How do I get my husband out of my house?

[Gagirl]

We have struggled for years in an isolated, miserable marriage. As a matter of fact, he will tell you that he hasn't been happy for the past 20 years. Today really seems like the last straw for me. I had this beautiful golden koi for a few years now. Sitting by the pond and feeding her bought me so much peace in this miserable marriage. Her pond became quite dirty and my husband told me he would clean it out for me. Even said he would build a new one for Mother's Day. Well, this morning, I discovered my poor pet dead from lack of oxygen. I told him the fish was dead and a few other choice things. He spun it around and said it was my fault for keeping him so busy when in actuality he spends a majority of his free time laying in bed watching TV. He never told me he was sorry. Shoot, I even offered to clean the pond myself and he said I was just get all the muck stirred up and kill the fish who will all probably be dead when I get home from work today. I know this seems so trivial but this marriage has always been me pulling teeth to get anything done or communicated. I just want him to pack his bags and get out but, he never does. Can someone tell me how to get this lazy man out of my house? I do want to go the consulting as we have done that many times to no avail. Seriously, why couldn't he had just done what he promised to do?

[HokeyReligions]

I'm sorry about your koi. That makes me sad too. Can you leave?

[Gagirl]

Absolutely, but I own the house. Looking at the child support laws in my state and they are horrible. By the time I have to shell out a bundle in child support, I'll be broke and living in my car. There would be no way I could just hand over the house too! He has his own job, let him find somewhere to live. Talking to a lawyer tomorrow to see how much I would have pay on Child Support. Now I know why people stay in unhappy marriages until the youngest turns 18.

[carhill]

If you own the house, pull a demolition permit and implode it. Problem solved. I recall a guy in Seattle did this to keep his exW from getting a claim on his house. Completely legal. I wouldn't do it but, then again, accidents do happen.

 

If you've a stomach for dark humor, watch 'War of the Roses'. You might get some ideas from that. Good luck.

[Lillyfree]

Absolutely, but I own the house. Looking at the child support laws in my state and they are horrible. By the time I have to shell out a bundle in child support, I'll be broke and living in my car. There would be no way I could just hand over the house too! He has his own job, let him find somewhere to live. Talking to a lawyer tomorrow to see how much I would have pay on Child Support. Now I know why people stay in unhappy marriages until the youngest turns 18.

 

sorry, but how old are your kids? why would you leave them with a useless, irresponsible person?

 

and i've found a solution for when i need something done: i either do it myself or if i'm incapable of doing it, i hire someone to.

i definitely wouldn't just keep going with the nagging if it endangered a pet's life...

[HonestNeurotic]

You don't have to pay child support unless he has primary custody......

[Gagirl]

Get over yourself, no wonder why you can't laid. Oh, and by the way, I work my ass off to send 4 kids to private school, all their activities, camps, vacations, clothes, food, insurance, shelter, pets, birthdays, Christmas and whatever else they need. I go to every practice, every game, every recital. So don't start spouting your mouth off about **** you know nothing about. He told me he was going to clean my pond otherwise I would have. Since you seem compelled to bash me since you can't stand up to your own spouse then I have some advice for you. Enjoy Rosie and her five sisters!!

[dreamingoftigers]

Get over yourself, no wonder why you can't laid. Oh, and by the way, I work my ass off to send 4 kids to private school, all their activities, camps, vacations, clothes, food, insurance, shelter, pets, birthdays, Christmas and whatever else they need. I go to every practice, every game, every recital. So don't start spouting your mouth off about **** you know nothing about. He told me he was going to clean my pond otherwise I would have. Since you seem compelled to bash me since you can't stand up to your own spouse then I have some advice for you. Enjoy Rosie and her five sisters!!

 

It's pretty evident that you are frustrated.

 

However, it's also pretty evident that when frustrated you belittle the Hell out of your husband and hold your work and family achievements over his head.

 

Guess how much that inspires someone who already feels worthless?

 

Not very damn much.

 

I have a "lazy" husband too. He slept until 11:00 today when he was supposed to be in school at 9:00. Guess who's problem that is? Not mine.

