MM's planning in-progress. His decision for action (leaving marriage)

[Mount]

Just want to have a bit update that MM and myself are in the middle of logstics planning for his next move telling wife his leaving marriage next month-ish.

 

Even though he loves the marital house with wife, but he determines to leave the house once he outs the news to his wife and plans to stay in hotel close to workplace and my place for a month unless his wife volunteers to leave the house. I have looked up some Executive or Business Suites in same area with more decent prices (only $4K/month), and the MM is very happy to stay there. And he suggests during next two weeks we both go there take a look first so once he can be ready to move there based on his wife's reaction.

 

I have asked him multiple times - that all following decisions/actions are /should be based on his own mind/will, he should not feel he is doing all by my pushing him, as I am not. He assures me that he wants to do that himself.

 

Als I have warned him multiple times- even though we are discussing/arranging all logistics accomodation, or future living planning, and buying house after his divorce is final...etc, but he should prepare all emotion reaction from his wife once he outs the news (that he wants to leave) .

 

Guess that is all we can do now.

Edited May 20, 2013 by Mount

[ilovedhim]

Just want to have a bit update that MM and myself are in the middle of logstics planning for his next move telling wife his leaving marriage next month-ish.

 

Even though he loves the marital house with wife, but he determines to leave the house once he outs the news to his wife and plans to stay in hotel close to workplace and my place for a month unless his wife volunteers to leave the house. I have looked up some Executive or Business Suites in same area with more decent prices (only $4K/month), and the MM is very happy to stay there. And he suggests during next two weeks we both go there take a look first so once he can be ready to move there based on his wife's reaction.

 

I have asked him multiple times - that all following decisions/actions are /should be based on his own mind/will, he should not feel he is doing all by my pushing him, as I am not. He assures me that he wants to do that himself.

 

Als I have warned him multiple times- even though we are discussing/arranging all logistics accomodation, or future living planning, and buying house after his divorce is final...etc, but he should prepare all emotion reaction from his wife once he outs the news (that he wants to leave) .

 

Guess that is all we can do now.

 

If you're not the one pushing for this, then why is he not the one looking for a place to move after this big D-day? And why not an apartment? Divorces do take a year+

Edited May 20, 2013 by ilovedhim

[Mount]

He just said that (this afternoon - 3 hours ago), after staying in the business suite for one month, he wants me going with him to find a very nice house to rent 6months ~1 years, and he can afford the renting 2~3K per month is no problem for him.

 

After the D is final (all the joint assests/$$ are split clear with his wife) he plan to purchase a house then for us.

 

I also have property myself, so earlier we were just talking about real estate things...so I have to remind him - be prepare the divorce emotion part, real estate stuff can be later.

 

If you're not the one pushing for this, then why is he not the one looking for a place to move after this big D-day? And why not an apartment? Divorces to take a year+

[Mount]

Clearly you did not read my previous post, or self-denying even you did read.

 

Because lots of things are happening next month, work-wise, I have visitors and he has visitors to his family/house. Also work wise (remember - we same company?). In previous post I asked him to postpone outting to his wife, but he challenged me back asking what is the point to wait more.

 

I wish he won't tell soon, but if he does, I will totally support him and go for it.

 

If you're not the one pushing for this, then why is he not the one looking for a place to move after this big D-day? And why not an apartment? Divorces do take a year+

[Mount]

And up to this point, you are still not clearly seeing that I am not those ordinary crazy OWs with those useless excessive emotion. I wish his outing to be next year, next next year, next next next year. But if he decides to do so next month, I won't disagree. I firmly believe the completion of every project/accomplishment is based on action - STEP BY STEP.

 

Not because I am cold, not because I don't love him, I am just not that desperate. I am too rational and logical.

 

Why is he waiting to tell his wife until "next month-ish"? Why not today-ish? I fear your next month-ish may turn into next year-ish.

