anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
SimonSerenade Posted May 26, 2013 Share Posted May 26, 2013 I understand where your coming from, I remember the first girlfriend I ever had, she broke up with me and had sex with another guy, she came back a few months later and though she didn't owe me anything, what she did hurt, yeah we were broken up but I couldn't look at her the same again, I turned her down, though she had every right to do what she wanted with whoever she wanted it didn't make it right, she claimed she loved me and love is something I take to heart, if I was in love with her I wouldn't of been with anyone else, end of story, wether she finished me or I finished her, maybe that's what bothers you. You also have to see it from her point of view though, she probably thought you were long gone and never coming back, that's the risk you take when you leave someone, most people accept that scenario first and build up the strength to not let it get them down, I know your opinion and your view of her has probably tainted since what happened and it probably feels like something special in the long run has gone down the drain, you have to think long and hard and decide if you can live with what she did and if you can't then it's fair to her if you move on. The question is, how much do you really love her?, can you be without her?, if there's a feeling that despite all this you can't walk away then you have your answer, you need to talk to her about this and have her really open to you about her take on all this, that's the only way you'll get passed this. Link to post Share on other sites
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