Writing as the BS and not the OW

[sybo24]

I never realised that my ex H and my affair had simaliarities.

 

Ove the last few weeks I have anaylsed the whys and the where fores about the affair I had with my exMM and the end of my marriage.

 

My marriage ended when I told my ex that I couldnt live as a single parent while he acted like a single man. I tried for 4 years to save my marriage and at the point of ending it it was because of his depression, alcohol problems and minor drug taking. Not because he was having an affair. Even after separation we tried reconciliation but both realised that we loved each other enough to end it before we hated each other and cause damage to our two children. We still (6 years later) work together and bring up our children as a family unit. He still says I am one of his best friends.

 

He got a new girlfriend and by my detective nature I worked out that he had been having an affair with her for over 3 years. We met her and her husband on holiday in cyprus previously and there was no other way he could have made contact with her unless they had been in contact since th end of the holiday.

 

I did not realise that when married, there where so many other problems to focus on.

 

I now know that all the problems we had could have been because he loved her and me but in different ways and did not want to bring pain to me and our children. Thus causing him extreme guilt.

 

They are getting married this year and I wish them all the best. This is an affair that has a happy ending.

 

What I wish is that he had the courage to end our marriage by being truthfull and not letting me suffer years of torment that he could have avoided if only he had told me the truth at the begining.

 

I think because of this I subconciously went into my affair thinking that ours too would be a happy ending. Unfortunately not.

 

I am now having counselling to make sure I dont pick the wrong man again and open myself up to be loved by someone worthy of me.

 

Not sure this makes much sense or it comes across as ramblings of crazed woman

[Praying4Peace]

I never realised that my ex H and my affair had simaliarities.

 

Ove the last few weeks I have anaylsed the whys and the where fores about the affair I had with my exMM and the end of my marriage.

 

My marriage ended when I told my ex that I couldnt live as a single parent while he acted like a single man. I tried for 4 years to save my marriage and at the point of ending it it was because of his depression, alcohol problems and minor drug taking. Not because he was having an affair. Even after separation we tried reconciliation but both realised that we loved each other enough to end it before we hated each other and cause damage to our two children. We still (6 years later) work together and bring up our children as a family unit. He still says I am one of his best friends.

 

He got a new girlfriend and by my detective nature I worked out that he had been having an affair with her for over 3 years. We met her and her husband on holiday in cyprus previously and there was no other way he could have made contact with her unless they had been in contact since th end of the holiday.

 

I did not realise that when married, there where so many other problems to focus on.

 

I now know that all the problems we had could have been because he loved her and me but in different ways and did not want to bring pain to me and our children. Thus causing him extreme guilt.

 

They are getting married this year and I wish them all the best. This is an affair that has a happy ending.

 

What I wish is that he had the courage to end our marriage by being truthfull and not letting me suffer years of torment that he could have avoided if only he had told me the truth at the begining.

 

I think because of this I subconciously went into my affair thinking that ours too would be a happy ending. Unfortunately not.

 

I am now having counselling to make sure I dont pick the wrong man again and open myself up to be loved by someone worthy of me.

 

Not sure this makes much sense or it comes across as ramblings of crazed woman

 

Hey there,

Sorry you are feeling so down today. Just wanted to point out that it seems like your ex and his OW have a happy ending but they've been in that limbo situation for how long? 3-4 years? I'm sure there's a lot of resentment and hurt feelings there. Think about how you feel now about your MM and then multiply that by several years of 'hanging on'. Be grateful your A is over and you don't have to go through that...and when you find a single man your relationship will be good to better if you two are meant to be. None of this 'oh, but you're married!" heartache and drama.

 

I guess what I mean to say is you can still have a happy ending.

 

During your marriage- did you ever suspect an A or did your H ask for a divorce or did he string you along the WHOLE time? Or did he ask, but you wanted to keep trying? Having been married, you can see how hard it is to let go despite feelings for another, so please don't be down on yourself. You sound like a lovely person and just focus on your mom (like you mentioned on another thread) because her time is limited and I firmly believe that those who get the opportunity to take care of their elderly, sick parents have the best karma ever (and the best hearts).