An Emotion I didn't Expect

[DelusionalOne]

I expected grief, sadness, anger, regret, disbelief, longing... I knew they would come and go and disappear and reoccur.

 

The emotions I didn't expect, that's been kind of rocking me back on my heals for the past two day.... I feel so incredibly stupid and embarrassed.

 

I bought it...I bought it all. Every word he said. I was naive enough that I thought what we had was "special", a connection and all the other words we see posted out here over and over. I never had an "affair" before. I didn't know there was a format, a typical path... I didn't realize I was being played. I thought ...well it doesn't matter what I thought. It's not a huge feat to play me. I'm very introverted (they called it painfully shy when I was a kid), I don't seek out attention at all and I tend to believe the best in people.

 

When I think of how I must have look to him, just eating up all his attention I really feel so stupid and embarrassed. I'm such an idiot. How he must be laughing at me and how naive I am. It literally makes me feel sick to my stomach. I know I shouldn't care what he thinks but I can't help it and I can't seem to shake this feeling.

[Wellington]

Oh D-O!! Do not despair....lol....I am mortified/embarrassed/stupid at how quickly I would jump when he had "time for me" as well. I feel like he probably rolled his eyes as soon as he drove away and laughed as well. I fell for it all.....for two years!!! Im a smart professional lady too, prone to sniffing out BS and I was completely blinded by this one particular man. Did not matter what time of the night/day it was, I always jumped when he called and would meet him for 15 minutes if that was all he had!!

 

You are not stupid!! We loved with all we had. Hearts do not know logic!

 

Hugs!

[findingnemo]

DO,

 

I need to read up on your story as I don't know what actually happened. You are in despair and that too is part of the process of grieving the end of an A and even a R. I went through that for a while but realized that to believe I was stupid was to paint xMM as the most diabolical person on earth.

 

Don't beat yourself up. Your xMM isn't superman with super human powers and being introverted doesn't make you easy to fool.

 

Go out and do something fun. Rock climbing? Rowing? Something unusual. Don't give in to the despair and in a few days things will look better.

 

((((Hugs))))

[lilmisscantbewrong]

DO,

 

I completely understand. I wasn't prepared for that either, because at the time I was just completely devastated. The fact that I would feel so embarrassed because I bought into his BS and believed everything he told me never entered my mind because I believed it -hook, line and sinker.

 

Hold your head up. He's the one that SHOULD feel extremely embarrassed and the thing I do believe is that anyone with any sort of sense of humanness at all cannot forget what they did, even to the OW. They can act however they want, say whatever they want, but when they lay their heads down at night they are alone with their thoughts and they have to be eaten up by what they did and how they behaved and what they said. If they don't have those thoughts, then they aren't worth YOUR thoughts. One of my good friends actually told me that and she HATED my xOM - thought he was pompous, arrogant and self-serving.

 

Get him out of your head - he isn't worth it.

[Nattie]

Same here. I don't know how long this would have gone on if I hadn't ended it, but it's obvious to me now that I probably was not his first affair, and I definitely won't be his last. I let him break ten years of being faithful. I was weak, and now the damage is done. In the end, he got what he wanted from me.

[tinker683]

I expected grief, sadness, anger, regret, disbelief, longing... I knew they would come and go and disappear and reoccur.

 

The emotions I didn't expect, that's been kind of rocking me back on my heals for the past two day.... I feel so incredibly stupid and embarrassed.

 

I bought it...I bought it all. Every word he said. I was naive enough that I thought what we had was "special", a connection and all the other words we see posted out here over and over. I never had an "affair" before. I didn't know there was a format, a typical path... I didn't realize I was being played. I thought ...well it doesn't matter what I thought. It's not a huge feat to play me. I'm very introverted (they called it painfully shy when I was a kid), I don't seek out attention at all and I tend to believe the best in people.

 

When I think of how I must have look to him, just eating up all his attention I really feel so stupid and embarrassed. I'm such an idiot. How he must be laughing at me and how naive I am. It literally makes me feel sick to my stomach. I know I shouldn't care what he thinks but I can't help it and I can't seem to shake this feeling.

