aliast Posted May 21, 2013 Share Posted May 21, 2013 Well its been a couple months since my ex gf broke ties. We were together for two years. I had been doing NC and last week she randomly hits me up at midnight asking if i was up, i stupidly said yes, she texts back later saying nvm sorry. Well the next day she thinks it be a good idea to meet up sometime soon and catch up. Well the day after she cancels which i was expecting. Said she was still hurting and she knows she hurt me, says she doesn't want to get together bc she cant get it in her head to be "in" love with me. Well I start thinking why would she have randomly text me two days prior and the previous day wanting to catch up then bailing. Since then I haven't said anything or heard anything but I was just wondering what people here on LS think about this. I know I just have to continue NC but what could have caused her to want to meet up then decline if she cant get it in her head to be in love with me. Seems more like a cop out. One of my girl friends said it seems as she regrets the break up and wont swallow her pride to say she was wrong for breaking up and wanting to fix things. Any help is appreciated. Link to post Share on other sites
aisuru Posted May 21, 2013 Share Posted May 21, 2013 She's lonely and bored. So she reached out to her warm and cuddly safety net because she's not getting attention from somebody else. NO CONTACT. Ignore and don't respond. Block if you have to. This doesn't sound like second thoughts ore regrets to me. Link to post Share on other sites
SimonSerenade Posted May 21, 2013 Share Posted May 21, 2013 I would probably have to agree with your friend, sometimes people are just like that, they fight themselves on what they really want, my ex sent me little messages here and there, I opened up and was surprised to find us back together and things are improving again, it's worth talking to her about it and laying all your cards on the table, if she rejects you then you put it down to her needing a trip to the house on crazy bitch hill. You just never know where you might end up so I would give it a try, at least then you can honestly tell yourself you did all you possibly could to be with the one you love, got noting to lose, you could say you lost your pride but I think there's a lot in being honest and up front, like my grandad always said "be true to yourself if it lands you in hell, at least now you know". Good luck buddy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author aliast Posted May 22, 2013 Author Share Posted May 22, 2013 thanks to all the warmth and help. Well when we broke up i saw a guy text her named jeremy and she said it was her friends bro to help her move. Saw her at work her phone was out and it was from jeremy. Looks like she cant get it in her head to love me bc she is seeing another guy. Prolly did all that for a safety net in case it falls through. So im moving on, if its meant to happen she will realize he isnt as good of a guy is ( i raised her child for two years since she was born) and this is a rebound. Made me wake up and realize a lot. If she wants to throw away a guy who raised her child for two years since birth for a guy she found interesting right when our relationship was getting somewhat boring then more power to her because i deserve better! Link to post Share on other sites
SimonSerenade Posted May 22, 2013 Share Posted May 22, 2013 Nicely said buddy, it must be hard and I'll bet you bonded with her child too and vice versa, I think she'll regret that the most, relationships go easy from time to time, phases come and go for some people, sounds like she's in one of them phases right now, heck in the past when I was with my ex I went through a phase of wondering what life would be like with someone else and if I would be better off single but it's not something you act on and I think she took it too far. Do what your doing man, she'll come back one day for sure, until then live your life and show her what she's missing, she'll no doubt regret the hell out of her decisions especially since you manned up to raise her child, takes a real hero to take on that roll, hats off to you my friend. Link to post Share on other sites
Author aliast Posted May 22, 2013 Author Share Posted May 22, 2013 (edited) Nicely said buddy, it must be hard and I'll bet you bonded with her child too and vice versa, I think she'll regret that the most, relationships go easy from time to time, phases come and go for some people, sounds like she's in one of them phases right now, heck in the past when I was with my ex I went through a phase of wondering what life would be like with someone else and if I would be better off single but it's not something you act on and I think she took it too far. Do what your doing man, she'll come back one day for sure, until then live your life and show her what she's missing, she'll no doubt regret the hell out of her decisions especially since you manned up to raise her child, takes a real hero to take on that roll, hats off to you my friend. i was in that phase where i was bored and wondered what it be like to be with someone else but i fought through for her and her daughter she chose to take it too far. Thank you it means a lot to hear from others that what i did by raising her child was something special. I think its clear she is somewhat regretting it, if not she would be happy with that guy and not randomly text me or try to meet up etc. But I say screw hoping for her to come back. I am no ones second choice. I doubt I can ever trust someone who would do this after raising their child. I wish everyone the best of luck and hope it is better than mine. Edited May 22, 2013 by aliast Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted May 22, 2013 Share Posted May 22, 2013 aliast, this is the woman with the little girl - right? You were her rock. Her constant companion and a strength to her. You were a proper dad to her child. You are, to put it bluntly, a hard habit to break. She doesn't want to get back with you. Her constant approaches and then immediate contradiction and cancellation means that she would still like to have you around, as backup, but never as a priority. She knows she doesn't want to be involved with you, and that contacting you now is too soon, because you might get ideas. Avoid responding, replying or engaging with her on all and any level, until she contacts you to say "I really want and need you back in my life." Everything else is just nerves, testing the water and breadcrumbs. Stay total No Contact. