therhythm Posted May 27, 2013 Posted May 27, 2013 Actually you really do have to say know. If I just started having sex with a person and they didn't say "no", it's not rape. In some relationships, a slap might be foreplay. You say she didn't concent, but that's not true. All she'd have to do is refuse to go to such parties or events that she doesn't want to do. She didn't have to have sex with women she wasn't attracted to. If someone told me I had to have sex with a man, I'd laugh in there face, and walk away. The fact of the matter is that she didn't. She says she is just trying to make her boyfriend happy, and it's just an act. She's playing the role of a submissive, and a subs main goal is to make her dom or master happy. She's a slave to him, if she does what he wants to make him happy. Of course he's isolated her. He's grooming her to be his slave, and she has willingly done this. If you shot someone with a gun, and then said I didn't really want to do it, should anyone care about your argument. I am sorry man but you are just so wrong .... There is more kind of abuses than just the physical abuse... If a woman is afraid to say no to you she is already been totally mentally and emotionally abused to get her to that point... it just shows how afraid a person has to be to don't dare to say no when she actually wish to say that. BDSM is about playing roles not about erasing the personality and capacity to defend herself from other person. 3
Thegameoflife Posted May 28, 2013 Posted May 28, 2013 I am sorry man but you are just so wrong .... There is more kind of abuses than just the physical abuse... If a woman is afraid to say no to you she is already been totally mentally and emotionally abused to get her to that point... it just shows how afraid a person has to be to don't dare to say no when she actually wish to say that. BDSM is about playing roles not about erasing the personality and capacity to defend herself from other person. From what I've read, her personal issues extend back further than this relationship. She lost the ability to say no long before she met her boyfriend. It could be abuse, or ignorance of her mental health problems. None of you can say which it is.
blueskyday Posted May 29, 2013 Posted May 29, 2013 I'm sorry, TheGameOfLife, but you are seriously misguided and possibly causing harm here. She already blames herself enough. And this is in no way her fault. This is way beyond sexual. It is abuse. And, yes sex can be abusive as well. If the partner doesn't feel good about it, they don't have to do it. Anyone who makes them, is only considering their own needs and is being abusive. Bottom line, this is abuse. And it is not acceptable. 2
therhythm Posted May 29, 2013 Posted May 29, 2013 (edited) From what I've read, her personal issues extend back further than this relationship. She lost the ability to say no long before she met her boyfriend. It could be abuse, or ignorance of her mental health problems. None of you can say which it is. Every person needs to be able to say no when what he/she feels is "NO" in a relationship, if someone erase that capacity from the equation is abuse and a very deep one. She used to be a exotic dancer, how has that anything to do with her lack of capacity to say no? I worked as stripper as well and I don't have any problem saying no when I want... The problem here is that she is in a toxic relationship and she needs to run from it as soon as possible because she has been lobotomized! Edited May 29, 2013 by therhythm
Els Posted May 29, 2013 Posted May 29, 2013 Despite what others here think, this isn't abuse. The reason it's not abuse, is because you don't protest. He's doing things that are normal within the community for the most part. I am curious about how much exactly you know about D/s or M/s relationships. In general (not only in the BDSM community, but amongst sane adults), a lack of protest is not consent. No Master or Dom worth his salt does anything unless there is a clear and audible 'yes' from the submissive, who continually shows without a doubt that they want to be dominated by this Dom/Master. Not a 'lack of protest'. However, I'm a little more clever than most here. At twisting things, yes. 2
Els Posted May 29, 2013 Posted May 29, 2013 I think it's very clear she is his sub, whether she wants to be or not. She has taken on the role willingly, regardless of her reluctance. Holy fhuck, this creeps me out beyond belief. Someone can only be someone else's sub WHEN THEY WANT TO BE. If they don't want to be in that position, they're not a 'sub', they're being abused! Your posts on this thread have been the exact embodiment of the sort of wannabe-doms that people in the BDSM community do their utmost best to warn new submissives about. I genuinely hope nobody has fallen for your no protest = willing trick. 1
CarrieT Posted May 29, 2013 Posted May 29, 2013 Your posts on this thread have been the exact embodiment of the sort of wannabe-doms that people in the BDSM community do their utmost best to warn new submissives about. ^^^^^ THIS ^^^^^^ A thousand, thousand times.... 2
therhythm Posted May 29, 2013 Posted May 29, 2013 (edited) Holy fhuck, this creeps me out beyond belief. Someone can only be someone else's sub WHEN THEY WANT TO BE. If they don't want to be in that position, they're not a 'sub', they're being abused! Your posts on this thread have been the exact embodiment of the sort of wannabe-doms that people in the BDSM community do their utmost best to warn new submissives about. I genuinely hope nobody has fallen for your no protest = willing trick. Yes, actually pretty scary what some people think they are entiteled to do... Edited May 29, 2013 by therhythm 1
Thegameoflife Posted May 29, 2013 Posted May 29, 2013 Every person needs to be able to say no when what he/she feels is "NO" in a relationship, if someone erase that capacity from the equation is abuse and a very deep one. She used to be a exotic dancer, how has that anything to do with her lack of capacity to say no? I worked as stripper as well and I don't have any problem saying no when I want... The problem here is that she is in a toxic relationship and she needs to run from it as soon as possible because she has been lobotomized! What is your proof that he erased her capacity to say no? You have none. As far as I can tell, she had issues when she met him. He's taking advantage of this fact, but you can't slam a guy for something he might not even have done to her.
