Haunani Posted October 8, 2004 Share Posted October 8, 2004 Lover, *Forgiveness is a powerful thing* ........ all I have to say to you dear child is that you have a lot to learn about it. Viv - for you, I'm proud of the steps you are taking. Don't take 2 steps forward 3 steps back, keep up what your doing. Regardless of what others think, you are doing what you should be doing - *Tough Love*. It isn't easy, and nobody said parenting is an easy job, it doesn't come with a manual. I don't agree on many statements that were said here, but you can take what you like, and throw out the rest. That you are doing dear Woman, is definately in the right direction. Like I said, *Forgiveness is a powerful thing*, when everyone learns to forgive, the tension and atmosphere of being *in sync* is such a wonderful feeling, and you are on your way there. It won't be easy, she (your daughter) harbors anger and resentment towards you, that's fine, she can be pissed off all she wants, keep YOUR cool, YOUR temperment, and don't let her know that her temper tantrums are getting to you. You are still her mother, she still lives in YOUR house, she still has RULES to abide to, and you owe her nothing more than your unconditional love as well as respect back. Don't fall into the trap of *if she doesn't give me, then you won't give her*, and thereby going back full circle. "Throughout your journey there will be setbacks, there will be pain, there will be disappointment, but there will also be change. Stay committed to facilitating that change. It is not enough to have some sort of *desire* or *hope* that you will develop a better relationship. You must be willing to reach down and find that long-hidden hunger for excellence that lurks somewhere inside you, and then you must be willing to unleash it. You must take a stand that you are going to defy the odds, defy the conventional wisdom that has failed you so miserably. Set this personal standard for yourself from the very beginning. Adopt a philosphy of passion that says *I will not quit*. Never forget, this life is your only shot, you must be willing to reach for what you want and reach right now. And if you are willing to settle for less, then that is exactly what you will get. You have to work on this untl you have what you want, it took a good while to get things this way, so give yourself equal time to the the relationship right.......... *Dr. Phil - Relationship Rescue*. Link to post Share on other sites
Author VivianLee Posted October 9, 2004 Author Share Posted October 9, 2004 Thanks again for your support (Moose and Haunani) and others!! I wish I'd brought this up sooner (I just didn't like people knowing this side of her, even if y'all don't truly know me), y'all have given me so much insight and so many good ideas AND THEY ARE WORKING!! I can see subtle changes in her attitude, she is starting to realize who is the parent and who is the child!! Now for loveregardless, that may sound selfish and cruel BUT without being a parent, people don't realize that with that parental control and respect comes safety and good will for that child that we love so much. When I see her being humble, obedient and listening to me, I see her also listening to me about not speeding, drinking and driving, taking drugs or particpating in dangerous sexual behavior. Yes when she listens and doesn't say hateful things, it is better for me BUT not just because it hurts to hear these things for a solid 4 years BUT it means she is keeping a bitter and hurtful plus disrespectful attitude that does nothing but harm her. I hope this weekend at church camp will bring even more positive things into her life!! She has to work for about 5 hours today and we are going to go by and eat where she works. She likes things like that so that will be a surprise for her, plus we'll be in a neutral atmosphere where "all gloves are off" and we can enjoy each other as a family!! Thanks again y'all!! I'll keep you updated! She's out for Fall break next week so we will be together a good bit, that should be the true test!! Link to post Share on other sites
Haunani Posted October 9, 2004 Share Posted October 9, 2004 Good for you Viv, remember too, a sense of humor goes a long way Stay focused.........Aloha, Link to post Share on other sites
