BrokenHeartsClub Posted May 22, 2013 Share Posted May 22, 2013 Change your number. You will find this is hugely useful in preventing unwanted contact.... Dills your almost out of the woods and sounds like you had an eyeopening experience. (Maybe you were in the "new guys" position when she went to uni) You now know that she can't be trusted, and that she has no idea what she wants. Take Taras advice and change that number. If your concerned about work and what not, just make it one number diff. I think your doing really well, but if you want this NC thing to work change the phone #. Trust me if your at this point, its gonna feel like a sigh of relief once you do it. Just don't fall to temptation and call from the new # Link to post Share on other sites
Author thedills05 Posted May 22, 2013 Author Share Posted May 22, 2013 Well i think the conversation we just had means I won't be hearing from her again. She called to say she doesn't want to know about what I'm getting up to and she is becoming involved with James so doesn't want to talk anymore. I said good luck to them both and goodbye. What a carry on! Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted May 22, 2013 Share Posted May 22, 2013 And you replied, because....? Link to post Share on other sites
Author thedills05 Posted May 22, 2013 Author Share Posted May 22, 2013 She called to say goodbye! Good luck to her and him. I'm not actually that annoyed/ upset. Just indifferent. At some point, when she really does think about everything that has happened over the last few weeks I really do believe she will find herself in a world of hurt, as will he. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted May 22, 2013 Share Posted May 22, 2013 She won't let it rest there, I guarantee it.... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author thedills05 Posted May 22, 2013 Author Share Posted May 22, 2013 She won't let it rest there, I guarantee it.... I honestly cannot see how or why she would attempt contact after that!? Link to post Share on other sites
flitzanu Posted May 23, 2013 Share Posted May 23, 2013 I honestly cannot see how or why she would attempt contact after that!? because she's been attempting contact already for no logical reason. tara is wise...it won't be the last of the drama until you start blocking her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author thedills05 Posted May 23, 2013 Author Share Posted May 23, 2013 You guys are oracles! She text this morn saying 'one more question, have you moved house xxxx'. That was this morning. I've ignored. Feeling very good today, really starting to see her for what she's become - a selfish bitch. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted May 23, 2013 Share Posted May 23, 2013 Let me admit now, it gives me absolutely no pleasure in being right, so often. I wish it were NOT so. I wish 'human nature' were not so predictable. I wish people were more honourable, and less selfish. Be on your guard, and never, ever be tempted to respond to her selfish breadcrumbs..... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author thedills05 Posted May 24, 2013 Author Share Posted May 24, 2013 Thanks Tara ! I will be giving her no response. She deserves exactly 0% of mt time and attention now. Any response only serves to lessen the impact of her ridiculous and selfish decisions for her. Knowing her as I do from past experience , she will find herself in a very lonely place once she's had chance to really come to terms with this. It is already too late though ! Link to post Share on other sites
Author thedills05 Posted May 27, 2013 Author Share Posted May 27, 2013 Hey guys. Sooo, its been nearly 4 weeks since the break up and for some reason, this weekend I feel awful about things! I have been trying to stay as busy as poss, seeing friends etc but I cannot get my ex out of my mind. Just knowing that she is hanging around with this new guy doing all the things we did is just killing me !! I do not know why these feelings have surfaced after a period where i have been feeling pretty good about things. I know we are over and that I cannot go back but I really do miss her/ us. That being said, there is a part of me that wants her to think 'what have i done' and get back in touch. I know that wont be happening though. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted May 27, 2013 Share Posted May 27, 2013 Simple: You've hit the "4-Week-Wall". It happens to everyone. Relax, it will pass. It's all part and parcel of your healing process. Everybody goes through it. "Through" being the operative word, because you can't go 'round' it.... It's the Cold-turkey for the heart bit. Like getting over a strong addiction to a recreational substance. Suddenly, your body goes *BANG!!* Gotta get me some! Shoulder to the boulder, hun. Keep pushing on. It does move.... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Exitleft Posted May 27, 2013 Share Posted May 27, 2013 Simple: You've hit the "4-Week-Wall". It happens to everyone. Relax, it will pass. It's all part and parcel of your healing process. Everybody goes through it. "Through" being the operative word, because you can't go 'round' it.... It's the Cold-turkey for the heart bit. Like getting over a strong addiction to a recreational substance. Suddenly, your body goes *BANG!!* Gotta get me some! Shoulder to the boulder, hun. Keep pushing on. It does move.... I like your tough love. I need some. Is your story on here? Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted May 27, 2013 Share Posted May 27, 2013 I don't have a story. I came as a ready-made complete package. I have a long history and much experience - but I don't carry baggage. No point. Waste of time. I studied Counselling for 4 years and worked with a Relationships organisation (affiliated to the RC church but strictly non-denominational and not selective about its clients in any way!) I also spend a lot of time on here (Do I have a life? Well, yes, I do!) and I am a practising Buddhist (although 'practising' is the operative word - I never seem to get it quite right!! ) I have been married 3 times. I plan on this one being the last.... I'm also a Dog behaviourist. I often find dogs to be better company.... 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Exitleft Posted May 27, 2013 Share Posted May 27, 2013 I don't have a story. I came as a ready-made complete package. I have a long history and much experience - but I don't carry baggage. No point. Waste of time. I studied Counselling for 4 years and worked with a Relationships organisation (affiliated to the RC church but strictly non-denominational and not selective about its clients in any way!) I also spend a lot of time on here (Do I have a life? Well, yes, I do!) and I am a practising Buddhist (although 'practising' is the operative word - I never seem to get it quite right!! ) I have been married 3 times. I plan on this one being the last.... I'm also a Dog behaviourist. I often find dogs to be better company.... You give great advice. Tough but necessary, appreciated. How does someone come away with no baggage may I ask? Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted May 27, 2013 Share Posted May 27, 2013 By realising two things: One: the only person obliging us to carry it, voluntarily, and keep it as a mill-stone around our necks, is us. Two: It's empty. I suppose, if we want to be precise, it's not necessarily 'coming away with no baggage' that counts. What counts is how we deal with it. Recognise the two above things as being true, and suddenly, you almost feel like whanging yourself over the head with a skillet, it's so obvious. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