 

I was the same way toward my ex. Don't feel bad darling, it's all part of the process. You'll find someone better

[ladydesigner]

DO,

 

I completely understand. I wasn't prepared for that either, because at the time I was just completely devastated. The fact that I would feel so embarrassed because I bought into his BS and believed everything he told me never entered my mind because I believed it -hook, line and sinker.

 

Hold your head up. He's the one that SHOULD feel extremely embarrassed and the thing I do believe is that anyone with any sort of sense of humanness at all cannot forget what they did, even to the OW. They can act however they want, say whatever they want, but when they lay their heads down at night they are alone with their thoughts and they have to be eaten up by what they did and how they behaved and what they said. If they don't have those thoughts, then they aren't worth YOUR thoughts. One of my good friends actually told me that and she HATED my xOM - thought he was pompous, arrogant and self-serving.

 

Get him out of your head - he isn't worth it.

 

Oh AMEN! To the bolded above. I am a fMOW and current BS. The WS should feel embarrassed and shamed that they brought all this havoc onto two women that they supposedly love

 

When my A ended with xOM I immediately felt naive and stupid. How I could have let myself fall for some words

 

Now I feel incredibly stupid and embarrassed that my WH had an A with his employee . That I was so foolish and naive to think my WH could be trusted and have my back.

 

I feel the same way you do, difference is we are on other sides of the fence.

 

It will get easier with time (((DelusionalOne)))

 

Do you have a counselor to help you get through the grief. It really helps

[BrokenPrincess]

When I think of how I must have look to him, just eating up all his attention I really feel so stupid and embarrassed. I'm such an idiot. How he must be laughing at me and how naive I am. It literally makes me feel sick to my stomach. I know I shouldn't care what he thinks but I can't help it and I can't seem to shake this feeling.

 

Hey don't forget he was eating up all the attention from you too!! How do you know he is not hurting & maybe even embarrassed too?

 

Do you think your xMM was deliberately leading you on, plotting and scheming to trick you into falling for him?

[DelusionalOne]

 

Do you think your xMM was deliberately leading you on, plotting and scheming to trick you into falling for him?

 

Honestly... Maybe. You see he wants "my" job. Without too much detail... I am up for a job that I should get by succession. As he was perusing me he expressed great interest in it. Not 10 days before Dday he brought it up again saying it would be a way for us to be "closer together" and hinted that I should step aside for him. I told him I wanted the job and that if I didn't get it than I would leave the company because it would be obvious that I had no future there. Coincidentally, dday happened less than 2 weeks later. So yeah... I think it was all a big game and you know, if he got me into bed that would just be extra. He can't be hurting all that much since he has already moved on to another OW already.

 

Yeah, I know... He's a winner and I'm an idiot.

[BrokenPrincess]

Honestly... Maybe. You see he wants "my" job. Without too much detail... I am up for a job that I should get by succession. As he was perusing me he expressed great interest in it. Not 10 days before Dday he brought it up again saying it would be a way for us to be "closer together" and hinted that I should step aside for him. I told him I wanted the job and that if I didn't get it than I would leave the company because it would be obvious that I had no future there. Coincidentally, dday happened less than 2 weeks later. So yeah... I think it was all a big game and you know, if he got me into bed that would just be extra. He can't be hurting all that much since he has already moved on to another OW already.

 

Yeah, I know... He's a winner and I'm an idiot.

 

Okay I am with you now. A whole slew of choice words just went through my head.

 

AND you are not an idiot because you managed to not be foggy enough to agree to that BS!! If you get it, good for you! And if not, maybe this will be the catalyst to start a new chapter elsewhere.

 

Grrrrrrr I'm still burning just thinking about the nerve...

[annaballerina]

Op .. Please don't be so hard on yourself if never like that. I was played too but what I found out in the end was it wasn't his goal to make me look like a fool it was that he had different ideas about where things were going. He lied and was selfish at times but at the time I was getting something from him and it wasn't exactly what I thought it was. You're not a fool you were lied to. End of story. It sucks that it wasn't what you felt it was but it's one of those things you learn from and be cautious of. Wanting love and a special connection is not foolish.

