Author thedills05 Posted June 2, 2014 Author Share Posted June 2, 2014 Thanks for your reply confused. I cant help but think after all the pain she caused herself (and me) last time and knowing how upset she became after 4-5 months apart, she will not want to go down that road again. As I said, she is just as concerned about whether or not I will break up with her as she is with stressing she in no way wants to break up again. Her main reason for bringing it up again is for the points you made; lots of things she wants to do at this stage of her life that will be hindered by her settling down and moving in with me post graduation. The irritating thing is I was not the one pushing these things. She went full steam ahead with the plans etc. Only when I go on board with them and they became an actual possibility did she want to back off a little. She maintains that her "forever doesnt scare her" take on things still remains. She wants to be with me but does not want to commit to settling down as soon as she mentioned. I do see her point of view, she is young and I in no way would have wanted to have settled down at her age. I also found myself in her situation when I was 24. I was with my ex for 7 years and when we were talking of moving in and settling down, I ended things. I just was not ready. The thing is, I have not once, to this day, regretted that decision. I didn't give her any hope of reconciliation and never really made contact with her again. Not the way my current gf is behaving. She cannot/ will not let go. I just can't help but feel that if I try to press the situation with the current gf and nail her down to commitment it will drive her away unnecessarily. I'm hoping, from experience, that if I do back off a little and sweat it out until the end of this term, things will be back to normal again before I know it. I am not entirely fussed about rushing in to settling down imminently, all I want is the assurance that we are one day heading in that direction. After just a few days of me chilling out a little - not initiating contact etc, she seems to have settled a lot. She has been arranging things for my birthday in a few weeks and talking about a holiday we are planning in September. She also text last night to say she misses me following a text conversation where she said how much she loved me. I do not think all is lost just yet. I just hope that I can try and remain calm about the situation and that she once again becomes comfortable with the thoughts of marriage etc. I also need to stop worrying that she is gonna get herself into another drunken situation. That I could not handle!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author thedills05 Posted June 4, 2014 Author Share Posted June 4, 2014 Sooo, I need to post keep posting here to stop me from going mad. Its quite therapeutic! We met up last night and had a lovely evening. On my arrival, she gave me a nice big hug and whispered in my ear how she loved me. I wont go into what happened next...! We then went for a nice meal, chatted and laughed all eve. Went back to hers and cuddled and she said how much she wished I didnt have to leave this morning. During the meal she did have a few (what I believe to be) freudian slips, where she would talk about our house in the future etc, before quickly following it up with a "but that wont be for a while" caveat. Seemed like she had to almost force herself to pull back once she displayed some kind of emotion?! She also mentioned how she had talked about us arguing the last few weeks with a friend she has only really become close to in the last few months. I knew she had talked on one occasion but she mentioned at least one more occasion. I am concerned that this friend may be causing things to be blown out of proportion in my girlfriends mind?! I mean, this friend was not about when the gf was very sad and upset about things last year. Annoying. There was one thing my gf mentioned randomly right at the end of last night which has got my head in a bit of a spin. She said how when she was out with friends last week, one of her other friends who has been in a long term relationship since before uni spent the whole evening with a random guy. My gf said she hoped that there was nothing untoward going on and that she hoped there were no problems in their relationship. I found this a rather odd thing to bring up out of the blue. Almost like she was projecting maybe? I asked if my gf had ever found herself in such a situation and she responded angrily saying "you (I) have to stop going down these accusatory lines of questioning". I left it at that. I brought that conversation up again today, saying how I felt bad for her friends boyfriend. She replied saying she (my gf) was very drunk on the evening it happened and that she probably got the wrong idea with the situation. She then went on to say how this couple were very much in love and happy together and that her friend would never do anything to jeopardize that. I know it sounds mental to pick apart what seems an insignificant conversation, I just cant help but feel that this may have been her way of projecting maybe? I.e. my gf has spent an entire evening chatting to a guy and feels guilty? Just the lack of context for it being brought up and the fact this event happened quite a while ago got my mind whirring around again!! Please say I am being a little OTT here. I know that I cannot bring it up again with the girlfriend, as our main (probably only) problem is I continually bring up the smallest of things and then question her about them over and over. Something I can imagine is very draining. This is why I am here! Haha. So, do I worry about this random comment, is she projecting or, am I blowing it all out of proportion in my mind? Link to post Share on other sites