Elmo Posted October 10, 2004 Share Posted October 10, 2004 Loveregardless.... Well, I came onto this thread late, but read everything. First of all, you do sound rather bitter. And entitled. These are not attractive qualities in adults. Secondly, everyone judges other people: by their actions and their words, even the way they dress. It's a fact of life. Maybe people try to be Christlike and TRY not to judge, but I've met very few that did a very good job of it. Fighting human nature, I think. Also, I think "temper tantrum" is an apt way of describing Viv's daughters displays. The bipolar diagnosis, frankly IS an excuse for bad behavior sometimes. It has become so overdiagnosed it is getting ridiculous. I do believe in the reality of mental illness, but the watering down of manic depression is just amazing. Now, for a diagnosis they have broken it down to Bipolar, I, II and III...you don't even have to show true manic behavior. And yes, I am in the mental health field so I have experience seeing kids/teens who are behaving badly, sometimes due to an upsetting event in their lives, who are acting out with TEMPER TANTRUMS, sent off to a psych for a 45minute session and leave with a load of drugs. They also come away (in the vast majority of cases) with a label to blame all their problems and shortcommings on and a victim mentality to boot. I think Viv has made mistakes, she admits them and is trying to keep her marriage together. Her daughter needs to show her parents enough respect for everyone to co-exist in that household. And at 17....if she chooses not to, she should find herself a new home and a better situation. I have no children, but this seems very clear to me. And, yes, I had a rough childhood, was sad that it was not easier, but instead of being a victim, I moved out, payed my own way and created the kind of life I wanted. I don't mean to sound harsh, but the world is going to show you an effective but hard lesson if you ever have to work for anyone other than your Dad. Nobody in the business world will care if you have a diagnosis of bipolar disorder, nor will the be remotely interested in your voyant abilities. Link to post Share on other sites
Author VivianLee Posted October 11, 2004 Author Share Posted October 11, 2004 The weekend went very well, although we were barely around her. She was at work or church camp from Friday till Sunday night.... She had a little bit of "uncalled for" attitude creep in last night when the phone rang. She was expecting a call and couldn't find the phone. I helped her look for it as it was ringing and by the time I found it, it had stopped. She snatched the phone from my hands and was like "My god, Mama can't you answer a phone?" (that's how bad things had gotten, she would NIT PICK about me as if I were her lap dog)!! She basically pushed me out of her way as she headed to her room to call the person back.... I was furious!!! It just flew all over me (and has been flying all over me)!! I do not want to be treated this way, by a 17 year old, in my house and in front of her company!! I was cussing mad (just got home from church too )....I went outside to calm down. Then I came back in, disconnected the phone (it's portable) which in turn caused her to come out of her room. I told her to "come here", I calmly told her that she would NOT finish her phone call or talk on the phone till she apologized for how she acted and realize that she will NEVER act that way towards me about the phone (this is not the first time she's acted that way) or anything else again!! She immediately apologized (without one fuss) and seemed to be truly sorry! I told her she could call her friend back.... Sooooo.....major and little things are improving!! I know her issues will take a while to work out but at least we can get a grip on the bratty part of her attitude...I can't stand that part and I won't put up with it!! Okay, she is out for Fall Break and is snoozing! So I think I will for a while also!! Again between the venting and the advice....things have come a long way and there is actually a light at the end of the tunnel!! Link to post Share on other sites
Elmo Posted October 11, 2004 Share Posted October 11, 2004 Viv! Good job with this new way of getting the respect you deserve from you daughter. Sounds like she is a fast learner (ha!). I am rooting for you. Who hasn't made mistakes in their life? What did Oprah say....when you knew better, you did better. I'm not an Oprah fanatic, but it is a good quote! Here is some more info for you. There is an address on the web...it is conductdisorders.com. It is a place that was set up for parents to talk about their EXTREMELY out of control children and adult children. Now, I don't believe that most out of control kids have mental illness or these new things called conduct disorders. However, some do...and I really feel for those parents. Anyway, I don't think your daughter has this "problem"...but you can still learn SO much from these Moms. Start first with the FAQ page. Learn about DETACHMENT! I feel it will be the key to get your family back on a healthy, happy track. Link to post Share on other sites