[LilGirlandOW]

DO,

 

Sending big hugs to you. My MM convinced me to quit my job as he was in a higher position than i and our relationship was forbiddon, had word gotten around he and i were in an R, he would be fired. i agreed cause i dont see a career in that job and wanted to protect his position in the company. i kinda regret that now because i miss my fellow co-workers and it was a job i did well.

 

so i commend you not taking his pressure and influence and allowing him to take the position that was rightfully yours. soon the feeling you'll feel will fade and youll be proud of yourself for being such a strong woman! we could all use your story as insporation to be stronger women and im sure im not the only poster here who admires your strength and courage.

 

sending hugs girl

[whichwayisup]

I expected grief, sadness, anger, regret, disbelief, longing... I knew they would come and go and disappear and reoccur.

 

The emotions I didn't expect, that's been kind of rocking me back on my heals for the past two day.... I feel so incredibly stupid and embarrassed.

 

I bought it...I bought it all. Every word he said. I was naive enough that I thought what we had was "special", a connection and all the other words we see posted out here over and over. I never had an "affair" before. I didn't know there was a format, a typical path... I didn't realize I was being played. I thought ...well it doesn't matter what I thought. It's not a huge feat to play me. I'm very introverted (they called it painfully shy when I was a kid), I don't seek out attention at all and I tend to believe the best in people.

 

When I think of how I must have look to him, just eating up all his attention I really feel so stupid and embarrassed. I'm such an idiot. How he must be laughing at me and how naive I am. It literally makes me feel sick to my stomach. I know I shouldn't care what he thinks but I can't help it and I can't seem to shake this feeling.

 

As time goes on you'll care less what he thinks. It'll just happen. But, in the meantime, you're not stupid. No more putting yourself down!!

 

What you two shared during the A was special and I'm sure he had some feelings for you. But, the A is over and he's moved on. I doubt very much he's laughing at you. If anything, he probably knows he's hurt you but HIS pride is too much to let you know he's sorry.

 

This is just another phase of your grieving, so don't put much into this part of it. I hope soon you'll feel better!

[Praying4Peace]

I went through this stage but I'm not in it anymore. Unless I see them. Partly because even though exMM and his W made me give up my job when I was struggling and on the brink of being a single mom with a whole lot of kids I felt like the biggest loser.

 

Guess what? I got a better job and I feel awesome.

 

Yes I agree with other posters that HE should be embarrassed he treated 2 women badly.

[DelusionalOne]

 

Hold your head up. He's the one that SHOULD feel extremely embarrassed and the thing I do believe is that anyone with any sort of sense of humanness at all cannot forget what they did, even to the OW. They can act however they want, say whatever they want, but when they lay their heads down at night they are alone with their thoughts and they have to be eaten up by what they did and how they behaved and what they said. If they don't have those thoughts, then they aren't worth YOUR thoughts. One of my good friends actually told me that and she HATED my xOM - thought he was pompous, arrogant and self-serving.

 

Get him out of your head - he isn't worth it.

 

THANK YOU! This is something I can hold on to. Well, here’s hoping he has a conscious. LOL

 

 

 

I feel the same way you do, difference is we are on other sides of the fence.

 

Actually, I’ve been on your side of the fence….twice. I can’t even tell you how this has affect that…but that’s a whole other post…and about 50 sessions of therapy.

 

 

Okay I am with you now. A whole slew of choice words just went through my head.

 

OOOooooo… come on… say them.

 

AND you are not an idiot because you managed to not be foggy enough to agree to that BS!! If you get it, good for you! And if not, maybe this will be the catalyst to start a new chapter elsewhere.

 

Grrrrrrr I'm still burning just thinking about the nerve...

 

I actually think that is what started to knock me out of the fog. I mean if you really loved someone wouldn’t you want what was best for them, not yourself?

 

 

so i commend you not taking his pressure and influence and allowing him to take the position that was rightfully yours. soon the feeling you'll feel will fade and you’ll be proud of yourself for being such a strong woman! we could all use your story as inspiration to be stronger women and im sure im not the only poster here who admires your strength and courage.

 

That is one of the nicest things anyone has ever said to me. Thank you.

