Why it is shallow?

[therhythm]

I read in many threads in this forum that people who decide to date someone based on their looks are shallow, well then I guess most of the humanity is shallow, most of us feel physical attraction to someone just by looking to him/her, it is our nature and there is nothing wrong with that. When you date a person you can decide if that person is relationship material or not by assessing the personality of that person, that is also important... but someone who does not physically attract me will get no date from me as great as her personality may be!

 

If you are looking just for casual sex I don't know how the personality would have anything to do in the matter.

 

What is your opinion?

[JuneJulySeptember]

I read in many threads in this forum that people who decide to date someone based on their looks are shallow, well then I guess most of the humanity is shallow, most of us feel physical attraction to someone just by looking to him/her, it is our nature and there is nothing wrong with that. When you date a person you can decide if that person is relationship material or not by assessing the personality of that person, that is also important... but someone who does not physically attract me will get no date from me as great as her personality may be!

 

If you are looking just for casual sex I don't know how the personality would have anything to do in the matter.

 

What is your opinion?

 

You wouldn't feel the same way if you hadn't ever been able to really ever physically attract anybody in your life.

 

And if you had been rejected by dozens of men/women based on your looks even though they like you as a person.

 

Yes. I do admit it. In a sense, my association of shallowness with looks is based upon my own ugliness. Via Liar, Liar.

 

But in a sense, it's a good thing, because I'm much more likely to be lenient towards a woman's looks because of the way my life has been.

[Treasa]

I totally agree about being attracted to that person. The only thing I argue against is when someone implies that their "10" (I hate those ****ing scales) is everyone else's. For me, attraction is based off things that aren't necessarily indicative of physical traits.

[AlexDP]

I read in many threads in this forum that people who decide to date someone based on their looks are shallow, well then I guess most of the humanity is shallow, most of us feel physical attraction to someone just by looking to him/her, it is our nature and there is nothing wrong with that. When you date a person you can decide if that person is relationship material or not by assessing the personality of that person, that is also important... but someone who does not physically attract me will get no date from me as great as her personality may be!

 

If you are looking just for casual sex I don't know how the personality would have anything to do in the matter.

 

What is your opinion?

 

 

People call it shallow because they sit on their ass all day doing nothing to keep themselves healthy and attractive.

 

Usually attractive people are also active and positive people to be around with. The fat blobs on the other hand will claim that you are shallow to go for these people, yet they are all about negativity and dragging others down.

 

To me the choice is made pretty fast. I don't care if I'm called negative. Go eat another bag of crisps.

[ThaWholigan]

It's not a case of whether it's shallow or not (I don't think liking physical appearances is automatically shallow if it comes with other attractions) - to me it's more a case of whether being shallow is actually a bad thing. I accept that on such a subjective thing like personal relationships, there are likely going to be lots of people like this - I accept it as is.

 

And I'm not the best looking guy in the world and I certainly have been rejected a lot. But people's preoccupation with looks doesn't concern me that much - generally because there are people who aren't, and simply because it's long to care .

 

Generally from what I have seen, most relationships where there is an alarming lack of physical attraction do not end up happy ones. Tolerable at best. It doesn't have to be the fittest, most beautiful person either - just physical attraction between 2 people - it happens.

 

I think it's futile to expect people to stop being "shallow" - maybe to acknowledge it is the most you could do.

[ThaWholigan]

I totally agree about being attracted to that person. The only thing I argue against is when someone implies that their "10" (I hate those ****ing scales) is everyone else's. For me, attraction is based off things that aren't necessarily indicative of physical traits.

This all day . I say this all the time - not everyone is attracted to the exact same thing.

[JuneJulySeptember]

People call it shallow because they sit on their ass all day doing nothing to keep themselves healthy and attractive.

 

Usually attractive people are also active and positive people to be around with. The fat blobs on the other hand will claim that you are shallow to go for these people, yet they are all about negativity and dragging others down.

 

To me the choice is made pretty fast. I don't care if I'm called negative. Go eat another bag of crisps.

 

Physical attractiveness is mostly based on face and height. Things you cannot control.

 

Other people have told me my body is great.

 

Also, if I was fat, I wouldn't be sitting around complaining about how unattractive people are at a disadvantage.

 

The only way to go up is turn myself into a ridiculously jacked Schwarzenegger type specimen, but that would take many years for what could be a minimal gain in attractiveness.

[AlexDP]

I totally agree about being attracted to that person. The only thing I argue against is when someone implies that their "10" (I hate those ****ing scales) is everyone else's. For me, attraction is based off things that aren't necessarily indicative of physical traits.

