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responding to breadcrumbs when you genuinely want to reconcile?

Ordinaryday

By Ordinaryday
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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Ordinaryday Established Member

Ordinaryday

Posted
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Over the years I have had some good and bad relationships, and some of the women treated me terribly, so when six months or so down the line I got the breadcrumb text message "Hi, how are you?" it made it really easy to delete without responding.

 

If they treated me appallingly, I feel nothing to them and I don't particularly feel inclined to ease their conscience or whatever by responding to their breadcrumb.

 

but there is one girl I really liked, and we broke up over a stupid fight that she took the wrong way. it is in the past now, I am trying to move on, but hypothetically if she were to contact me and ask for another chance I would definitely 100% consider it.

 

seeing as how I know that most exes usually end up contacting you at one point, sometimes years down the track, if you get a breadcrumb from an ex you legitimately WANT TO RECONCILE WITH, how should you respond to it?

 

I mean, if hypothetically they are just fishing to see if you are still interested I would hate to blow my chances at reconciliation by not responding. and yet, if they are just breadcrumbing you for an ego boost or to ease their conscience, well I have no desire to help them sleep better at night by setting my own progress back.

 

so if an ex who you want to reconcile with ends up breadcrumbing you, how should you respond?

CelticGibson Established Member

CelticGibson

Posted
Posted

You don't respond. Reconciliation is not in your hands, it's in theirs, no matter how much you want it. They have to be the ones to come clean and let you know that is their intention by telling you. Anything else is just as you described, is breadcrumbs, and will lead to a set back for you.

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Ordinaryday Established Member

Ordinaryday

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Posted

Ok, fair enough. but how do you tell if a girl genuinely wants to reconcile, does she have to outright say something like "I'm sorry, I made a mistake in dumping you. I am willing to do whatever it takes to get you back"?

 

is that a common thing for women to say? I'd imagine that even if they do want to reconcile, their pride and ego would not allow them to say that.

CelticGibson Established Member

CelticGibson

Posted
Posted

What you YOU do if it were you? What would you say if you wanted them back?

 

If you think that they might be holding back because of ego or pride then why not test the water to see? If you do though, be prepared to be knocked back big time.

 

Personally I wouldn't because we are not mind readers and if they have something to say, they say it not pussy foot around with polite conversation...

thefooloftheyear Established Member

thefooloftheyear

Posted
Posted
What you YOU do if it were you? What would you say if you wanted them back?

 

If you think that they might be holding back because of ego or pride then why not test the water to see? If you do though, be prepared to be knocked back big time.

 

Personally I wouldn't because we are not mind readers and if they have something to say, they say it not pussy foot around with polite conversation...

 

 

This^^

 

The "hows it going"? and "just checking on you" are nothing but bs ways for the dumper to feel good about themselves...They must all read the same manual, because if you hang around here long enough you see that most say the same things...Means nothing at all...

 

Want to maximize your chances?/ Tell her to leave you alone...

 

TFY

Giha Established Member

Giha

Posted
Posted

I might be naive but I think if they love us and truly want us back...pride and ego won't hold them back

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CelticGibson Established Member

CelticGibson

Posted
Posted

Exactly Giha, nothing will stand in their way if they REALLY want you back. Nothing...

tinker683 Established Member

tinker683

Posted
Posted

I would say something like, "Look, I'm not interested in just a platonic thing with you. If you'd like more too than we can keep talking but otherwise I'm really not interested in speaking to you"

 

It's a little blunt and perhaps harsh but it clears all the bovine scatology out of the way.

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TaraMaiden Established Member

TaraMaiden

Posted
Posted
Over the years I have had some good and bad relationships, and some of the women treated me terribly, so when six months or so down the line I got the breadcrumb text message "Hi, how are you?" it made it really easy to delete without responding.

 

If they treated me appallingly, I feel nothing to them and I don't particularly feel inclined to ease their conscience or whatever by responding to their breadcrumb.

 

but there is one girl I really liked, and we broke up over a stupid fight that she took the wrong way. it is in the past now, I am trying to move on, but hypothetically if she were to contact me and ask for another chance I would definitely 100% consider it.

 

seeing as how I know that most exes usually end up contacting you at one point, sometimes years down the track, if you get a breadcrumb from an ex you legitimately WANT TO RECONCILE WITH, how should you respond to it?

 

I mean, if hypothetically they are just fishing to see if you are still interested I would hate to blow my chances at reconciliation by not responding. and yet, if they are just breadcrumbing you for an ego boost or to ease their conscience, well I have no desire to help them sleep better at night by setting my own progress back.

 

so if an ex who you want to reconcile with ends up breadcrumbing you, how should you respond?

Just because you feel differently about a particular ex, it doesn't make their 'breadcrumbs' any less 'breadcrumbs' than that those coming from women you like less.

 

The motive is the same.

Read the No Contact guide in my signature - the first post is the guide itself, but the remaining thread is pretty 'educational', too.....

Simon Phoenix Established Member

Simon Phoenix

Posted
Posted

If they really want to get back with you, they are going to do a lot more than say "Hi, how are you?" Will that be the first thing they do? There's a good chance, but if they really want to get back, they won't be deterred by you not answering that text message. They'll come back with something else and they'll step it up. So don't answer that -- make them actually make an effort.

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mtnbiker3000 Established Member

mtnbiker3000

Posted
Posted

bovine scatology

 

HAHAHAHA!!! H-I-LARIOUS. Almost seriously fell out of my chair on that one. I am adding this to my arsenal :laugh:

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BrokenHeartsClub Member

BrokenHeartsClub

Posted
Posted
bovine scatology

 

 

That made me laugh and I'm definitely stealing that.

 

I'm with the majority here. If they really want you back, they wont let pride or ego stand in there way.

 

Besides, pride and ego are way different when it comes to women. There's less machismo when they wrestle with it, and more rationality (usually :) )

 

That "Hey how's it going" Just breadcrumbs. If they persist or lead off with "Hey wanna get together" or something like that; then I'd say there is a pretty good chance they're interested in starting things again.

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