 

 

As time goes on you'll care less what he thinks. It'll just happen. But, in the meantime, you're not stupid. No more putting yourself down!!

 

I’ll try. Thank you.

 

I doubt very much he's laughing at you. If anything, he probably knows he's hurt you but HIS pride is too much to let you know he's sorry.

 

Honestly, I don’t give a rats furry ass about his feelings or his pride. And the LAST thing I want from him is an apology. It would probably contain as much truth as everything else he said to me.

 

Guess what? I got a better job and I feel awesome.

 

Yes I agree with other posters that HE should be embarrassed he treated 2 women badly.

 

This is what I hope. If God closes a door, He will open a window somewhere.

 

 

 

Thank you ALL for your encouragement and support. I don’t know what I would do without you.

[lilmisscantbewrong]

If he has a conscious he cannot go to bed at night, be alone with his thoughts and believe he has made good choices. It has to eat him alive. Unless he is some psycho, bipolar idiot (which is always possible).

 

 

These guys are a piece of work. It's an age old story in many ways. Women are the ones that take the biggest part of the heat for affairs because it is expected that men cheat (look at history) but women are automatically branded as whores and these poor men - they just can't help themselves.

 

Whatever dude.

[Nattie]

If he has a conscious he cannot go to bed at night, be alone with his thoughts and believe he has made good choices. It has to eat him alive. Unless he is some psycho, bipolar idiot (which is always possible).

 

 

These guys are a piece of work. It's an age old story in many ways. Women are the ones that take the biggest part of the heat for affairs because it is expected that men cheat (look at history) but women are automatically branded as whores and these poor men - they just can't help themselves.

 

Whatever dude.

 

I know! And in my case, I was heavily pursued! I'm not saying it isn't 50/50 at fault. I'm a big girl, I knew what I was doing, nobody pulled down my pants and had sex with him on my behalf, but he was the one to push push push... see how far this can go. I honestly believe that if he hadn't chased me so aggressively, nothing would have happened. I never would have made a move first, especially with a MM.

[DelusionalOne]

I honestly believe that if he hadn't chased me so aggressively, nothing would have happened. I never would have made a move first, especially with a MM.

 

Yep. Me too. Exactly.

[bambiwboone]

Screw him. I to am just feeling these emotions. I think with me it's more of an enlightening to what I did was wrong, I live in a small town and everyone knows. I went a week without leaving my house. In the mean time everyone is all buddy buddy to him, I am the homewrecker, even though he is the one who wrecked my marriage, his is still dysfunctionally thriving.

[lilmisscantbewrong]

Don't I know it. We were both publicly humiliated but in the end his family got all the sympathy because he did a complete 180 and threw me under the bus and I was left laying in the street covered in blood, wounded. All the while pretending to be completely remorseful he was still contacting me and talking to me for four months after dday. I knew he was lying to his "accountability" people and yet I still protected him - I was a nut.

 

The thing is, he pursued me in my husband's house, under his nose. Yes, I gave in - that's on me. But he pursued heavily. He was at my house at least three times a week. Now I think it gave him some sort of thrill to be pursing me behind my husbands back while pretending to be his friend. Then after dday never even faces my husband - never apologizes - whatever. Yeah one of the recovery programs says that you shouldn't do that - it only causes the wound to reopen. But I disagree. An apology would have gone a long way to helping my husband heal.

 

Even though I feel like I have finally made a comeback, there are a few that I know do not trust me around their husbands and that is the LAST thing I want. I wasn't looking for it when I got into it the first time. Makes me so mad that I am viewed like that and he is viewed as some victim that just couldn't help himself - like I was some sort of witch with a spell over him (actually some did think that).

 

Even though we have evolved as a society, we still are archaic in our thinking sometimes.

[Nattie]

The thing is, he pursued me in my husband's house, under his nose. Yes, I gave in - that's on me. But he pursued heavily. He was at my house at least three times a week. Now I think it gave him some sort of thrill to be pursing me behind my husbands back while pretending to be his friend.

 

This, this, and this!