 

True.

 

At the same time I find it horrible when people call their significant other a "7". I mean.. your lifepartner calling you just above average? That doesn't sound like much passion.

[AlexDP]

Physical attractiveness is mostly based on face and height. Things you cannot control.

 

 

Except your jawline changes when you become more muscular.

But I get it. What you want to hear is: I can't control this. I understand. If you can't control it, you're not responsible.

 

And yeah, you need a bit of luck in life. I won't deny that. But we have more influence on things than we'd like to believe.

[apple OR orange]

generally i have found people who compensate for reality are trying to be nice....

 

i have never had anyone ever want me for sex, ever, yes ive been told i am nice, so nice they wont want me inside them (so being nice has to be a lie as I thought people like nice people).

 

So how does that make me feel? alone on the planet, do i fight it, no, as fighting it will get me nowhere, i live with it.

 

I don’t do friends, I really don’t want to be reminded what I don’t have, I work almost all the time as it keeps me occupied, there are things I have that others don’t, and things they have I cant have (sex), its how the planet works.

 

The option is to pay for sex when needed (which i dont do, but it is an option).

[JuneJulySeptember]

This all day . I say this all the time - not everyone is attracted to the exact same thing.

 

You preach what your experience.

 

You say it all day because a lot like you even though some don't.

 

If nobody was attracted to you, then you would preach that looks are not subjective.

[AlexDP]

You preach what your experience.

 

You say it all day because a lot like you even though some don't.

 

If nobody was attracted to you, then you would preach that looks are not subjective.

 

 

So why is nobody attracted to you? Do you have leprosy?

[JuneJulySeptember]

Except your jawline changes when you become more muscular.

But I get it. What you want to hear is: I can't control this. I understand. If you can't control it, you're not responsible.

 

And yeah, you need a bit of luck in life. I won't deny that. But we have more influence on things than we'd like to believe.

 

I was on it for a while. I lifted weights and then quite a couple years ago when things got busy.

 

The amount of hours of weightlifting compared to the minimal gains in body improvement you see with clothes on, I'm not sure it's a worthwhile endeavor.

[ThaWholigan]

You preach what your experience.

 

You say it all day because a lot like you even though some don't.

 

If nobody was attracted to you, then you would preach that looks are not subjective.

A lot like me? Do tell .

 

Is this because I've had some chicks approach me before? Understand that in UK, girls tend to be more forward in general, and will actually come and talk to you . I'm OK looking, but I'm no Trey Songz . Some like me, and some don't. The rest are "meh".

[AlexDP]

I was on it for a while. I lifted weights and then quite a couple years ago when things got busy.

 

The amount of hours of weightlifting compared to the minimal gains in body improvement you see with clothes on, I'm not sure it's a worthwhile endeavor.

 

Minimal? In my case it's minimal when I play soccer, because I tend to lose muscle mass fast when I do a lot of cardio. But when I'm not running around all the time, I'd say it happens pretty fast. Six months of squats and deadlifts could build you a very good body.

[Shepp]

I dont think im shallow - like personalitys REALLY important to me - but looks are important too. If i said they werent id be lying - and if that makes me shallow im shallow but im not a lier.

And however great the girl is you cant make yourself physically attracted to someone and if i wasnt physically attracted to her then our realtionship could never really work.

 

I would never say that she has to be cheryl cole (although that would be good too ) but she has to catch my eye - thats just evolutionary!

[Shepp]

Physical attractiveness is mostly based on face and height. Things you cannot control.

Other people have told me my body is great.

Also, if I was fat, I wouldn't be sitting around complaining about how unattractive people are at a disadvantage.

The only way to go up is turn myself into a ridiculously jacked Schwarzenegger type specimen, but that would take many years for what could be a minimal gain in attractiveness.

 

I disagree i think girls would forgive a lot on the face & height front for a funny guy with a great body, a nice hair cut and some sharp clothes!

[JuneJulySeptember]

I dont think im shallow - like personalitys REALLY important to me - but looks are important too. If i said they werent id be lying - and if that makes me shallow im shallow but im not a lier.

And however great the girl is you cant make yourself physically attracted to someone and if i wasnt physically attracted to her then our realtionship could never really work.

 

I would never say that she has to be cheryl cole (although that would be good too ) but she has to catch my eye - thats just evolutionary!

 

Sort of.

 

You see, what you are attracted to is a function of your own attractiveness. Most every guy is attracted to Cheryl Cole, and then after that, you are attracted to women of your own level and most women between that and Ms. Cole.

