barrelwave Posted May 23, 2013 Share Posted May 23, 2013 Virtual hugs for everyone! Link to post Share on other sites
Axee Posted May 23, 2013 Share Posted May 23, 2013 This is really encouraging. Feels very good to hear about success stories. Congrats !!! Link to post Share on other sites
youngnlove89 Posted May 23, 2013 Share Posted May 23, 2013 I am scared that this thread is giving false hope to all the heartbreak lurkers on here. Let's keep in mind that this happens very rarely. Although, I am entirely happy for the OP, it doesn't mean this will happen to you. She was the exception. Most of us are the rule. Asking questions, getting answers, isn't going to be the cure-all of your ill filled heart. It isn't going to be the dire anecdote we are all looking for. Your ex's are not coming back. They won't change. And NC isn't a tool to use against them. You can not plan a course of action based on what the OP has gone through. You can follow VERBATIM what she has done, and I guarantee you it won't work for you. I'm not your ex's, I can't gamble what will happen, I can't read off a crystal ball, play tarot cards, or read minds...but I am living in reality. And reality is just that: Accepting what has already happened and what will not happen. Feeding off the OP's miracle, will only lead you to crash and burn when you sadly find out that this does not happen to everyone. Put your feet back on the ground. Get back on balance. Repeat: We are not the exception, we are the rule. Link to post Share on other sites
Mme. Chaucer Posted May 23, 2013 Share Posted May 23, 2013 I am scared that this thread is giving false hope to all the heartbreak lurkers on here. Let's keep in mind that this happens very rarely. Although, I am entirely happy for the OP, it doesn't mean this will happen to you. She was the exception. Most of us are the rule. At the same time, notice that the OP really did take her steps towards healing and emotionally moving on. I don't claim to read her mind, but I believe that she really thought that this was over. She accepted that where he was at and where she was at were not the same, and therefore the relationship had to end. She accepted all this. And she was not in contact. The man evidently had a revelation about what he wanted in his life as far as relationships go, and chose to take the steps necessary to move towards that. Independently of her influence. CONGRATULATIONS. I LOVE YOUR LOVE STORY! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author kiss_andmakeup Posted May 23, 2013 Author Share Posted May 23, 2013 I am scared that this thread is giving false hope to all the heartbreak lurkers on here. Let's keep in mind that this happens very rarely. Although, I am entirely happy for the OP, it doesn't mean this will happen to you. She was the exception. Most of us are the rule. Asking questions, getting answers, isn't going to be the cure-all of your ill filled heart. It isn't going to be the dire anecdote we are all looking for. Your ex's are not coming back. They won't change. And NC isn't a tool to use against them. You can not plan a course of action based on what the OP has gone through. You can follow VERBATIM what she has done, and I guarantee you it won't work for you. I'm not your ex's, I can't gamble what will happen, I can't read off a crystal ball, play tarot cards, or read minds...but I am living in reality. And reality is just that: Accepting what has already happened and what will not happen. Feeding off the OP's miracle, will only lead you to crash and burn when you sadly find out that this does not happen to everyone. Put your feet back on the ground. Get back on balance. Repeat: We are not the exception, we are the rule. Yeah, I realized that might be the case after I posted it and some of the responses/questions I got. Obviously, it was not my intention. And I definitely didn't post it with the underlying message being "go NC and your ex will come back to you." Hopefully people realize that's not how it works. I went NC because it was the only way for me to try and move on from the hurt as quickly and as emotionally/mentally intact as possible. I had never imagined that we'd be back together, let alone on the track to marriage. I had dropped the hope completely. At the same time, notice that the OP really did take her steps towards healing and emotionally moving on. I don't claim to read her mind, but I believe that she really thought that this was over. She accepted that where he was at and where she was at were not the same, and therefore the relationship had to end. She accepted all this. And she was not in contact. The man evidently had a revelation about what he wanted in his life as far as relationships go, and chose to take the steps necessary to move towards that. Independently of her influence. CONGRATULATIONS. I LOVE YOUR LOVE STORY! Thank you!! Link to post Share on other sites
