WanderedOff Posted May 21, 2013 Share Posted May 21, 2013 This is probably a letter written many times, but I needed to do this. Thanks for reading... Dear MM, Today is my birthday and even though I saw you on Friday, I reminded you that my birthday was on Monday, AND I called you to give you the opportunity to wish me a "Happy Birthday"...1 hour and 14 minutes left in today...and I'm pretty sure I'm going to be disappointed. If you are trying to tell me something in your cowardly way, well I get the picture...LOUD and CLEAR. Maybe life is teaching me a lesson...The "soulmate" crap that both psychics have told me are a lesson...I mean, I think I'm disappointed that you didn't wish me a "Happy Birthday", well, I'm sure that the disappointment I feel will be NOTHING compared to what your W will be feeling if she finds out that more than half the time you've been M, I've been in the picture. My disappointment will be NOTHING compared to what your kids, family, friends, etc. will feel...I've been reflecting on the past twelve years over the past couple of days and since I've known you, I haven't been myself. THIS person I've become since knowing you is NOT who I am. I've become this "homewrecking", cheating, (for lack of better words), whore...my faith has been tested and I've gone against all the morals and values that I've been taught. I've committed A, I've gone to a psychic (more than once), I've lied to those I've loved, I've F#@Ked you in cheap, crappy hotel rooms...FOR WHAT?!?! Thank you for not calling me today and opening up my eyes. Although I may NEVER get closure. I may NEVER know what your intentions were. I may NEVER know what you REALLY felt. It's okay. Because I know that I'm ashamed of myself and THIS person that I am...It's NOT me. I REALLY wish sometimes I could turn back time an not pick up the phone this past January...I had already come to terms that I would probably not hear from you anymore. I had stopped holding my breath that every "unknown" call was you. But now, here I am again...back at square one. What gave YOU the right to think that you could just waltz back in my life and shake it all up?!?! Thank you for the lessons you have taught me. Thank you for making me realize that I've become a person I loathe. Thank you for making me realize that I need to LOVE myself. Now, please...just stay away. I'm DONE with you. In the words of PINK: "...I think that life's too short for this, I want back my ignorance and bliss, I think I've had enough of this, blow me one last kiss...":mad: 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Goodbye Posted May 21, 2013 Share Posted May 21, 2013 I'm sorry. Happy Birthday. I hope you did something nice for yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Lillyfree Posted May 21, 2013 Share Posted May 21, 2013 What gave YOU the right to think that you could just waltz back in my life and shake it all up?!?! you did. Thank you for the lessons you have taught me. Thank you for making me realize that I've become a person I loathe. Thank you for making me realize that I need to LOVE myself. Now, please...just stay away. I'm DONE with you. focus more on this and less on the fact he forgot your birthday. is that the main reason why you're finished with him? and... all the threats about his wife and kids... are a bit bunny-boilerish. you've both consciously carried on an affair. whatever happened is because both of you allowed it to happen. his wife and his kids are innocents in all this. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author WanderedOff Posted May 21, 2013 Author Share Posted May 21, 2013 They weren't threats to his wife and kids... it was more like I was hurt... and my hurt is NOTHING compared to what they would feel. I'd NEVER tell them. I've learned many things and reflected the past couple of days. I don't like this person I've become.... it's going full be hard... yes, 12 years off and on...I know it won't be easy... but I NEED to do this. I need to look in the mirror each morning and love the reflection...right now I hate what I see... Link to post Share on other sites
Author WanderedOff Posted May 21, 2013 Author Share Posted May 21, 2013 I'm sorry. Happy Birthday. I hope you did something nice for yourself. Yes, I did! I went out with friends and surrounded myself with those can love me in public! =) 2 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted May 21, 2013 Share Posted May 21, 2013 (edited) They weren't threats to his wife and kids... it was more like I was hurt... and my hurt is NOTHING compared to what they would feel. I'd NEVER tell them. I've learned many things and reflected the past couple of days. I don't like this person I've become.... it's going full be hard... yes, 12 years off and on...I know it won't be easy... but I NEED to do this. I need to look in the mirror each morning and love the reflection...right now I hate what I see... Then this should be enough to make you never want to hear from him again, and tell him