It's his grades and his class work.

 

As for income disparity, when we marry, there are 0 guarantees about how much one makes in the long-run. I honestly don't care Joe much my husband makes as long as it's enough to cover his own expenses and half of our daughter's basic care. He (when he's working) usually puts in more.

 

If you want to put in more and give more to your kids, that's your choice and business. He doesn't have to compete with you or match you.

 

I am disgusted with what happened to your fish. But it also seems that you've had a long track record with your husband to know he'd be unreliable. Now, it's just another resentment to add to the ever-growing list.

 

And you are locked in a competition with the person who is supposed to be in your corner. He isn't going to change while getting raged at or belittled, he's going to be indignantly self-righteous about it and continue to not give a sh*t. He isn't going to get out of bed, work a better job or even be more involved with the kids because then he's just going to feel like your b*tch. Nobody comes bounding out of the corner wanting to take on the world and LOVE LOVE LOVE their spouse when they are being treated like this.

 

I know you want someone that does give a sh*t but this attitudewoyld wear just about anyone down.

 

You need to do more to take care of YOURSELF than trying to shock him into action. You need to find more regular peaceful escapes away from this unhealthy competition. Either until you are ready to start healing your marriage or letting it go without deep-seated anger and resentment.

 

And honestly, I'd be curious to know if he was suffering from fatigue, depression or ADD/ADHD. Pretty fixable stuff, but not when you cant see it through your frustrations.

 

What attracted you to him in the first place?

[dreamingoftigers]

As for how to get a lazy man to pack his own bags?

 

You can't. Just like you can't get him to clean a fish pond or get out of bed. Unless he actually wants to himself. I find it interesting that after so long you look at it as "my house" etc. You did marry and have children together, right? He's more than a glorified roommate/renter right?

 

If you want him out that bad, and it's that urgent.....you wouldn't hesitate to live in your car. Trade it in for a van and throw a mattress in the back. I did it. It's pretty neat to have a little house on wheels actually.

 

Even in the winter, just make sure it has decent hear and bring a sealable container to piss in. McDonald's and Tim Horton's etc etc have 24 hour washrooms for #2. There's always campgrounds for showers. Maybe five or so dollars a shot.

 

You can even hook up a laptop with a power inverter in the lighter and tether the Internet on a smartphone nowadays. Way better than when I used to do it, driving around looking for unsecured wireless signals. (but if you have no smartphone again mcds often has free wireless, Starbucks too.)For $8 (CDN) a month you've got Netflix. Hoo-rah!

 

You can park at Walmarts, sometimes hospital lots and I discovered Mormon churches are great and NO ONE disturbs you there because they welcome visitors. No, missionaries won't knock on your window in the morning etc. Mormon churches are by far the best place to sleep at when living in the back of a van.

 

Otherwise if you park anywhere semi-public the police tend to knock on your window at 3 a.m. Just to see if everything is okay and run your name. It's not a big deal, they usually aren't too rude about it but it does disrupt your sleep quite a bit.

 

In the summer, you can get netting to put the windows in the back. We used Velcro strips on the frame and netting. That way you can have the windows open at night without the mosquitoes getting in in the early morning. In the winter, you hang blankets over the windows to stop some of the heat escaping. Mornings can be a little chilly though. Just flip the heat on and cuddle back down in the sleeping bags until it warms up.

 

DO NOT forget sanitizer avd wipes. They come in SO HANDY!

 

I'd rather go back to living in a van then live through this dynamic in a marriage.

 

Or conversely, you could put down 3-6 months rent on an apartment, pack his stuff and sent it there. It might look bad during the proceedings, but at least it would be done.

[GorillaTheater]

I don't think I've ever seen a thread where a spouse wanted to kick the other out because a fish died.

 

Thanks for bringing something new to the table.

[dreamingoftigers]

I don't think I've ever seen a thread where a spouse wanted to kick the other out because a fish died.

 

Thanks for bringing something new to the table.

 

Sorry to hear about your Koi.

 

It is hard to lose a pet.

 

I hope that your husband does understand the pain over your loss.