 

My MM doesn't personally know my husband, but I remember once we were all invited to the same function, and he told me that he would stare at me and flirt right in front of his face. I replied with a "No, you absolutely will not." We didn't end up going, but I get the idea that he feels powerful because he lured another man's wife, especially since my husband is far more sucessful than he is. It's his secret victory, if you will.

[DelusionalOne]

Honestly... Maybe. You see he wants "my" job. Without too much detail... I am up for a job that I should get by succession. As he was perusing me he expressed great interest in it. Not 10 days before Dday he brought it up again saying it would be a way for us to be "closer together" and hinted that I should step aside for him. I told him I wanted the job and that if I didn't get it than I would leave the company because it would be obvious that I had no future there. Coincidentally, dday happened less than 2 weeks later. So yeah... I think it was all a big game and you know, if he got me into bed that would just be extra. He can't be hurting all that much since he has already moved on to another OW already.

 

Yeah, I know... He's a winner and I'm an idiot.

 

Ok... Let the games begin... We both submitted for "the job" today.

 

I Don't know...sometimes I think it would be best if I didn't get it and walked away to something better. Maybe all of this happened because I'm not where I'm supposed to be. Yeah, fatalistic attitude but I believe everything happens for a reason.

[LilGirlandOW]

Go for it full steam girl! If and thats a HUGE IF you dont get it than yes your life path was probably leading in another direction, but fight girl fight! you only regret the opportunities you dont take I know my fingers are crossed for you and I hope you keep us all posted of the outcome and his reaction, thanks!

[Praying4Peace]

Don't I know it. We were both publicly humiliated but in the end his family got all the sympathy because he did a complete 180 and threw me under the bus and I was left laying in the street covered in blood, wounded. All the while pretending to be completely remorseful he was still contacting me and talking to me for four months after dday. I knew he was lying to his "accountability" people and yet I still protected him - I was a nut.

 

The thing is, he pursued me in my husband's house, under his nose. Yes, I gave in - that's on me. But he pursued heavily. He was at my house at least three times a week. Now I think it gave him some sort of thrill to be pursing me behind my husbands back while pretending to be his friend. Then after dday never even faces my husband - never apologizes - whatever. Yeah one of the recovery programs says that you shouldn't do that - it only causes the wound to reopen. But I disagree. An apology would have gone a long way to helping my husband heal.

 

Even though I feel like I have finally made a comeback, there are a few that I know do not trust me around their husbands and that is the LAST thing I want. I wasn't looking for it when I got into it the first time. Makes me so mad that I am viewed like that and he is viewed as some victim that just couldn't help himself - like I was some sort of witch with a spell over him (actually some did think that).

 

Even though we have evolved as a society, we still are archaic in our thinking sometimes.

 

Wow. His W accused me of a witch's spell. He tried to play along at one point to get off scott free. Some BS's are retarded. She's one of them.

No one knows in my very small community (religious). If anything were to leak, i'd be publically humiliated and all evidence (my D) points to me being the wrongdoer. I hate living under such conditions. I feel bloody in the street- this D has been hard on me but I think of my poor exH and take it like a woman.

 

Sometimes I wonder...when BS's sleep at night (in some circumstances, of course, not the ONS ones) does their mind really believe all the 'sex was bad, felt sorry for her, couldn't help it she raped me, i loved you the whole time' bull****'? I guess I can't blame them, when MM is living with you its hard to see straight. We OW's can be accused of the same thing.

 

I do believe in karma and I'm getting all that I deserve and I hope he does. If anything- he shouldn't sleep at night.

[Praying4Peace]

Ok... Let the games begin... We both submitted for "the job" today.

 

I Don't know...sometimes I think it would be best if I didn't get it and walked away to something better. Maybe all of this happened because I'm not where I'm supposed to be. Yeah, fatalistic attitude but I believe everything happens for a reason.

 

No DO! Get it! Get it, and then walk away to something better. That would be soo great. I'm so proud of you and praying and hoping your awesomeness shines through. When you assert and see your value, his value will drop tremendously and you'll see him for the non-prize he is"

 

You know- your emotions were screwed around with. Even if not intentional, he should have known. What you have though is your affection, and you can choose NOT to give him any of it EVER unless he proves himself and its not too late. I see good things coming for you DO!