April Moon Posted June 4, 2014 Share Posted June 4, 2014 Hi Op! I want you to read this ENTIRE thread over again and tell me what you think.... This is not healthy. IMO, I think your gf has an interest in someone else. Did you see her response to her what her friend is doing? She made excuses for her! She also claimed that her friend was still deeply in love with her bf. That is NOT love. She is showing you that agrees with this way of thinking. Also, I find it troubling that that was her response to your question. I have always said in a situation like that if they answer anything but no it means yes. Why?? Because if her answer was no she would have said a simple no. Yet, if her answer was yes she has no put the blame and negativity on you and switched it around (very manipulative). So I think she is doing more than projecting her friend's issues.... Just my two cents. Lol I'm sorry if that doesn't make sense I'll explain it more if you need me to. Link to post Share on other sites
Author thedills05 Posted June 4, 2014 Author Share Posted June 4, 2014 Further to this, she has just called and asked me to come up and see her after she finished work this eve (around 10). She is 90 mins away. I want to see her obviously, but don't want her to feel like I am at her beckon call. I wish everything was fine at the moment and I didn't have to second guess every move. Had it all been good and she not have mentioned feeling "suffocated", I would have been there with bells on!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author thedills05 Posted June 4, 2014 Author Share Posted June 4, 2014 Hi Op! I want you to read this ENTIRE thread over again and tell me what you think.... This is not healthy. IMO, I think your gf has an interest in someone else. Did you see her response to her what her friend is doing? She made excuses for her! She also claimed that her friend was still deeply in love with her bf. That is NOT love. She is showing you that agrees with this way of thinking. Also, I find it troubling that that was her response to your question. I have always said in a situation like that if they answer anything but no it means yes. Why?? Because if her answer was no she would have said a simple no. Yet, if her answer was yes she has no put the blame and negativity on you and switched it around (very manipulative). So I think she is doing more than projecting her friend's issues.... Just my two cents. Lol I'm sorry if that doesn't make sense I'll explain it more if you need me to. I see what you mean. Half the problem is that I have been making false accusations from time to time (because of the episode last year). This is what led to the current situation. I do feel that the story last night is a 'red flag' though, she has spoken about other aspects of that evening to me in the last week and to randomly bring that up right at the end of last night seems strange. I have asked her in the last week if there is anyone else and she maintains absolutely not. I am inclined to believe her, as when something happened before, she told me immediately. That being said, knowing how hard she found the last break up, and from reading other peoples posts on break ups, there is the possibility she is building a relationship with someone else and trying to slowly break away from me, to ease her hurt?! I have just posted another comment mentioning how she REALLY wants to see me this evening after work and saying how much she loves me. This is leading be to believe that perhaps I am blowing it out of proportion? Link to post Share on other sites
April Moon Posted June 4, 2014 Share Posted June 4, 2014 Haha we responded at the same time. But yeah... That doesn't sound good Link to post Share on other sites
Author thedills05 Posted June 4, 2014 Author Share Posted June 4, 2014 Do I bring last nights conversation up again then or let it lay? Decisions decisions...!! Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted June 4, 2014 Share Posted June 4, 2014 I see what you mean. Half the problem is that I have been making false accusations from time to time (because of the episode last year). This is what led to the current situation. I do feel that the story last night is a 'red flag' though, she has spoken about other aspects of that evening to me in the last week and to randomly bring that up right at the end of last night seems strange. I have asked her in the last week if there is anyone else and she maintains absolutely not. I am inclined to believe her, as when something happened before, she told me immediately. That being said, knowing how hard she found the last break up, and from reading other peoples posts on break ups, there is the possibility she is building a relationship with someone else and trying to slowly break away from me, to ease her hurt?! I have just posted another comment mentioning how she REALLY wants to see me this evening after work and saying how much she loves me. This is leading be to believe that perhaps I am blowing it out of proportion? This same thing happened to me. My ex went back on something significant, and I lost trust. I would second guess all he said or promised, and it eroded over time. Also, it's eat for someone to say that you have a future (buying a house, ect,) but you aren't looking at her actions. Some people over estimate how much they can commit. When it comes down to it, they back out. Link to post Share on other sites
Author thedills05 Posted June 5, 2014 Author Share Posted June 5, 2014 Temptation got the better of me and I saw the gf last night. Everything was fine. I asked about the random conversation. She thought she had mentioned it already and then realised why I was being so inquizative about it and got upset at the thought I didn't trust her. I assured her that I did trust her and that due to her not mentioning the event before, it did seem strange to me. She accepted this and we had a lovely evening. I think sometimes we are all guilty of over thinking things. Whilst we have had our troubles, we do seem to generally be heading in the right direction, hopefully the last few weeks has just been a little blip. I mean, we can't be head over heals in love ALL of the time can we! I will keep this thread posted on how things are going, once the summer break is upon us!! Link to post Share on other sites
Natsume21 Posted June 5, 2014 Share Posted June 5, 2014 This thread is going on for a year and this is still going on. And I though my 4 months was bad. Dude, personal opinion, you WREAK of beta behavior. Link to post Share on other sites
Rar0 Posted June 6, 2014 Share Posted June 6, 2014 Unfortunately not Link to post Share on other sites
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