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author aliast Posted May 23, 2013 Author Share Posted May 23, 2013 aliast, this is the woman with the little girl - right? You were her rock. Her constant companion and a strength to her. You were a proper dad to her child. You are, to put it bluntly, a hard habit to break. She doesn't want to get back with you. Her constant approaches and then immediate contradiction and cancellation means that she would still like to have you around, as backup, but never as a priority. She knows she doesn't want to be involved with you, and that contacting you now is too soon, because you might get ideas. Avoid responding, replying or engaging with her on all and any level, until she contacts you to say "I really want and need you back in my life." Everything else is just nerves, testing the water and breadcrumbs. Stay total No Contact. Yes Tara. Its been a week since she re initiated contact and I have been strong and know in my heart I must stay completely NC until she bluntly tells me she messed up and wants me back. She had to have been talking to this guy before we broke up and she would have to come clean about that, but I am just doing me now. I grew bored of the relationship too and had thoughts about being with others but I didn't take it past that and she did which is apart of life and I don't blame her. She was interested in someone else and went for it. I feel that if I leave it alone and don't say anything about it that she will soon realize herself what she really had. Thanks for the great help Link to post Share on other sites
Author aliast Posted May 23, 2013 Author Share Posted May 23, 2013 One thing i don't understand is that if she does make contact, why ignore everything besides if its her saying i messed up i want you back? I'd think it start out with her starting a conversation with hey and then leading into the whole i messed up i want you back talk, not just bluntly oh hey i want you back Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted May 23, 2013 Share Posted May 23, 2013 Because that's breadcrumbs, and her relegating you to the 'friend-zone'. And being a 'friend' to someone who changes your life, then crushes it, is almost impossible without harbouring a secret agenda. SHE might be able to consider you a 'friend' - but that would be grossly unfair on you... Besides, friendship is a measure to make her life better and easier, not yours. Read the NC Guide to see why. Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted May 23, 2013 Share Posted May 23, 2013 One thing i don't understand is that if she does make contact, why ignore everything besides if its her saying i messed up i want you back? I'd think it start out with her starting a conversation with hey and then leading into the whole i messed up i want you back talk, not just bluntly oh hey i want you back Yeah, that's not really how it goes. Link to post Share on other sites
Author aliast Posted May 24, 2013 Author Share Posted May 24, 2013 so each time i get a text and not responding to it will make her want to make contact more and finally she will let it out that she made a mistake? Link to post Share on other sites
Author aliast Posted May 24, 2013 Author Share Posted May 24, 2013 Yeah, that's not really how it goes. care to elaborate? Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted May 24, 2013 Share Posted May 24, 2013 care to elaborate? If they want you back they aren't going to beat around the bush. A "hey, how's it going?" doesn't mean anything. It doesn't mean they are testing the waters. It means they just want to chat and be friends. If they really want you back, they won't give a s--t how warm the waters are, or if you ignore the "hey, how's it going?" text. They'll keep persisting. What you described is a highway to the friendzone. Which is fine if you are perfectly OK having your ex as a platonic friend. Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted May 24, 2013 Share Posted May 24, 2013 so each time i get a text and not responding to it will make her want to make contact more and finally she will let it out that she made a mistake? If she actually wants you back it won't stop her. If she just wants to be your friend, then she'll stop after a while, but if she just wants to be your friend and nothing else, you probably don't want to be spending time with her anyway. I have no idea if she wants you back and there's nothing you can do to bring her back. Link to post Share on other sites
aisuru Posted May 24, 2013 Share Posted May 24, 2013 so each time i get a text and not responding to it will make her want to make contact more and finally she will let it out that she made a mistake? No. The only way she'll tell you she made a mistake is if she believes it. If she didn't make a mistake, she'll stop pursuing due to the silence. Link to post Share on other sites
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