I need

[Mommabear319]

I am new to the forum and I need help. About 8 months ago my husband and I decided we wanted to move to another state. The only possible way was for me to come down first and after the house sold he would join.

 

Well the first 2 months were fine. But he came down in March. He told me he had a problem. He has a sex addiction and he wanted to ask me for permission. He said what happens in Nebraska will stay there and once he comes down he will stop. Me being a good wife gave him the go ahead. I thought 2 things. One I wanted him to get whatever he needed out of his system and not have any regrets and number 2 I didn't honestly believe it would happen. Plus I thought how bad could it hurt. It's just sex.

 

Well 2 weeks after he went back he wanted to go to the casino and party and stay the night. This isn't his style but I thought maybe he would take his buddy Josh. Well he said josh had something going on and couldn't make it. My senses went into high alert. I realized he had found someone already. He always calls me and puts me in his pocket. He didn't this night and things just didn't add up.

 

Well 2 nights later he was going to a Willy Nelson concert and had bought two tickets. Again not calling me and he said josh couldn't go. So I asked him about the ticket and he said he would just sell it. I called down to the box office and both tickets were used. Then he told me he sold it for $20.

 

The next morning I decided to figure out his email password to be nosy. Well there it was. A picture of the girl. Not just any girl but his buddies ex fiancé. A girl I had met once a had a weird feeling about. I was devastated. I didn't know what to do. Do I tell him or just see how much he would lie about it. Well I broke down and told him. He admitted it was her and I need to not say anything to anyone. I understood. He explained it was a game and had to be dealt with very carefully.

 

Well we decided to be a little more open about it and I would ask a lot of questions. In didn't want to know anything sexual because I felt that would just kill me. I started feeling crazy. That's all I ever wanted to talk about. I couldn't eat. I couldn't sleep. My world was crashing around me. Every time I told him how I felt it was like he didn't want to hear it and feel guilty. He asked me a couple of times if I wanted him to stop but I told him no. So one day I took an anxiety pill on an empty stomach and that made me feel worse than crap. I was skyping him and just started balling and told him to quit with her. He got real defensive and then all of a sudden he said ok in a nonchalant voice. I told him I needed proof. He got even more defensive and finally I caved and told him to do what he wants.

 

Now let me back up a little. We have been married for 10 years. He has never once done this but we have never been a day a part until now.

 

Well he found a farm back home he wanted to buy. We talked about it and we agreed I would come back. After 5 months of hell and losing 30 pounds in 2 months I'm going back. I had eventually caved to him by telling him he could quit with her when he was ready. I couldn't figure out why he was so into her.

 

About 3 weeks ago I went back up and saw him. I hadn't seem him since the agreement. We sat down and had a talk about something's. well I found out the whole reason he wanted the permission was because of her. That was good and bad. Good because I knew he wasn't out messing around with 100 woman. But bad because I'm pretty sure there is an emotional affair going on.

 

That first night was so bad. He was so cold. He wiped out a condem. We had never used a condem a day in our marriage. I asked him what that was for and he said he wanted to take precautions. He said he didn't want me to get pregnant. I asked him why he had condemns and he admitted he had a stash. He told me I should be happy he wasn't out taking risks. So that was pretty much realization he was having sex.

 

The next night was very different. He almost acted as though he felt bad. But then the next day I had to fly back. So it never gave him time to adjust to me being back.

 

One more thing and then I'll get to my question. There have been several instances he has gotten really mad at her and it seems as though things are done but something always works out for her.

 

I'm moving back in 2 weeks and I'm nervous. I gave him the option to stop when he thinks its right but I can't keep feeling this way. I had to promise him I wouldn't give him a hard time about going out with her if he wants when I'm back. Oh and he hasn't told his friend and she thinks we are separated. He is a really great husband. I'm just thinking he fell off the band wagon and when I come back things will change. I just need some advice or if anyone has any experiences. I'm just lost!!!