to frig off if he tries to contract you and/or restart the A. You change your numbers, email, instant messaging - Block ALL ways for him to reach out to you, make it impossible for him to contact you. You don't like who you've become, take total control back and work on you, become the person you're meant to be again. Use this anger to push you forward after you grieve the loss. Right now you're pissed off but once that wears off, you could "miss" him and go backwards. Make yourself accountable! Make a promise to yourself that you will NEVER have him in your life again and mean it. Realize you wasted 12 years of your precious life with someone who already had a wife. That you were not a high priority on his list anymore, hense him purposely not saying happy bday to you. Yes, he did that on purpose. You know it, he knows it and I'm betting he did that intentionally to push you over the edge, get you mad enough so you'd be the one to totally end it once and for all. Heal well and be happy in life, never look back. Oh and happy belated birthday! Edited May 21, 2013 by whichwayisup 3 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted May 21, 2013 Share Posted May 21, 2013 Letter to Other Woman, My husband and I met 10 years ago. I was paying to fill my car up with gasoline, and there he was doing the same. Funny way to meet your love, eh? When I married him, I stared into his beautiful green eyes, thanking the Lord for what he gave me: A man that is strong, sweet, and caring. As years went by, our love stayed strong. We had children together, laughed together, and loved together. I enjoyed cooking for him, cleaning for him, and even the occasional back rub. He was my man. All of this changed when he started his affair with you. His personality changed, temper grew, became distant, and aloof. I suspected, but I didn't want to think it possible, so I drowned myself in denial. Finding out about his affair through a friend .. I just didn't want to believe it. Eventually the truth came out, and he confessed. I screamed, cried, and fell to the floor, writhing in pain. I chewed on the carpet like the dog I felt like. My head was stabbing inside. I couldn't even feel or move the left half of my face. Every day I woke up dead inside. I could grab the knife in the kitchen and continually stab at the table until I would "accidentally" hit my palm to see the blood spilling out. And I would do this every day for weeks. My heart was twisting, my forehead banging on the wall. I screamed but no one could hear me. Even after all of this, I chose to give him another chance. ONE more chance. It's been years since, and even though our love has grown stronger, and I've forgiven him, the images that I keep trying to forget don't leave. I try to stay strong, do my duty as a mother and wife, but deep in the back of my head are images that make me nauseous. It's a feeling that haunts me when I sleep, when I wake up, when I eat, and when I'm intimate with my husband. Sometimes, I get hallucinations, and start talking to myself. I see can see the blood on the wall creep down. It's my pain, because I feel dead. I read your thread, though I am a bit confused, you say you were the one who had the A and your H divorced you. All I can say is, please seek counseling because life is too short to hang onto all this. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Goodbye Posted May 21, 2013 Share Posted May 21, 2013 Yes, I did! I went out with friends and surrounded myself with those can love me in public! =) Good, good. This is really the best thing you can do. I think it will take a long time to heal from a 12 year affair, but you can and you know how. You deserve to be with "people who can love you in public." Link to post Share on other sites
Goodbye Posted May 21, 2013 Share Posted May 21, 2013 Letter to Other Woman, My husband and I met 10 years ago. I was paying to fill my car up with gasoline, and there he was doing the same. Funny way to meet your love, eh? When I married him, I stared into his beautiful green eyes, thanking the Lord for what he gave me: A man that is strong, sweet, and caring. As years went by, our love stayed strong. We had children together, laughed together, and loved together. I enjoyed cooking for him, cleaning for him, and even the occasional back rub. He was my man. All of this changed when he started his affair with you. His personality changed, temper grew, became distant, and aloof. I suspected, but I didn't want to think it possible, so I drowned myself in denial. Finding out about his affair through a friend .. I just didn't want to believe it. Eventually the truth came out, and he confessed. I screamed, cried, and fell to the floor, writhing in pain. I chewed on the carpet like the dog I felt like. My head was stabbing inside. I couldn't even feel or move the left half of my face. Every day I woke up dead inside. I could grab the knife in the kitchen and continually stab at the table until I would "accidentally" hit my