CelticGibson Posted May 27, 2013 Share Posted May 27, 2013 I agree. The only one holding us back is ourselves and how we deal with reality versus wishful thinking. Break ups are supposed to be a learning process where you come out the other side learning from what went wrong so you won't make those mistakes again the next time. We grow through adversity and break ups are a part of that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author thedills05 Posted May 29, 2013 Author Share Posted May 29, 2013 This 4 week wall thing is a killer!! I'm feeling almost as bad as I did at the start. I haven't heard from her for 7 days which is the longest we have been out of contact. During this time I must confess I've had a look at her twitter. She has retweeted a tweet I made months ago saying "Life is too short, so kiss slowly, laugh insanely, love truly and forgive quickly". She has also been tweeting that she's been listening to maroon 5 'she will be loved'. I know it's typical that dumpees tend to read into things but does this really mean anything!? Also (I know I shouldn't even be entertaining this) does anyone think she will even bother to contact me again?! Still struggling to see how 6 weeks ago she claimed to want to be together forever etc and is now with someone else. Can someone really switch their emotions so quickly or is she just trying to kid herself?! I'm starting to find myself hoping this is a case of gigs. Not good I know. Link to post Share on other sites
coltsfan1 Posted May 29, 2013 Share Posted May 29, 2013 God, I remember when I was in your shoes.... Hoping that maybe I was different, that my story wouldn't be like everyone else's, BUT guess what it was. You HAVE to follow the advice given here!!! You must 1 go NC, 2 block, delete, deactivate, do whatever it takes to get this toxic person out of your life. Its on you now, you have to cut her out!! Why would you want her back? I use to think I wanted my ex back too, but you will more than likely end up like me. A year or so after your breakup you will wonder to yourself why O why did I waste so much time on this person that was so wrong for me!! Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted May 29, 2013 Share Posted May 29, 2013 This 4 week wall thing is a killer!! I'm feeling almost as bad as I did at the start. I haven't heard from her for 7 days which is the longest we have been out of contact. During this time I must confess I've had a look at her twitter. You dill. She has retweeted a tweet I made months ago saying "Life is too short, so kiss slowly, laugh insanely, love truly and forgive quickly". She has also been tweeting that she's been listening to maroon 5 'she will be loved'. I know it's typical that dumpees tend to read into things but does this really mean anything!? Whah yerssah, it shaw duz! It mean: "I bet you'll check up on me, wanna see what I'm doin'... betcha won't be able to stay away! well lookee here, see? I can still yank your chain, make you wonder, make you take notice, tilt your day, put you on edge.... All I has to do, is write something deeply meaningful and - voilà! Another shedload of breadcrumbs you can lick up! Ain't I good at this?? Whaddya mean, 'bitch'...? I gotcha attention, dinn' I???" Also (I know I shouldn't even be entertaining this) does anyone think she will even bother to contact me again?! Well now, honey-chile, how she gonna doo dat, since YOU CHANGED YOUR NUMBER, DUDE - ??!? Still struggling to see how 6 weeks ago she claimed to want to be together forever etc and is now with someone else. Can someone really switch their emotions so quickly or is she just trying to kid herself?! No, she's kidding you of course, not herself!! She probably had this brewing a while.... Her emotions didn't 'switch so quickly' - only her words did. She probably began the 'switching off' phase a while earlier.... I'm starting to find myself hoping this is a case of gigs. Not good I know. Oh yeah... we can put all kinds of things as a basic foundation for reasons people leave us.... GIGS, ILYBINILWY, you know..... The fact is and the fact remains, she's there with him, not here with you. If she wanted to really be here with you - she would be. Link to post Share on other sites
Author thedills05 Posted May 29, 2013 Author Share Posted May 29, 2013 Thanks for the home truths Tara. Much needed ! Need to begin setting myself a set of mini challenges to avoid her twitter, since there's no actual way of blocking it completely! I'm such a glutton for punishment. I know twitter will just set me back but I can't seem to help myself!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author thedills05 Posted May 31, 2013 Author Share Posted May 31, 2013 Hey guys, further developments. I've found out from a mutual friend that my ex is planning on going to a festival in Spain that I'm booked to go on in July. I have been there in the past and she has never shown interest, saying she can think of nothing worse than a festival in the sun. I'm going to another music festival at the end of summer which she knows about and is now also going as well! Why on earth would she do this? It's absolutely ridiculous. In positive news, I've not checked twitter for 2 days now so feel much better !! Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted May 31, 2013 Share Posted May 31, 2013 I'd make it known you're also intending to go to the Pamplona Bull Run.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author thedills05 Posted May 31, 2013 Author Share Posted May 31, 2013 Haha, good plan! Seriously though, her actions are like that of a dumpee surely?! She's basically ensuring that she bumps into me?! Why put so much energy into this if she's with new guy?! Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted May 31, 2013 Share Posted May 31, 2013 It's an ego thing.... She doesn't want to fall off your radar. She wants to be a constant reminder to you. There's also the possibility that she doesn't want to date you, but wants to make sure nobody else does either. What better way to do it than to keep yanking your chain and distract you from moving on? If you're still hung up on her, how on earth can you date anyone else!? Link to post Share on other sites
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