Narcissistic Mom

[kmaddox]

Hi,

 

This could turn into quite a long post so I will initially try to keep it short and give more details as asked. I will just give a few senarios..

 

I never really knew how impossible/narcissistic my mother was until I became engaged. As soon as the ring went on my finger she gave me a huge lecture about how her and my father couldn't afford a big wedding ect. I told her I wasn't asking her to afford anything and that we really wanted a small simple wedding. Ever since that day it has been nothing but a fight because SHE WANTS A BIG WEDDING. She is in charge of EVERYTHING. If I do ANYTHING that she doesn't know about or that she doesn't approve she throws are huge fit and tells me that I am doing it to intentionally hurt her and then she doesn't speak to me for weeks. For example she wants to do fake roses so she can make the centerpieces from home and bring them (she lives 4 hrs away). I want real flowers, and my mother in laws best friend is a flourist that offered to do them at cost. My mother threw a huge fit and said SHE was doing th flowers. FINALLY after weeks of fighting she agreed to do real flowers, but little did I know she went out and bought 300.00 dollars worth of silk roses. Then comes the food issue. I told her I just wanted to do finger foods instead of catering a whole meal because it is so expensive. She said she would cook a whole meal for all of the guests. REALLY?! Make all of the decorations, cook all of the food, serve it, AND clean it up and still have time to be the mother of bride?! She bought a short dress for the wedding day and sent a pic to my future MIL and my MIL said it was cute. My MIL not thinking about it bought a long dress for the wedding day. My Mom flipped out (and still is) saying she hates my MIL, that she is a liar, and that she did that to intentionally make her look bad at the wedding WTF?!?! Now I am worried my mom will go all mean girls on her at the wedding which is the last thing I should be worrying about (wedding is in 3 weeks).

 

My Mom came into town last weekend for the bridal shower and the topic of where my dog is staying while we are on our honeymoon got brought up. Keep in mind my mom has NEVER had a dog nor expressed any interest in getting one and she thought I was crazy when I got him. I told her that my dog was being boarded and she freaked saying she would take the dog. I told her it was inconvieniant for us since they live 4 hrs away but she insisted. Finally I told her that Bruiser's stay at the pet resort was already set up and paid for. She started saying "I guess when you have kids I won't be allowed around them, and how it's rude that I won't let her take the dog." I thought I go through it but this morning I received a txt saying "I talked to your Dad and we decided that we are taking Bruiser while you are on your honeymoon" I called my Dad and he knew nothing about it and thought it was a silly idea. He told me not to respond and he would handle it. It hasn't blown up yet but I know it will. If I respond she will be mad and if I don't and my Dad tells her she will be mad about that too.

 

PLEASE HELP, MY MOM IS DRIVING ME INSANE. SHE DOESN'T PROCESS THINGS LIKE A NORMAL PERSON. EVERY SINGLE THING IS PERSONAL. WHAT DO I DO?

Edited May 21, 2013 by kmaddox

[Keenly]

Grow a pair and tell her that if she doesn't butt the hell out and realize this is not HER wedding, she will no longer be invited.

[kmaddox]

Tried it. She threw a HUGE fit and my Dad, Sister, and some of her friends were calling me telling me how horrible I was for "treating her that way." All they hear is my Mom's side. She tells them that I treat her bad and that I don't respect her. The fact is she has totally disrespected me, my fiance, and my future inlaws with no care in the world because "we brough it on ourselves."

 

Also my Dad will go into a huge story about how "hard she has worked" on the wedding and how she is just doing it because she wants me to be happy.

[Keenly]

You are lettering your entire family emotionally manipulate you. You need to tell ALL of them " look. This is my wedding, and if you want to be a part of it, its going to be my way, not yours. If you want can't handle this, then NONE of you are welcome.)

 

You won't do that though, its clear you've been being manipulated like this for a long time.

[kmaddox]

You are right I have. I have noticed some of my behaviors lately. I will make things harder on myself rather than risking making someone mad. I am constantly worried about making someone mad, and how to fix it if they are mad. My concern about this situation isn't about the wedding, it's about the future. How do I talk to my Mom firmly without getting into a huge argument because I don't agree with her, rather it be about the wedding or the color of the sky. I especially worry about when my fiance and I decide to have kids, will she manipulate them too?!

[Keenly]

You are right I have. I have noticed some of my behaviors lately. I will make things harder on myself rather than risking making someone mad. I am constantly worried about making someone mad, and how to fix it if they are mad. My concern about this situation isn't about the wedding, it's about the future. How do I talk to my Mom firmly without getting into a huge argument because I don't agree with her, rather it be about the wedding or the color of the sky. I especially worry about when my fiance and I decide to have kids, will she manipulate them too?!

 

You will be their Example.... so yeah

[kmaddox]

Great.... not.