Day 2 of NC and a forgotten eye appt...

[LadyLee]

Ugh it's only day 2 of NC and I forgot about an eye appointment that we had today. Well I remembered it but had hoped that he'd forget because normally I remind him of these things. (sigh). He's sent two text and called and I was feeling so empowered because I hadn't responded. He knows what he has to do in order for us to be together.

 

Anyone else feel that NC is immature? it's like the silent treatment which I personally can't stand. At the same time, I realize that this is the only way not too be reeled back in. When I pulled in and saw his car I contemplated changing my appt. Gawd, he really does it for me (attraction) and the bigger sting is the fact that he's my best friend.

 

So of course he sat next to me and said about four sentences about things that had transpired since last we spoke. Normal daily things. I didn't even look at him. I responded with 1-3 words. It felt so rude! It really hurt. Afterwards, I finished first and left. I wanted to cry. I'm too stubborn. I still have that little flower of hope that he will make this right some kind of way.

 

How can I feel so connected to this guy? Like I've never felt before. Even when we disagree I feel such love from him. He's always so supportive. ALWAYS there for me. Always. I'm trying to just stay busy and not think about it which is impossible. I miss him so much! This stinks. I really wish that the anger would kick in and make this easier.

 

L

[JPMC]

It's not immature. It's the only way to move on. Everytime you speak, look them up on line, or text them, you're picking a scab. I made a mistake and called a month ago. 3 hours later, still on phone. So selfish, only thinking about myself. For the next week, stared at facebook twitter linkedin praying to get her back. finally enough was enough starting friday. didn't look her up. Didn't log on Sat or Sun. made it. Today, anxiety, but haven't broken it. i know it can't work, and won't work, yet i have these crazy fantasies and illusions about trying to make it work. it's addiction and it stinks. she is single and hasn't gotten over me. i can have her anytime i want, i just have to throw everything in my life away. i'm such a coward, i wish my wife would tell me it's over. she's having sex with someone else, i gave permission. I don't even care, even though i love her. But she's not leaving. even with the open relationship my marriage is strong. and the worst part is, the ow is a complete trainwreck. yet she's all i want.

[LadyLee]

Whew JPMC, that's rough. It IS like an addiction isn't it? At least you are rational enough to know that she is a train wreck. Good for you by the way for pushing through the anxiety! That is saying something. My AP just called from an unknown number and I answered (smacks forehead) that was a low blow! So I stumbled around. Cautiously he asked about my day etc and I cut to the chase with "what are we doing?"

 

I reiterated that we are not to speak until he is done with the GF, and if he doesn't leave her, well now I have my answer. I sound strong right? I'm actually fighting tears. He even smoothly asked if I wanted to grab a bite to eat? Um H*** no. Ugh! Smh. He says he misses me etc. (sigh). Meanwhile, all unrecognized numbers will go to voicemail!

 

So I understand NC for the trainwreck, do you plan to fix the M?

 

L

[JPMC]

Marriage is good, honest. It doesn't need fixing. The open thing works for us. We're really close and yes it's unorthodox.

 

Addiction sucks. I made it today. No real NC for 4 days. Let's get to tomorrow.

[Used mistress]

I guess I am blessed because its been 17 days since I've heard from my MM. NC is definitely hard but I am getting out and walking Have to keep busy and fill your days with other things. Walking is cheap and gets you out and really occupies your mind. Plus you can meet new people.