loveregardless Posted October 11, 2004 Share Posted October 11, 2004 Vivian good luck with everything, I really do want everything to work out for you. Anyone and everyone else...you have no idea who I am or what my life is like so stop commenting on it. Elmo...you have no idea how much I have worked to earn my own money since the day I was 16 and even before then babysitting...the amount of volunteer work I have done...and the amount of experience I have all on my own in the psychiatric field...as a patient and a student. You think I care what the rest of the world will or will not accept about me? I am exactly the person I am supposed to be...I am 100% true to myself above all else and I should in no way be forced to change or hide myself for anyone...I don't know why any of you got the impression that I am somehow unproductive...or whatever it is you think...but not only do I have an extensive resume if you would like a copy but I also started attending college when I was 16 and graduated high school with a 3.98 and half a semester under my belt...from now on, please leave my name out of your responses. If my opinion is not wanted or appreciated, that is of no matter to me, but I would appreciate if no further comments would be made about my personality, my disorder, my method of thinking or my personal life....especially since the ones being made, oddly enough, are childish, judgemental and completely untrue... Link to post Share on other sites
Moose Posted October 11, 2004 Share Posted October 11, 2004 Viv, A word of caution if you'll let me......that was a dangerous thing to disconnect the phone while she was in the middle of a conversation. That could've sparked a heated arguement......I know that you went out to calm down and that should've done the trick, and it sounds like it just about did. Personally, I would've walked into the room she was at and would've told her to find a stopping point in here conversation, that I needed to talk to her a sec. Then I would've told her exactley what you did. I just thought I'd tell you that, looks like things are taking a good turn for you!!! Just remember, she's starting to show you some levels of respect, in turn, you need to remember that you need to reward her with the same amount. That's the only way this will work. Cutting her off in the middle of a conversation is like bringing yourself down to the level she was at before we began this. Sorry if it sounded like I was telling you how to do this. Just a little more help. Moose Link to post Share on other sites
Author VivianLee Posted October 11, 2004 Author Share Posted October 11, 2004 Originally posted by Moose Viv, A word of caution if you'll let me......that was a dangerous thing to disconnect the phone while she was in the middle of a conversation. That could've sparked a heated arguement......I know that you went out to calm down and that should've done the trick, and it sounds like it just about did. Personally, I would've walked into the room she was at and would've told her to find a stopping point in here conversation, that I needed to talk to her a sec. Then I would've told her exactley what you did. I just thought I'd tell you that, looks like things are taking a good turn for you!!! Just remember, she's starting to show you some levels of respect, in turn, you need to remember that you need to reward her with the same amount. That's the only way this will work. Cutting her off in the middle of a conversation is like bringing yourself down to the level she was at before we began this. Sorry if it sounded like I was telling you how to do this. Just a little more help. Moose Ohhhh....I should have clarified...she was in her room when it disconnected.....she came out because of it (as I knew she would) but she thought the other person hung up on her (by accident )......I was just so angry I was like I'll be danged if she has this convo BUT I knew it would spark a huge fight so I disconnected her, almost broke my neck getting away from the phone (the dog decided to lick my leg) so she wouldn't know I did it.... I may have been having a childish moment myself but whatever it was, she came out of her room, we addressed the situation and then she was allowed to call the person back.... Personally, I would've walked into the room she was at and would've told her to find a stopping point in here conversation, that I needed to talk to her a sec. Then I would've told her exactley what you did. That's what I will do if there is a next time.....I was having a weak moment after a day of church and being the calm and none complaining, always smiling (which is pretty easy among our congregation) minister's wife, going to my parent's (love em but that's a whole 'nother thread) and going to the nursing home with them to visit my grandmother while my hyper/ADD mother flutters around "fixing my grandma and her room mate" plus driving andhour to church and back AND having my monthly.....I was just having an immature and frustrated moment.....it felt childishly good to disconnect..... ....yep loveregardless.....it felt good and yep I was being childish....and I probably will act childish again in some capacity... BUT Moose you are correct, next time after a cooling period, I will handle it differenly no matter what the day has been....I totally see where it would be better!! Link to post Share on other sites