palm to see the blood spilling out. And I would do this every day for weeks. My heart was twisting, my forehead banging on the wall. I screamed but no one could hear me. Even after all of this, I chose to give him another chance. ONE more chance. It's been years since, and even though our love has grown stronger, and I've forgiven him, the images that I keep trying to forget don't leave. I try to stay strong, do my duty as a mother and wife, but deep in the back of my head are images that make me nauseous. It's a feeling that haunts me when I sleep, when I wake up, when I eat, and when I'm intimate with my husband. Sometimes, I get hallucinations, and start talking to myself. I see can see the blood on the wall creep down. It's my pain, because I feel dead. Why did you post this here? On an OW's thread about her disappointing birthday? Your post is extremely disturbing. As in...you should be in a hospital type of disturbing. I hope you get help. You need a lot more than a discussion messageboard to work through this kind of anger. Good luck. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
DelusionalOne Posted May 21, 2013 Share Posted May 21, 2013 WanderedOff I hope you had a great birthday in spite of MM disappointing behavior. Link to post Share on other sites
DelusionalOne Posted May 21, 2013 Share Posted May 21, 2013 Letter to Other Woman, My husband and I met 10 years ago. I was paying to fill my car up with gasoline, and there he was doing the same. Funny way to meet your love, eh? When I married him, I stared into his beautiful green eyes, thanking the Lord for what he gave me: A man that is strong, sweet, and caring. As years went by, our love stayed strong. We had children together, laughed together, and loved together. I enjoyed cooking for him, cleaning for him, and even the occasional back rub. He was my man. All of this changed when he started his affair with you. His personality changed, temper grew, became distant, and aloof. I suspected, but I didn't want to think it possible, so I drowned myself in denial. Finding out about his affair through a friend .. I just didn't want to believe it. Eventually the truth came out, and he confessed. I screamed, cried, and fell to the floor, writhing in pain. I chewed on the carpet like the dog I felt like. My head was stabbing inside. I couldn't even feel or move the left half of my face. Every day I woke up dead inside. I could grab the knife in the kitchen and continually stab at the table until I would "accidentally" hit my palm to see the blood spilling out. And I would do this every day for weeks. My heart was twisting, my forehead banging on the wall. I screamed but no one could hear me. Even after all of this, I chose to give him another chance. ONE more chance. It's been years since, and even though our love has grown stronger, and I've forgiven him, the images that I keep trying to forget don't leave. I try to stay strong, do my duty as a mother and wife, but deep in the back of my head are images that make me nauseous. It's a feeling that haunts me when I sleep, when I wake up, when I eat, and when I'm intimate with my husband. Sometimes, I get hallucinations, and start talking to myself. I see can see the blood on the wall creep down. It's my pain, because I feel dead. Yeah... disturbing but I'm not so sure about this. Read this persons other posts... Link to post Share on other sites
Author WanderedOff Posted May 21, 2013 Author Share Posted May 21, 2013 Thanks for the replies and support, all. Today is a new day and it's time to put the past behind. I know it will be hard and just like anyother "addiction", I won't kid myself, I know I'll have some set backs. Too bad there isn't a CA (cheaters anonymous) out there that people can attend, but then again...I guess that would be a bad thing because then maybe people would just start sleeping with eachother there! That was a joke! Haha...sarcasm is my coping skill. THANKS! For the birthday wishes as well. I did have a good birthday and although I did vent towards the end of the night, I did not let HIM ruin everything. Link to post Share on other sites
Author WanderedOff Posted May 21, 2013 Author Share Posted May 21, 2013 Oh, and it's not my letter. Just a dumbed down version of one I read a while back. Helped me put things in perspective. Hey Sadperson. I didn't mind you putting the letter in here. I think I got what you were doing. ...THAT kind of pain is something that I don't want to cause. While some would argue I already have...I would like to think that she isn't feeling that pain yet cause she hasn't found out... I'm getting off this rollercoaster ride now before anyone finds out. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
waterwoman Posted May 21, 2013 Share Posted May 21, 2013 I confess I was in a mess on dday but thankfully I never felt the need to chew the carpet We have 3 cats and a dog! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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