Edited May 20, 2013 by Mount

[Goodbye]

Ok, this is just my opinion. Something about your post doesn't sit well with me. I feel like this isn't your chapter? This isn't a process in which you should participate? He should make the decision to end his marriage. He should discuss it with his wife. He should file for divorce. They should decide how to proceed with separation. He should research his next residence. After he has filed for divorce and moved out...then he should contact you. Again...I'm not one to talk. Good luck.

[whichwayisup]

He should rent a little apartment and you two should wait a few years before moving in together. For him to divorce and then you two move in right away is not a great idea. Remember, what you two have shared for a while has all been based on an affair dynamic. What's the big rush to move in and get married? Why not just date in a proper way and take things slowly? Get to know one another in a healthier and out in the open kind of way.

 

Anyway, time will tell if your MM actually does pull this plan off or if he's full of it.

[Mount]

In fairtale, there has no affair, no steal, no murder, no war. Everyone should divorce first, then start to date. Guess it is so true in real world.

 

 

Ok, this is just my opinion. Something about your post doesn't sit well with me. I feel like this isn't your chapter? This isn't a process in which you should participate? He should make the decision to end his marriage. He should discuss it with his wife. He should file for divorce. They should decide how to proceed with separation. He should research his next residence. After he has filed for divorce and moved out...then he should contact you. Again...I'm not one to talk. Good luck.

[Mount]

Oh, no no, I would not marry him right away after his D is final, I think he is the same.

 

Hey, his decision wants to rent a nice house for a while before his D is final, it is his choice, and his $$ to pay the rent. We just discussed and he said he would feel worthy it and willing to pay the rent for himself living there.

 

I totally agree with you, I will date him for a while, just make sure we are the right person to each other. I won't jump on marriage...oh no way!!:bunny:

 

He should rent a little apartment and you two should wait a few years before moving in together. For him to divorce and then you two move in right away is not a great idea. Remember, what you two have shared for a while has all been based on an affair dynamic. What's the big rush to move in and get married? Why not just date in a proper way and take things slowly? Get to know one another in a healthier and out in the open kind of way.

 

Anyway, time will tell if your MM actually does pull this plan off or if he's full of it.

[Goodbye]

In fairtale, there has no affair, no steal, no murder, no war. Everyone should divorce first, then start to date. Guess it is so true in real world.

 

 

Uhm...did I say he should divorce first before you start to date? Lol. Cut back on the coffee.

[Mount]

What d-day. In our case, it is his outting day to his wife. I asked him if your wife already feels anything, the MM told me either his wife has no clue or on self-denial.

 

So that is why he decides himself to step-up to tell W.

 

Glad to hear that you are not another "ordinary crazy OW". That should put the BS's mind at ease on d-day!!

[threelaurels]

He needs to speak with a lawyer about all of this. Leaving the house, moving in with someone else, and other things you are mentioning can impact the outcome of the divorce proceedings and/or child custody situation depending on where you live. Good luck.

[Mount]

Yes, he will... I have said to him, I am not a lawyer, so the better information will come from lawyer.

 

Also, 30's children do not need custody. I guess.

 

He needs to speak with a lawyer about all of this. Leaving the house, moving in with someone else, and other things you are mentioning can impact the outcome of the divorce proceedings and/or child custody situation depending on where you live. Good luck.

[Mount]

I think you did not read my beginning post, my beginning post was just addressing the points bold below you mention. It is his decision, not mine for sure. I wont and DON'T WANT TO influence his mind/will.

 

He will discuss with his wife, of course after informing her his leaving marriage. He wants to preview furture residence, but if he wants me to accompany him taking a look, I will help going as well.

 

Again - I am kind of person never trusting words, sweet talking....you have to convince me by real stuff, real result, and action leading to result (action is not enough....).

 

 

Ok, this is just my opinion. Something about your post doesn't sit well with me. I feel like this isn't your chapter? This isn't a process in which you should participate? He should make the decision to end his marriage. He should discuss it with his wife. He should file for divorce. They should decide how to proceed with separation. He should research his next residence. After he has filed for divorce and moved out...then he should contact you. Again...I'm not one to talk. Good luck.