Haunani Posted October 11, 2004 Share Posted October 11, 2004 I think she's gettin' it Yeah Viv, hey there are going to be setbacks, no doubt, but you have to remember she is *trying*, and give her credit where credit it due. Remember: Find the humor ......... so much easier to deal with sometimes. Like the phone conversation you had, mine would have gone like this: *Mama you can't answer the phone.....blah blah blah*. (or whatever she said)...I would have said........ *Hmm.....the phone? Dang, Oh right.......answer it? Oh I thought we were playing hiding go seek or something.. oh sorry dear, I'll be quicker (snap) next time promise, can you tell your friend to call back, and we'll try that again* Love love love..........smile smirk. But that's just my opinion. Esp if I knew she was trying.......... Good Job Viv, yoga and meditation also help when you need to *get away*........ ~H Link to post Share on other sites
Swanny Posted October 12, 2004 Share Posted October 12, 2004 i havent really been bothered to read all the reply's but i do have 1 theory why she would be doing this... ever thought of the church? maybe she is against it and if u r a very religous family than maybe she is rebelling against that? im sure if u love ur daughter more u would give up the church going thing. its just a thought, but thats pretty much how i acted when my mother was going to church and she would drag me along with her. Without the random abuse. good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Author VivianLee Posted October 12, 2004 Author Share Posted October 12, 2004 Haunani, My husband, daughter and I have immense sense of humor....kinda twisted and black sometimes though! But that's good advice for people that may tend to be more intense and too serious!! On the way to church Sunday, she was still at church camp having services. My husband all of the sudden said; "Hummm....we're missing something....OH.....I remember!!" "You're not fair!" "I'm 17!" "Stop telling me what to do!" Then he stopped and said; "Okay things are normal now!" I laughed till I cried!! We were actually having a peaceful Sunday morning!! Plus, we take a light take on things with her. Sunday was just a "weak" day for me!! Swanny You're observation is good! However, my daughter LOVES church!! She gets upset when she's too sick to attend!! She and her friends seek out different "church oriented" things to attend. She is a normal teen as in wanting to try things and rebel BUT she truly loves religious activities, she always has. She just hates getting up early for ANYTHING!! We live an hour away from where we attend so it's prudent she uses her time wisely to get ready and get there on time. She will get up too late, then take her time petting the dog or watching TV.....then won't understand when we leave her. Now that she has her own car, she drives to church on her own (and is terribly late). Of course, she's late for school and for many other things, church is just one of the many.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author VivianLee Posted October 18, 2004 Author Share Posted October 18, 2004 Update: The attitude has improved ALOT.....but this week she had to confess some things to us due to the fact that her ex-buddy's parents found out some things she and her buddy had done this winter. It involved alcohol and reckless behavior (the buddy's father and aunt bought the alcohol and her mother whose is divorced from the daddy wanted our daughter to testify about this and have the man arrested so the mother could get full custody of her daughter.....this is the third adult to buy alcohol for our child, the other a church member. We didn't press charges on the church member) anyway, with alcoholism being an occuring theme in my hubby's family (both parent's, aunt, uncle, brother and grandfather) and in mine (grandfather and aunts and uncles) this upsets us and scares us. The driving is even more terrifying because sober she wrecked her Daddy's truck by rolling it and by the grace of God just got a concussion and cervix sprain. Our daughter reassures us that this is not the behavior she participates in. It's hard for me to believe she'd drink and drive after a daughter of a good friend of mine died in a drinking and driving accident a few years ago PLUS her uncle stayed in a coma for 3 months and is handicapped because of drinking and driving..... She is under more restrictions now and claims she is not doing this (she hasn't been allowed to hang around the buddy since August)....we told her we just have to take her word for it but the things we can see, like her respect, attitude and obedience isn't any different and in fact is worse since she did all those things. There have been a lot of things to swallow but hopefully all our problems and bad decisions are lesson she and her Daddy and I will learn from. Perhaps we can help others to avoid these things or to at least help them through it and hopefully we can give them a happy ending.... We're hanging in there and I'll say that things are 100% better than they were a month ago... Link to post Share on other sites