travelonic Posted May 24, 2013 Share Posted May 24, 2013 I am scared that this thread is giving false hope to all the heartbreak lurkers on here. I am of the believe that there is no such thing - false certainty, false expectations yes - stemming from misplacing any hope you have, but hope is neither true nor false, it just is. Heh, too early in the AM for philosophical, existential rants. Let's keep in mind that this happens very rarely. But, as I have asked on other threads, what proof do we have that this is "very rare" versus just plain "rare" versus being "very uncommon"? Until we have any quantifiable data, we can't possibly declare the rarity with any sort of accuracy - between the factors involved in the breakup, the why, the people, and the stories told versus those we have yet to actually hear, there is a lot that goes into the chance coming in the first place, and if that chance does come knocking, further factors that determine if it is going to succeed - or is doomed to fail. It seems like rarity should be determined if anything based on factors than some arbitrary blanketing.... but it's 3AM where I am, what he hell am I doing rambling on here? Link to post Share on other sites
OwlSoul Posted May 24, 2013 Share Posted May 24, 2013 I've been reading the forum for like 4 months, I think. It looks like that 1 out of 15-20 people posting gets back with their ex eventually (well, there might be others who got back with their ex and did not post). Which is something like 5-7% сhance? I'd like to think if there are really people not posting, the chance might be 15%-20%. Link to post Share on other sites
Author kiss_andmakeup Posted January 24, 2014 Author Share Posted January 24, 2014 Just posting to update, for those who requested it. We're living together and it's going splendidly! We also are planning our wedding - date is set for November 15th of this year! I'm so ridiculously excited...and so is he!! The relationship has done a complete 180 from the way it was before we split. We're open books now and talk about everything - and he is so committed and dedicated. It's been amazing to be a part of. I never would have guessed I'd be here a year ago! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jphcbpa Posted January 24, 2014 Share Posted January 24, 2014 What is so great is that he got and is getting help, working on HIS issues. This is real love and trust. You can trust him that the connection is strong enough to work past being uncomfortable. This will only make you both stronger as individuals and as a couple. You guys will hit other bumps in the road in the future and you will always have this moment to refer back to and push forward. So f'ing beautiful! Link to post Share on other sites
jphcbpa Posted January 24, 2014 Share Posted January 24, 2014 when he came back and admitted he made a mistake, how did he do this and what was said? how did you know he was serious and not just breadcrumbs? how did you respond? Link to post Share on other sites
Author kiss_andmakeup Posted January 24, 2014 Author Share Posted January 24, 2014 when he came back and admitted he made a mistake, how did he do this and what was said? how did you know he was serious and not just breadcrumbs? how did you respond? Hi there, I think I actually answered a similar question in another post: Hi Kobe! Well, despite our disagreements and initial incompatibilities in our relationship, my boyfriend had never deceived me or mislead me about things. He never sugar-coated anything or promised things he couldn't deliver. When I would ask him about his feelings about living together and marriage, he was honest about his doubts and the fact that he's never been sure if he wanted those things. So when he contacted me and told me he realized he'd made a huge mistake and that he does want those things, it was believable. He had never lied to me about it before, even when our relationship was on the line, so why would he choose to lie about it now? His actions also played a big part in my faith in him - his seeking out professional help, particularly. He's a very proud man so the idea of seeing a psychologist or a therapist used to be out of the question for him. To me, this was an indication of his change for the better. Finally, this is going to sound silly, but even just his tone was noticeably different. He talked more openly about his feelings about me, and welcomed my feelings with open arms. Our relationship had previously always felt like there was an invisible "wall" up and there were certain things we couldn't talk about - that wall was visibly coming down when he contacted me, and is practically gone now. Sorry for the long response. Hopefully it helps in some way! Link to post Share on other sites
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