Thegameoflife Posted May 29, 2013 Posted May 29, 2013 I'm sorry, TheGameOfLife, but you are seriously misguided and possibly causing harm here. She already blames herself enough. And this is in no way her fault. This is way beyond sexual. It is abuse. And, yes sex can be abusive as well. If the partner doesn't feel good about it, they don't have to do it. Anyone who makes them, is only considering their own needs and is being abusive. Bottom line, this is abuse. And it is not acceptable. Is he making her, or is she going along with things. She even says this, " Many of the things he doesn't necessarily know I don't want to do." If he is unaware of her dislikes, how can he respond accordingly.
Thegameoflife Posted May 29, 2013 Posted May 29, 2013 I am curious about how much exactly you know about D/s or M/s relationships. In general (not only in the BDSM community, but amongst sane adults), a lack of protest is not consent. No Master or Dom worth his salt does anything unless there is a clear and audible 'yes' from the submissive, who continually shows without a doubt that they want to be dominated by this Dom/Master. Not a 'lack of protest'. At twisting things, yes. Legally, lack of protest counts as consent. She does say yes. She systematically goes along with his demands as well. This would be very confusing for anyone.
Els Posted May 30, 2013 Posted May 30, 2013 Legally, lack of protest counts as consent. Really. Why don't you read up on some rape cases in which the girl was drugged, drunk, threatened, or underage, and NOT protesting, then get back to me.
Thegameoflife Posted May 30, 2013 Posted May 30, 2013 Really. Why don't you read up on some rape cases in which the girl was drugged, drunk, threatened, or underage, and NOT protesting, then get back to me. Your argument is invalid, as consent cannot be given in any of those scenarios, so protest is irrelevant. How does this apply to the thread?
Els Posted May 30, 2013 Posted May 30, 2013 Your argument is invalid, as consent cannot be given in any of those scenarios, so protest is irrelevant. How does this apply to the thread? Actually, it doesn't. It was a reaction to your post, which is also irrelevant. If you actually read this thread, nobody was suggesting that she charge him in court. Hence legality is irrelevant. However, in the spirit of relationships and BDSM, lack of protest does not equal consent. Feel free to discuss this with any respected Dominants in the community before coming here to spout your misguided, harmful delusions.
CC12 Posted May 30, 2013 Posted May 30, 2013 What is your proof that he erased her capacity to say no? You have none. As far as I can tell, she had issues when she met him. He's taking advantage of this fact, but you can't slam a guy for something he might not even have done to her. Why on earth are you so hellbent on defending this guy and assigning all the blame to her and her "issues"? Can you not agree that he's said and done some pretty horrible things to her? If your answer to that is "yes, he's said and done some pretty horrible things to her" then I think you need to stop with this "She was asking for it" defense. You're really not helping at all. If your answer to that is "No, he's done nothing wrong" then you are completely mistaken and you need to take another look at your extremely harmful opinions and reconsider posting them at vulnerable people who might actually believe you. 1
Thegameoflife Posted May 30, 2013 Posted May 30, 2013 Why on earth are you so hellbent on defending this guy and assigning all the blame to her and her "issues"? Can you not agree that he's said and done some pretty horrible things to her? If your answer to that is "yes, he's said and done some pretty horrible things to her" then I think you need to stop with this "She was asking for it" defense. You're really not helping at all. If your answer to that is "No, he's done nothing wrong" then you are completely mistaken and you need to take another look at your extremely harmful opinions and reconsider posting them at vulnerable people who might actually believe you. I'm not defending him. I'm not assigning blame either. I feel that she has vulnerabilities that made her susceptible to the situation. The guy is an *******, and she should leave. However, she should assess and seek help for her issues as well.
Almond_Joy Posted May 31, 2013 Posted May 31, 2013 I'm not defending him. I'm not assigning blame either. I feel that she has vulnerabilities that made her susceptible to the situation. The guy is an *******, and she should leave. However, she should assess and seek help for her issues as well. I don't see that anybody said Jane and her frame of mind are fine and dandy. But that is not the problem that needs immediate action. She needs to get out of the environment she's in so that she has the space and support to focus on herself. She can't do that effectively when she stays with this guy. 1
Els Posted June 1, 2013 Posted June 1, 2013 I'm not defending him. I'm not assigning blame either. I feel that she has vulnerabilities that made her susceptible to the situation. The guy is an *******, and she should leave. However, she should assess and seek help for her issues as well. Glad we can finally agree on something. I don't think anyone thinks that she doesn't need to work on anything. Of course she does. The first step towards working on her issues needs to be LEAVING THE ABUSIVE SOURCE, though. Which your comments about it maybe being partially her fault and him not actually being abusive because she didn't protest... are really not helping towards.
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