Moose Posted October 18, 2004 Share Posted October 18, 2004 That's great!!! Just the fact that she's confessing things to you now is a great, fabulous sign!!! About these adults supplying alcohol to her......I'd press charges even on the Church member.....what is the matter with these people??? If alcoholism is already in her blood, she needs to stay way away from it! Link to post Share on other sites
Author VivianLee Posted October 18, 2004 Author Share Posted October 18, 2004 Originally posted by Moose That's great!!! Just the fact that she's confessing things to you now is a great, fabulous sign!!! About these adults supplying alcohol to her......I'd press charges even on the Church member.....what is the matter with these people??? If alcoholism is already in her blood, she needs to stay way away from it! It was an icky situation concerning the church member.... This incident occured in July (the 4th), my daughter was staying with a church member that had recently divorced, she's about 23. I had one of my daughter's friends that was mad at her, tell me about the person buying my daughter alcohol and letting her get drunk. I was able to get the adult to confess by pretending I was my daughter on Yahoo IM.....my husband and I didn't press charges because this young lady seems to be pretty messed up and all the church members would have become involved one way or another and it would have caused so much hurt and harm for the church. So we just talked to the young lady and have tried to help her with her own problems and then have NEVER let our daughter go back over there..... Concerning her friend's Daddy and his sister. My hubby and I feel very angry and betrayed by these people. My daughter's friend's mother had told us her ex was into alot of things but I just thought perhaps it was part of her anger towards her ex speaking. They have fought and fussed for the past 15 years that they have been divorced. The exes sister is a former cop and is divorced from a cop in that town. The ex is supposed to be selling drugs too. The cops of that town seem to be putting on a blind eye to all this and I am not sure I want my daughter involved. Alcohol is one thing but drugs are another. I would rather she stayed out of the bitter custody battle and drug investigation... That is the ONLY reason I won't have this man and woman arrested.....I'm still in shock, these are NOT the type of people that you would suspect, I never saw signs they even drank and since my daughter had been friends with this girl since they were tiny, I thought I knew everyone very well that I allowed her to be around in that family. One thing that won't change now, she will NEVER be allowed to hang around this young lady EVER!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author VivianLee Posted October 25, 2004 Author Share Posted October 25, 2004 Hey just thought I'd update y'all..... Things are still improving....almost 100% since I started this thread! Which is awesome!! Not only is my daughter's attitude improving but now I'm able to learn the better ways of communicating with her. Since we aren't in constant battle, I'm able to learn to hold in gut reactions before I react. She has taken a good interest in school, her grades are totally improving!! She is still late alot but she is working on that for her sake! I've got to talk to her ex buddy's parent's about her friend's Daddy buying alcohol. These people are hard to deal with anyway. The step-father is a minister too but he honestly thinks he's the closet thing to god there is. He takes a very "I know it all and I'm much holier" attitude about things. He is the owner of the Christian Camp we all attend, work with and support. Everyone in this state worships him, except for those of us that have known him for many years....anyway, I am going to try and do what's right for my daughter's sake concerning this situation....I know they want Laura to testify in court AND for us to have him arrested.... BUT back to the good news! I've got my baby back!! We were together all day Sunday due to being sick and we got on each other's nerves a few times but she does have the respect that a child should have for their parent and I just enjoy being around her. We watch movies together, laughed and talked. One thing she is saying alot is that she loves me! It's music to my ears..... I think she is learning to forgive. Having to confess to me about her drinking (getting drunk and driving) made her realize that we are all going to fail each other (although adults as myself SHOULD have better judgement) and when she told me to not bring it up all the time and to trust her, I did take that time to tell her that I needed the same consideration about my affair. Y'all have helped me so much, between your advice and alot of prayer, this situation could have a very happy ending!! Thanks and God bless!! Link to post Share on other sites