 

If you woke up tmrw shorter and uglier but still with the same personality and success, you'd have to change your sense of attraction because you'd no longer be able to attract the same women.

 

To me, someone saying they can't control what they are attracted to is like saying "They can't quit smoking." Yes, it's hard and it goes against years and years of programming your brain has received, but it's possible.

[jenwon]

Its one thing to be shallow. But its another thing to be bitch and moan about a person that treats you poorly when YOU chose to date that person based mainly on their looks. Those people get no sympathy.

[candie13]

one assumes you'd be dating without knowing the other person - OLD style. Lots of people don't believe in dating perfect strangers. If you date perfect strangers, indeed, the selection would be made based on looks. That doesn't make one "shallow" for the only reason that there isn't much of other criteria left... no?

 

But if you get to know them, if you get to talk to them (the potential dates), that may alone change the hypothesis of your question.

 

There is such a thing as a man talking you off your feet and making you want to date him. In my case, he was slightly shorter than me, a bit of a belly, 15 years more than me and the most piercing blue eyes I'd seen in a long long time.

 

I don't systematically fall for this type of guys, but it did happen. Which goes to prove that there simply are no rules.

[apple OR orange]

Understand that in UK, girls tend to be more forward in general, and will actually come and talk to you

 

I moved from the UK, i never saw this, but then i never got sex either, granted i think they are more loose there, but i never saw ANY women approach guys ever (and i work in nightclubs most of the 90's)

[Shepp]

Sort of.

You see, what you are attracted to is a function of your own attractiveness. Most every guy is attracted to Cheryl Cole, and then after that, you are attracted to women of your own level and most women between that and Ms. Cole.

I guess that makes sense!

 

If you woke up tmrw shorter and uglier but still with the same personality and success, you'd have to change your sense of attraction because you'd no longer be able to attract the same women.

You think? See I always thought girls were a lot more forgiving than guys like that! Like girls (that's a bit broad - a lot of girls) tend to forgive a lot for 'funny' - that's scientific isn't it? If you can make a girl laugh she instantly finds you more attractive!

 

To me, someone saying they can't control what they are attracted to is like saying "They can't quit smoking." Yes, it's hard and it goes against years and years of programming your brain has received, but it's possible.

I guess that's true, bit like rose tinted glasses when you love someone, but she'd have to have a hell of a personality, like we'd have to have a lot of fun!!

[TheGuard13]

It's only shallow when all you care about is physical attractiveness.

 

Almost everyone cares about it on some level.

[todreaminblue]

I do feel there has to be a form of physical attraction.....in conjunction with personality.......i dont think it should be based just on the physical......i wasnt attracted to my ex to begin with .....in fact i called him out for being a meat head body builder......and i got to know him and i seen how he was .......his generous spirit with kids a giving nature....his loyalty to friends....and his calm strength......those qualities captured my heart over a two year period.......he opened up to me and we had a fifteen year relationship........which ended obviously....he wasnt perfect.....lots of rough times in there...no regrets i have three beautiful daughters......from that union.......

 

i cant predict that ill be attracted to someone i have no set rules of attraction...i just allow myself to feel it.....soft calm voices...maybe......who knows......i dont go on physicality alone....but it does influence whether i will date someone.....i cannot date soemone i am not attracted to ...its false and hurtful eventually to that person...i wouldnt want someone to date me who wasnt attracted to me......and i havent.......ever......if i was into casual relationships i probably would but i am not.........so...i wait...until i feel something......anything....feelings have to be there...i have dated purely out of common interests....passion for the same things is emotion for long term datign though...there has to be more than that on both sides i feel..deb

[CryForNoOne]

Sort of.

 

You see, what you are attracted to is a function of your own attractiveness. Most every guy is attracted to Cheryl Cole, and then after that, you are attracted to women of your own level and most women between that and Ms. Cole.

 

If you woke up tmrw shorter and uglier but still with the same personality and success, you'd have to change your sense of attraction because you'd no longer be able to attract the same women.

 

To me, someone saying they can't control what they are attracted to is like saying "They can't quit smoking." Yes, it's hard and it goes against years and years of programming your brain has received, but it's possible.

 

You're completely wrong. When I was a teenager and through my early 20's I was skinny, had acne, lacked confidence, and had zero game. I was only attracted to 8+s so basically got no dates. Now I eat much better, work out regularly and filled out quite nicely. I developed a pastime that women find attractive, music, and now I am dating the types of women I used to fantasize about. So I never adjusted my sense of attractiveness AND I was able to make myself more attractive, which you also claim is very difficult to change...