 

 

Uhm...did I say he should divorce first before you start to date? Lol. Cut back on the coffee.

Edited May 20, 2013 by Mount

[Mount]

No, the answer for your following statment is no.

 

I told him millions times - when he deals with his divorce, just leave me out of it. Plain and Simple.

 

Don't you think I did not ask the same question already [What will you do if/when he decides to give the marriage another try?]?

 

The MM said to me that he won't give a try as he does not want to continue the marriage anymore. But as me whom does not trust words, will NOT keep myself hanging on his words.

 

Basically I told the MM, just like doing any real work that expecting fine results, if you decide to do it (leaving marriage), just make it quick and crispy clear to get the sound result asap. I don't want any repurcussion on me when his wife or himself are in any emotional situation.

 

I won't wait for him for sure, if his situation with wife gets sticky. I will wash my hands and leave the MM. Crystal clear, no here and there, no should/could/would.

 

 

 

Mount,

 

I think people are confused because YOU are doing the leg work, not him.

 

YOU are looking for places, not him.

 

YOU are planning how things are going to go, not him.

 

Let HIM deal with the details...you just sit back and wait and see if he follows through on his actions.

 

No time like the present to tell his wife .... no need to wait since he is so 'ready' to be done.

 

I fear you will find yourself in a position where you will be hurt. You two will be outted to the company you both work for. You will end up being the one his wife focuses on (and his children). Stay out of the picture or you may be dragged through the mud. LET HIM do it. Stop discussing how HE is going to do things...let him just DO IT already. All the planning in the world can go up in smoke the minute his wife finds out...and you have to know she will find out more than likely.

 

What will you do if/when he decides to give the marriage another try? Will you be content to wait a year for him and the wife to go to counseling, to try to rebuild? Will you continue to have an affair if that is the decision that is made?

Edited May 20, 2013 by Mount

[So happy together]

No, the answer for your following statment is no.

 

I told him millions times - when he deals with his divorce, just leave me out of it. Plain and Simple.

 

Don't you think I did not ask the same question already [What will you do if/when he decides to give the marriage another try?]?

 

The MM said to me that he won't give a try as he does not want to continue the marriage anymore. But as me whom does not trust words, will NOT keep myself hanging on his words.

 

Basically I told the MM, just like doing any real work that expecting fine results, if you decide to do it (leaving marriage), just make it quick and crispy clear to get the sound result asap. I don't want any repurcussion on me when his wife or himself are in any emotional situation.

 

I won't wait for him for sure, if his situation with wife gets sticky. I will wash my hands and leave the MM. Crystal clear, no here and there, no should/could/would.

 

No repercussions on you? OMG. Who do you think the BS will blame? I sure hope your MM knows you don't love him, that you may or may not be there, wait for him.

[MissBee]

Just want to have a bit update that MM and myself are in the middle of logstics planning for his next move telling wife his leaving marriage next month-ish.

 

Even though he loves the marital house with wife, but he determines to leave the house once he outs the news to his wife and plans to stay in hotel close to workplace and my place for a month unless his wife volunteers to leave the house. I have looked up some Executive or Business Suites in same area with more decent prices (only $4K/month), and the MM is very happy to stay there. And he suggests during next two weeks we both go there take a look first so once he can be ready to move there based on his wife's reaction.

 

I have asked him multiple times - that all following decisions/actions are /should be based on his own mind/will, he should not feel he is doing all by my pushing him, as I am not. He assures me that he wants to do that himself.

 

Als I have warned him multiple times- even though we are discussing/arranging all logistics accomodation, or future living planning, and buying house after his divorce is final...etc, but he should prepare all emotion reaction from his wife once he outs the news (that he wants to leave) .

Guess that is all we can do now.

 

Yes that's all you can do. Do update us after he's told.

[Mount]

Your assumption is made without read through or understand/digest well whole sentence. Another poster - hockyfan was asking if I will be pathectically hanging on him if he somehow decides to give marriage another try - although at this moment the MM says to me he for sure is not going to. But in reality if he does not leave marriage as he said right now which is his action plan, I won't continue wait for him for sure. If he does not love me enough to honour his words, why should I?