Artifact Posted October 25, 2004 Share Posted October 25, 2004 This is so wonderful to read! Thanks for the update! Link to post Share on other sites
Moose Posted October 25, 2004 Share Posted October 25, 2004 I'm happy to hear all of that! Give yourself some credit too Viv! Link to post Share on other sites
Author VivianLee Posted November 13, 2004 Author Share Posted November 13, 2004 Almost made it a month with things staying stable.....I've just been sitting here crying feeling hopeless and helpless.... She'd had a pretty nasty attitude on the way to church Wednesday night but I realized she was PMSing so I thought, it was hormones. She fussed for 30 minutes at me about the tone I used when I told her something.. Then she elbowed me the rest of the night about everything I said during bible class to my talking when she was watching something. I saw my friend watching her (in the past, she's already told me that it is really hard for her to see how my child treats me) and was getting ill at her. I told my daughter to stop elbowing or she'd have to go sit somewhere else. So she stopped. She rode with her Daddy home so I had a peaceful ride. He said she was in a mood too then we figured out she was PMSing, hoping there wasn't a setback in her behavior.... It's been a wild week and we had ALOT of bills to pay so our money is a bit low for this weekend. I knew my daughter wanted to have a group over for tonight after the game so I told her Tuesday that we were low in money. I figured she's understand that we couldn't afford to have a big food binge for she and her buddies. She kept saying, well, we are just going to go riding and such. She gets home and asked me why I hadn't cleaned the house yet. Which it's basically clean, I just need to go over a few things, I've been seeing to two mother dogs, one that needed help delivering all 10 of her puppies (I was so grossed out and gagging, I didn't eat all day!) and another that I'm watching to get ready to give birth. I said, besides, we can't afford to feed a group so why are y'all coming by. She hit the roof and shrieked for 2 straight hours....apparently she thought I was going to come up with a way to have money and that I had screwed her plans up.... So then the tear down started. It started with how I should make more money with what I do. All I care is about fame and people liking me. Which came to why I shouldn't have "fans" and have people like me because I committed adultery. How she was going to the people that are a part of my "career" and tell them what I had done. Then she compares her Daddy's affair to mine. Apparently there is a good way to have an affair and a bad way. Her Daddy did it the good way by telling her about it 4 months before he told me. She thinks I should have told her. This may not have been comforting but I told her that when people have affairs, they generally don't share it with their child.....anyway... According to her, I should have never had her I'm an awful mother I'm lazy and pathetic I'm a tramp. All I care about is my career (my so called career is so laid back that it doesn't take tons of my time unless I choose).... I realize that it doesn't matter what I do or have done, when I didn't have an affair, she tore me down because I talked to my best friend alot. It's always been something when she doesn't get her way.... The thing is, the words cut......they cut so deep and the opinions and tear downs hurt so badly.... I told her that she wasn't having company tonight, that no one was stepping foot through that door but she and her Daddy... She wasn't going out Saturday night either... I think I am to blame for her hurt about the affair but before this February, she said these cruel things she just didn't have fuel.... Another thing that really hurts is that she says "I bet you've been a whore all along" in other words she thinks I was always cheating and that is so not true, I didn't even lust in my heart towards other men till 2 years ago.... I'm really at a loss to say anything else....but when she says these things, it cuts me so deep in the heart and of course I get to relive my affair and how it hurt her and my husband over and over again....it's like a living hell.... The coward in me sometimes wishes I could just run away from them both. I get so tired of dealing with all that is wrong in my marriage, plus getting over being cheated on and dealing with the fact that I cheated too (which gets thrown in my face by my daughter so often) ......I just get tired of trying to say the right things and hold my tongue and temper....plus, I just don't feel so great about myself or my life when my own 17 yr old daughter thinks I'm such a loser.....my marriage sucks and my parenting sucks.....but my little career just gets better.....I guess I'm not one of those super women... Link to post Share on other sites
RowanRavyn Posted November 13, 2004 Share Posted November 13, 2004 I didn't read all of this. I apologize, but something stuck out in the beginning. Is it possible that she has residual scarring from her concussion? My nephew was in a bad wreck, everything changed after it. He was suffering from Post Traumatic Stress, as well as undetected brain damage. It changed his personality. The once thoughtful, kind, good student, athlete with a football scholarship turned into a monster. It took an MRI to detect it. Once they found it he did occupational therapy, and it improved to the point where although he is still quick tempered, he controls it well. Link to post Share on other sites
Author VivianLee Posted November 13, 2004 Author Share Posted November 13, 2004 Originally posted by RowanRavyn I didn't read all of this. I apologize, but something stuck out in the beginning. Is it possible that she has residual scarring from her concussion? My nephew was in a bad wreck, everything changed after it. He was suffering from Post Traumatic Stress, as well as undetected brain damage. It changed his personality. The once thoughtful, kind, good student, athlete with a football scholarship turned into a monster. It took an MRI to detect it. Once they found it he did occupational therapy, and it improved to the point where although he is still quick tempered, he controls it well. RR, I don't think so, this has been going on since she was 13 and was just as bad before the wreck..... Thanks for bringing it up, had this behavior NOT been going on before the accident, that would have been something I would have looked into! Link to post Share on other sites
RowanRavyn Posted November 13, 2004 Share Posted November 13, 2004 Viv, I want you to know that my heart aches for you. Just reading your update brought me to tears. Please take care of yourself. If you didn't care you wouldn't be on here posting about it. May you and your household find peace. Bright Blessings, Row Link to post Share on other sites
RowanRavyn Posted November 13, 2004 Share Posted November 13, 2004 Ok. I know how drasticly brain injury can change a personality. Its like night and day. I thought it was worth a shot. It sounds like she has had a lot of trauma....(with the domestic issues as well as death and just being a teenager). You are working toward a greater good, never give up on that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author VivianLee Posted November 13, 2004 Author Share Posted November 13, 2004 Originally posted by RowanRavyn Viv, I want you to know that my heart aches for you. Just reading your update brought me to tears. Please take care of yourself. If you didn't care you wouldn't be on here posting about it. May you and your household find peace. Bright Blessings, Row Aww Row....thank you so much! That is so sweet of you! I've been here alone while they are gone to a ballgame not having anyone to talk to (I don't discuss this with my parent's because my Daddy is terminally ill, they have ENOUGH to deal with) my best friend knows about some of it but I hate to put her in the position of being around my daughter and feeling hurt and angry at her also....so I knew I could come here and find sweet people like you that give words of encouragement! I appreciate it!! Viv Link to post Share on other sites
Moose Posted November 13, 2004 Share Posted November 13, 2004 There is something else going on here isn't there Viv? How do you and your husband act in front of your daughter? She was doing so well and things were looking up for you both. Why did you two drive seperatley to and from Church? Is it because of work? I know hind sight is 20/20, but think about this: She wanted to have friends over after Church. Was money really the motivation behind you being against it? When you told your daughter that funds were low this week, instead of leaving it at that, let her know that she'd have to either let her buddies know there won't be any snacks, or lunch...or bring your own, or ask her if she could be creative with what you can live without until next payday. At 17, it may be too late to change your daughter's ways. But one thing you can do is change the way she thinks about you both. You and you're husband are still together, correct? Show some love between you in front of her. Become that team you were supossed to be to being with. Your daughter is going to need tangible proof that you aren't the person she thought you were. And also, let me remind you that you are still in charge. Everything that I've said applies to the advice I gave you before. This post is just a reminder to stay on your toes and you'll still have to work at finding opportunities to show your daughter that you are to be respected. Link to post Share on other sites
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