 

 

No repercussions on you? OMG. Who do you think the BS will blame? I sure hope your MM knows you don't love him, that you may or may not be there, wait for him.

[Mount]

Exactly. Just hope what they (MM and wife) or how they handle the split, just leave me out of it as much as he can.

 

Yes that's all you can do. Do update us after he's told.

[MissBee]

Exactly. Just hope what they (MM and wife) or how they handle the split, just leave me out of it as much as he can.

 

 

Well that's your choice. He can't drag you into it against your will. Is he going to tell her he's having an affair and with you? Or is he simply telling her he wants a divorce but won't mention the A?

[Mount]

That is what I told him, but again, he is not a puppet, if he decides to elaborate I can't stop him anyway.

 

Just let things flow on its own way. I am in neutral attitude.

 

 

 

 

Well that's your choice. He can't drag you into it against your will. Is he going to tell her he's having an affair and with you? Or is he simply telling her he wants a divorce but won't mention the A?

[Praying4Peace]

Mount,

You seem so rational, that's a good thing! I think sometimes OW get too emotional and can't see clearly.

 

Just a question- I know you won't hang on if he gives his marriage another try. But will you be sad/heartbroken even a little? Of course, rationally he won't be worth your time since he broke his promise...but a lot of us are dealing with that. There is still sadness/ego damage. Emotions are natural and can't always be planned.

 

I hope that doesn't happen to you and things work out.

[Mount]

If that so, I would feel sorry that it is his loss (of me).

 

And as for me, as I said I won't certainly push him to be with me, that is for sure. So I will just wipe my hands as he makes his choice if he does not handle the split with cleanliness.

 

As for sadness or heartbroken, even right now I can't believe he is going to do it thus I keep reminding him or asking him if he feels by pushing or he is really willing to do by his will, he always gives me positive answer.

 

So to answer your question - I will be a bit shocked if he really is going to do it, maybe I am too underestimating his love for me?:confused::eek:

 

 

Mount,

You seem so rational, that's a good thing! I think sometimes OW get too emotional and can't see clearly.

 

Just a question- I know you won't hang on if he gives his marriage another try. But will you be sad/heartbroken even a little? Of course, rationally he won't be worth your time since he broke his promise...but a lot of us are dealing with that. There is still sadness/ego damage. Emotions are natural and can't always be planned.

 

I hope that doesn't happen to you and things work out.

[Mount]

I don't think he is indecisive, I did not intend to accompany him to preview the house he's going to rent, but he asked me I should go with him to look as well.

 

Remember- he is the only person will execute all the actions later on, split, pay $$ for short term executive suite renting, then 1 year house renting...etc. Guess he just wants to make sure I like the place that he is going to live as well because he expects me to live with him.

 

I am a person that maybe remind him sth here and there in advance, he is do-er, not me.

 

I don't need to convince anyone....I just post an update here only. Anyone can choose to read, or not, or illustrate anyway she/he wants.

 

Mount, reality is the base of success and it seems as though you are not only trying to convince LS but yourself that your MM is serious about leaving. Is your MM helpless, can he not be decisive enough to even find his own housing? Laziness is a bad trait if that is the case in your situation.

Edited May 21, 2013 by Mount

[ComingInHot]

mount wrote, " Even though he loves the marital house with wife, but he determines to leave the house once he outs the news to his wife and plans to stay in hotel close to workplace and my place for a month unless his wife volunteers to leave the house. "

 

First, mount, I am actually Really happy to hear about this MM telling you he is FINALLY thinking about being Honest w/his W!

I am so horribly, sadly, happy for His Wife! Then once his D is finalized, I will be happy for You*

 

Regarding the post above... what would you do if MM's Wife leaves the house he loves so much? How in the WORLD could you EVER live in Their Marital Home?! I find that quite disturbing...

 

You've made it Very clear the guys got cash. Why, when you two are finally together, wouldn't you want a place the two of you can make Your Home?